Hey, this is my first post here! So hi.
To start, I had a very rough childhood in the church. I've always been a little unique and quirky and headstrong, which for some reason made me the target of a lot of bullying. I never did anything "bad" in the eyes of the church growing up but in a conservative area a lot of friend's parents said I was the bad example for things like being too busy on my soccer team to go to mutual, or coloring my hair weird colors, or my lack of dating in high school meant I must be gay, etc. (I'm a girl, btw lol) A lot of the teachings were being forced at me in such a negative manner that I never had the chance to consider them from a thoughtful perspective because everything began to seem like an attack. The only time I felt mildly appreciated for my personality and drive to have dreams and a career was when Uchtdorf gave his talk about the church needing the different individuals, those with different perspectives. However, this didn't change how shallow people were towards me growing up and I was pushed out of the church more and more. Attending BYU-I was one of the final nails in the coffin with what a terrible experience I had there and how unhappy it made me. I think it's been about two years now since I've attended church at all. Since I moved away from my hometown to go to college there have only been negative rumors spread about me how I must have left since I was pregnant, or I just left because I wanted to have a lot of sex and start drinking, etc. Many of these were started by family friends. I didn't go inactive because I care about drinking or smoking, neither of which I do, I went because the culture continually forced me out and people said there wasn't a place for people like me. It was hard to associate the beliefs with anything positive when I was made to feel miserable when I went.
I started dating this guy and we got involved wayyy too fast because the feelings were so strong. He decided the church is really important to him and initially this hurt me because of my personal experiences and how I've been treated. He felt he couldn't make me happy because he wants a life in the church and I haven't had good experiences. However, I like him enough that I'm beginning to consider going again and being more open minded to it. He wants me to go because I want to go, which I can't say I want to necessarily but this is the first time in years I've felt more open-minded and curious about attending and not instantly filled with dread or stress at the thought of it. I have always appreciated the values the church has more than the super specific doctrine stuff - things like compassion, love, understanding, service, etc. He had an amazing childhood in the church with no negative experiences, and I wish I could say the same. The way my family has been ostracized and bullied for our uniqueness has been a real struggle and it has affected our beliefs in varying degrees. We spent the longest time in Provo and Rexburg when I was a kid, which I know the church there is much different than the church elsewhere.
I would just appreciate a perspective and advice from people still going to church. I have a lot of friends at college who aren't religious who think I'm stupid for even considering going again and I'm even scared to tell some people I am going to try going with him at least once to see how I feel.
