Squoogie

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    Female
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    Idaho
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    LDS

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  1. I'm seeing the points in all sides of these comments, so thank you all for your input. It means a lot that you're trying to dissect this. One thing that I probably should have mentioned before is that this is his first exclusive relationship. He's gone on a lot of dates in the past, but I'm his first real girlfriend he's ever committed to. Today I talked to him about our argument and he said that his initial thoughts were, "What? The other aspects of our relationship weren't good enough already? I haven't been doing enough for her? It's already been two weeks since we've seen each other already and now she wants to go another?" So some of you were absolutely right that I should have considered how he was feeling or what he must have been thinking. I explained to him that I just wanted to see how our relationship would fare refraining from kissing if we were actually in close proximity to one another. We kiss a lot. And I was starting to get worried about it because we HAVE started giving longer kisses; Even straying into the territory of passionate kissing. Hence, the want for a shift in the pie chart. I also failed to mention that we had already talked about the dangers going too far with kissing several times prior to me bringing up this break. So he's recognized it too, and this break wasn't necessarily 100% out of the blue.
  2. Please elaborate! Why? I want to learn as much as I can and would appreciate any insights.
  3. So here's the situation: (Warning! Long story ahead. But bear with me!) 😭 (I'm 25.) My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months, but he was already talking about marriage when we had only been dating for two. I entertained the idea for a while, thinking that it might be very nice to be married to this man; He's kind to everyone, he's thoughtful, he treats me like a queen, he's cogniscent of my needs and feelings and he's very slow to anger - usually. I say usually because last night for the second time in our relationship, he became angry. [[The first time was because I got sneak-attack kissed by an old guy friend from way back when (even though this guy knew that I was dating someone else and I was chatting with him on a friendly basis only.) It was on the cheek, and he ran away right after it and drove off. I felt shocked and guilty that that had happened so I called my boyfriend to tell him. He became angry and silent at first but later told me that his initial instinct was to hang up the phone because he was having spiteful thoughts. We were able to talk things through and he apologized for getting angry.]] This time, his anger was based on a little idea I had: A "kissing fast" of sorts. Let me preface my eagerness for this idea by saying that relationships and eternal marriage are very hard topics for me because my temple-sealed parents are considering a divorce after 26 years of marriage. They seemed so happy before and their marriage fell apart in just the last six years (I won't go into details as to why.) I can't ask dating or marriage advice of my parents because I've tried before and only recieved childish answers or the age old "I just don't know anymore." The idea of marrying the wrong person or not having a strong foundation terrifies me even more now, so I decided to consult the Lord about it through prayer and read up on marriage and relationships on LDS.org. I wanted to know what could make a relationship successful and how to properly evaluate it. Soon, I remembered something: I had read somewhere that a good way to see where your emotional relationship is based would be to take a break from kissing. That way, you can take a step back and see what the other strengths and weaknesses of the pairing might be. I believe the source I read it from said the break would last three weeks, so I presented the idea to my boyfriend. I told him that since I'm going to be staying with my aunt for a few months and she lives so close to his house, I'm most likely going to be seeing him every day. I told him that I wanted to cut out kissing for three weeks so that we can see if it's clouding anything we might have missed about one another. He immediately became silent, then he started grumbling, so I explained that it was nothing personal. I just wanted to see how the relationship would be affected without kissing. More silence. So I said, "Two weeks?" Silence. "One week?" He finally spoke. "I just think that kissing is an important part of the relationship. That would be like me saying, "Oh, we need to cut out scripture study together or talking about our feelings for a week." I told him that he was comparing apples to oranges. I said that cutting out the two things he mentioned would be counterproductive whereas cutting out the kisses for a week could actually be good for relationship evaluation. I would be very happy to find that our relationship was more heavily based on sharing emotions and our mutual love of the Gospel. "We just need to adjust the pie chart a little." I said. He became mopey and upset and I told him that his reaction alone concerned me. We took an hour or two to think about it, then he admitted to having grouchy and spiteful thoughts again. We talked it out until we had nothing more to say, but now I'm still upset and I can tell that he's still upset. I'm questioning everything about our relationship now. Was I disillusioned the whole time? It certainly didn't start this way; We were great friends before we even shared a first kiss, so I thought our relationship could be strong. Am I in the wrong for wanting to do this break from kissing? If so, I'll just scrap the whole idea.