Openmind

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Everything posted by Openmind

  1. I even thought of the classic excuse "midlife crisis".
  2. We had been spending more time together in the last year, talking, walking and just being together. That's why I don't understand. I was under the impression things were great in all areas because I was and thought he was working on all of them to be closer, but apparently something's missing. We have family/personal and even couple scripture study, we go to church, we have family home evening, we have done every weeks lesson for come follow me 2019, we do temple work, we do family history work, we help others when we can, see all these "we"s? That's why I thought we were on the right track. I have been analyzing everything. Attitudes, moods, speech, time, spirituality, everything. I just dont know where this came from.
  3. Getting caught doesn't by itself bring repentance and even that(realizing this isnt right) hasn't even stuck its nose up as of yet. I have been working on this for over a month...
  4. I keep hoping that he will come to the realization himself (repentance can only occur if he feels godly sorrow).
  5. I fully believe that he has convinced himself that this is true. I have been operating on that belief when I acted in the sense of trying to convince him 1) to not speak to her about it, and 2) to not have anything about her(pics or any other forms of info) on his phone. This was my attempt at preventing further action on his part, but even in these requests he has not complied ( he is finding excuses to get out of removing the remaining pics that I specifically mentioned to my phone). Some may wonder why not to just delete them entirely but they are of others as well that were at a baptism that our family considers friends. I could photoshop them to remove her but they are still on his phone...
  6. The church guidelines advise against using surrogates as well, even when the egg and sperm belong to the husband and wife and not the surrogate.
  7. Spiritual is definitely more concerning as it can prevent exaltation. I will be taking further action on this and have already begun doing so. I have already reached out to priesthood leadership and will continue to do so to get this resolved. Thank you.
  8. Honestly I would want him to get the help he needs to kick this if this were drugs.
  9. I know it was in all seriousness. Believe me I know. But the idea of my bishop being swine did relieve stress and tension. Thank you for that.
  10. This is exactly how I felt(current practice/would only come through prophet) and why I had been at a crossroads with him on accepting this.
  11. Thank you all...I know it's hard to help people when you have only one side, I have tried to give you his side as much as possible from his own words and actions. I know it's hard to deal with and I feel ashamed that I have to deal with it directly. Please accept my Gratitude for ALL your help in sorting this out. My original purpose in posting was so that anyone else dealing with similar questions could find an acceptable path in dealing with this sort of issue. Now I know that my posting helped me too. Thank you so much!
  12. His no one else knowing is based on this: sacred things should be kept sacred, dont throw pearls before swine... At least that's what he says. (I do agree with sacredness and pearls)
  13. To me it's not whether or not the "revelation" is true, it's his reaction to it: secrecy, hiding(he even started taking his phone in the bathroom which he always expressed disgust about before), making secret notes about it all(I am for privacy and have never before wanted to see his personal journaling as I feel everyone needs a personal space to sort things out, but this part of it he did encrypt, not the rest), expressing verbally and in his face love for her however "pure" it claims to be.
  14. What do I say "I think my husband's loonie"? That I feel he has committed sin. (Would that be unrighteously judging if his "revelation" is true?) Would they just say that I am paranoid?That there's no way this could be true about him? That I am just seeking revenge for the pain and embarrassment (even if no one else knows anything) I feel he caused me? Would he ever forgive me for "turning him in"? You see my hesitation??
  15. Here is what I have done... We spoke for 4 days with very little sleep and almost no food when he was confronted with my knowledge of his emotional attachment to this woman on his side. (Let me make it clear, she has no knowledge of anything.) During the entire time, my husband never varied from his claims. I was able to clearly see that he truly believes all of it. He just refuses to see how it affects us and our relationship now, here, on this earth. He told and tells me my fears are irrational, as his feelings are "pure" love for her as his special friend from the preexistence and as his wife in the eternities and that he has no physical desire for her. He fully believes this. He says that getting information about her (including all [not just some] of her pictures) was necessary for him to decide if said revelation was from god or not. He had to "study it out". He says he has been praying about it and the joy and hope and love he is feeling "in his heart" are so intense that he just can't even think it is not true without questioning everything else he knows to be true. It took me two full days of this time to convince him not to even approach her about being a special friend in the preexistence. The *only* arguement I could get through to him was that he would probably be seen as some kind if weirdo going up to a woman who is very new to our area, younger, single, and not staying for an extended time, and saying "I think we knew each other in the preexistence and that we were more than just friends, that we were especially close, and loved each other deeply". I tried everything else I could think of to convince him otherwise. During that four days, I cried, I prayed, I fasted, I tried to see it his way, I tried to accept that it could be truth(even though he was wanting to take action on it by having me keep tabs on her for him, and by his giving love to her now, here and not waiting for the eternities). He knows I don't understand it. Because I don't. He says I am hardhearted, that I am being selfish, that him not seeking out that friendship here(mortality) could damage his friendship with her there(eternity) as his wife. I'll admit when we went to church I was very uncharitable in my thoughts when I heard that she had hurt her ankle within the few days before church. I asked for a blessing from my bishop before church without my husband's knowledge to deal with those feelings of lack of charity. I felt unworthy to take the sacrament because of my feelings towards her until I got the blessing and prayed for forgiveness for feeling such. I am trying to see clearly. My children know something is different, they say daddy is happy, but yet not really here. They see his distraction and wonder at it.
  16. Honestly if this was pornography I would want him disconnected. No phone at all. We have a home phone to be contacted through, he has a phone at work. Even though I couldn't stop his access to the internet at work I could here at home.
  17. I thank you for your help and concern for me "jane_doe". God bless you.
  18. I do see it. I don't know if I should wait to have him see it before taking any action.
  19. I can tell "vort" that my husband would say I have violated his trust by even seeking help outside of our marriage(by posting my problem). He has already made it abundantly clear that I am not to speak of this to anyone, and I mean anyone. He doesn't even want to discuss it in our home because of the risk of our children hearing.
  20. I am surprised that I am not fuming. I am just very saddened, concerned, and yet hopeful that he will snap out if it. I want to know if I should go to our bishop or should I keep it silent?
  21. The other problem is he truly believes it is real. That there is no reason to question it. That I just don't have enough faith to receive confirmation of its truth. It has caused me to question whether I have enough faith or if I am hard hearted. That is why I have spent so much time looking in the scriptures and reading the teachings of this dispensation to increase my gospel knowledge and faith. In addition to all the many days spent fasting and praying to know the truth. What truth I have learned or increased upon from this: heavenly father loves us all unconditionally. He wants us to choose the right. He wants us to return to live with him. He sent jesus christ to atone for my sins and everyone else's. I love my husband dearly. I know we can be husband and wife eternally. I know he fully believes what he claims.
  22. What do I do to help him? I really do love him. I know that he has issues with depression but he feels that if he was to get help for it the shame would be too much for him. I have been trying for years to see there is no shame in getting help when we can't do it on our own.
  23. When I question his reaction he gets upset and says I don't trust him. I am trying to make him see I am only trying to help him keep his covenants. I want him to stay within the boundaries that we set together about appropriate thoughts and contact between married individuals and the opposite sex. I asked him to move pictures that are innocent enough(from baptisms, that have multiple people in them) to my phone and delete them from his over 5 times and when I pick up his rarely laid down phone, to do it myself, he looks at me accusingly. His reactions to my concern make me feel guilty as though I am misjudging him.
  24. In answer to your questions: A) He thought that since it was "revelation" I would accept it whole heartedly B) He thinks that I should keep "tabs" on her(such as look her up periodically on facebook or become friends with her, since she is only in our area for a short time) C) I love him. What I need to know is what do I do? Do I speak to the bishop about this? I am afraid he has been having an emotional affair with her(even if it is only in his mind). He admits to never talking to her about anything outside of callings/ministering/missionary work with her and because of my talking to her and knowing some about her I believe this part(and the fact that she doesn't even remember his name). If he has been having an emotional affair in his heart with her, however one sided, do I need to bring in priesthood authority to help him repent(even though right now he refuses to see a need to repent, as he is fully convinced it is the truth)?