Someone

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  1. I am preparing for my mission but then I fell inlove again with my past girlfriend but became friend whom I've helped in her times of depression and later on became a member of the church and eventually the one who baptized her. So things went good and eventually I confessed again, and this time she confessed too, and we both love each other and support each other spiritually by doing scripture study together etc. and emotionally by making each other happy and inlove. But then when I was interviewed by my bishop for my application, he said that I should cut my connection to her and focus on preparing, he also said that we should really really cut everything and just talk again after my mission. I just nod, and said yes, cause I know and understand that eventually I will have to leave, but not to the point that I'm going to stop talking to her. And weekly my bishop calls me over the phone to check if I'm still talking to her and if yes, same thing "stop it." So I decided to talk to her and explained things out and we agreed to cut everything, and we just still love each other, she understand me perfectly and she is very willing to wait. But every now and then, no matter how much I comfort myself and pray and pray so many times, my heart would always feel so much heavy. And found myself crying very often. I'm still doing my best to keep my words and be obedient and prepare for my mission, but I can't help myself not to ponder whether is this really the right thing or not? Oft times I can't help but feel suppressed and it's very annoying.