wellhellothere

Hey guys! So I feel like I'm really stuck here regarding a memory of something that happened many years ago. I've talked to the bishop and I told him what I remember to be undoubtedly true and the matter was dealt with. Recently however, I dove into a pretty toxic spiral into discerning whether a certain "memory" relating to the experience all those years ago happened or not. It got me absolutely nowhere but I want to make sure that I COMPLETELY repent of everything that needs to be repented for and that really can't happen if I'm spending hours trying to justify whether or not I actually did something bad. Of course fear of consequences and guilt adds to the confusion. Like how can someone feel guilty about something that may not have even happened? Or am I somehow denying that it happened? It's a bit of an endless spiral. I've talked to the bishop about stuff that I actually concretely remember and I'm not too sure what I'm supposed to do with potentially false memories which are related to the pretty painful experience and whether or not I've fully repented. I'm kinda scared that this may be a symptom of false memory OCD because I've spent hours and days with thinking about things which may or may not have happened. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Honestly I don't give a crap as to what happens to me right now. Yes mission denial would be devastating but I know I'd get over it eventually and screw the people who would inevitably judge me. Ultimately it's about making sure that I become a worthy father and husband to my future family. I think of them when I'm struggling through stuff especially now. Going through this when I have to perform in school and in the pool as a swimmer (it's my last chance to compete ever most likely because of a mission) is really taking it's toll on all aspects of my life. It's just hard to concentrate on things. I'm sorry about rambling. I just think I've ignored a lot of my inner demons all my life and I'm trying to take them all on at once as I prepare to serve a mission because there's no way I'm bringing that stuff with me on the mission field if I am given the privilege to serve. Thanks for the advice everyone!

Yea you know what I think I'll just go talk to him. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Its gonna be the weirdest/awkwardest talk ever but better that than having that on my mind while preparing to serve a mission. I mean yes I was only 11 on the brink of raging hormones but the fact that I got a little excited in the wrong way (at least I think I did) from a little puppy hugging/licking my face really makes me feel uneasy. It disgusts me now like I want to slap that little kid and drive some sense through that thick skull. I've been wrestling with a few issues in my past and because of it I've already talked to the bishop a couple times and really he's been understanding and he's supporting me greatly so I can leave for my mission. I really hope I'm not bothering him because I've already taken a lot of time out of his hands because of my issues when he's got a whole ward to think about. Do you think this issue would cause delay or denial of serving a mission? Thanks

Hi! I'm a 20 year old who is currently preparing for a mission and with that came a scrub down of all past mistakes that could be problematic if I didn't deal with them now. When I was 11, I had a strong urge to know what "making out" would feel like and thought well a dog is the best option I have so I took my uncle's dog into a room and laid down on the floor. There I let him lick all over my face while I tried to embrace him as I've seen actors do on TV and I even tasted what a dog tongue in my mouth felt like for a second which felt kind of gross. I would be lying if the licks to the face didn't feel good and even arousing as I have never felt it before which is where I think the guilt really stems from. Now I'd like to emphasize that this was an isolated incident at the age of 11 when I assume many kids start to explore sexuality. For that reason and the fact that nothing really happened other than a dog slobbering over my face, I came to the conclusion that it doesn't need to be brought up to the bishop. I do have a tendency to be excruciatingly focused on past mistakes though recently and I'd just like to confirm that it isn't a serious sin because it would be a really weird thing to bring up in the bishop's office. Thanks for reading.