Momofalltrades

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  1. I just stumbled across this post, and even though it's a little old, I just want to share a few thoughts from my family's experience with my brother. He was a super charismatic, popular, high school athlete prior to leaving on his mission. During the mission, his letter writing became sporadic and often were difficult to understand. My parents were concerned and did contact the mission president a few times, but the mission leaders raved about his work ethic and dedication. Of course, not knowing him before the mission, it was impossible to expect them to detect gradual personality changes. All they could measure was what they saw, which was a hard working missionary. When he got off the plane, he wouldn't talk to us, sticking to the mission routine until he was officially released. When he did start talking, his speech was "mumbly," and his demeanor was "off," like just kind of awkward and unbalanced. But, he was filled with gratitude for the mission and expressed a strong testimony and did seem happy. He was just very different. Long story short, he has a mental illness. My parents prayed, researched, talked with counselors, and all sorts of daily effort to this day (30 years later) to understand him and help him. To this day, he has not "received treatment," or been willing to accept that anything is wrong with him. And I'm glad. It is common for mental illness to "manifest" during the young adult years (mission years) Mental illness is often "triggered" by new and/or stressful experiences (serving a mission) Nothing "bad" happened to him on the mission. There is no one to blame. The mission president could not be expected to detect that something was wrong. Mental illness is not a clear cut thing that can always be "treated." Much of what we consider treatment serves the general population, to make us more comfortable, than it serves the individual who is afflicted. It has been super helpful for my parents to receive mental health support from counselors, even though my brother refused to seek treatment. God is in the details of our lives. His tender mercies have been shown repeatedly over these many years to my parents and my brother as he continues to live his life. There have been many many trials. But, that's what this life is for - to navigate trials with faith and be built into better, stronger versions of ourselves each time. I joined this forum with the sole purpose of commenting on your post because your love and concern for your son really struck my heart, and all of the emotions from that time in my family's life came flooding back. I wish there was a simple and clear cut "here's what you do" kind of answer. But, I've come to accept that this is part of "the plan" for my brother's life. He amazes me, and I'm grateful to learn from him, and to be able to appreciate the complexity of mental health afflictions because of his experiences.