SeattleTruthSeeker

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  1. Instead of going by what our critics say, why don't you appeal to the very context of Moroni 8:18? The context is talking very specifically about the Atonement and addresses the unnecessary need of infant baptism. It is speaking about how God does not change the plan of salvation. There are many passages in the Bible that talk about God changing. If this argument were valid, then the critics would have to denounce Christ because Christ existed as a pre-incarnate spirit. Yet, if God is unchangeable, then Christ either is not God, or their argument is flawed. Christ - Old Testament - Nature was spirit Christ - New Testament - Mortal life with a body of flesh and bone Christ is God manifested in the Flesh. Christ rose with a glorified body of flesh and bone. Did Christ's nature change? Yes. Is Christ God? Yes. Did God change? Yes. Ergo the argument is flawed because the evangelical Christians have to admit that their own doctrine allows for an ever changing God - or, they have to deny Christ, his birth, and his resurrection.
  2. One of the criticisms launched against the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that concerning the hymn "Praise to the Man" and the argument that this hymn is sung in extolling Joseph Smith. Meaning, because we sing this hymn, it is a form of "worshiping" the Prophet of the Restoration. How many of you had this question asked of you? I remember that when I had started receiving criticism from evangelical Christians, I could not find a viable response. Even after coming back to the LDS Faith from my apostasy, this stuck with me and it bothered me because it appeared that we truly were signing the hymn in a fashion that is praising Joseph Smith. Now that I have taken an English class where we are analysis short fictions of classic author's, poets, and even some plays, what I have done was taken the analysis from Literature to dig into the deeper construct of this beloved hymn. Because of this search, I have published the article at my blog where I examine the context of each stanza that is part of the hymn. Of course, the article begins with the writer of the Hymn - William W. Phelps. An apostate who had left the Church and falsely accused the Prophet Joseph Smith and even wrote an affidavit as a witness against the Prophet. It was not until after Phelps made a return back to the Faith, and the martyrdom of Joseph Smith, did Phelps pen this beloved hymn to a scottish folk song. Here is a link to the full article that discusses the importance and story that Phelps told through this hymn and how we do not sing this hymn praising Joseph Smith, but sing it to tell the story of the Prophet of the Restoration in these last days. Do Mormons worship Joseph Smith? Share your thoughts here and over at the blog.
  3. I just read this after posting my initial response to you. Relationships take work to maintain. One has to cultivate their relationship. A healthy strong relationship does not happen over night. To presume that a it should not take work to maintain and cultivate a healthy and vibrant relationship means one is being slothful and lazy. They expect to be entitled to privileges, blessings and benefits. What it really sounds like to me is that you have shifted from an eternal perspective on love and marriage and have accepted the more predominate worldview of "well, if you don't love someone anymore, why remain in the marriage, go out and find someone new". The problem with this worldly philosophy is that many now remain in relationships for less than 2 years because they feel that after 2 years it is time to move on. These people end up being more miserable in their lives than they are if they stayed and worked on their relationship in the beginning and did what they should do. Today, in the Elder's Quorum, I taught the lesson on Family Responsibilities. In the Family Guidebook it talks about Family responsibilities in the area of meeting the physical needs of family. This statement struck me and was further impressed upon me when I read your second posting: To become self-reliant, family members must be willing to work. Work is physical, mental, or spiritual effort. It is the source of accomplishment, happiness, self-esteem, and prosperity. We all are aware of the need to be self-reliant in the physical/temporal realm, however, there is also the spiritual self-reliant. This is the most crucial part of our lives. You mentioned that he is "religious" and you are not. This does tend to cause friction, especially when a spouse suddenly loses their faith and hope in the Gospel principles. Therefore, here is my challenge to you. Take the next thirty days specifically pray to our Heavenly Father about your concerns, your feelings, why you feel the way you feel, seek out direction and counsel. One poster mentioned reading Proverbs 31 about the virtuous woman. I would suggest to read the Gospel accounts of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. While you do these things, start a journal. Grab a cheap notebook, write down your thoughts, impressions, as you read the scriptures, look for how people like Lehi and his wife clashed, the conflict in their marriage, look up on LDS.org about family, and the duties of the wife. Look up scriptures that deal with faith, trials, and hope. I guarantee you that after thirty days of doing this, you will receive an answer and direction in where to go and what should be done.
  4. If there is not abuse or any problems within your marriage for 32+ years and yet you are saying you do not love him, I have to ask something very personal. Do you suffer from depression and because of this, you feel that he deserves someone better? I am keying in on the statement that you are saying he needs someone who will love him. I personally do not buy into the whole "I fell in love with you ergo I can fall out of love with you." When we marry and we take out our covenants in the temple, we are committing ourselves. Love no longer becomes a feeling, a sensation, it becomes something we have to cultivate within ourselves. Typically, those who find themselves not able to love their spouse, are the one's who generally find it difficult to love themselves. You also mention that there is alot of hurt and damage. What hurt and what damage? If there is no abuse or anything else, then what would be the cause of the hurt and damage? Are there trust issues? Were you married before and that ended badly? Was there something he had said to you that you misunderstood, took offense? Being unhappy is not merely something that a person wakes up and realizes "Hey, I am unhappy and you are better off with someone else" Something has to have happened, something that has been allowed to fester and boil to get one to that point. Yes, these are very hard questions, and yes it is none of mine or anyone else's business. However, they are questions that need to be asked to fully understand the purpose and reason. Personally, just because you feel that you are not in love with your husband anymore is not really a sound reason to divorce him. I would even further to say that maybe marriage counseling did not work because there were no issues causing harm in the marriage to begin with and the issue rests in the individual themselves and there must be individual counseling to find out why you are unhappy, why you feel the way you do, and why, after all these years, you still don't "love him" the way he loves you.
  5. Thank you, and yes, we have spoken with his father at length on several interrelated issues. The response we got back was a mere excuse making, shrugging. In fact, when my stepson was at a DI volunteering (His dad is working there now and going to school), one of the clients of the DI program made a casual threat against my stepson. His father got made because I raised a big stink about it. My wife and I looked at each other and I asked her, doesn't he appreciate the fact that I am looking out for the safety of his son while he is in our care? We are thinking of going back to the bishop and getting family counseling for all of us and how we can cope with my stepsons behavior. It is getting to the point that it is out of control.
  6. I am not exactly sure where to put this at. My wife and I (well, mostly myself) need advice on a situation that is currently happening in our household. Recently, we found out that my step-son (my wife's son) had established a new Facebook account. Not only did he establish a new Facebook account, he also established a new email account. The rule of our house is that we are to have access to his emails and social media accounts. If we are not allowed access to these accounts, he can't have them at all. Well, the problem started when my wife went into her son's Facebook account today (yesterday) and played Frontierville under his account, sending herself the things she needs. I let my wife log into my Facebook account to do the same thing. I have no problem with that. I have her password to hers, and she has access to mine. At this time, my step son was at his father's house for the weekend and his stepmother was on facebook and asked why he could be logged in when he was sitting across from her. He then called and spoke to his mother about this, she informed him exactly what he was doing. When they got off the phone, and within thirty minutes, we noticed that he established a new facebook account, and that he listed his step mother as his mother and his father as his father. My wife came unglued and called him and asked him about this. I was not privy to the conversation, and only heard my wife's side of the story. Now, this problem is much deeper than going and getting a second facebook account. The issue is that when he is here in our house, we have chores for him to complete, we are tight on our budget and what we can afford and what we can't afford. We are trying to teach him to work for the things he would like to have. Yet, whenever he goes over to his father's place, it is essentially daddy disneyland there. He gets whatever it is he wants. Unless it is new clothes, shoes or things he really stands in need of and then we get told "that is what child support is supposed to be for" His father is a member and his step mother recently joined the church as well. David also has access to energy drinks. We could not figure out why he comes home from his dad's and he is so wired to the point that he is up until 4 or 5 in the morning (again, lack of consistency between here and there). Whenever we try and talk with his dad about these issues, he brushes them off as if we are making a big deal about it. That we should not be making a big deal. Thus, we have parenting conflicts going on and we have done everything we can to resolve these issues. Yet, my step son still displays the same out of control behavior, he is starting to show a tendency towards violence by making statements that are inappropriate. He does not act appropriately when we are out in public (lack of self-control), he is very self indulgent and selfish. For instance, whenever I come home from the store, he is right at me asking if I had gotten him anything and then gets upset when I tell him no, I got what we needed for dinner for the week, or for that night. He is very disrespectful because his dad has told him (as well as his favorite uncle) that he is to not to listen to me, and that I am not family or his father. We have prayed, and we have done everything we can and we are at our rope and not sure what more we can do. I have suggested contacting our attorney and limiting his father's visits to one day for only 5 hours and then with the agreement that when my stepsons behavior improves and that the influence his father has on him is realized to being detrimental to his own son, we would increase visitation times. Basically, at the end of my rope here and not sure what to do about this situation. The option to have his father take care of him is not one we will consider. My step son is in his early teens.
  7. Why not have a subforum for blogging and social media where we can discuss proactive ways to help one another better share these wonderful technologies in preparing the gospel.
  8. I maintain a blog, I write for examiner.com Parenting and Multi Faith section (locally), and I post things on my FB status updates
  9. The full discussion can be viewed at Mormon Apologetic Research Studies since the entire article is too big to post here. However, here is the first part of this Sunday's lesson New Testament Lesson #24 “This is Life Eternal” John 16-17 ________________________________________Study outline: 1. John 16:1-15: Jesus prepares his Apostles for the difficult times that will follow his crucifixion. He teaches them about the mission of the Holy Ghost and promises that they will receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. 2. John 16: 16-33: Jesus foretells his death and resurrection and counsels the Apostles to “be of good cheer.” 3. John 17: Jesus offers the great intercessory prayer for his Apostles and all others who believe in him. Additional Scripture Reading: John 14:16-31; 15:18-27; 3 Nephi 19:19-36; Doctrine and Covenants 132:21-24; Bible Dictionary, “Comforter”, p. 648; “Holy Ghost,” p. 704 ________________________________________ 1. Jesus promises his Apostles that they will receive the gift of the Holy Ghost – John 16:1-15 and John 15:18-20 Question: Why did Jesus Christ strengthen his Apostles? Why did the Apostles need such strengthening and instruction? Persecution and Martyrdom will befall the Apostles. As we study the ministry of Jesus Christ, and how he instructed the disciples, we learn that Christ referenced how the world would hate them. Not for who they were, or their particular occupation, but the world would hate the Apostles for whom they represent, whom they preached, and whom they call men to believe. John 15:18 states this: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. We see this evident when we see how the religious leaders of the day came against Jesus Christ. How they tried to trap Jesus Christ with sophistry and cunning words designed to catch Christ in lies, or contradictions. In the end, we know that they were unsuccessful in every attempt and were left with hardened hearts. Christ also reminded the Apostles that if they were still part of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, as Christ proclaimed, the world would hate and despise the Apostles whom Christ called (See John 15:19). Furthermore, the Savior also reminded the Apostles that because those who opposed and persecuted Jesus Christ, the Apostles would also receive the same persecution that Christ received. Why would the Apostles receive persecution, even unto death? Because, as we read, Christ taught the disciples that they have not known the Father, nor me. Several times, we read in the New Testament where Christ declared that if the religious leaders truly knew and understood the scriptures, they would truly know who Christ is and whom sent Jesus Christ. The other aspect of this is that Christ is making a true prophetic statement here. Why would Christ make such a prophetic statement that the Apostles would receive persecution and even be martyred for the sake of Christ and the preaching of Christ? Could you imagine yourself as one of the Apostles, imagine yourself sitting there and hearing how Christ is describing all the dangers that will come upon you, even knowing that they would lay hands upon you and kill you for preaching something that will bring happiness and joy into the hearts and lives of men? How many of us would decide to turn away? How many of us would say “no thank you, sorry, I value my life”. Despite how we feel, the Apostles were taught what would happen to them, yet were given the promise that the comforter will come, that they will receive further power. We already know that the Apostles possessed the power to heal the sick, to cast out demons, and to administer and preach the Kingdom of Heaven (which is later known as the Gospel message) throughout all the then known world. We further read that this brought sorrow to the hearts of his disciples, not only because they would be persecuted for preaching the reality that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and savior of humanity, but that Christ, their beloved leader and mentor would no longer be with them. In fact, John 16 contains two prophesies: One being that of the persecution and martyrdom of the Apostles. The second is that which would soon come to pass and that would be Jesus Christ’s own death. In t his sense, Christ was preparing his disciples for what will lay ahead for them. This includes the reality that Christ had to go in order for the Holy Spirit to come and give further power and authority in the lives and administration of the apostolic authority the Apostles already possessed. Here is the promise that Christ gave his disciples: The Bible dictionary teaches the following about the Comforter: We know that the Apostles had the presence of the Savior in their mist. Teaching them, instructing them on their duties and responsibilities, the power they possessed as given by Jesus Christ, and the instructions and commandments that they were to go out and teach, baptize, and make disciples of all nations. Yet, as we briefly mentioned, because Christ would no longer be present with them, he would send another comforter (since Christ is the first comforter) to further give the disciples power and authority in administering and preaching the kingdom of heaven. What then is the mission of the Holy Ghost? Here we will list some of the things scripture relates to us: a. Comforts – John 14:26 b. Teaches – John 14:26 c. Brings truths to our remembrance – John 14: 26 d. Testifies of the Savior – John 15:26 e. Guides us into all truth – John 16:13 f. Shows us things to come – John 16:13 (Note: This is where personal revelation is established in scripture. As we seek the counsel of our Heavenly Father, we are promised that through the power of the Holy Spirit, the truth will be revealed to us and we would be able to know and have an idea of what will happen as it pertains to the kingdom and will of God, and according to our own callings, area of responsibility, and station in life.) g. Glorifies the Savior – John 16:14 Question: Did the Apostles experience the presence of the Holy Spirit in their own lives while Jesus dwelt in mortality, preached, and instructed his disciples? There is a difference between experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit, and the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, than there is having the constant companionship and gift of the Holy Spirit in our lives. The twelve apostles experienced the manifestations of the Holy Ghost during the mortal ministry of Jesus Christ. However, it was not until after the resurrection and subsequent ascension of Christ that they were endowed with the Gift of the Holy Ghost as a constant companion in their lives. In fact, we read in John 20:22 that Christ breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Ghost. This brings up a subsequent question: What is the difference between the manifestation of the Holy Ghost and the Gift of the Holy Ghost? Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught the following: Many are confused as to the difference between having inspiration from the Holy Spirit as opposed to feeling the constant companionship of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Prior to our conversion, one will feel the influence of the Holy Spirit. The promptings, the warnings, the thoughts that would invade our own. These promptings lead true and honest seekers to the fountain of living waters, and to partake of the Tree of Life. Thereafter, when we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, we will have this constant companionship in our lives. Question: Once we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, how can we ensure that we remain worthy of the Holy Ghost’s constant companionship? Several scriptures address this question. Acts 5:32 shares this thought: And we are his witnesses of these things; and so is also the Holy Ghost, whom God hath given to them that obey him. The context of this passage deals with the reality of who Jesus Christ is. The Apostles were commissioned to testify to the reality of who Jesus Christ is – Son of the Living God, Redeemer of Humanity. The Holy Ghost also testifies within us these things as well, and gives us power and authority to testify of those things. Yet, it is only given to them that obey the Father. This is because when we obey Jesus Christ, we are also obeying the Father who had sent Jesus Christ into the world to redeem humanity. Question: How can we recognize the influence of the Holy Ghost (Spirit) in our lives? Galatians 5:22-23 gives us the basis to understand the influence of the Holy Spirit: The influence of the Holy Spirit transforms us from our former life, habits, and perceptions in order for us to adopt new perceptions and habits. When we begin to live after the example Jesus Christ had established in his mortal ministry, we will begin to see the influence the Holy Spirit has over our lives. It is a relationship that is ever transforming. Galatians 5:24 continues the thought by expressing this: And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. And then verse 25; If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. This is how we are able to recognize the influence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. President Boyd K. Packer taught this principle: Much like the Apostles that Christ instructed, ministered too, empowered, and given authority to preach, heal, baptize, call all men to repentance and make disciples of them, he also promised the blessings they would receive when the Comforter, or the Holy Spirit would come upon them and be their constant companion. Today, we must ensure that we are to not only ensure our own personal worthiness to have the constant companion of the Holy Spirit, but learn how to listen to the promptings, recognize the promptings for what they are and not doubt those things. The more we listen and rely on the Holy Spirit, the more we are able to walk in the Spirit and move in all understanding of those things that are true and righteous – despite the persecutions we may face in today’s society.
  10. One of the reasons I have stopped frequenting this board is because of the Advice and Marriage Advice subforums. It seems that we get alot of the repeating questions. My husband is addicted to porn. My wife is cheating on me. Oh what should I do about this... I went through and virtually everyone of the threads started in those sub forums mainly center around a sense of woes me pity party mentality. The discussion drops off and then a new one in similar tone and scenario picks right back up with the same sense and issues. Yet, we all by into them. We post our advice, we make every attempt to give the benefit of the doubt, and yet the same questions keep propping up like weeds in an overgrown yard that needs a good mowing. I am not here to tell how this board is being run, however, I am here to speak my mind that while we recognize every one of us should have an opportunity to seek out advise and counsel, we have to remember some core principles here. 1) If you post a question that asks "Should I go to my Bishop about..." then the answer is going to be Yes you should and therefore, don't post the question here. Now, if you are dealing with an issue that you are struggling with and you are seeking advice, here is my suggestion: Anonymous: Hi, I am struggling with pornography and I have gone to my Bishop, however, I seem to have an issue with this. Is there anyone who has overcome this addiction? If so, how did you overcome it? What are some of the challenges you faced? Instead of asking the obvious question that has the obvious answer, ask the question in a way where you are seeking real advise and real honest dialogue. For me, it is far better to find others who may have overcome the issue you are struggling with. Secondly, before you post "Should I go to my Bishop..." search the thread forum and read the posts already there. This may take time, but it is better to research and find the answers than to post the millionth thousandth hundredth post on the same subject matter. 2) If you are having marital problems do not post how bad your spouse is and how wrong she or he is for all to read and see. I am sorry, but if my wife found out that I posted something here and outright blaming her for the issues we are having in our marriage (which are not serious issues, but issues any married couple deal with) my hide will be tanned. Honestly, if you want to gripe about your spouse, girlfriend, partner or what have you then it is not worth posting in my opinion. Yes, I get caught up reading them because it is like a train wreck, and I should not cave into reading some of them. However, it seems that every time I come here and read these forums, it is always the same thing just a different person with a different online personality. So, instead of posting "My wife" or "My husband" and then all the negative things they are doing in the marriage, post something more to the effective of "This is the issue that I am observing in our marriage" and then politely, respectfully relate the information as to how you see it and experience it. For instance: Wrong type of posting: "I can't handle my wife anymore. She bickers about every little thing and does not respect me. She doesn't get it at all and what should I do about it? I have had it and tired of all the fighting." Proper type of posting: "I honestly feel that I am doing everything in my power to make sure the house is kept up, things are done, and that dinner is on the table. I am struggling to find work and understand why my wife gets upset sometimes. however, I take it personally and feel like what I do is not respected. We have talked about it numerous of times, and sometimes she does not feel like talking about it. She has mentioned to me that she has had a bad day at work and is tired because there is a gal there that she works with who does nothing and then blames her" Notice the difference in tone and style? The first is accusatory and making one's spouse out to be the troll under the bridge that no one should deal with. The second one is expressing honest personal feelings, and recognizing the dynamics of what is going and is an attempt at understanding what is going on and how things work in our own lives. Granted, there are some who do come here and ask about cheating spouses, or ask about what to do about spouses who are caught with their pants down. Emotions get in the way, we are angry, upset, hurtful, and we want to lash out at the individual. However, we must remember that when we are seeking advise as to what we ought to do, we are seeking advise for our own well-being in how to handle the situation. Bad posting: "I just found out my husband is cheating on me with my best friend. He is such a cheater and he hurt me and I want to know what I should do". Good posting: I am angry because I just found out that my husband is cheating on me. I am not sure what to do, or where to go. I have talked with Bishop about this and he gave me (whatever advise one is willing to reveal), or I have yet to speak with my Bishop and have an appointment too. Has anyone experienced this and how did you deal with it? I am so lost as to what to do and it hurts.. Sometimes, people just want to vent. That is fine, but keep it tasteful and keep it about you and not about the other person. Yes, I understand that this is difficult at times. Yes, I get it that it is hard and we want to lash out on those who are close to us. However, there is a difference in seeking advice as opposed to throwing a pity party to get attention. One final thought: If you keep coming here to seek advise and the advise is given and yet you still publish posts here on what you should do about the same situation. What purpose are you really serving? There is no purpose and all you are doing is trying to get people to pay attention to you. There is a reason why people want to seek out advise and there are reasons why people give you advise. If you have to seek out the same advise on the same issue and are not listening to the advise given then you need to really stop and think about who really is having the issue and who is not. Because if you have to constantly post the same question or seek the same advise for the same situation, then you really are thick headed and refuse to accept the advise. Okay, I am done with my soap box, and felt that this needed to be said because I have observed that many people are starting to abuse the advice and marriage advise subforums here and am tired of reading these "oh poor woes me" stories and yet they are all the same with different people and different dynamics.
  11. Here are some suggestions for you. 1) Develop a good prayer life. By developing a solid prayer life, you begin to learn how to rely on what our Heavenly Father would have you do. Granted, we can't control the things others do, say, or participate in, however, we do have our own will and desire. 2) Develop a daily scripture study habit. Getting involved with a good foundation and reading your scriptures will help illuminate and grow your testimony. Whether it is a couple of verses, or a whole chapter, reading our scriptures, praying and pondering them will help us draw closer. We will become humble and learn to stand as witnesses of the Gospel, of the Restoration of the Gospel, and of the love our Heavenly Father has for us. 3) Learn to follow the example of our Savior. How many times was he ridiculed? How many of his disciples abandoned him? How often did he have to contend with those who mocked and ridiculed him? Challenged his authority? How did he respond to them? How many times did he weep for them? How many times did he pray for them? 4) attend your meetings and surround yourself with those people who are strong members in the church. Counsel with your bishop/branch president. Meet with the missionaries and ward missionaries. Get to know the members of the ward. Participate in the youth activities (if you are a youth). If you are an adult, participate in the institute classes. Here is where the challenge is: 5) If your family does not sit down at the dinner table, start setting the table with plates, silverware, and all that is needed for them to join you. Fix dinner as often as your schedule allows you to. When you are done preparing dinner for everyone (not just yourself) sit at the table, pray over the meal, and invite everyone to the table. If they won't join you, that is their decision. Do not say a word to them about it. Do this the next night, and the next night, and the next night. Eventually, they are going to stop the antics and may actually sit down with you at the dinner table. 6) Develop a servants heart. As hard as this is, as hard as it becomes, this is the area we truly need to learn from our Savior. He knelt and washed the feet of his disciples. The Son of God, knelt in humility and washed 24 feet. 7) When they say bad things to you, mock you, ridicule you (unless it is abusive or threatening), let them know you love them and respect them. Not just in word, but in deed. Do unexpected things for them. If you have the money, get a card that has a personal note where you write something about what you appreciate about them, encouraging words. 8) Do not talk about religion, unless they bring it up, and only share what has inspired you. 9) Write in a journal detailing your experience (trust me on this one - seriously!!!). Let your journal be the only form where you can pour out your heart and soul, how their words hurt you. Let it be your own personal refuge that is between you and Heavenly Father. Also, share things that are changing in your life. Share your thoughts on how the Restored Gospel is blessing you, how it is blessing your family. 10) Remember Always: Our Heavenly Father is in the business of softening hearts of even the most hard-hearted individuals, however, it is only up to the individual who will allow their heart to be softened. Why do these things? Because it will testify to them and stand as a witness to them that as you live the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and strive to become more like him, then they will have no excuse. Either by your example and actions in how you grew from precept to precept, from truth to truth and strengthen your testimony, or how you handle their mocking, and shaming of you - it will either convict them or condemn them. What ultimately matters is how you decide to choose to take the high road or allow them to corral you into falling back into old habits and old ways.
  12. I also would like to add this. If family members (hers or yours) are pressuring her, stand up for her feelings and emotions. By doing so, you are truly showing her you do care for her she feels about the subject and being a husband that is willing to stand up for her as well as for you. Sometimes it is hard when dealing with our parents when they want grandchidren. however, their pressuring her is causing conflict in your marriage and if you don't stand up to them and condone it, then you are sending the message to your wife that her feelings and perspective does not mean anything to you.
  13. I am missing all these LDS.net get together. Any LDS.netters in the Seattle/PNW area that want to do a get together?
  14. After thinking about what you said. I do not think your wife is being selfish. It may very well be that she is trying to express to you in the best way that she can the following things: 1) I feel pressured into having a child at this time and you are not understanding me 2) I really just want us to enjoy our life together 3) I am not ready to be a mother yet. All three are interdependent. They are not selfish desires. Now, if she wants to be able to go hang out with her friends and party... and she does this all the time, that is something different. If this is the case, there is much more problems than her wanting to have a child - you have marital issues that need to be addressed before broaching the subject of wanting to make her into a mother to your children. honestly, I would lay off the "I want a child" rant. Start courting her, taking her out, enjoy her companionship. Take her out to a movie, go out on dates, re-ignite your passion and intimacy. Do a weekend getaway. basically, what I am saying is focus all your attention on her. There is much more to this than what is being related.
  15. Children are life changing. Yes, your world starts revolving around them. When they are infants, they require lots of care. The marathon feedings. If your wife breastfeeds, she would have to nurse every two hours. The two of you would have to learn how the child communicates. There are the doctor appointments, the shots, the diaper changes, the concern of allergies. IF your wife works, she would have to go on maternity leave at some point until she feels she is ready to go back to work. There is also the decision, who will stay home and who will be the working parent. Daycare should not be an option at this point. As for clothes, you would be surprised how many people have infant/toddler clothes they could give you. The late night snuggles, midnight drives, the early morning feedings. The glassy eye look with only an hour of sleep. Night watches. One parent getting up so the other could rest. When they reach toddler ages, the chase me games begin. Awareness of where she is (we have an 18 month old daughter). Let us not forget the Isolation some stay at home parents feel. Planning fun filled activities that are appropriate. Going without Television and the Internet. Snuggling and napping with your daughter. No bathroom privacy. Temper tantrums. The list goes on and on. These are the things that I am experiencing, the things my wife experiences. However, these things pale in comparison to the following greater list: Sitting in the chair and holding such a delicate precious little girl and having a flood of emotions overcome you and true outpouring of love and appreciation for her. The joys she brings when she smiles. Her addictive laughter and the simplest things that she enjoys. The antics she expresses as her personality develops. Watching her look through books. How she learns to move around, not wanting to help her so she learns how to do things on her own. Experiencing all the firsts she has done in her life. Her first words, her first steps, her first time sitting up, her first stuffed animal, her first smile, her first tooth. As sick as it sounds, if she is constipated, the joyous aspect of changing her diaper and noticing she is no longer constipated. Praising her for things she learns how to do when you ask her to do something. Her favorite fruits, her favorite vegetables. The messy eating habits that become so enduring and entertaining. The bond a father and mother have with their child. A newfound love and appreciation for your wife as she transforms from wife to mother (yes, there is a transformation). I would not trade anything in the world for what I have, for what my wife has, and the joy our daughter has brought into our lives. She is not an inconvenience to us. She is a blessing. Do we get frustrated? Yes. However, we learn and grow. We have found a great pediatrician that not only focuses on how our daughter is doing, but she focuses on how we are doing as a couple, as father and mother. My wife and I talk about how our daughter is developing. We share our concerns about things, worries about her growing up, fears of what to do. This is all natural. Yes, your life changes, however, it changes for the better. And while there is not any time to go out and do the things you want to do, there is times that you get to do the things you would have never been able to do without a child. Think about this, when was the last time you went to a park and played? I mean, just got up and went to the park and sat on a swing to swing? To feel the air, that sensation in your stomach? What about the fairs? Picking out Christmas gifts for your daughter/son. My wife and I have to actually force ourselves to not go through the baby isle because once we stop and look, we end up getting adorable clothes for our daughter. When have you gone through the baby isle and looked at all the cute outfits? The point here that I am making is that there is great sacrifices a parent makes when they become a parent. If you focus on the negative aspects of "I won't have time to do this" one is setting themselves up for a failure. No, we did not want to have another child, however, Heavenly Father thought it wise for my wife and I to have a child. She is 42, I am 40 years old. Her son is 13 years old. We are an odd family, but we are a family who loves each other and I honestly cannot imagine my life without our daughter.
  16. It is natural to have fantasies. Young boys have "wet dreams". It is how we are developing. This is where it becomes the realization that we have to learn to control our desires so that it does not become an addiction. Let me ask you this, how close are you to your mother? Do you feel comfortable talking with her about this? Is there anyone close to you that you can confide in? Talk about this, write down those thoughts, how they make you feel. although it is not related to what you are dealing with, I remember years ago reading about how someone read the Book of Mormon every time they thought about wanting to light up a cigarette. They related how doing this helped them overcome the addiction and the desire to light up.
  17. Have you honestly expressed to her how you feel? Granted, you can't force her, nor should you make her feel guilty, however, she has to take into consideration of how you feel. Also, have you asked her why she does not want to have kids? There might be hidden fears she has. This is one of those conversations that you have to express your feelings and allow her to express hers. Understand where she is coming from. For instance, my wife wanted another child someday and had come to the conclusion that she would not have one. I already have three of my own that I have had no part in their lives because of other people's influence in preventing that from happening. Despite our feelings on why we did not want to have children, my wife ended up being pregnant and we both are very blessed with a wonderful little girl who is active, funny, independent and determined. Watching her grow and seeing her reach all her milestones has been one of the greatest blessings in life. Prior to my meeting my wife, I always found myself crying when I saw a father with his son, or with his daughter. I would watch how the fathers would spend time with their children. How proud fathers were of their children's accomplishments. If you are experiencing similar things, let her know. The more open and honest you are about your feelings on this situation, the more she hopefully will respect you and express her own feelings. The worst thing that can happen - she can tell you to bug off after you expressed your feelings. If that is happens, then it is time to plead with the Lord for the next thirty days. You may never know why or what is going on that she might be afraid to tell you. It could be that she just discovered that she could not have children and instead of telling you that there is something wrong with her that prevents her from having children, she is opting to say that she doesn't want children for fear of you may rejecting her. You could also ask her if she would consider doing foster care, or even volunteer as a couple to care for a young child in your ward. It could be she heard too many pregnant horror stories and actually has a fear of becoming pregnant. Again, you never know and you will never know if you do not openly talk about this.
  18. Here are my thoughts. 1) It may or may not be the parents problems. Many people are quick to point out that if children act out, are disrespectful, or disruptive, hooligans, etc, it is because something the Parents are not doing. We do not stop to think that maybe the parents are well aware of what is going on, and are just as frustrated in seeing that their children are acting out the way they are acting out. 2) Why wait for the Bishop to do something? If these young men are under the authority of a seminary teacher and are disruptive, then the seminary teacher needs to contact the Parents and the Bishop and let both know what is going on and if it does not stop, then the children will no longer be welcomed into the seminary class. 3) If they are creating havoc and are doing activities that are knowingly illegal, I will contact the parents, contact the parents home teachers (if you are not), and find out. If they are dealing on church property, it is time to contact 911 and this can be done anonymously. Maybe when the police show up on the Church grounds and arrest these young men because of drug peddling, it is going to get attention and questions will begin to be raised. 4) As others have stated, if you have already gone to the Bishop and the Bishop is allowing his personal life getting into the way of him performing his calling as a steward and Judge in Israel, then it is time to take it to the Stake level. In our previous ward, there were two different youths. Both were not members. They were not siblings, but one was part of the young women's program and she would come to the activities and openly discuss sexual intimate details and tell other young women how to perform certain sexual acts. She was allowed to continue to come. I happened to walk by one day and her her conversing and the Young women leaders were rolling their eyes, whispering, and not saying anything. I walked up to this young woman and firmly informed her that her conversation is inappropriate and not welcomed in the Church. I also informed her that if she does not refrain from having that type of conversation in the Church and with the other young women, she needs to take leave and come back when she is willing and ready to respect the law of chastity and not engage in that type of conversation. The young women leaders gave me a dirty look as I smiled and walked away. She never showed back up to Church and I was blamed for the gospel not being presented to her. A young man was forced by his aunt to come to church. He was very disrespectful towards adults and other scouts. This included my step-son. When I started participating in my stepsons scout troop, the leaders would ask him politely to do something and he would bad mouth them, curse them out and they would sit there. He then was throwing stuff at people and made the mistake of hitting me with the object he was throwing. I stood up, walked over to him, pulled his chair down (because he was leaning back in it and rocking in it) and firmly informed him that he is disrespectful, that his behavior is unwelcomed in the Church and in the Scouting program, that he was rude and disrespectful. I further explained to him that the next time I see him at scouts, he better show respect towards the leaders and the other scouts. This kid mouthed off to me and cursed me up one side down another and said some very inappropriate things towards me. I asked the kid to leave, and walked out behind him and confronted his aunt, informing her what he had said, what he was doing, and how inappropriate it was. I informed his aunt and uncle that he was being a bully and that I will not have it and that until his behavior improved he is not welcomed in the scout program (I was not in any type of leadership, however he was physically threatening my step son, assaulted my step son to some degree and I threatened to call the police if he laid one more finger on my stepson). What I have discovered today is that many parents are too afraid to stand up to these types of kids. They are nothing but bully's. When they reach this level of behavior, it is when we need to stand up and tell them firmly, confidently, and without wavering that they are not welcomed until their behavior improves. IF the parents and the Bishop does not want to do anything about it and it is causing such a safety concern, then it is time to move into a different ward and let the cards fall where they may on that ward. The leadership in that ward will be judged for allowing such contention to happen in their neck of the woods. My wife and I no longer have to put up with that in our new ward because there is not anyone (that we know of yet) where the youth are being disruptive. Granted, I teach the course 15 now for Sunday school, and have a small class of 3-6 15/16 year olds (one kid claims he is perfect and still waiting for the lightening bolts to come down) but they are very respectful and mindful. There is one guy who is a bit disruptive, but not to the point that is described here. People may disagree with me, however, I think some of the world influence of positive "you can't say that," with a smile attitude is proving more dangerous. We need to put our foot down and let them know that their behavior is unacceptable. Sometimes, that means becoming the most ostrocized and unpopular person in the ward. Someone has to do it.
  19. Yesterday, it was just my daughter (16 months old), step-son, and myself. She is pretty good at being as reverent for a toddler. However, her brother is 13 years old and passes sacrament. Well, we were sitting in the overflow area and I was holding her in my lap. It was time for sacrament and she noticed her brother standing a few pews down. She pointed and said "Whose dat? Day Day!!!" I quickly quieted her down and there were a few chuckles around us. My stepson turned and tried very hard to stifle his laugh and smile. When the water was passed, she again saw her big brother and even louder "Whose Dat? Day Day!" and more chuckles as I got her to quiet down, reminding her that yes it is her brother however it is sacrament. Well, I had not realized how loud she had gotten until our bishop walked up to me and said that she must really love her big brother because he heard her all the way up to where he was sitting. Any good stories members have about kids saying the darndest things in sacrament meeting?
  20. Both, Tacitus and Josephus record a very remarkable event that happened when the Roman Army came up against Jerusalem. Josephus - Tacitus - Whenever we encounter God, we find him coming in "Heavenly Clouds" for instance, look at the story of Moses when the children of Israel came to Mount Sinai where they received the Ten Commandments. God came down upon the mountian in "Clouds".
  21. deleted post, Thought this was a different thread... weird.
  22. for you Beefche and Dravin - it definitely fits the two of you and is your song. ...................
  23. I am going to give you an advice that had come from an unlikely source, at a very unlikely time. You are going to have to give yourself permission to let him go. I know, sounds very strange. However, these dreams you are having, this closure you are wanting to seek, the desire to contact him, all are signs that you yourself have not allowed to let go. He most likely has moved on and forgotten about you. Your dreams are a manifestation of things you desire. You still desire those feelings you shared with him, or had with him and are, for whatever reason, not allowing yourself to have and share fully with your husband. For me, I was in a very bad situation. I would not let this girl go (in my heart and mind). I went out "hunting for her" because I wanted "closure" for myself. I wanted to know why, how come, and sought healing for my broken heart. I gave her all my heart and soul. Never had I before given myself over to someone like this. It was also a time when I was away from my church and not living a life so pleasant. One night, sitting at a bar with fellow friends and co-workers (one of them being friends with my ex) we were talking about her. I started breaking down and he looked at me and said "You need to get a grip," his partner (they both are gay) at the time took me aside and sat me down. He looked me in the eye and said "You need to give yourself permission to let her go, because if you do not, you are going to be heading down a very dark road and you will not be able to come back from it," he hugged me, and left me to my thoughts. I went home and did just that. When I woke the next morning, the Sun shining, the birds chirping, and the world going about its daily business. I sat there on my bed, broke down crying like many times before and then got myself together. I pictured her sitting right there in front of me and I spoke confidently and clearly that I finally was over the hurt, the pain, and gave myself permission to let her go. The greatest burden was lifted up from me and from that day forward, I walked with my head held high, not worrying about how she was doing, where she was. Years later (when I had met my now wife) we somehow found each other and she called me. I was no longer attracted to her, I had gotten over her and was able to really tell her goodbye. She never contacted me again, and I her. The moral of the story here is that until you give yourself permission to let this person go, you are still going to hold onto it. You are still going to compare your husband to this person. You are going to even doubt your feelings toward your husband. Until you give yourself permission to let go, you will always wonder "what if," and it will ruin what you currently have going on right now. The only real closure you need in your life is to sit down and give yourself permission to let this person go.
  24. This is honestly up to the particular bishop himself. Since the disciplinary will be handled on a ward level, then that may mean you will only have to be disfellowshipped. However, do not be surprised that your Bishop may encourage a civil marriage as well. In order to get into the Temple, you will have to abide by all laws and commandments. Since you have not done so and are going to be disciplined for it, the temple venture maybe off for a year or so. The true honest advise here is to have a civil marriage (regardless of whether or not she is pregnant), and then start working on your repentance process as a husband and wife. My wife and I actually lived together when I was very inactive and she was wanting to go back to church. We had a wonderful bishop who saw that we operated as a family, and understood our reasonings behind moving in (was not because we wanted to live together, it was more of an issue of pooling our economic resources together since we both could not afford a place of our own separately). However, we both are quite a bit older than you might be. She had gone through hers, and I have gone through mine. We now are both very active in Church, serve in a calling, and we were advised by our bishop that the time to be married was sooner than we planned. We sacrificed a thousand dollar deposit to be married in Las Vegas, and ended up having a very small ceremony at the ward we previously attended. It was not what we wanted, however, because we followed the council of our Bishop, we have been blessed in so many ways that we are not able to count at the moment. So, is there a good chance that you maybe excommunicated? I honestly believe that a person is excommunicated because of the seriousness of the issue. If you were married and you were committing an adultry and it has been going on for the past year or so, then most likely you will be. If it was a one time thing, then most likely, you will be disfellowshipped, maybe even put on probation. No one really knows, only the Lord and the Bishop.