RachelleDrew

Yes, we exmormons are all bitter angry apostates who want to destroy the church from the inside out. I am so glad that Kayne has met every one of us and can adequately make such a sweeping assertion. Seriously? Several of us on exmormon still have friends on this board and frequently travel back and forth to keep in touch, despite our departure from the church. Clearly we aren't on some mission to make all of you miserable, as we try pretty hard not to drag our issues back and forth. But we cannot be held responsible for what other people read on a board that is clearly marked for folks who are of a similar persuasion as we are. I don't come to LDS.net and then go back to exMormon to whine about how the terrible Mormons are talking about the prophets or the Book of Mormon here. Because this is a board dedicated to that, and that's perfectly fine. LDS members have been told multiple times to avoid websites like exMormon by their leadership. If you are spending 40+ hours on that website with a nauseated feeling, then you have nobody to blame for it but yourself. Not the members of that website, yourself. Take responsibility for yourself and avoid whining about us oh so evil apostates.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I don't envy anyone who is unemployed right now, it's kind of ridiculous trying to get a job at the moment. On the other hand, while I appreciate traditional roles, your wife needs to get over it. I don't think God is going to throw her into the pits for having to work to help keep afloat. In fact, I am reminded of the wife in Proverbs 31. She is praised for working hard both at home AND earning money in the markets with the things she made. She is called priceless for being willing to do these things to take care of her family. Let her know how priceless she is, let her know how much you appreciate her working while you get straightened out in the job area. It's a shot in the dark, but it might soften her approach towards you a bit.

"Immodesty is immodesty regardless of whether your male or female." Wrong. Immodesty is completely subjective. A "modest" Mormon woman with loose-fitting clothing that completely covered her garments would be seen as walking pornography in some parts of the world. Should women have to wear clothing to accommodate the men who find ankles and wrists too sexual? "However I don't think you would feel violated by such either." A person shouldn't feel violated by a random stranger putting their hands all over their face? What? If some guy I didn't know so much as puts a finger on my cheek i'm breaking it off. A stranger doesn't need to touch me, for any reason at any time. It's inappropriate and it IS a violation, period. Modesty is a lot more than the cloth you choose to put on your skin. It's your attitude as well, and I don't find much modesty in the attitude of your original post. You are giving the impression that women are only deserving of kindness and respect if they meet your standards, and you seem to think that YOUR standards are the only ones worth observing. Which isn't a very humble, reticent or MODEST point of view.

You really need to cut yourself some slack, you are a 13 year old boy for pity's sake. If honestly want to stop masturbating for good, then that's fine. But beating yourself to death with guilt about it isn't going to help make that happen. Seriously, if you get yourself locked into a shame cycle with masturbation then it will only become more frequent. It's one thing to regret an action you took and not do it again, another thing entirely to self-flagellate because you made a mistake. Take a breath, it's going to be okay. Honestly. Tomorrow is a new day, right?

I am so sorry. I was in a position similar to yours and it nearly destroyed me. I am not online often, but if you ever need someone to lend an ear you can PM me. Seriously.

I am no longer LDS so perhaps you won't value my opinion much, but for what it's worth I can tell you that fake, cookie-cutter people exist in every church on the planet. You won't escape them by leaving the Mormon church. I understand wanting to be an individual, but the church you attend (or don't attend) doesn't have any bearing on your individuality. That has to do with your mindset and behavior. I think you will find that there are tons of people within the LDS church who don't want to get married at 19 or pop out a litter of pups. Your ascertaining that they all do is painting an awful lot of people you don't know with a broad brush. The first step to individuality (in my mind at least) is refraining from judging people by their outward appearances. Just because you meet someone with a "Molly Mormon" or "Peter priesthood" appearance doesn't automatically mean they fit into some mold. Dig deeper and discover the person underneath. You may learn that they aren't as cookie cutter as you once thought.

Don't ever be ashamed of your home. Plenty of people have been where you are. Anyone who thinks being broke is something worthy of condemnation is just a jerk. Don't worry yourself over their perception of you. Just do what you have to do to stay afloat. And please, if you are having trouble getting fed properly ask the bishop for help. He isn't going to tell anybody, and that's what the LDS church has fast offerings for. The worst he can say is no. If you can't (for whatever reason) get food from him there are tons of resources for you. Don't let pride get in the way of keeping your tummy full.

I am fine with the people sharing their testimony not being "professional" speakers, so long as they have a point. So many people do what I call "spiderwebbing" when they give their testimony/talks. They quickly jump from topic to topic until it reaches a point where I no longer remember what they were first talking about. I do wish the Bishops would spend a little more time with people when assigning talks. Just giving them a better idea of what is expected and what direction they would like the talk to go in. I usually liked fast and testimony meetings, particularly if someone gave a really sincere testimony. I hated it when people sounded like they were just reading off a note card all the stuff they were "supposed" to say. Especially the little kids, i'm glad that isn't encouraged anymore. It always bothered me to see two year olds getting paraded up to the front of the chapel with their mom whispering a "testimony" in their ears. I'm sure the parents found it precious. I just found it a little bizarre.

I'm sorry, did you really just ask me why it might be a problem for a church to perform a religious ceremony involving my 2 year old son without me knowing about it?

I agree, and she is a very understanding person who isn't going to take it the wrong way if I approach her about it. I think i'm going to have the two of them over for dinner sometime to set up some ground rules and create some boundaries. I'm sure she would love the opportunity to do so from her end as well. Basically from what I gather she had no idea I was against it. She said it was completely up to me and she was game for whatever I was comfortable with. I knew she wasn't involved in this as a deceitful party. I got a hold of the leadership, and they were not aware that my wishes were against the sealing. They assured me that it would not happen unless I saw them in person and agreed otherwise. It's a small ward, and unfortunately things don't always get done according to protocol due to that. I'm glad I got to speak with them before hand, because it's very likely that they would have not pressed the issue with my ex and not bothered seeking my permission (because they thought they already had it.) Thanks to everyone who suggested I call, it was obviously the right thing to do to settle the issue.

Meh, I play D&D (actually Pathfinder, because I hate the most recent version of D&D). I don't see any harm in it whatsoever, although that may depend heavily on your group and what kind of campaigns your group runs. My group is getting ready to play a game called Shadowrun, which i'm REALLY excited about. For me it's a way to play fantasy games with friends without being plopped in front of a screen for hours on end, communicating with my friends by typing on a board. I play WoW too, again I take no issue with it morally.

It's obvious that you didn't read all the responses. No, he cannot. The church does not allow it. Also, the law doesn't allow churches to perform recorded religious ordinances on a minor without the consent of the parents. And it's not "Just a church thing" fyi.

Thank you for your thoughts. First of all, I said my piece to the church leadership regarding the behavior of my ex husband over a year ago. If he chooses to hustle and fanagle his way into the temple then that isn't my problem. I won't pretend to act like an innocent in the demise of my marriage, but i'm also not going to subject myself to his games again. If I were to approach his bishop with information regarding my ex's personal life then that would just be me immersing myself in his personal issues again. I have no desire to do that ever again. It is my problem when he choses to involve my kid. However, it's not going to happen now so it really is a non-issue at this point. I'm glad that it was settled before anything actually took place.

^Ryan, I considered that actually. I spoke with my ex at great length about this today. The matter has been absolved, and he will not be having my son sealed to him and his new wife. Unless of course one day when my son is an adult he decides he wants that. Thank you all so much for the help and support. It means a lot to me. Seriously, you have no idea how much you helped out a total stranger. Thank you.

Thanks everyone so much for your responses. I am so grateful that the members of the church are still supportive of me despite my leave from the church. It is a huge testament to your character as Christians. I am going to call my ex's bishop, he aught to be reasonable when I discuss this with him. I just now tried calling their ward but no answer/no machine. I'll keep trying. He is a very nice man, i'm sure that he will be understanding and sympathetic to the issue. To be completely fair, I don't believe my ex's future wife has any clue about the deception. I am pretty sure my ex told her I would be cool with it. She is certainly not the type to do something behind my back. I agreed when we divorced that I would be supportive of my son's involvement of the church (so long as he desired to remain active) and that I would refrain from trashing the church doctrine in front of my kid. I have maintained that standard since the divorce was final, but my support of my son's involvement in the church does not mean that I am fine with a sealing to a woman who isn't his mother. That upsets me, big time. I can't really explain why, and i'm sure it seems kind of silly because i'm not a member any longer. It's just a lot, his disfellowshipment was literally just lifted this October. I should have known to expect this soon, but I just didn't think about it. I'm kind of blindsided. On another note, the SP is the one who issues recommends for sealings, is he not? Should I try contacting him too?

He technically resides with my ex, but the divorce agreement says that joint custody means that the two of us have equal say in any decisions regarding our son. Sorry, I will come back later after i've calmed down. I am really, really mad

I don't know. I think it might be happening over Christmas. Which really ticks me off, because my ex pleaded with me "can I have him for a week during Christmas? I really want him to go with me to my girlfriend's home so he can meet her family". At this point I didn't even know they were engaged. I just thought he wanted our son to meet the family of his girlfriend. I was cool with it, and even asked if he would need me to get our son anything extra for the trip. He lied to me. I gave up my Christmas with my son trying to be nice and helpful. I'm sorry, i'm kind of flipping out right now. I know this seems silly and unimportant, I knew they were going to get married, and I was really happy for them because I like her a lot and was excited to co-parent with her. I just never considered the possibility of them being sealed to our son. I have to go call my mom so I can calm down.

My ex husband is getting married in the temple soon. The woman he is marrying is very nice, so this isn't about me disliking her or having any misplaced anger in her direction. For those of you that remember, no, this is not the woman he had an affair with a while back. Completely different woman. Some of you also may remember that my husband and I were never sealed in the temple. Thus, my son was never sealed to either of us. One of his friends who I am also friends with let it slip that my ex plans on having our son sealed to him and his new wife the day they are married. He never informed me of this, no one ever asked me if this might be upsetting or if it was even okay. For those of you well versed in the CHI, is this allowed? Can he have our son sealed to him and his new wife without my permission? For the record, I don't have anything against him being sealed to his father, but I certainly take issue with him participating in an ordinance that implies his stepmother is his mother. I am even more angry that this is being done without my consent, when the two of us have joint custody. I just want to know exactly what the church allows and what they don't allow before taking any further steps. I'm not going to bring this up to my ex until I know exactly what the church's stance is on this.

I haven't read them Left Behind series at all. Several people have insisted that I give them a shot.

The same thing could be said regarding some LDS beliefs too. Just so you are aware.

That's a good point. I have no idea what the laws are regarding that. As a kid, I used to use my tape player to record songs off the radio all the time.

Yup. I have no problem with that either.

Yup, that's the one. It's not that the values presented in them are bad, it's just that they were obviously written for a different time (and in my view, much younger readers.) Standards can still be observed while embracing a new generation and creating stimulating group discussion. It doesn't have to be one way or the other. Until then, YW teachers will just have to do their best to stick to the manual while inspiring good conversation in class. It CAN be done, it just requires a little more thought put into preparing the lessons.

The word "rapture" is a word that was created to help illustrate the idea of being caught up in God. Prisonchaplain brought up the phrase "caught up" and that's pretty much the closest term i've ever heard in reference to the rapture in the Bible. But then, Greek is very difficult to translate, because often there just is not an English counterpart for certain words. The word that is found in 1 Thessalonians is ἁρπάζω (it's pronounced kinda like har-pad-zo) and it USUALLY means "catch, caught or caught up". I've heard ἁρπάζω being also being described as "seize" too. So i've never been sure if it's supposed to be about being caught up in God emotionally, or being taken by force. Maybe prisonchap would know. Matthew 24:36 Jesus says that nobody knows when it will be though. So all the churches who claim to know the time and date are either calling Jesus a liar, or a little confused...

Your YW leaders can create meaningful discussion in class while still following the standards of the manual. If they are still using the same manual they were when I was in the YW leadership this winter, then I would have to agree that the "simplistic" angle of the lessons are almost condescending. The Gospel Principles book is really targeted more towards new members of the church in my experience, so that would almost be worse than the YW manuals. The young women in my class were smart and curious young ladies. We did everything we could to encourage that. We weren't discussing sacred topics in class by any means, and we were absolutely teaching from the YW manual. Even then, we had meaningful conversations that I think the ladies valued. As a YW in the class, your best course of action is to encourage the participation of the other YW and to ask engaging questions yourself. Why don't you take initiative and raise your hand during class? Ask your YW president/counselor questions that are on your mind. That's kind of what her calling entails. Trust me on this one, when the YW ask questions and join in on the lesson then "deep" conversations happen in a very organic way. However, it requires participation from the ladies in order for it to be it's best.