Manners Matter

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Everything posted by Manners Matter

  1. Had the same thought especially after noticing he seemed to be sitting during his talks*. *The camera would pan out while he got to the podium, the flowers were above his head (unlike other speakers) and there was a black square behind him that you could see when the camera was a side angle.
  2. Just wanted to chime in and say that I'm sorry things are challenging right now. {hugs}
  3. Pass along the info and hope for expect the best outcome. (go into it with a positive mindset) If they don't take you seriously, that's on them and you did what you felt to do. If they try to boss you around, just set boundaries and ask that they be respected. Oh - also allow them the space to have changed/learned some things from the previous experience.
  4. What a breath of fresh air this was to read! Thank you for sharing. If only every ward/stake gave such consideration.
  5. Glad it has helped. More that has come to mind: have had that calling so many times/years, just not up to it again/another week (ie organ), had a bad experience with it in the past (ie yw pres), some people are very difficult to work with (things may look fine on the outside but the inner circle knows differently), dealing with a friend's unruly kids could ruin the friendship (nursery/primary/activity days/ym/yw) Sometimes there are valid reasons, other times excuses are at play but they feel justified because everyone's a volunteer. It might help to see how the 'no's' help you appreciate the 'yes's'/stayers a lot more and expressing it always and often can make a difference for all involved. Side note: How releases are handled matters. I know someone who felt they were 'fired' because they couldn't do as much as the previous person (different life circumstance, etc). I also know someone (convert) who went inactive because of how the release was handled. She loved her calling and was great at it (prim pres) and not only was she not ready to be released but it was handled very poorly. Also, it's not fair (for lack of a better word) when some get to stay in a preferred calling long past anyone else. It's also not cool when someone is left in year after year even though mistakes/disfunction abounds. I know timing can be overlooked with all the things that need juggling but others do notice. Anyway, just some things to keep in mind. All the best!
  6. Well, this puts a different spin on it. As to why someone would turn down a calling/ask to be released - moving (and may not be letting the cat out of the bag yet), health reasons they want to keep private, depression and/or anxiety (again - keeping quiet about it), struggling with infertility so nursery/primary not a good fit, dealing with spouse issues and never know when another shoe will drop (again - things people aren't aware of). A couple other examples - lack of confidence (ie primary music leader) and lack of support from the ward (choir director and no one shows up). Another reason I've heard - the outgoing person was so A+/loved, they can't possibly fill those shoes. That's all that's coming to mind right now but hope it helps a bit. Just thought of another one - not worthy but not ready to see the bishop (ie some callings would lead to being asked to give priesthood blessings more often, teaching a lesson on things you're struggling with would just feel off, etc). Also - spouse not happy with the time spent on the calling but they don't want to throw them under the bus or reveal they're not able to find balance/scale back to resolve the issue. Don't feel like they're doing a good enough job. Just remembered another reason I was told by someone I visit taught years ago - an older gentleman was told by his dr (non-member) that he should 'retire' from the stress (or something along those lines) so he did. He still went to church every week but that's it.
  7. I've served in various capacities over the years and have never felt over my head. As far as turning down callings - not technically. There have been a couple times they would 'feel me out' and I was honest so the official ask never happened (sometimes people assumed I'd be perfect for the spot because of my natural leadership and organizing skills and tenacity but a calling needs more than that). Looking back, I see where I made mistakes here and there but hopefully I've learned and won't repeat them and instead of being down on myself for the mistakes, I remind myself I did my best and my intentions were good. As far as advice, ask others who may have had the calling you've got? Also, part of the job of Stake leaders is to help where needed so utilize them. Also remember that callings do come to an end (this is especially for the ones you like less than others).
  8. Sometimes 'tough love' is charity.
  9. To abate the entitled attitude, etc - how about this: The more that is asked for/the higher the price - the fewer/less costly the gifts. The less they ask for/the more humble the request - the nicer the Christmas they're given.
  10. Well, for me - one year I opened a training bra. Another year a slip for under my skirts. (I'm younger than 50 btw) Kids should be given opportunities to learn to be gracious and thankful for what they receive even if it's not something fun or exciting.
  11. Not speaking for Traveler - but what came to my mind with his post is a request I saw on the tree a year or two ago was for a gaming system for an older teenager. At that age, they need to be working not getting addicted to video games so that gift request would actually be a bad thing and not a gift at all.
  12. The giving/angel tree used to be something I was happy to be a part of but some of the requests I've seen over the years (with various organizations) has soured my attitude. If there were guidelines, though, it would definitely help. My take: ~ I don't think it's a bad thing to teach kids that "competing with the Jones'" is not the goal - even at Christmas. ~ What harm is there in helping kids understand that they have it pretty good already and be grateful for it? (leading up to Christmas, read stories of those in South Africa who's toy is a push car they made out of wire from the dumpster or how the girls use their imaginations and 'play house' for their fun, or the kid in South America who is thrilled with a piece of string or the 'little house on the prairie' scenarios where they were thrilled with an orange and a few pieces of candy). The point being, first teach gratitude and perspective not encourage an entitled attitude. ~ Kids need to be taught the difference between needs and wants and that the first comes before the latter. ~ I like the idea of kids only receiving 3 gifts and that follows the read, need, want, wear idea (some of these should be coming from grandparents so only 1 gift is needed for them on the tree) ~ No request should exceed $5 per year of age. ~ If they want more expensive things, they can earn and save the money themselves. That's the best way for them to learn the value of a dollar and help them appreciate what they receive from others.
  13. My family hasn't done these but some ideas off the top of my head - before eating, everyone share something they're thankful for; someone read a quote/short story about gratitude; have a table set up with pens and thank you notes for people to use to write and mail/deliver to someone that has impacted them; everyone decorate a gratitude journal to take home; have a computer handy so people can check relative finder to see if there's any relation to the pilgrims; have everyone bring a can/box of food to be donated to the local food bank.
  14. This reminds me of something that occurred to me a couple years ago that I've never heard mentioned. The guidance to store 1 years supply for everyone in the house (and update it regularly) means that when a couple marries, each set of parents goes to the basement and gives a one year portion to the newlyweds. The new couple then has a year's supply of necessities that they only need to stash wherever they can find room. It may be a pain to tote around each time you move but it's better to have it then not. Has anyone ever heard of parents passing on part of what they've been storing as each kid leaves the nest?
  15. That is for the family to do, not the Church. As someone else stated, time for a family meeting.
  16. Write down whatever questions or concerns you have and be ready to write down the impressions you have about them while you listen.
  17. In a previous ward, the tempo of the hymns made it feel like we were always at a funeral. The chorister was older* and had that calling a long time (most likely only active because of the calling) but the organists were all middle-aged and you could see him look at them and count the tempo before facing the congregation. Anyway, after being patient for some time, I mentioned it to my husband who was then part of the ward council. He told me he brought it up and all of them agreed about the issue. One of the bishopric counselors who had a good relationship with the chorister said he'd talk to him about it and things were much better after that. In a nutshell - yes, say something. Others may be feeling the same way. If it helps, maybe put it in context of if you were an investigator, would you get the impression people were happy to be there or come away feeling like church was a sad time. *Age isn't always the issue. Some people just have a slower pace and others have a quicker pace about them. Maybe mention this concept to the bishopric as well so the issue isn't repeated.
  18. Pretty much normal but off the top of my head - cameras are still around, no paper bulletins, no missionaries for in-person meals
  19. Just to reiterate what Neuro said - You first look to yourself and family before going to the Church for help. I've also heard that people are encouraged to avail themselves of govt assistance as well (this didn't used to be the case). Anyway, too few understand how Church Welfare is really supposed to work. Oh, she should also not be surprised to be asked what she can do in return (ie clean the church building, etc).
  20. No - you didn't catch where I said that "the receiver should see the effort and the giver should try to adjust the language they're speaking". Anyway - as to your examples. A different approach is warranted. With Amy, a 'love sandwich' would probably be better than a straight out, to-the-point approach. For example, "I really care about you and want the best for you. I'm concerned about this habit and where it could lead. I'm ready and willing to help however I can. Again, I love you and see so much potential in you". haven't read all the responses so pardon me if this backtracks - just wanted to respond since I was tagged
  21. A couple thoughts - I recently saw a headline about leaked documents from the Iowa school system and what teachers are forced to classify as racist thanks to CRT. You might want to google it. My other thought - Years ago, a RS teacher shared a quote from Ezra Taft Benson saying that in the last days, most would be teaching their kids at home (I've looked for the quote from time to time and haven't found it yet). Anyway, how much nonsense does there need to be before parents finally say enough and pull their kids out for good whether it's crt, violence, bullying, lack of morality in the halls, etc?
  22. What comes to my mind at first pass - Some people have such walls up that no matter what you do/say, they won't 'feel the love'. Another way to look at it is everyone has a bucket but if someone's bucket is full of holes, you can't fill it fast enough for them to feel like the love is adequate to fill their need. Another thought - If a person's love language* isn't words but that's all they hear, it won't feel like they're loved. With this in mind, to your question I think it's on the receiver to try to see the effort and on the giver to try to adjust the love language they might not normally speak once the feeling of lack is understood. (hope that makes sense) *service, quality time, words of affirmation, touch/affection, gifts - book by Gary Chapman
  23. One other thought re: encouragement - Acknowledge that there are legit reasons for not attending the temple (ie health - which is not always visible, shared; distance, etc) but having a current recommend is an indication of your willingness even though circumstances may prevent it. Also, share quote/s about keeping it current and point out this is one way to 'follow the prophet'/'if by my own voice or voice of my servant it is the same'.
  24. As far as encouragement - people respond to being inspired, not told. I've read/heard a couple things in recent years that helped me see the bigger picture/different perspective which in turn led to having a better view of the importance of keeping it current regardless of proximity/ability to attend. Unfortunately, my memory is vague but one was along the lines of 'if you're anxious to experience the Millennium, the temple will be a big part of that so you may as well adjust your attitude now and give temple/fam hist a higher priority and show that you're ready to participate during that incredible time period. (this could be worded better but that's a rough idea) Also, a reminder that the things we're asked to do are for our benefit.
  25. A couple things that came to my mind of why there might be hesitancy: ~ Sometimes people really aren't aware it has lapsed and a call from the exec sec is what it takes. (not everyone lives close enough to a temple to attend on a regular basis so don't notice the exp date) ~ Shallow but - knowing that the bishop you don't jive with (putting it nicely) will be released soon and/or you'll be moving so just wait to avoid said bishop. ~ Less than pleasant experiences in the past (ie along the lines of guilt/grilled - 'why haven't you come sooner'; 'when was the last time you attended the temple').