jojo01

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    jojo01 got a reaction from seashmore in Strained Sibling Relationship   
    Great idea! I've been thinking about writing these issues in my journal, in hope that I can get more clarity and let go of some of the hurt that I feel each time she overreacts. I will need to ponder on how to handle this situation if it was someone in the ward that reacted this way. When dealing with difficult people in church callings, I always focus on magnifying my calling and not getting suck into negativity. 
  2. Like
    jojo01 reacted to seashmore in Strained Sibling Relationship   
    The only advice I feel I can offer is to treat her the same way you would treat someone else in the ward who treated you this way.  It can be difficult, but set aside the sister aspect of the relationship, and try to vent about her treatment to those who can't be sucked in to picking sides.  (Welcome to the forum.)
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    jojo01 reacted to mnn2501 in Strained Sibling Relationship   
    JoJo, you are not meant to be anyone's doormat: you are a Child of God. I see no reason for you to apologize for anything based on what you have told us here. You don't need this relationship on these terms, leave things as they are. Perhaps someday they'll come around but as far as I'm concerned 'the ball is in their court'
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    jojo01 got a reaction from Manners Matter in Strained Sibling Relationship   
    Thank you for taking the time to respond in such a kind way!! I do believe that there is some jealousy on her part. My sister likes to compare herself with others. She has told me in an irritated manner of the compliments that people have made behind my back. Our family is also financially more successful than hers even with both of them working.
    I don't understand why she feels the need to feel jealous since she has many qualities that I don't have. E.g she is very eloquent and give some great talks. She's an extrovert and make friends easily. I am an introvert, take time to warm up to people before making friends. I have forgiven her a lot over the years over some of the way she has mistreated me, but at some point I feel tired of being treated like a child.
    It is very likely that she harbors grudges over the fact that I have called her out a few times. When I sent the message "haters gonna be haters", I was trying to help my sister and brother-in-law understand that I know that they are reacting this way because of previous incidents where they got upset at me. If it was anyone else who had made the video, I know that they wouldn't have reacted this way.
    I will definitely go to the temple and ask my heavenly father for forgiveness for not handling the matter in the most christlike way. Overtime, my hope is that she will see that her relationship with others is more important than overreacting and making herself the victim. Thank you again!
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    jojo01 reacted to Jane_Doe in Strained Sibling Relationship   
    I have a sister that is pretty accurately compared to a porcupine: she's very warm and cuddly when approached from one side but the other sides... not so much.  She'll try to bully family members, and have outbursts and generally reminds me of your description.  
    I've learned that she does this because she is inwardly very insecure of herself.  Her behavior is a poor coping mechanism for that insecurity and always flares up the most then.   As for dealing with her, I've learned that I can't fix her, need to have thick skin, let her sins be between her and Christ and skip the drama.  Sometimes this involves me just ignoring her behavior.  Sometimes I walk away from her bullying (politely of course).  Retaliating or smarty-pants responses never gets anywhere-- I believe the expression is "when you play with pigs, you just get muddy and the pig is always happy".  
  6. Thanks
    jojo01 reacted to Manners Matter in Strained Sibling Relationship   
    First, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. The fact that you are reaching out is a good sign. Aside from the above suggestions, my random thoughts - 
    Post the following on your mirrors and repeat them to yourself as often as needed:
    - let bygones be bygones
    - take the high road
    - act above it
    (there are more, but you get the idea)
    Other things to consider:
    - I wonder if there's some jealousy on her part (this doesn't excuse anything but may explain something)
    - Is it possible that she has misinterpreted/misunderstood something and is harboring grudges, etc (even from years ago). Think back and set aside your feelings and apologize if you now see where you may have been in the wrong 
    - Have you tried seeing things from her perspective?
    Solutions:
    - serve her!!! (even anonymously at first if needed)
    - try to understand her (what's her love language? - find out and start speaking it!!)
    - find common ground and stay away from triggers
    - words matter so stop with the "difficult relationship" "she's bossy", etc and focus on what you want, not what you don't (ie what you feed, grows)
    That's what has come to mind but I'll pop in again if I think of something else but I hope this helps. This can turn around!!!