Wall flower

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  1. Wall flower

    Giving up on marriage

    Yes I have. In a non messy devorce which this would be since i only really care about the stuff I had before we got married and my clothes. And we have our own money and no kids. It can cost as little as $300, and he told me if I want a devorce that's fine. Not that I have decided thats the way to go. But he is the one who hasn't let me go to counseling until now because of the cost.
  2. Wall flower

    Giving up on marriage

    Money wise that adds up pretty quick.
  3. Wall flower

    Giving up on marriage

    I told my husband I was going and he wanted to come with. But I'm not honest about our relationship when he is around. So I wanted to go alone first. What should I tell my husband to help him understand. I don't mind him coming to later appointments. But I need to talk to them first, so they can know the truth.
  4. Wall flower

    Giving up on marriage

    I did call a councilor. Is it bad for me to want to just go alone. At least for the first few times?
  5. Wall flower

    Giving up on marriage

    Nothing super traagic from his childhood. His whole family is kind of like that(mostly just the men). They don't ever say they love each other or show any obvious affection. He is the youngest of 7 and was homeschooled. He may have just never learned how to express his emotions. He told a whole group of people at church that he does not know what love is that he has never felt love our loved. He referred to the scripture that says something along the lines of "we love him because he first loved us". He believes that you can't love someone until they love you. Which seems like a problem to me. Because if he thinks I can't love him unless he loves me first, and he can't love me unless I love him first, there could never be any love on Earth only love of and from God @Maureen one of his brothers does have Asperger's. I am an educator soI do know a bit about it. I have wondered if he is slightly autistic. If he is he is high functioning and barely on the spectrum. However I think he would be thoroughly offended if I asked him or suggested he be tested.
  6. Wall flower

    Giving up on marriage

    I'm not super confrontational. When I yep back it upsets me even more and just escalates him. I started just going on bike rides when he gets angry and he is usually calmer when I get back. I suppose I could tell him that if he yells I will go on a bike ride until he calms down. I'm not sure that really fixes any problems tho. And @mrmarklin I agree but he was amazing. Maybe he will be again... Or maybe he will keep getting worse.
  7. Wall flower

    Giving up on marriage

    @LiterateParakeet he is a very literal person. He doesn't really feel love like most people. The first time we told each other we loved the other he asked me to define love. Then asked if by that definition I loved him. I said yes. He was quite for a while and then said by that definition I love you too. It was more awkward than romantic. But I get the point you're trying to make about thinking about the good times. And I will look into talking to someone.
  8. I have been married for two years. About two months after we got married my husband started playing video games. I started dating him partly because he didn't play video games. Anyway we get home from work, eat and then he plays on his computer until midnight everyday. On Saturdays he doesn't come to bed until four or five in the morning. Another issue is that he can talk to his mom, sister, and best friends for hours. But when it comes to me we can only talk for about five minutes before he starts yelling. I'm sick of being yelled at and ignored. I know it's my fault. After we got married I found out that having kids will be very difficult. That's hard to find out in the Mormon culture. I've had three surgeries so far and still a long road ahead before we finally get to the point where I will have a 60 percent chance of carrying a baby full term. It's hard on me, but I know it's hard on him too, and maybe having and telling is just how he is getting through it. Ignoring me is easier than dealing with our issues. I stopped trying which finally got him to notice me. So now he is trying (which usually only lasts a week or so). But after each time he starts trying and I forgive him, he goes right back to ignoring me. Each time the ignoring part of it pattern lasts longer. I don't want to give him the ability to keep hurting me like that. Maybe it's better to end things now before kids are in the mix. Maybe it would be easier to be a single Mormon who can't have kids than a married one who can't. Then he would have the chance to meet and marry a girl who can give him what he needs because I just can't.