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Everything posted by FairChild

  1. Probably nothing is wrong with her. Nope, nothing at all. It isn't the right time nor was it the right person. That's all.
  2. I hope tonight you understand how important, special and valuable you truly are. How can someone else properly value you if you don't value yourself?
  3. Let her know it is OK for her to mourn her loss. Love her. Sneak in little kind acts of caring and love when you can. Listen.
  4. Please, also call the local domestic abuse hotline. Call your local police department if you can't find the number to call. You need to know if you physically leave the home, will you also lose all your possesions as well? You can call the police and have him physically removed if he is being abusive. Document, document, document. Make sure you dat what you write. I used my day planner and wrote a few key words when things happened. I used that day planner in court to get my restraining order. Get counceling for yourself and if he chooses (you can't force him) to go, go with him as well to couple's counceling. You are so valuable. Remember that.
  5. I would talk to her peditrician without your daughter being able to hear. I wonder if there is a hormonal problem going on as well as a possible infection. Also she needs to know about good touching and bad touching from others. I could see how a lot of perverts would see your daughter as easy prey. Also don't shame her about her body. Our society alreadys makes it hard enough for our daughters.
  6. Catch your daughter doing good things as often as possible and praise her for that.
  7. Silly thought for today: By dating, you have the potential to teach a man how to be a kinder and gentler companion and friend. Also, men have taught me a great many things, car repair, sodering, electrical wiring, plumbing and on and on. It's a wonderful way of friendshipping and gaining skills. Date. Learn. Laugh. Grow. So much potential, don't shun it and please enjoy it.
  8. I know it was part-time so my question may be moot, but if they lay you off, don't provide you with hours or fire you, are you able to draw unemployment? Give a 2 week notice. It's the nice thing to do.
  9. I went to a woman's group for a period of time (not RS) amd it changed and greatly improved my life.
  10. My mother had MS and other severe health problems starting around the time I started Kindegarten. I was the oldest and didn't have any adults that wouldn't, didn't explain things to me. If you don't mind, I will give you the viewpoint that I see from. Your daughter doesn't quite understand exactly what is happening. She may feel very responsible and even if she is quite young, may feel as she is a caretaker in the situation. Children feel very responsible and accountable, even if they are very, very young. During divorce, death, fighting, or other adult problems, children do know when something is happening, even if they don't understand what it is. By saying she loved ma more, it could be her way of helping, fixing and holding on to her mom. Actually, I see that your daughter has a great deal of wisdom and compassion in her. She knows her mom needs extra care and help and she is giving it to her in the best way she knows how. That says many wonderful things about the way she is being parented. The thing about love that many people don't quite understand is that when you love somebody, if you really love them, you love them all the way. It can't be divided and spread out among different people as if it were a pie. Love is a constantly growing, ever freely given gift joyfully shared with others. Love is more than just a whole, it is a synergy. That means that love has greater value than just the pieces of love put together than what love is in it parts alone. It can't be measured as water or temperature can, however, when one is loved, it is always to the very greatest depth that a person is capable to love. She may be able to understand one parent's directions more easily or find that one parent's personality is more enjoyable to her, or one parent works with her a little better, but she really doesn't love one parent more than another. She loves each parent to her best of ability to love. As for you and how you are reacting to the situation, I want to talk about that too. You are working so very hard to hold everything together. You have a great deal to grieve. The wife you married and loved has greatly changed from the woman you married. Your marriage has changed. You are becoming more a caretaker and less of a husband as your wife's illness progresses. I wish you could find a support group of others that have walked in and are in your shoes. The people I think that might help you most are the spouses of an Alzhiemer's victims (you might find an online support group).They have had to watch someone they love deteriate and the relationships they once had, changed as yours is now changing. She isn't able to mother her children the way she wants to. She can't help you parent together the way you both once did. Knowing how much she loves her children and not be able to mother them well must cause you a great deal of pain. I see a great deal of fear as well. Not knowing what will happen next, knowing that you are always running to fix the next broken thing or to prevent as many problems as possible. I know you don't want your wife to suffer or be in pain, yet at the same time, you are loving her and not wanting to waste a precious instant that you can be with her. I think if you need to, when everyone is very busy or asleep, take a long hot shower and let any tears that need to come, come. I don't see you as being an uncaring, jealous or a self centered father/man. I see you as a man that loves his family, greatly value his children, cares about his wife and through it all, you are still a Child of God. Unfortunately, you are still just a man. I do think it would be wise to take time with your children and gently prepare them for their mother's continued illness and eventual death. I think you have an opportunity to allow your children to better understand how precious and valuable your family really is. It will help them to understand that their mommy is in an earthly body and there will come a time when her body will no longer work and it will leave her. Without her body, ma will not be able to be with her children physically, but all the love, joy, happiness and good memories, all the things that make ma, ma, will still be there. She will always love them and be their mother. You guys will always be a family, no matter what comes, a family that is a forever family. Forever and ever. If you can, have your family (especially your children) involved in making palns for the time when your wife leaves. Making choices now will save much heartache later. There will be comfort in knowing what will happens when ma leaves. It would be good to set up a plan so that if your children need to spend the night at another house, they will probably need to have a comfort bag with clothes and other items are all set up, ready to go if it needs to be used. Allow your children the choices of items and clothes they feel that they would most need. Talk about prayers and things they can do because that will empower them. Talk to your children so they will have knowledge and understanding instead if fear and insecurity. Please don't be hard on yourself. You are doing the very best that you can. You are doing an amazing and most difficult job. I hope you are doing something each day that strengthens you, helps you as you struggle through this painfilled part of your life. If you need to talk I am often around. FC
  11. I believe you need to follow up on your aniexty problem. My housemate has it and it can be crippling at times. I have another friend that can get overwhelmed at places like the grocery store because it is too large of a space for her to comfortably to be in. She has to grocery shop at little corner stores and spends a fortune for her food and other purchases. You aren't going to find someone that you will be happy with 24/7/365. I think you are not happy with yourself and getting someone else to fix your problem just isn't going to work. Please don't have children until you get some of these issues involved. If you do and you leave, you will really hurt your family as well as increasing your own pain. It would be wonderful for both you and your wife if you could find small acts of goodness to shower upon her. Things that you could plan and be unexpected for her. Like bringing her home a cold beverage or a single flower, running her a bath or washing the dishes or even staying of top of emptying the trash can. Treat her well. That is the very least she deserves.
  12. I wonder because of the way you write, what value do you have the greatest concern over? Is it your girlfriend and the stress she is dealing with? Is it yourself because you are being judged in a negative light? How to make people approve of you when they have their free agency to think however they choose? What will happen to your relationship while you are gone? If you care too much on what other people think about you, you are giving them your power and if they have it, you can't use it for yourself. Remember you are young and when you are young, you are mentally growing by leaps and bounds. Your experiences will shape and change you far greater than if you were older. The person that will come off of your mission, is not the person that will be starting his mission in such a short time. She will change as well growing into a sister that has also had her own expericnces while you are gone. If you honestly love your girlfriend, you will be talking with her about the opprotunities that she will have to grow and develope while you are gone. Give her the ability to make as many new friends as possible, to travel as much as she is able, to educate herself as far as she is able, encourage her to journal and write as much as she can about her experiences and thoughts. Personally, I think you are putting the cart before the horse and worrying about the wrong things. I would look at teh situation as a great learning experience on working with people and learning how to present yourself to other people, especially in times of stress and disagreement. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us updated. FC
  13. "Also I am Primary Pres.I asked my Bishop if he wanted to release me and he said No that God called me to that position and he wasn't releasing me." Were you asking to be released or asking if the bishop wanted to release you? Those are 2 very different requests. Take very good care of yourself both physically and mentally. Eat as healthily as you can and get enough sleep as well. If you have things that you do that release stress, do them. It sounds as if you are working as hard as you can to fix this situation. Feeling guilty is not helping you reach any of your goals and is probably hindering you as you are struggling to gain the life you want. Please give yourself permission to feel OK about this. Write down the steps, resources and aid you need to change your circumstances. You are providing for your family in the best way that you can at this stage of your life. Please remember that this is only a stage, a small portion of your life and that the good things that you are and do say a great deal more about you than you being a person that works on Sundays.
  14. I married a big man, a big, big man. I find out that size on a woman is much harder for the opposite sex to accept. I figure the best I can do is make me the best possible me. Happy hunting. FC
  15. It's like any problem. Do the best you can with the resources that you have. You have a job that requires you to work on Sunday. On Sunday, do the best possible job at work that you possibly can. During your time off during the week, look for better employment and work on your spiritual self. We aren't a Sunday morning church. Do what you want all week long and behave at church on Sunday morning. We all have challenges (helps create opprotunies for growth), this one just happens to be yours. Take care. FC
  16. Does anyone know how her female co-workers dressed? Was she within company clothing regulations for female workers? And why would the bank where she work take the photos shown? FC
  17. Treat yourself well. Do what is best for yourself right now. I would say differently if you had made commitments, but you haven't. You are an eternal person and deserve to be treated with enduring respect. Find someone that willingly gives that to you.
  18. I told my son that Canadian Breath Day was when a Canadian went out and it was cold enough to see his breath, it would be followed by 8 more years of winter. He didn't believe me.
  19. Yes her father may be given personal revelation for his daughter, but several factors may still come into play. She also may be given personal revelation for herself. Free Agency will allow her to chose if she should or should not follow any revelation. If you don't have, go get your Pat. Blessings. If the two of you decide to marry, go together to inform, not ask permission. Premarital counceling is a must so you can have a plan beforehand to deal with her parents. It will make everything much easier. Besides, what if he is dreaming about Mark, her second husband? Important yet strange thought of the day: Don't drop dead so that could become a possibility.
  20. FairChild


    Do you have a place that people can go study and get tutoring and testing? There are things like math dyslexia and other problems that can effect your math abilities. If you do testing and it shows a problem or weakness in your skills, the school can come up with a plan that can aid your classroom performance. Don't quit.
  21. Head tramua in young children can cause or increase ADD. Watch your little ones for awhile.