I was born and raised in an LDS family. I served a mission. I was married in the temple. I have been active and served in the church my whole life. I am in my mid 40s. I have 2 teenage sons and 2 young adult sons. I believe deeply the gospel is true and love the teachings and truth. I am introverted, struggle with social anxieties, depression and anxiety. I had a poor upbringing that has caused a lot of struggles in my life with my mental health. I don’t know that any of this background was needed but I have a tendency to want to be understood and listened to and cared about. And I tend to give more information than needed. I struggle with church culture and not forgetting it’s just culture and not teachings at times. I struggle with the imperfections of man, that mistakes are made in the church by the people in charge. I struggle with being judge-mental. I feel guilt easily partially because of my upbringing and partially because of my personality and church culture can push me to feel awful about myself. As well as people in charge putting pressure on me when they don’t know my situation or me well enough. I know in general they mean well. Logically I can see all of these things and be ok, but emotionally I struggle. I’m tired of feeling awful about myself. That I’m not good enough. I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I have met with bishops in my youth and adulthood. I have repented. I continue to repent. I do struggle to feel worthy of forgiveness. I struggle to accept that it’s ok that I made/make mistakes. I have sought counseling and utilized modern medicine. Just looking for thoughts.
