notquiteperfect

I agree with this. My own family (parents, grandparents, siblings) belonged to a host of different faiths, so I was raised being able to handle that. I never felt inspired to push the Church back on my ex, just do my thing and be an example.
 
Should we get back together, I would not expect him to rejoin the Church. But I do not want him expecting me to leave or show definite negativity.
 
As it stands, I'm happy not being married to my husband. Yes, I miss being married, but it's not consuming, merely a recognition I enjoyed our marriage and was largely  happy in it. I'm not desperately aching to return to the marriage.
 
I finally received a more specific prompting. I feel we should refrain from official dates but to definitely focus on our friendship.
 
Thank-you for letting me bounce my thoughts of you all.

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My fear, if married to a spouse like this, would be: how would she treat any future children?  If she cannot control herself when she gets angry/upset, would she be able to control herself when angry or upset with children?

Eli.Will, rewrite your post#35--but reverse your wife's gender.  Then, try to step outside of the situation and re-read your post as if it were written by a woman you don't know.  I think your situation will become a lot more clear.
 
This is textbook domestic violence; and it doesn't matter that the perpetrator is a female.

First, I'm sorry you're experiencing this.  You've gotten some great feedback already so will just add:
 
- It sounds like she needs to be reminded of the *commandment* to not bear false witness.
- You don't need to stay in a toxic environment but you also don't need to jump to divorce.  Try a separation to give her a chance to get the help she obviously needs.
- Regarding finances for counseling, although the bishop is in a position to help, your family is your first resource (and the bishop should tell you that).
 
I hope things get resolved.  All the best.

A very rough situation.  I would also suggest reading books to figure things out and I like others think something is buried in her past. Catching her father in an affair would definitely explain a lot . . . . but claims that you are a pedophile??? That's a big jump to go from distrust of marital vows to sexual abuse.
 
The first thing I would suggest is to absolutely under no circumstances tolerate those types of accusations.  Whenever she does that, simply get up and leave, I wouldn't say anything, except possible, "I do not appreciate you making that accusation".  If you are in the car and it is possible, get out and walk home. If she follows you out of the apartment, just keep walking. Walk for 15min. or so until you think she has cooled off and then come back.  If she does it again, walk right out again.
 
I wouldn't tolerate her sabotaging other family relationships either.  I'd call your mom, and other family members and have a normal relationship with them.  If she starts making accusations just leave.  Sooner or later she'll get the message, if she wants to have a conversation with you about it, she'll have to do it without making wild accusations.

No matter what I will not let myself have kids in this situation. That would make things worse on every level. I see what you are saying though as far as divorce being "better". That is the last thing I want. Every time I think of it I get sick. But sometimes things just have to happen. I will get a counselor. And see that you are all updated as this goes on. I will need help now and then....

Does she or anyone close to her have previous history with affairs/incest/child abuse?
 
(You don't have to go into any specifics, but a "yes" or "no" is relevant).

Wow. I can't imagine knitting, much less doing crafts, in church. Why don't I just sit there with my iPod and listen to music? I'll only use 1 ear bud, so I'll pretty much catch what the speakers are saying, right? Like others, I've been to churches of many denominations, I have yet to see anyone knitting during services. I suspect in some of the hard core black evangelical churches, one of those church ladies dressed in white would come and snatch that stuff out of your hands. And how distracting for the people sitting next to you! Too rude.
 
I have to restrain myself from asking people to leave RS with their mewling kids when I'm speaking. Though I understand why the babies are there, that doesn't stop me from finding ti quite rude that people don't quiet their kids or that they walk around the room with a noisy baby while I'm speaking (and that goes for anyone else giving the lesson, I'm an equal opportunity curmudgeon).  

It has been said similarly in some of the previous posts.  I will reiterate my previous advice: Moroni 10:3-5
 
Either Joseph Smith was a prophet or he wasn't.  
 
Find out for sure on your own.  Trust God to lead you down the right path.  You have all the tools necessary for this.  
 
I can say without a shadow of doubt that I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God.  There is no way he could have done the things he did on his own.  Only by divine intervention, could all that has been accomplished, and all that is continuing to be accomplished happen.  

Truth is simple...  People are complex messes...  Saying you know the "Truth" about people and why they do stuff (aka History) is bound to be wrong to one degree or another.  History after all an exercise in finding facts... and then interpreting those facts to find some kind of narrative.  Often discarding or downgrading facts that do not fit
 
Saying that the church has been built on a foundation of lies... is the narrative you are creating for yourself right now.  Was the first vision a lie?  Is the Book of Mormon a lie?  Is Jesus Christ a Lie? Chances are you say no they are not a lie...  Yet you are downgrading those foundational elements to create your own interpretation of History

Hi RuthiesMom,
 
When I was ~12 I decided the read the Bible cover-to-cover.  What I quickly discovered is that the Bible is not rated G.  I was just a few chapters in I read about Noah.  Yeah, there was the part about the Ark, but then there was this story about Noah getting super drunk and danced around nude in front of his family.  
 
What the???  My Sunday School teacher never mention this!  I wondered why this would be.  After years of study I decided that my issue was two fold: 1) why would a man of God do this, and 2) why did my Sunday school teacher not tell me about it.
 
Issue #1: Why would a man of God act like this?  Cause he's a MAN of God.  "Man" by definition means he's fallible and makes mistakes.  In fact, as I continued reading the Bible I found it to 1000+ rated R pages of men messing up again and again!  At first it was repulsive but then... I saw myself in their mistakes.  And I saw how these messed up people still communed with God and how they would grow to be better people.  And then I got to the New Testament and met Jesus: the Perfect man, and He talked about Forgiveness and the Grace of God offered freely to all these wretched people... WOW!!!  That's what it was all about: Jesus coming to save our messed up selves.  
 
Learning about church history is a lot like reading the Old Testament: it’s full of people making mistakes.  Really really dumb mistakes.  But God is still there and still coaching His people ad making them better.  And then there is Christ there to save us all, both in His previous coming and in that to be still.
 
Issue #2:  Why did my Sunday School teacher not tell me about this?  Ummm… because I was 12 years old.  And because we have to cover the entire Old Testament in ~40 weeks and hence it turned into Spark Notes crash course of all the Good things people did, skimming over the dumb things.  We simply don’t have the time to cover everything.  Now, were they hiding things from me?  Well, my Sunday School teacher only told me to read my scriptures about a million times….
 
The church doesn’t mean to hide things from you, even when there isn’t time to cover everything in Sunday School.  That’s why they have LDS.org and they posted the essays: to offer a good reliable source.

RuthiesMom -- Prior to having read all this internet material, what was your testimony based on? That the church was pretty and nice? Or did you believe because of the sure witness of the Holy Ghost to you that the church was true? If the first is true, then you still have the same process to go through as someone who is investigating the church from the outside (with the advantage of familiarity, of course). If the latter is true, then honestly, what has changed? If the Holy Spirit has told you the church is true, then the church is still true.

I doubt a recommend would be soon. There's a difference between life and career preventing proper meeting attendance and laziness.

Um...did they change it then since my last one? 'Cause they sure asked me that.

There's a big ol' huge world of difference between forgiveness and re-marriage.

What I am about to say sounds astounding, but I've heard it several times from people I trust, so I assume it's accurate.
 
When people visit a church for the first time, research shows that they make a decision about that church within something like 90 seconds.  Before the service even begins, they have sized up the other people, pawed through the hymnal, sniffed around, and categorized the church as either "dump" or "keep."  Obviously some people change their minds with time, but the point is that first impressions are really, really powerful and can be extremely deceptive.  Even after repeated visits, the echoes of first impressions can still ring loudly in your ears.  
 
Why don't you feel welcomed?  Is it because someone has treated you in some unfavorable way, or because of an absence of favorable treatment that you were expecting?  In either case, unless you know with total certainty that other people are intentionally making you feel unwelcome, it might make sense to give them the benefit of the doubt and keep trying until you get some traction in the ward.  
 
Nobody feels welcome in a congregation of strangers.  But the solution is to turn some of the strangers into friends, not to dump the congregation, and certainly not to wait until someone else notices you.
 
Hope your daughter is doing well.  She will learn from the examples you set, so act wisely.  

Yes, indeed.  I think you should rename this topic to "The Purl of Great Price."

I just have to jump in here.  You clearly don't understand how tithing works:
 
Malachi 3:10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
 
fwiw - My parents struggled to make ends meet for the first 25 years of their marriage but they were always full tithe payers. Their tithing didn't change the financial situation at the time but all of us stayed pretty healthy, there was always work for my dad, a deer at every hunt, etc.  My husband and I have also seen the blessings of making tithing a priority so I'd encourage you to reconsider your misguided plan and test the above scripture for yourself.

I think it useful to quote the preceding verses in Malachi 3 as well
 
8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.
 
9 Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.
 
We should be thinking of not paying a full tithing as robbing God. He asks for 10%. Only paying 5% is robbing Him of 5%. Should we expect Him to bless us for robbing Him?
 
It's worth consideration.

I just have to jump in here.  You clearly don't understand how tithing works:
 
Malachi 3:10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
 
fwiw - My parents struggled to make ends meet for the first 25 years of their marriage but they were always full tithe payers. Their tithing didn't change the financial situation at the time but all of us stayed pretty healthy, there was always work for my dad, a deer at every hunt, etc.  My husband and I have also seen the blessings of making tithing a priority so I'd encourage you to reconsider your misguided plan and test the above scripture for yourself.

I agree 100%. Thank you. 
 
edit: mind you, I didn't say anything until the bishop had recommended the action, because it would be inappropriate to teach this as a course for everyone. But certainly it is appropriate for some. Like someone who's been inactive for 10 years or so. No one would expect them to pay back that 10 years of tithing before they were considered a full tithe payer. No. Come back to church, and start paying tithing.
 
Moreover, it should be added, a declaration of "full" at tithing settlement is a declaration for the year. If someone started paying tithing in Dec on their income, it would be inaccurate and inappropriate to declare oneself a full tithe payer no matter the current commitment moving forward.
 
From a moral/worthy stand point, it's somewhat like any repentance. How long do we have to go without any given sin before we're considered clean? A day? A week? A year? Ten years? Ultimately, that is between us, our bishops who have the keys, and God.
 
As far as a literal declaration for the year...it's pretty black and white. You either paid 10% or you didn't.

I'm not saying whether or not I agree but whenever I see this line of thinking, I always hope people who read this later don't use it as an excuse to not do everything they can to pay 10% 100% of the time.  Just throwing that out there.

The Church has come out with a statement regarding the upcoming cable show on TLC titled "My Husbad's not Gay."
 
http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-responds-to-questions-regarding-upcoming-tlc-program

The appropriate response is, "Yes, you can do whatever you want. But not in my house. The condition for living here is that you follow my rules. I hope you choose to stay, because we love you and want your company. But if you need to go off and live somewhere else because you want to do things we won't allow, I understand."