Manners Matter

First - welcome! What I suggest is going to the link below to ask your question. Just tell them what you've told us and someone there should be able to help or point you in the right direction. https://community.familysearch.org/s/group/0F93A000000LfVLSA0/family-history-research

For every complaint, start asking them for 5 positives and/or solutions and what they'll do to help make it happen. You could also consider some responses that acknowledge their 'concern' but then switch the perspective. Furthermore, their complaining could very well be why they're not feeling/being included. No one prefers to spend precious down time with sourpusses so enabling their behavior isn't doing them any favors. Oh - and start assigning them service projects to help those in worse situations then they think they themselves are in.

Disagree. People save for a rainy day, big trip, retirement... If you are giving a significant amount to those less fortunate, that's a sign that someone isn't materialistic.

@Grunt I saw your other post about being in UT so stop by Deseret Book and peruse what they have there. I did a quick search on their website and they may have something along the lines of what you're after.

Just a few of the quotes I compiled some years ago on this topic: “A church dole would be worse than a government dole because it would fail in the face of greater light. Church practices portray more honorable aims, more glorious potential” (Thomas S. Monson, “Guiding Principles of Personal and Family Welfare,” Ensign, Sept. 1986, 5). Latter-day Saints have the responsibility to provide for themselves and their families. Individual members, however, may find it necessary to receive assistance beyond that which the family can provide, in which case they may turn to the Church for help. In some instances, individual members may decide to receive assistance from other sources, including government. In all such cases, members should avoid becoming dependent upon these sources and strive to become self-reliant. Where possible, they should work in return for assistance received. (providentliving.org) The assistance given by the bishop is temporary and partial. Remember, Church assistance is designed to help people help themselves. The rehabilitation of members is the responsibility of the individual and the family, aided by the priesthood quorum and Relief Society. We are attempting to develop independence, not dependence. The bishop seeks to build integrity, self-respect, dignity, and soundness of character in each person assisted, leading to complete self-sufficiency. (Thomas S. Monson, “Guiding Principles of Personal and Family Welfare,” Ensign, Sep 1986, 3) But the measure and extent of his [bishop] assistance will be determined by what we and our immediate family have done to solve the problem. Since the individual and family will be seeking to soundly establish themselves on the matter at hand, the resources of the Church Storehouse Resource System will be used only for temporary assistance, to bridge the gap between the problem and its earliest possible resolution. (Marion G. Romney, “Principles of Temporal Salvation,” Ensign, Apr 1981, 3) When administering Church welfare assistance, bishops strive to build the needy spiritually and to foster self-reliance. Key to this effort is assigning work to those receiving assistance. When members work for assistance, they remain industrious, maintain their self-respect, and increase their ability to be self-reliant. "Sometimes we may feel that we are being generous in giving them much without their giving any service in return, that maybe we are generous and that we are kind; but we are really unkind. It works the other way. We are unkind if we teach people to take without giving, without doing what they can do within reason" (Spencer W. Kimball, welfare services meeting report, Oct. 1974, 18). The bishop should give members opportunities to work to the extent of their ability for the assistance they receive (see Caring for the Needy, 5–6, 9). The First Presidency explained in 1936, “Relief is not to be normally given as charity; it is to be distributed for work or service rendered. . . . "I remind bishops of the vital need to provide recipients of welfare assistance with the opportunity for work or service that thereby they may maintain their dignity and independence and continue to enjoy the Holy Spirit as they benefit from Church Welfare Services self-help efforts. We cannot be too often reminded that Church welfare assistance is spiritual at heart and that these spiritual roots would wither if we ever permitted anything like the philosophy of the dole to enter into our Welfare Services ministrations. Everyone assisted can do something. Let us follow the order of the Church in this regard and insure that all who receive give of themselves in return" (Spencer W. Kimball, "Becoming the Pure in Heart," Ensign, May 1978, 79). "There is such a thing as encouraging idleness and fostering pauperism among men. Men and women ought not to be willing to receive charity unless they are compelled to do so to keep them from suffering. Every man and woman ought to possess the spirit of independence, a self-sustaining spirit, that would prompt him or her to say, when they are in need, 'I am willing to give my labor in exchange for that which you give me.' No man ought to be satisfied to receive, and to do nothing for it. After a man is brought down to poverty and is under the necessity of receiving aid, and his friends give it to him, he should feel that it is an obligation under which he is placed, and when the Lord should open his way he would return the gift. This is the feeling we should cultivate in our hearts" (Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 234). We assist with basic life-sustaining goods and services, not the maintenance of current living standards. Individuals and families may need to alter their standards of living in doing all they can to meet their own needs. (Thomas S. Monson, “Guiding Principles of Personal and Family Welfare,” Ensign, Sep 1986, 3) The Church helps needy members by providing them the goods and services necessary to sustain life. It does not provide members the means to maintain affluent living standards. Members who are temporarily unable to provide for themselves may need to alter their standards of living until they are able to provide fully for themselves. (providentliving.org – questions)

Perhaps they've seen a lot of abuse of the system (as I have) and are low on patience. Furthermore, paying tithing and fast offering is great but that's no different than those who also pay and have never asked for help so I suggest approaching it as: - I've done this, this, this and that to lower expenses - I'm doing this, this, this and that to bring in more money - I've approached all the extended family I can and they're helping with this, this and that - I'm willing to (continue) magnifying my calling, serve where/whenever there's a need (moves, meals, rides, set up/clean up for activities...), clean the building weekly, disinfect the nursery toys, watch kids so parents can attend the temple, index daily, etc - I'll take the free self-reliance course/s the church offers Hope things improve for you soon.

@clbent04 I haven't read the thread so my apologies if someone already made this point but in case it hasn't been brought up --- Do you think parents/teachers are brainwashing kids when they teach that 1x1=1 or that the square root of 9 is 3 or cat is spelled c-a-t, etc? I just don't get how teaching religion is 'brainwashing' but the same attitude isn't applied to other things. As far as you feeling there was a lack of exposure to other religions, perhaps your parents thought it best to help establish a solid foundation knowing you could take a 'world religions' course in institute when you were older. Be grateful for parents that "did an outstanding job raising us and giving us all the love in the world".

@Alia - I'm sorry for your frustration, it's understandable. You can't change him, you can only change you and in order for things to be different, you need to stop enabling the situation. Some suggestions to get you started: - Decide how much play money you think would be reasonable if you were home with your son and your husband was the sole provider. Now, go to the bank and set up the accounts so that amount is all your husband can access. Start living as if you only had your husband's income and put all the rest towards 1 yr of food and supplies (for each of you) and 8 months of savings (6 weeks is a start but not what professionals recommend). I know you think employers will be there quickly but what if the situation was your husband getting injured and you needing to take care of him? Anyway, the other benefit to this is that after your husband gets a job, he's already used to the new lifestyle and since there's adequate savings, he won't come to you in a panic thinking you need to start working again. - You need to ask grandma to stop enabling the situation as well. Her willingness to watch your son when hubby drops him off is not helping. You may also want to ask father-in-law to have a man-to-man chat with your husband. - It seems your husband has regressed to acting like a 12 year old (not wanting to work, do chores; plays too many video games) so pack up the games and take them to his parents house. If your husband does go over there to play, his mom will get a better glimpse of the situation which will hopefully lead to change. Aside from that, I wouldn't want my child anywhere near 'shoot em up' video games not to mention the fact that those drive away the Spirit so such games and the like would be treated the same as cigarettes and not allowed in my house. - Whenever your husband asks you what you want for Christmas/birthdays/anniversaries, just say that all you want is to be able to be home with your child. - Whenever you see your husband make an effort (wash dishes, clean up, etc), shower praise and thanks like crazy even if it's not to your standard. - If things don't change after a while, ask the bishop to do a 5th Sunday meeting about manning up (I doubt you're the only wife in your ward dealing with some of these issues).

I had an idea come to mind. 10 hymns that are given a twist! Either you could do a 'jazz' theme or do each song a different genre (jazz, country, bluegrass, etc). I think it could be kinda fun and not the same-old, same-old.

Call and ask a member of a temple presidency first to make sure but please don't spoil the day with news you know will be unwelcome. I understand your reasoning but it's not worth the long-term consequences.

What about the Primary program then?

You've gotten some excellent advice and perspective already so I will just add this. I was raised in a 2-parent household and when I got married, I 'tested' my husband for quite some time (I didn't know that's what I was doing). Meaning, it took me quite a while to see how real, vulnerable, etc I could be with him and how much I could trust him with my feelings, etc. Basically, I had walls and I needed to gradually see if it was safe to bring them down with my husband. You know what? Thanks to his amazing patience and charity over time, even when he didn't understand, after a while I saw that he would still care about me and for me no matter what. Why do I say this? First, it's only been 2 years (and with a child and cheating)!! Second, you said she was raised by a single mom so there's probably some stuff she's carrying around that you, as her husband, need to show even greater long-suffering for. It could be that once she knows she can really trust you and knows you'll be there for her regardless, her reactions will change and will also have more respect and consideration for you when you offer your opinions (re: spending habits, etc). It took a while but my husband and I got to a good place and you can too … just as soon as you decide to apply the pure love of Christ on a daily basis: 1 Corinthians 13 4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth

I'm sorry you're going through this. What came to my mind is that you need to focus on strengthening yourself right now. You can only lift someone if you're on higher ground. Also, remember that what you focus on, grows so look for the positives and emphasize that. Take one day at a time. God bless.

Sorry about the challenges you're experiencing. I think you should just do your best to live the standards of the Church and attend when you can and relieve yourself of unnecessary guilt. Study the scriptures and take advantage of all the other Church resources as well. Do the missionaries know you're meeting them in secret? Anyway, doing all this in secret not only won't help your family get used to the idea of you being a member but can possibly make things worse if they feel betrayed so I suggest you gradually show them why you're interested in the Church and how it's positively affecting your life. That's it for now but if anything else comes to mind, I'll pop back in but in the meantime, I'm glad you're here!

Others have covered some of the spots so let's talk food. You gotta eat or at least take something home to the fam so - ~ The rolls at Lion House are famous! ~ Parsons Bakery in Bountiful/Woods Cross - the brownies are the best! ~ Rainbow Gardens at the mouth of Ogden Canyon - the Mormon Muffins w/ honey butter! These aren't the healthiest options obviously but you only live once...enjoy your trip! Oh - and get a box of See's Candies!!

"It's Just My Nature" by Carol Tuttle needed a better editor but should be read by everyone 10 and up and in every home, college dorm, missionary apartment, class room, office, etc. "The 5000 Year Leap" by Skousen should be required reading for everyone before they vote.

Only if the bishop knows he's not the one deciding. It was discovered that a family moved in to our boundaries but going to the other ward. Apparently, they got the ok from that bishop. Problem is is that at the time, my ward was seriously struggling numbers-wise and could've benefitted from having that family attending with us and the other bishop should've known that. Dahlia - Talk to your stake pres and see what he says. You might be pleasantly surprised either way.

I'm going to join the chorus on this one. From a practical standpoint - If he can't afford to live on his own, he can't afford to raise a child. If he can't afford to raise a child, no relations under my roof or anywhere else.

For me right now - the person who does the Sunday bulletin - because there is currently no rhyme or reason to what is being printed for my ward every week and all the randomness drives me batty!

First off - "Fun is an attitude, not an activity" - C. Tuttle Since Sharing Time has been cut - look up what those have been in the past and do them at home. There are also great object lessons and games that teach Gospel Principles you can do. Serve! I especially recommend secret service - in the home, neighborhood, whatever. Who doesn't like trying to be sneaky and not get caught? To add a surprise element, put all sorts of ideas in a jar and do what is chosen (ie read a story about an ancestor, play geneopardy, make treats and take to a widow, write thank you notes...)

Remembered a couple more fh resources: https://www.thefhguide.com (presents the information in a logical way building on each skill as you) https://www.familysearch.org/wiki/en/Riverton_FamilySearch_Library/Handouts_and_Guides

Thankfully, my husband enjoys cooking (most of the time) and what he makes is usually pretty good. 😊

And another (multiple topics): https://isreg.byu.edu/site/courses/free.cfm

Re: family history work. A couple options: https://www.familyhistorycompass.com/get-started https://sites.lib.byu.edu/familyhistory/classes-and-webinars/basic-tutorials/

Although I like some of the proposed options, non-members with questions may find it difficult to find and not understand or make the connection (aka "what's a ward? - like in a hospital?"). The suggestions also don't offer an idea of what this site is about. So maybe something like: ChurchChat (a take on chit-chat) or CongregationConnection