digitalbath

a temple marriage is not a concern for me at all. it does not matter to me if i go to the lowest kingdom. what happens here and now is what matters to me.

fiannan- for the record I LIKE WEAPONS....LOL....

expecting and getting are 2 different things Malcom. and for the record I am a very positive person.

I am already perceived as "not as good" (damaged goods) by those that expect a RM to be married to. Next question.. is it possible to get married in the afterlife ??? and Would the church expected me to stay selabet (sex free) my whole life before being married ?? it is not reasonable or healthy. and yes I have had premarital sex. My hope is not to affend people by asking these questions. i just want realistic answers is all.

my dilema remains.

natehowe- the past is the past, but in reference to mormon girls still seeking out returned missionaries still remains to the present. I agree with you that the members are not perfect and I have known this for many years now. my love for the Lord is strong. if the Lord knows everything then he knows why I have not come back to church. he understands my reasoning. more later tomorrow. off to work now.

malcom- when i went to what was called Ricks college about a 100 years ago ha ha now called byu-idaho. my college ward bishop asked me when i was putting in my papers for a mission ?? I told him I did not want to go and he would not take no for an answer. he then said "what can we do to make you more worthy to go on a mission ?" i was so mad i ran out of his office. this is what started the inactivity. then treated as outcast by my home ward for not going on mission. having parents come up to me saying you can't date my daughter if don't go on a mission. slowly building up speed to for me not wanting to go back to church. then other reality problems at work ,making me turn to drugs and alcohol to cope with it all back then.

pushka-welcome. I was born into the church and have fallen away from not just feeling like an outcast for not going on a mission, but for many other reasons as well. from my past drug usage and of drinking alcohol. pleased to say i am drug free now of 13 years. back then about 20 years ago i hated my job, my boss, and had very low self esteem. that all changed when i moved away from california to utah to start all over again. what a story that is...do you have 4 days ??? lol anyhow...I am glad that you found your way into the mormon church. it can be a great church and can help you to become a better person. the standards are there for a reason. to learn how to become the best you can be for yourself and others. i hope you find what you are looking for. I am still searching. so many unanswered questions remain for me. as i get older hopefully i will have some of them answered. life is hard, but I love life. take care...later poof...

I am embaressed to say that I just might have to go the interenet route to find at least a girlfriend. my thoughts on being inactive sickens me, but that feeling of being an outcast remains there. many tell me to pray about it. it seems the only time I really pray with deep intent is when it's a life or death situation or if I am in pain and not knowing what to do. I know that I still feel lost and very alone. feeling very vonerable now. I have alienated myself to seclusion. the only confort I get is in my love of artwork to keep me sane. many here will think I have gone of the deep end. they could be right ???

fianan- thanks you for your response. I am embaressed to say that I just might have to go the interenet route to find at least a girlfriend. my thoughts on being inactive sickens me, but that feeling of being an outcast remains there. many tell me to pray about it. it seems the only time I really pray with deep intent is when it's a life or death situation or if I am in pain and not knowing what to do. I know that I still feel lost and very alone. feeling very vonerable now. I have alienated myself to seclusion. the only confort I get is in my love of artwork to keep me sane. many here will think I have gone of the deep end. they could be right ???

Argentina84- for the record I am male. and the 1 thing that I have learned from my last broken relationship... is to know what eachothers expectations are of one another. my values are being faithful, love and be loved, loving life no matter what, overcoming obsticles, having real life goals. being nice to everyone. respect the older people and love the young.

Moksha- I hope you are right. just not sure if I am even ready to go back to church. The Lord knows why I have stayed away. To many holier than thou types in my ward. they have forgetten why we go to church. is the lowest kingdom telestial or terestrial ??? I will probably end up there and be ok with it.

Malcom- I respect your response. You are obviously a mature person with much enlightenment and wisdom. For the record I am not proud of my inactivity. The Lord knows why I have not come back to church. My inactivity comes from the being treated as an outcast. Your version of eternity has made me think of the future. I am curious if you are a RM ?? no judgement coming to you if you are one either. I have no problems with the Lords judgement of me now. Life as an illusion. Reality and immortality hmmmm ??? Wish I had more time to chat with you. To many errands to do. until next time. Live long and Prosper. later, Craig. P.S. my favorite question is... What is life ?? lol have a nice day.

cursed ! lol

and no i am still single. i think i am a psycho girl magnet. lol