jojo01

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About jojo01

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  1. Good point! My brother-in-law has told me that I am bitter because I do not want to have a relationship with them anymore, at least not on those terms as far as I'm concerned. Oh well! We are all entitled to our own opinions. It was Elder Holland who said last year in Conference "Nor did he (Jesus Christ) say, "In order to forgive fully, you have to reenter a toxic relationship, or return to an abusive, destructive circumstance."". What you said, reminded me of his talk titled "The ministry of Reconciliation". Thanks again!
  2. Thank you for saying that! I have no issues with apologizing to people even when I'm not wrong. But in this situation, I don't want to feed someone else's ego and make them think that it is okay to continue to act this way, and for me to constantly apologize. Obviously my sister has the victim mentality and "every victim needs a villain". As I said before, I have overlooked some outbursts from my sister, even the ones where she was trying to cause issues in my marriage. You are right, I do need to leave things as they are. Perhaps, at some point, our relationship will be better but it's just not meant to be right now. I appreciate you for taking the time to respond!
  3. Unfortunately, it is true that my parents have advised me to keep my distance from them. After I told my sister and her husband that I want them to stay away from my family if they are always going to be haters, my brother-in-law replied that this is on my head. Obviously he's not going to take responsibility for how he contributed to the problem. It's sad to me that my brother-in-law has the opportunity to be a peacemaker/ arbitrator but he choose to add gasoline to the fire, i.e he often makes the situation worse. I will be reading the book you recommended soon. Thank you again!
  4. My sister works for a law enforcing agency. She comes across dark crimes in her line of duty that brings her spirit down. She would prefer not to work and be a stay at home mom (although her youngest child is 11 years old). Unfortunately it is not possible due to their lifestyle and the fact that her husband doesn't make enough money. Currently I am a stay at home mom. My youngest is under the age of 3. I feel that there is some jealousy, stress, pain..etc on her part. I do feel treated like a punching bag at times. My mom has told me multiple times not to let the things she says affect me because she will carry on with her life but I won't due to emotional distress. If we do get back to speaking terms, I will ask her that question in the most soft spoken voice: "Is there something else that's bothering you that caused this to trigger you?". I am making note of it. Thank you for telling me that story with your friend "Mary". and also for your other advice. I wish you well!
  5. I love both of your responses. It definitely made me stop and think. Thank you taking the time to give your input as well! My sister has been deeply hurt by our mother-in-law (we are married to two brothers). Right before the 2008 recession, she and her husband moved to Florida with a baby and stayed with the in-laws. It took a long time for her husband to find a job and in the meantime, our mother-in-law was unhappy about how she was parenting her child, not helping out around the house...etc. I don't know the full story but our mother-in-law has said some very hurtful things to her. She told me that she hit rock bottom then. I have confronted my sister about her anger and how she reacts at times, in the past. She did say that she feels revolted each time an issue occurs because of the series of issues she had with her mother-in-law. My parents also know that she overreacts and have described her as emotionally unstable. Fortunately I do have a good relationship with my husband and children. I am grateful that my husband has the spirit of discernment and can see when any party is wrong. He tells me when I'm wrong or when his brother is wrong. I will take solace in that. Sadly, she also has those type of outbursts/ overreaction with her husband, sometimes in front of extended family but they quickly move to a different room or outside to continue fighting. My brother-in-law is afraid that she will leave him so he always end up apologizing even when he is not wrong or hasn't done anything wrong. So when she has an outburst with other family members (me, sister-in-law, parents, friends, or mother-in-law again..you name it), her husband quickly side with her. I have called him out on it and told him: "You are crippling my sister and her relationship with others. It is sad to see when you have the chance to stand for what is right, you will not if it means that you are telling her that her behavior is wrong." Figuratively speaking, I would rather not live in Florida and deal with hurricanes. (I actually live in a southern state with occasional hurricanes. LOL). I would rather not deal with her storm. I am happy without it, but there is some guilt about cutting her off from my life. I don't want to be that sister who hasn't spoken to her sister for 10+ years. We haven't talked to each other since April 2018. We also took a year break back in 2016 and didn't speak to each other at all, because I stood up against her constantly telling me what I should do or not do in my own life. Thank you again for your advice!
  6. Last year, during my temple recommend interview I briefly talked about my sister's relationship with the Stake president. He was definitely in tune with the spirit because he brought it up himself, after asking the question. He said "how is your relationship with your sister?." I responded honestly.He said this is a tricky question as long as there is no sexual, physical or emotional abuse he doesn't see the reason to refuse giving me my recommend. He advised me not to get discourage as things will get better as you get older. You may be right that it wasn't my finest moment to dismiss her criticism with "haters gonna hate" but I was irritated that she was airing the dirty laundry. My parents certainly didn't need to witness all that negativity. You may be right that no one is acting like an adult here, but what would you do? I've stayed quiet and ignored some outbursts in the past to maintain the relationship. I've also spoken against it and things haven't changed.
  7. Great idea! I've been thinking about writing these issues in my journal, in hope that I can get more clarity and let go of some of the hurt that I feel each time she overreacts. I will need to ponder on how to handle this situation if it was someone in the ward that reacted this way. When dealing with difficult people in church callings, I always focus on magnifying my calling and not getting suck into negativity.
  8. Thank you for taking the time to read and give your input. I agree that it is liberating to cut out a toxic person. I have felt happier doing so and focus on other things. The hard thing though is that I don't want to be that person who hasn't spoken to her sister for 10+ years. I've tried putting my foot down and explain that her behavior is unacceptable. Her response was "I feel that I have to walk on egg shells around you". I didn't say anything but I felt like I have to wear a bullet proof vest around her, especially when she has an outburst and unleash her anger and frustration on others. Thank you again for responding!
  9. Thank you for sharing your experience. I am sorry that you've had similar experience with your sister but also glad to find someone that understands. You are definitely right by saying that it is due to insecurity. My sister doesn't talk to herself kindly, criticize others and generally compare herself with others. When I made the comment "haters gonna be haters", I was trying to make the point that I know you are overreacting due to issues we've had in the past (perhaps a grudge you hold). Thank you for reminding me about the quote "Never wrestle with the pig...". I definitely need to work on "be quick to agree with thine enemy" and even stop reacting but acting.
  10. Thank you for taking the time to respond in such a kind way!! I do believe that there is some jealousy on her part. My sister likes to compare herself with others. She has told me in an irritated manner of the compliments that people have made behind my back. Our family is also financially more successful than hers even with both of them working. I don't understand why she feels the need to feel jealous since she has many qualities that I don't have. E.g she is very eloquent and give some great talks. She's an extrovert and make friends easily. I am an introvert, take time to warm up to people before making friends. I have forgiven her a lot over the years over some of the way she has mistreated me, but at some point I feel tired of being treated like a child. It is very likely that she harbors grudges over the fact that I have called her out a few times. When I sent the message "haters gonna be haters", I was trying to help my sister and brother-in-law understand that I know that they are reacting this way because of previous incidents where they got upset at me. If it was anyone else who had made the video, I know that they wouldn't have reacted this way. I will definitely go to the temple and ask my heavenly father for forgiveness for not handling the matter in the most christlike way. Overtime, my hope is that she will see that her relationship with others is more important than overreacting and making herself the victim. Thank you again!
  11. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I do agree that there is always two sides to the story. I wish I understood why she insist on behaving this way, because if anything it makes people run the other way and not want to have a close relationship with her. I have confronted my sister regarding some of her outbursts a few years back, she did mention that because of a falling out with her mother-in-law while they were unemployed, that she doesn't let people walk over her. Anyways, thanks again for your response!
  12. Just an fyi, the video was only shared with my parents and siblings. My sister has made multiple videos of my kids and shared them as well, without asking. My kids are under the age of 5. I also only shared the video because my niece was laughing at herself. I was never mocking her but laughing with her. When I dropped my niece home, she told me that she had fun. The funny thing is that my sister has always said that her daughter doesn't easily get offended. On a family vacation, my sister embarrassed her daughter in front of extended family for wanting another cookie. So, I feel that she can't say that I embarrassed her daughter in front of everyone when she does so herself. The problem with apologizing to my sister though, is that she will continue to see herself as a victim and overreact. She will continue to make it seems like others are evil. She has had conflicts with my in-laws, her bestfriend and even my parents because of how she overreacts. Her husband often knows that she is wrong but will choose to get angry at others and step in, to prove to her that he is loyal to her. I don't know if the analogy of poking the bear is even applicable, because I honestly didn't expect this overreaction. My parents were surprised by it too. Also, last year I stopped talking to her because she asked me to give her daughter a ride. When I showed up, her daughter was already gone. I sent her a text message saying "I would appreciate it if you let me know next time when there is a change of plan". I have no idea what she said to her husband, because he sent me a lot of ugly messages basically saying that I owed them because they helped my husband get a new job. Never once did they apologize even when my husband finally stepped in to help them realize that they were wrong.