I know this is a forum for spiritual discussions..." Our spiritual, physical, mental well being are all important to our Heavenly Father. Thank you for reaching out !
Firstly, I have no doubt you are lovable, attractive, enough, and worthy of love. 5'5", healthy, educated those are wonderful stats. Someone earlier in the responses said, "Dating is the hunger games, no doubt about it. It's brutal!" Don't I know it ! Amen ! I find it impressive that you continue to put yourself out there. You are so brave and so appreciated keep spending time with nice girls, dating and as friends. I'd like to point out that while most of the time when a guy friend zones a girl they stay in that zone but the reverse is not nearly as true. If she develops a trust/confidant/common interests to enjoy together she may see your potential.
Your sexual abuse and parents who didn't share and/or were not aware of your love languages seem a horrible source of anguish. I feel for you in a very real way. Feelings of being enough, being lovable, self-loathing I have experienced and sometimes still revisit and work through. I was abused at 7 and separate from that my relationship with my father's been a trial at times. I came to understand a few things forgiveness and communication of love languages and my needs.
I need to ask for hugs, share with people what makes me feel loved and what doesn't. For example my two main love languages are Touch and Service. From what you have said I would imagine yours to be touch and words of affirmation. There's a TED talk I watched recently that toted that humans need about 8 hugs lasting 8 seconds each day to have the proper balance of chemicals on average. That's not to say if you don't get that full 8 and count each second that it's hopeless. Just remember that sometimes we just need to ask for a hug, or maybe extended handshake, and be vulnerable enough to admit that to a friend or trusted ward member. Next time you see your parents, if it's an option, I challenge you to ask for a hug that lasts 8 seconds say you are testing a theory you heard/read about, ask them for a compliment, ask them to mention something they are proud of you for. Let them know how much you would appreciate that from them. Return the favor and express your gratitude for what they did give you. Ask them what makes them feel loved, how they show love. As you said yourself they did provide for you. Some parents can't or don't do that well at all, but will praise and cuddle their kids.
I found a process for handing over to God and clearing away some of the hardest parts of my life through a specific guided kind of meditation, it requires an open mind/heart and maybe a fairly visual mind. It's a tool I think I will use my whole life but it would be large enough to be its own post. If you care to know more send me a message and I can point you in that direction.
"PEOPLE always say the right time will come...but I don't believe it anymore!" My "right time" didn't come till I was 35. I was done caring about dating. I wasn't apposed to it; I just cared less, just decided que sera sera, and decided to love people and enjoy life. If you don't believe you don't have a "right time", then focus on the things that interest you. Maybe community league sports, LTUE, ComicCon aka FanX events, magic the gathering tournaments, dancing, being bang-a-rang at your career, pick a mountain to summit, there are conferences for almost anything a person can be interested in.
Someone earlier mentioned practicing gratitude. That is never a bad idea. I at my lower times I have a little book that everyday I try to right 5 new things I'm grateful for. Take all this with a grain of salt, and be wise. Good Luck ! Huggles !
