SomeGuy

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  1. Hi Sir, I try to help others when I am asking help. So I was reading your topic and really interested in it. If what I suggest is totally wrong, just through it away and not a second thought. To me, it sounds like you want your wife to come home . And if you can help understand and solve any or all of her issues it can help to make that happen. If that is true... I get it. It is normal. I would suggest that if that is what you are looking for, to redirect the efforts to self improvement, all or most of the things LDS teaches but also and with urgency a strong physical fitness plan, specifically heavy lifting if you are not already doing it. It will help your mind as much as body. And make you stronger to help her. Also double down on your career/work and drive it as hard/far as you can. I know LDS church and culture already teaches how to dress and groom so you should already have that well covered. What would be nice is if she asks you for more and more advice because she can notice your strong. Like I said, if I have it wrong, don't take offense. Good Luck.
  2. I know what you say and agree. How much responsibility is on the other guys(s). For example they know who I am and about me and proceed to spin an emotional girl. It is pretty easy to do if one knows how. I have seen first hand how a girls mood changes the personality and how easy it can be to flip that around short term if the girl isn't paying close attention to what is going on. Is the guy that does that responsible for anything? Most guys don't know how to do this or that it can be done. ALL of the top alpha guys know it or instinctively know it.
  3. I agree. Most things that I have succeeded at, it is because of not giving up.
  4. thanks for your support. sorry for my mistake. most guys don't write as well as you do. but now that I think about it, I can see the style diff that I missed before. I am try for that conversion to peaceful also. Like others that have learned this stuff, my entire view of social interaction has changed radically. I could now see some reasons why LDS is setup as it is and reasons for some of the challenges that occur. Much of it rooted in this stuff. If I would have known before, I for sure could have avoided the problems I have now.
  5. The answer was that she wanted a break.. the break was to look like me going away for awhile but to continue to fund her lifestyle. No direct reason for lack of respect, admiration. a denial of anything that would suggest that she was not being perfect and that she was just fine with how thing are. This conversation occurred early this year when I first become aware that there can be issue with other men. the reason was that she wanted to attend the kids events but was very insist that I not attend for a variety of reasons, non really acceptable to me, but I did comply... Then when I did finally attend something I seen first hand body language directed to the leader of that group that looked like a problem. Since I spent some time to try to educate about that sort of thing, and the more I learned the more it looked bad.. she very defensive of this one and had started telling in the home about all the great ideas of the man and looking to get kids to follow his ideas. I let it go for a short time but eventually had something to say about it and the conversation quickly went badly. As I had no proof of anything, the situation continued... It included at that time the girl to have 99% attention on cell phone with messenger and txt. somewhat private.. All hours of the day and night. There are plenty of valid for this such as interactions with social group that is OK. The cell phone however had priority over everything else, including myself and kids.. This went on for couple months. I complained about it but, was met with anger and twisting about why is it not ok to spend free time doing this. Never any real conversation about it, only emotional war. At that time it was several months into the year and I discovered married red pill, this is the more hard core of the variants. After reading the material and there is a lot of it, I spent days in rage... as it was all so true and could have been written from my life story that was going on. I am glad I did not agree to the break.. what I could learn in married red pill is that the break was really time for her to evaluate if the new guy can be a suitable replacement. There was also one month during this time frame that she had all the symptoms of having taken a plan b emergency pill. At that time it did not occur to me for that to be what had happened. The more recent time I was more tuned to think about it. Now later I have found out that that guys wife was pregnant at the time.. and is never available to husband. Meanwhile my wife has become very/completely emotionally cold and mean... remember she had just asked if I could just go away... By this time she has already clearly become the top or queen of the ladies social order of this group. I learned by red pill, that this is very common and there are forums of thousands of guys that are having the same things happen. These are not perfect men by any means just like I am not but the girls are just tearing them apart and most of them/us don't know what to do about it because all we wanted was the Disney fairy tail. The more we try to be nice to the girl, the more they loose respect. I never would have believed that but it is very true, I have seen it and interacted with many guys that have found it true. I am try to have her fall in love again, that is the PLAN... She is still fighting for control with me... I think she can tell that I do not want to cross the line to win.. She ALWAY will do anything to win. It seems that to win this one I will have to sacrifice some of my self, there just has to be another way. That is why I am here. I get what the goals are to win... and why getting some competitors to her can help. But what else can have the same effect? Recently she completely toned down flirting and everything that was out of place. Due to anxiety caused by my change of character as prescribed by red pill. In the place we live with the recent changes I have done I can easily compete or exceed the interest she gets from others. I have to force myself to ignore it for now. however another reason to tone down flirting is if she already has the interest of the guy wanted. As of now there are several choices as kids are in several clubs, and they all have an alpha guy... that she seems to have control of. This is like a bad dream... Of course, her viewpoint is no no no no, trust trust trust trust...
  6. Wow, and double wow. You seem to completely get it.. I did not exactly expect that/this on this forum. I was actually wanting to learn about how wrong I am in how I see things now and that most of the red pill info is just wrong. It is very difficult for me to accept the truth of it, I for sure had always dreamed of the Disney type relationship, and went WAY down the beta path. But instead you confirm. and yes, recently the flirting in front of me was starting to drive me nuts. That has now stopped in a compliant way, but lots of complain about needing to stop. The guys would look at me like what is going on... She also does treat girls the similar way... I had considered that maybe she did not understand the difference... For sure the guys would ALWAYS take a step back or two if I approached. I married her on a K1 visa... based on what you appear to understand that will likely tell a lot more. We are now living in the girls country. The reason I did that is explained earlier.. Also in almost any social group she will within days or weeks become the dominate girl, I think it is based on her ability to get the attention of the male group leaders. Most of the girls just seem to fall in line with her. I just seen all the physical signs and symptoms of having taken a plan B pill this last month... all of them including temp high blood pressure, vomit, nasea, supper tired, late.., mood swing times 2. However no proof ever of anything that is for sure. It seems like the pill worked if that is what occurred... but her attitude changed some during the days when it would be uncertain if it worked. I am so ashamed now to watch the other ppl in public as they probably all know. Not sure if I am over the line in this topic for this forum.. Why this is important is that I could not have any more kids and that would have been the proof. I almost almost.. wish I had the proof so I will be at peace about it. If I am wrong... it makes me a really bad person to feel this way. I really want to learn that I am wrong... I suspect many/most would have already run. I don't have ANY support system for myself for now. Do you happen to know if there is something like a virtual ward... ? The girl doesn't want us involved with LDS for reasons I would tell later. I guess your a girl?? I had started to feel bad things about all girls.. but you seem very grounded, like really having a true core. Maybe there are others also like that. I have worked to understand validation... reading book Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch. It tells about how to learn self validation.
  7. I will likely have some follow up questions for a couple of you. However I would give a thank you for each that invested time to read, understand, consider, and invest in trying to help. I try to do that same on some other forum with great success. But my own problems are much harder to deal with for myself. I would/will do whatever I can with the abilities I have or can learn about this topic. All commented for me to be more assertive is key.. I agree and that is the primary reason that I had adopted red pill marriage. Honestly without that it would be over already I think. The impact has been significant, I just don't like the final steps as they don't fit me, they might work as her anxiety is high now. I need to lower that anxiety but also my own. That is why asking a different group like this one. I have a difficult time with discussion to her, she is so far able to control the feelings/frame. Meaning that anything she doesn't like gets greeted by divorce threat or wild wild emotion swings... Also part of the reason I go to red pill marriage to learn how to deal with that and introduce some power balance change so as to allow communication. That is part of the core principal in being willing to walk away..... I would be so very happy to just sit with her and talk it all out and make it ok. Her control is to not allow that... She will not marriage counseling and where we live in the world it is not really available. She is about 40 and I 15 years older... And yes as a 40 year old she can compete with younger girls but that will change quickly in the next years. The guys are about 35ish and the contact method is kids activities. They are also married with families... except one. I don't think she is looking for any replacement of me unless one just happens to show up. I am a very strong provider by several times over these others... Its all about keeping control of me and still doing whatever... and getting me to accept it by words or threats. Now you might say, get away and just end it. but maybe the view from her would sound different.. and I can be wrong... and then the kids... I can of course just walk away.. I must do all I can first, and that involves asking others when I don't know what to do. It is not just something I can talk to others about that know her/us. I had already told my suspicions before starting red pill(basically the candid talk)... and that did not help... I had expected something like really... no way... Instead I got fiery Anger, the type that would suggest it was true. If something else occurs to you based from this update pls share.
  8. Hi All, I joined this forum to ask this question. I understand this is somewhat a group of Christians of the LDS variety. I will briefly describe what I believe is a common problem that occurs (unfortunately for me also..) and then asking how to solve. Probably to pray is one of them... but looking for ideas that might not be common and from the perspective of this group. Some of the stuff I have tried does not work yet. Problem is after 15 years of marriage wife is bored, or doesn't respect, or doesn't admire or or, and so on. Have kids, etc... no terrible vices.. well coffee.. Probably root/root cause is/was lazy husband (me) on a few different levels. Some of them not ok to discuss in a family forum probably. Not doing anything wrong, just not enough right things.. So I move us to a new venue (location) to try to improve and insert some excitement. And o boy, it worked but not like I had hoped. In the new venue girl (wife) is attracted and flirting to several other younger guys as the lifestyle is more active. Got bad enough to get to the I love you but not in love with you conversation... Walking on egg shells and so on.. no happy home.. My self analysis of issues is that I am not being a good enough man to keep her interest... and therefore she can not be a good wife. So I find something called red pill marriage, you can find it in reddit. Lots of practical advice and tones of writings that EXACTLY fit my case. Really scary stuff. And scary how close it fits. I have read and understand all that stuff...and decided to try the solution suggested. That involves all self improvements, heavy lifting, meditation and emotional control, dressing/grooming improvements and a few other stuff. One of the last things on the list of actions to do was/is to start flirting other girls to prove to wife that I have value to others... I get the point of this as it will lead my interest away from her and she will either follow after me or we will separate. I so far have refused to take that step as I much prefer some other way. I have compliance now in the home, but I prefer to have desire. Compliance is empty. I don't know for sure if she is faithful, I strongly suspect not and have much circumstantial evidence but no proof so I can be wrong. I want her to come home in spirit/heart/interest. How do you achieve that to happen from your viewpoint ? I still lead the family in prayer at night.. Thanks for the ideas you have. I know how to filter or consider ideas even if they sound crazy or over the top. Bring them, I will like to hear.