hey there! I'm from a little island off the west coast of Canada. I guess i'll start with a little back story. My dad is fairly non-religious and open minded, and would consider himself Anglican i suppose while my mother is Indian and from Africa and was raised Muslim. Neither of them are particularily religious. My mom believes in a God while my Dad well... doesn't. I was raised a little Christian and little Muslim and went to bible camp and church and mosque too, so i'm fairly familiar with all the religious... stuff . when i was 13 my aunt died and i came to the rather melancholic conclusion that there is no God, and that Jesus and most of the prophets, disciples, etc. were just a bunch of cool guys/ radical thinkers / humanitarians who wanted to improve the world and religion and probably believed that the tme that they were working for God. I then became practically athiest/agnostic and soon became a humanist. I liked the idea of some kind of docterine involving love, but humanism "preaches" more that one should be a good person despite no reward in an afterlife. it's worked for me but for the whole time i've always had the nagging sensation that there is God and that the most ridiculous thing is that we're all here simply because we just "are". i mean i don't think mankind and all of it's glory and travesty could be an evolutionary "fluke". I just happened to be watching a PBS program about Mormons and the LDS, and coming from a fairly secular region i hadn't heard much of it. I do like many of the ideals taught in the church especially about family and community, and i'd really like to know more. I also liked how the Mormon religion focusses less on being good to get into heaven and appease God and has it's own less selfish reasons for being a good and devoted person. If i ask any questions i'm not trying to poke holes in religion i'm just curious. I don't even know if the library here would carry the Book of Mormon... in fact i don't even know of any mormons... in fact i only know about two christians! I definitely miss having faith because standing "on the brink of eternity" having no idea of what will happen, or if anything will happen at all is terrifying and deeply saddening. I think i've spent enough time feeling like a part of me has been torn out. I think the reason why I was successful at all things i tried was because of my faith and now that i've lost it i've found that i'm very scared of doing anything. I'm sort of a shut-in as a matter of fact and i wish that i had something to hold on to that i can rely on and devote myself to. I've found the Mormon religion (from what i've learned) to be very sweet and more involved in all aspects of life rather than just looking nice for church on Sundays. I found the baptist church/ camps to be incredibly hypocritical and being a natural cynic and curious eccentric i suppose i felt that it was just... wrong, and when I asked for explanations when I was confused I was mostly shunned. again I'm a very curious person and i always want to know "why?". I guess i simply want my faith back and this time i want to find the right place in which to put my beliefs. Peace and love! ~ Ashilla ps please pardon my poor grammar. it's past midnight over here! <3
