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Female GIs struggle with higher rate of divorce AP – Staff Sgt. Robin Duncan-Chisolm gets a hug from her son Seth in Upper Marlboro, Md., on Monday, March … .By KIMBERLY HEFLING, Associated Press Kimberly Hefling, WASHINGTON – Two failed marriages were the cost of war for Sgt. Jennifer Schobey. The breaking point in her first marriage came when her husband deployed to Afghanistan, the last in a long line of separations they had endured as they juggled two military careers. Schobey married another combat veteran, but eventually that union failed under the weight of two cases of post-traumatic stress disorder — his and hers. They are now getting divorced. Separations. Injuries. Mental health issues. All are added weights to the normal strains of marriage. For women in the military, there's a cold, hard reality: Their marriages are more than twice as likely to end in divorce as those of their male comrades — and up to three times as likely for enlisted women. And military women get divorced at higher rates than their peers outside the military, while military men divorce at lower rates than their civilian peers. About 220,000 women have served in Afghanistan and Iraq in roles ranging from helicopter pilots to police officers. Last year, 7.8 percent of women in the military got a divorce, compared with 3 percent of military men, according to Pentagon statistics. Among the military's enlisted corps, nearly 9 percent of women saw their marriages end, compared with a little more than 3 percent of the men. Like all divorces, the results can be a sense of loss and a financial blow. But for military women, a divorce can be a breaking point — even putting them at greater risk for homelessness down the road. It has an effect, too, on military kids. The military has more single moms than dads, and an estimated 30,000 of them have deployed in support of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why military women are more burdened by divorce is unclear, although societal pressure is likely a factor. "It's a strange situation, where there's a fair amount of equality in terms of their military roles, but as the military increasingly treats women the same as it treats men in terms of their work expectations, however, society still expects them to fulfill their family roles. And that's not equally balanced between men and women," said David Segal, director of the Center for Research on Military Organization at the University of Maryland. One speculation is that while more traditional men join the military, women who are attracted to military life are less conventional — and perhaps less willing to stay in a bad marriage. About half of all married women in the military are married to a fellow service member, compared with less than 10 percent of military men. While it can be an advantage to be married to someone who understands military life, balancing two military careers poses challenges. Former Army Sgt. Daniela Gibson, an Afghan war veteran, knows that first-hand. Gibson, 24, spent more than four years apart from her military husband and thousands of dollars on long-distance phone calls as they each did war deployments, training and moves. She said it's tough to not feel insecure about your own marriage as you watch others falling apart around you and see fellow service members cheating on their spouses, which she says is all too frequent during deployments. "Even just rumors of cheating can really affect you," Gibson said. Gibson left the military after she got pregnant. She's now raising their 1-year-old in Mannheim, Germany, while her husband continues his military career. Fortunately, she said, they were able to make their marriage work. "It was really hard. . We've gone through a lot of difficult points in the relationship and sometimes we weren't even sure how it was going to end up. But at the end I think it made us closer because it kind of made us prove to ourselves how much we wanted it," Gibson said. "We weren't about to just give up." Female service members married to civilians face their own challenges. The rate of divorce among military women is higher for those married to civilians, said Benjamin Karney, a psychology professor at UCLA who studied the issue for the Rand Corp. Research has found that the husbands of female service members were less likely to be employed than military wives. "You've got to look at the realities of what military life is like on the family, and it really is kind of set up around a traditional married model of a husband and a wife that runs the house, if you will," said Kimberly Olson, a retired Air Force colonel who is executive director of Grace After Fire, a support organization for female veterans. Olson said many female warriors don't get the support and space they need after war service to transition back to their roles as wives and mothers. "The expectation that you can just turn that emotion back on like a light switch just because you walk off the airplane and they got signs and balloons and your baby runs to you, it is not very realistic," Olson said. "It takes a while to get back into that tender, loving woman that's a mother. And if you're married, that tender loving woman that's the wife. And of course, a lot of people demand a lot of things from women, because we kind of have a bad habit of taking care of everybody else first and ourselves last," she said. When divorce does happen, it only adds to the stress faced by an already stressed-out population. Staff Sgt. Robin D. Duncan-Chisolm, 47, of Landover, Md., was deployed to Iraq last year with the District of Columbia National Guard while she was getting a divorce. She said she worried the entire time that she'd lose custody of her teenage son or lose the house that she and her husband had shared. "I was able to smile ... but inside I had a lot of turmoil I needed to have resolved, things I needed to bring closure to," Duncan-Chisolm said. She credits her friendships and support in the Guard with helping her get through the divorce. She and her son were able to take advantage of support programs offered through the Guard's "Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program" to help with her transition home. "If you don't have anybody to talk to and anybody to turn to, sometimes it gets a little difficult, and I'm glad I had that system in place," Duncan-Chisolm said. Former Army Sgt. 1st Class Tashawnya McCullough, 38, said she didn't have that support when she returned from Iraq in 2004 to where she was stationed in Germany. Divorced at the time from a service member she says cheated on her, lonely and struggling with her combat experience, she turned to alcohol. It took two months for her to get her girls, then ages 4 and 11, from the United States, where one lived with her ex-husband and the other with friends. "My home was so quiet it drove me nuts, and I was by myself. It really affected me horribly. I was not doing well," McCullough said. "I was just trying to not feel or think about anything. I had a really hard time with drinking." McCullough eventually got help for her drinking, remarried and found work in Texas with Grace After Fire helping other female veterans. Each of the military services today offers a variety of programs focused on strengthening or enriching marriage. The Army, for example, offers a program called "Strong Bonds," which provides relationship help to married couples as well as single soldiers and "resiliency" classes for spouses of both sexes. Despite these efforts, Christina Roof, national acting legislative director of AMVETS, said there are not enough programs specifically targeting divorce among female service members. She said some husbands just don't feel comfortable being surrounded by wives as part of military family support programs, but they need to be educated about issues their wives may face when they return from war. "I think that stress of a woman coming home ... and the man having no real training of someone sitting down and saying this is what it might be like when your wife gets back, that's just a recipe for disaster," Roof said. Genevieve Chase, a staff sergeant in the Army Reserves who founded American Women Veterans, said she hears complaints from female service members who say how hard it is for their civilian husbands to understand what they do and feel accepted. If the husband has served and leaves the military to support the woman's military career, she said he endures constant remarks from others. "Unfortunately, male military spouses don't get any credit or recognition," Chase said. Schobey said she's proud to serve in the military but it's not always easy on the service member — or the service member's spouse. "I think a big issue, or something a lot of couples have to work through is the fact that at any time we can get that phone call ... you're deploying again, or for me, here's some orders, you're moving to another state," Schobey said. "Then, you're uprooting your entire family and you're moving. Your spouse is expected to be supporting you, but that's not always the case, obviously. For two times now, that's not the case for me." _____ Online: American Women Veterans: American Women Veterans - Advancing and preserving the legacy of women in service to our nation Grace After Fire: Grace After Fire Army Strong Bonds: Welcome to Strong Bonds :: Building Ready Families Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America: Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America AMVETS: Welcome to AMVETS - The Official Web site of AMVETS National Headquarters

Hello LDS.net Forums! I am new here and am basically looking for some advice. I am not Mormon, but my friend Michelle is. Her parents are both faithful active LDS as well, but there is a problem. Michelle's mother has been growing distant from her father... She has been spending far more time learning about the gospel than she has just talking to her husband. Whenever anyone tries to talk to her about how "removed" she has been she will either ignore them or walk away... My thoughts are that since she seems to be infatuated with her faith, is there anything that could be cited from LDS theology that would stress the importance of the family? Specifically husband and wife relationships? Or what priority that relationship should take in light of the gospel? That might be a horrible way to approach this, but that is why I am here. Looking for good advice to ease the tension and discord in their present home. Thank you, -Paul

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This is a very tender thing for me. I've long since thought that I am a forgiving and compassionate person; that I will not judge someone unrighteously and allow those who have made mistakes to move on without my weighing them down. But... I'm bitter... and I'm having a hard time letting go. I grew up striving to do the right things. Never smoked or drank alcohol or did drugs of any kind. No relationship i had advanced beyond a romantic kiss as far as the physical intimacy went. I always have had a strong testimony and hunger for greater knowledge and faith. My wife grew up in the church but had a rebellious period. She used drugs, mostly drank alcohol, had multiple sexual relationships prior to me, has had piercings, and tattoos. Now when I met her she was on her way back. She was getting away from her troubled last relationship to a man she was engaged to, she was all but stopped drinking/partying... she just wanted to make get back on track. Without being involved too much in the repentance process, I was nevertheless a part of her journey back. She was a lot different than any girl I had dated... notwithstanding her indiscretions she was very, VERY smart. We had many things in common and after months of consecutive days I was in love with this strong, beautiful girl. We've been married for about a year now, and I love her more now than I did then; however, it has been a nearly constant struggle for me to forget the past. I'm embarrassed, and I wish it were not the case, but I find myself putting myself in a position of judging whether her attitudes and guilt are sufficient for repentance. That is NOT the role I want to be in, while at the same time, I feel a responsibility as her eternal companion to help her develop spiritually. I just want to be the best companion that I can be to her. I recognize very well that I am not perfect, while at the same time I feel like I have a lot to offer someone who fell in the pitfalls that I avoided. I DO feel at times that I can identify certain tendencies that explain and were potentially the cause of her indiscretions in the past, and it's very hard for me to prevent my mind from flooding with visions of what could result if I don't at least say something. BUT it's at this point that she feels like all her effort to become better is set at naught because of something I can't let go of. So here I am... I feel like I can do better than I am, and that our relationship would be that much better if I could just get over my own stumbling blocks. Any advice, thoughts, personal insights that may help me? Thank You!

Let me start out by saying that I'm a girl, turning 21 in a few weeks. I have been dating my current boyfriend since we were 16... we both really care about each other a lot. A few months ago, I started to think about the decision of serving a mission because I am turning 21 soon. The more I thought about it, the more right it felt. My boyfriend and I have been very serious in our relationship, however, I have been more than slightly hesitant to move forward because he is NOT going to serve a mission. He's a member of the church, he just doesn't want to go on a mission. I don't look down on him for that, I think it's worse for someone to be forced on a mission than it is for someone to just not want to go... Any way, I became really excited about the idea of a mission. So I turned in my papers and got my call, and I report to the MTC on March 2... Here's my problem: as I have been preparing to leave for my mission, I have become increasingly aware of how much I will miss my boyfriend, and how much I care for him. I always loved him, but thinking about leaving for 18 months makes my heart ache. I truly, deeply want to be with him, but I guess what leaves me hesitant is the fact that he doesn't want to serve a mission. So there's my dilemma. When I got my mission call, it felt so right. But how can I focus on my mission if I'm always missing my boyfriend? But how can I be with my boyfriend right now if it felt so right to serve a mission? I hope I didn't confuse you as much as I'm confused! Any sincere advice would be appreciated.

We had an intriguing discussion in Seminary this morning, but our teacher didn't know the answer. If you were marred and sealed, but your spouse passed away and you remarried, could you be sealed a second time or no? She said she thought possibly that men could but women couldn't, but she wasn't sure.

(I'm not seeking advice for me personally, moderators, so feel free to move this thread if you feel it belongs somewhere else. As it is an issue specific to marriage/divorce, I thought this was a good place to put this question.) Many of us have seen the following quote from President Kimball: As a scientist, I look at this assertion and say, "this needs some supporting data to back it up," and Pres. Kimball alludes to the existence of such data. My question is -- does anyone know if the data supporting this assertion was ever published/made available to the public? Is it based on data the church collected or was it based on data the church found publicly available? I think my interest in this question is to further explore how, "they did not get along sexually." Can you break these causes into different categories? As examples: mismatched libido, coercive/abusive, unhealthy attitudes, or whatever the data might show.

I'm trying to figure out how you determine who the "selfish" one is in a marital situation. I’ve seen this quote in the forum many times: Elder Burton-- Personal selfishness is the main reason for the present high divorce rate throughout the world. Ok, well here’s where I feel a little confused. The above statement may very well be true, and I do agree with it. Unfortunately, my knowing and acknowledging that won't save my marriage. I can only work on myself, I can't force my husband to be more giving and caring. That's entirely up to him. But I do know that it can't just be one person doing all the giving in a marriage, that's not going to work. Furthermore, how do you figure out who the “selfish” person is, when a marriage is not happy? Is it the person with an unmet need? Or the person refusing to meet that need? For example (I don‘t really care this much about foot rubs, I‘m just using this as an example because it’s a cleaner than intimate “bedroom talk” lol) -- say the wife is upset because at the end of a long, stressful and tiring day, she really enjoys both partners laying down and rubbing each other’s feet. It takes all her stress away, and makes her feel romantic and bonded to her partner. But the husband doesn’t like to touch people’s feet, because he thinks its gross. So he refuses to do this activity with her. So the wife picks out something HE likes, but that she doesn’t really care for, and offers to do that for him in exchange every time. But the husband still says, “If getting that means I have to rub someone’s feet, then I don’t want it!” Well… Who is the selfish one in this case? Is the wife selfish for wanting her husband to do something that grosses him out? Or is the husband selfish for refusing to entertain the idea that “a body part is just a body part”, particularly with someone you love, and taking part in the activity?

okay i dont know what to do. i have a girlfriend. and i love her(please dont say im to young to know what love is). Now i know tht every young man has been called to serve a mission. but is every young man suppose to go on a full time mission? my P. blessing says i need to PREPARE for a mission and serve in w/e capacities i am called to. so it doesnt directly say i should go it says i should prepare to go. and i want to marry this girl of mine. and she wants to marry me. we have went through hard times and easy times. its been a year. we find that our worthiness is getting harder and harder to keep. now i am preparing for my mission and if i get a call i will go, bc ,if i understand right, if i get a call and turn it down i will be going against god. there is a chance that i may have cancer and im currently in the process of finding out. but i find myself praying that it is cancer just so i can stay home and marry this wonderful woman. to be honest what i want to know is what should i do? i know if i want our relationship to succeed i have to do what is right. so if i must leave on a mission then i will. but if i get to stay i would love to stay and marry her. i have thought of writing the prophet and asking this very question lol. she moved back home to Las Vegas on Monday, and i find that im lost without her. she is having a hard time at home and to be honest we would both be happier if we could just finally live together. BUT in 2 years she will be a RN and $$ wise things will be much easier. honestly i have prayed about it but i haven't(to my knowledge) revived an answer and i am so confused. like i said I'll do what im told but i want to stay and get married in the Provo temple. so what should i do i just need any advice/help/thoughts i can get. im so confused right now. and scared. so please reply.

I was baptized when I was 14 years old, but my parents became non practicing after a few years. I did not continue with the church when I got older, until now. I started attending my ward 3 months ago. I was so excited when I would come home, I would share the gospel with my fiance. He became interested and also started attending and meeting with the missionaries a month ago. He instantly fell in love with the ward and we study every day. He brought it up to the missionaries that he would like to be baptized. But we face a great delema. The church is telling us that we have to be married before he can be baptized. I am disabled, and I was just handed a full scholarship to college...but on the basis that I am single with only my income counted. If I was to marry, I would lose this scholarship/grant because my fiance's income is just high enough to throw a wrench into everything. I met with the bishop last week about this subject because I knew it was coming. I mentioned that Joseph Smith talked about 3 kinds of marriage. Time, Time & Eternity, and just eternity. Why couldn't we be married in the church for eternity only for now so he can be baptized? The answer given was no, it has to be recognized by the state also. So in order for my fiance to be baptized and receive the gift of the holy spirit, I have to give up my dreams and goals. I'm also made to feel like I'm standing in the way of his salvation if I choose school. My heart is completely broken. I am considering leaving the church. I guess this is my last ditch effort for someone to hear my cry of help. I just want to do the right thing, but I also want to better our life and be able to return to work someday so I'm a contributing member of society.

I hope this topic hasn't been beaten to death. I was wondering what people though about the YW's manuals BASICALLY saying "only marry a return missionary" if all YW fallowed this council(which i know they don't) what is a man who joined after his 20's or a man who didn't go on a mission to do? are they left to converts and non members? even with the women who don't fallow the only marry a RM line it seems like they are stigmatized as well. any thoughts?

Here's my background: Married at 19 in the temple to my exhusband. That night he brought pornography into the relationship, and demanded sex constantly. Hide his pornography problem on and off for four years. Decided he didn't believe in God, and stopped going to church...abused my verbally and sexually. I decided to leave him at 23 and divorced him over a year and a half ago. Now, to put it mildly, I am pretty traumatized about the whole marriage experience and have severe trust issues with men. I have been dating a wonderful, supportive man in the church for about nine months. We have talked about marriage (he is divorced as well), but I can't help but think that all guys' are addicted porn and will cheat on me. I am really trying to trust him, and want to be married to him! I just don't know how I can stop making myself think he will treat me bad as well once the ring is on the finger! Always being hypersensitive about it being and issue and checking for signs that aren't even there. Help! (

I am 18 and my boyfriend is about to leave the MTC to go to the Philippines. But, even before starting to date him over a year ago I had been wondering about marriage and love just as any normal girl does. Well, I constantly searched(scriptures, prayer,promptings). and nothing ever happened. About a month ago I was sitting in seminary. And I felt this prompting that this certain guy I have only said hi to once would come into my life. And it was totally unrelated with the lesson. It was such an amazing feeling and cleared up all the things I had been wondering for the past year. This feels right. also the missionary i got the prompting about is the brother of a guy I used to have a major crush and even when I liked him I never got as strong as feeling as this prompting. So just to clear everything up: #1 would the holy ghost really confirm to me saying that i will meet this guy?(specific name given in the feeling)I know of him, but the most I ever said to him was hello..once #2 this guy is on a mission and I guessing he will be home in may since he left in may 2 years ago. #3 in my patriachal blessing a few weeks ago when it came to the marriage part. all i could think about was the guy the holy ghost confirmed to me. #4 is there anyway that if i am feeling this, that the guy is too? even though we have only said hello 2 years ago. help.. some people might think this is psycho though...is it?

Maine Voters Reject Gay Marriage Law - FOXNews.com Now, I admit I'm a pessimist about certain groups and their ability for rational thought but I'm hoping that this will have gay rights activists thinking "maybe the problem isn't them, maybe it's me". But I'm not holding my breath

Hey, Name is Matt, my life has changed so much in the last two years, I converted to the Church in Sept 07 , got married in Dec 07 , graduated from college in May 08 , and had a baby in Sept 08 . My goodness, its is kinda overwhelming that everything came on so soon, I had no idea three years ago that I would have had to grow up so much so fast. I hope to find someone to be able to talk to about these things cause I know I'm not the only one out here going through this. Thanks in advance.

Well, Missingsomething has finally gotten brave enough to face the answered prayers she has received for months. My husband, whom I still care for and do not hate, and I have decided to divorce. For now, its nice - and I hope we can keep it that way. We have a relationship of mistakes, resentments, and finally grew so far apart. I have prayed about this extensively and will be in the temple this Saturday. I have received confirmation over and over that I have made the right decision and this is the course I need to be on. As many of you know - he is not a member. That however is not the reason we are parting. However, when I got a blessing on Sunday from the Stake pres... he gave me the "the church doesnt ever support divorce....you never give up on someone"... then stopped and said.... but I trust in you to make the right decision, as you have entered this decision after a year of humble prayer. I have had many many more affirmations. But yet, I dont want to face my bishop - he has told another lady in the ward (whos husband is not a member and is having an affair) that she will need to repent if she leaves her husband. His views are very black and white on this. Ive been here - feeling the need to get divorced for years....but I finally changed and said to god... instead of "please change my heart"... to "let me be strong enough for your will". I am a private person and have not ever yielded to the desire to purge my "dirty laundry" here. But many of you have gotten to know me... some know the mask I wear.... and others -well, if I dont seem myself... its because i no longer have to pretend that Im great and Im good. So, just hang with me while I work through this - pray for me and my beautiful girls, and my good husband.

I have been married over 6 years and love my husband. I have put my heart and soul into this marriage. He has been good to me, and still is... mostly. Like any other marriage, there have been hard times - but we have worked through them. The only problem that's continued through our marriage is that when I am upset over something he has said or done - he doesn't comfort me, or make me feel better. He leaves me alone till I am "over it". I don't get that. I'm not like that - if I ever said anything to offend him or that upset him - I would fix it and make him feel better. The other week, we had a pretty serious conversation and I bought this up. I asked him how he can bear to see me so upset if he is "in love with me". That's when he told me that he doesn't know if he's in love with me (he "loves" me, but not sure if he's "in love" with me). He also said that he does sometimes think about being single or what it would be like to be with someone else - especially when times are hard or we've had a disagreement. Is that normal? No matter what we go through, I don't think like that!! So I was pretty devastated at hearing all that. I have put so much into this - laid my emotions bare and he's always had this "guard" up emotionally. Anyways, since this, I have felt pretty depressed and just really genuinely sad. Sad that I give so much and get so little in return - and last night had a dream about his band mate - and his band mate is the sweetest guy ever! I love him (not like that!! lol), but am finding that I am attracted to him - to his sweet and fun personality. He's a really really nice fun guy and always gives me a hug and is awesome to me! A lotta fun, makes me laugh. My husband seems to have lost that part of him. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to feel like this - I want to be with my husband, I have given so much emotionally and feel like I can't give anymore love until I get some back - but him holding back, and not being sure he's "in love" with me - well I think I deserve more than that, don't I? Sorry this is so long... it's hard to get all the facts in. we're inactive at the moment - have all the good intentions there... but I know, that's not enough. I would love to be active - properly, fully, but how can I when I'm so unhappy with life at home.

My boyfriend and I can't seem to stay worthy long enough to get recommends. But we don't want to just get married civilly because that's more of a cop out. Because yes, a year after a civil marriage you can get married in the temple. But there's no real "repentance" when you can have sex every day without guilt, you know? This has been going on for like 2 years. We've been dating for 3 years. We just can't stay worthy for more than like 6 months. For the past year and 3 months we've only messed up 3 times with "petting". but i mean, we've never gotten our temple recommends because we were waiting for a year for something else. Doesn't it seem hard to postpone marriage for worthiness while being extremely tempted with someone you have been dating 3 years? Does anyone know what it's like? How can we just freaking stop sinning so that finally we can just get married like we've wanted to all along?!!! It's like doubly hard. An uphill battle, it feels like. BTW, I've gone to my bishop quickly for each of these offenses. And I pray every night and read scriptures and such. Bonus question: Is it possible to run out of second chances? Cuz I've been to my bishop a lot since I keep repeating my offense. Although I am getting better overall. Will it ever get to a point when I will no longer be eligible for eternal life and those things? I'm 22.

I posted a few weeks ago about my husband having an affair and facing church discipline. Well things have taken some turns I didn't expect and while it seemed at first it seemed he was willing to do what he needed to, now he is questioning the truth of the church and whether we love each other enough to work things out. He has asked that I agree with him at this time that he needs to move out to fix himself and figure out what he wants. He wants to figure out what he believes and if his feelings are strong enough for me. I am really struggling with the separation thing. While I have to agree with him that I wish he could figure things out and hopefully come to have a testimony of the church I'm scared for him and for us. I feel hopeless and discouraged and can't seem to get rid of these feelings. I know I need to be strong for my kids and show him I can be strong. (My depression problems in the past have been a big issue with him). He's not going to want to come back to a depressed miserable person. How do I cope with everything? How do I lift myself up? When I've prayed I've been giving the feeling that I will be okay no matter what happens and that I need to have hope and there is great hope still for our relationship. But even knowing all this I can't seem to move on. It is affecting my work, my kids, everything. I can't stop thinking about everything. I feel like I am going crazy. Help!

Not sure which forum would be the best to ask this question, but anyway.... because of my husband's recent transgressions (an affair/adultery) I fear he will be facing church discipline council. We have been sealed in the temple and will not be ending our marriage because of this but trying to work things out. In some ways I feel I am at least partially responsible because of my treatment of him and how I made him feel, although he made the choice to turn to someone else. I know there are a lot of things that determine what the discipline will be, but does anyone know in general what usually happens. Will he face excommunication? Will it be disfellowship or probation? I know this is probably a hard question to answer, but I guess I am looking for some general advice info about what we are looking at.

Hi, Ok, so I guess this is more of a question than a statement. So here's the deal. My fiancee was previously married and sealed in the temple. He is currently going through the legal divorce but how do you divorce someone from the temple for etirnity. Neither of us really want to spend etirnity with his ex-wife.. but we don't know how to go about a divorce from the temple. We're due to get married this Summer shortly after the legal divorce has come through. But we'd like to get the latter sorted as soon as possible as well. Any advice, suggestions, information would be greatly recieved. Thanks Chelsea-Marie x

Let me give you some background so I can get some advice about a dating issue. First of all, I am addicted to masturbation and pornography and havebeen for over ten years. I went on a mission this way and one day broke down and told my mission president who, after talking with me and my stake president, said I should stay on my mission! Why? Thats another issue for another time. I told my bishop in my family ward and he just said I need to try to get over it and that I could still take the sacrament and serve in the church as a priamry teacher! Why? Again an issue for another time. I lied to my bishop and said I was cured so I could see a famly I am very close to get sealed in the temple. Since then I have basically kept up the lie. I have now and have always in the past tried to cure myself of these addictions but to no avail. Anyway, recently I started dating this girl. She is very nice and accepts me as I am. I have told her everything and when she said she was ok with it as long as I was trying to get better I felt a tug of war of feelings. I felt happy that she accepted me as I am but confused and dissapointed in her. Telling her the truth was kind of a way for me to say I didn't think we were meant to be and we should go our separate ways. I have been praying about this relationship asking if she is the one or if she and I are right for each other. I have only felt confusion and the same tug of war of feelings on the subject. But more and more lately I have begun to wonder if the doubts and the confusion were my answers and that I should break up with her. I also wonder if thats just me and those doubts are just obstacles to overcome. I also wonderif Satan is placing those doubts there or exaggerating the reality of the doubts and issues with this girl to stop me from being happy. It also could just be me. Those addictions could be the reason why I am unsure about my relationship. Pros about this girl are that she is funny, likes me for me (actually I think she loves me but she hasn't said), cooks well, makes me feel less lonely, makes me feel like I am doing something with my life. Cons: She is not physically attractive (that could be due to the addictions of masturbation and porno), she likes things that I don't like, she hates things that I like i.e. food, music, movies, school subjects, political views etc, she is too passive about my problems and therefore doesn't necessaraly care if I change, too passive about me saying that I wasn't totally sure we should be together, not as strong in the church as I would like and need. These are just some of the things I can list right now. I asked my brother and he said to end the relationship now before it gets to invovled emotionally. I said I am not sure about that. I am scared. What if she is the one and I lose her forever? However, what if she isn't and I am stuck in a relationship I don't want to be in? So please can someone help me out here. Has God answered me already and I missed something? Has Satan used these doubts and issues to stop me from being happy? Have my addictions and my life experiences affected my personality and have I just been reacting normally to the issues with this relationship? Which is it? Is she the one? How do I know? If she isn't what now? If she is what now? Thank you in advance for the advice and have a great one, Doubter.

So, I haven't posted much on here - so I will review the situation I am in. My husband left me about 18 months ago. At the time I was 2 months pregnant, and we had one other child together (I also had an older child from my previous marriage). Well, to make a long story short he suddenly quit counseling (we were living seperate and trying to work things out... or so I thought). After that it became quite apparent that he was already seeing someone else. A within 4 months of our being separated he was living with this other woman. --On a side note, my husband was baptized (I believe genuinely) about 6 weeks before we separated. He ran completely away from the church (obviously, since he was living with another woman). I know that this man has some serious emotional problems (quite possibly even some depression himself). He also has a pornography addiction that he has always denied. His past is full of using woman, lying and cheating - but I can say without a doubt in my mind that I was prompted to be with him and stay with him when things got bad. -- I spent most of the past 18 months in a VERY deep depression. Most of the time I wanted to die. I felt so alone in miserable in my life. My husband stayed as far away from me and the kids as possible (even though he lives and works in the same small town we are in). I feel like he almost flaunted the fact that he was with someone. I on the other hand stayed loyal to my values and relied on the Church and my faith to help me struggle through my life. Eventually I had had enough of it, and filed for divorce even though I could not get a solid confirmation about it throught the Spirit. I guess I should mention that part of the reason I got so depressed is that some of my blessings (before he left, and after) had hinted at the fact that we would end up together in the long run. The promised were very vague - but I always felt that it meant we would be together. About 2 weeks ago my husband started texting me and hinting towards wanting to again return to his family and quite possibly even chruch. Anyway, as circumstances would have it he and his girlfriend split up. He was staying at a friends house a few houses down from her when she showed up and attacked him (tried to choke him and stuff). So, I offered him my couch until he could find something better. Well, that turned into hours of talking about what happened between us and how he ran away when things got bad and returned to his old patterns... So I guess we are going to try to reconcile again. I know we need to get back into counseling because I have sooo many hurt feelings and trust issues with this man. I question whether or not he is being sincere or whether he just needs a place to stay. I don't even know if any of this made sense. I don't even know what I am asking here. I guess it comes down to "Is it just plain stupid to try to reconcile after our history?" I am really willing to forgive him and work towards the future... I just question whether or not he is ready and sincere. I do want to add that we stayed up last night talking some about the gospel and about what happened between us. I do think that he does regret a lot of the things that has happened between us. He talks about going to back to church and he understands that he will have to talk to the bishop. He says he is scared of the hurt and pain he will feel. I think a lot of his "change of heart" is superficial right now, but could develop into somthing more in the future.

I have been faced with what I would call the most difficult challenge, I would not wish on my worst enemy. I have asked the how's, when's and why me's, and find my heart breaks everyday. To cut a very long story short..... I am married and I'm gay..... I did not wake up on morning and decide I wanted to be like this, to be hated, to hate myself, to destroy my family, be depressed..... suicidal.... No, I definitely did not choose this. Now I have to live with myself. I have been excommunicated, but I love the church and all it's teachings. I love the gospel and the guidance it brings. I know the church to be true, I believe in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and I believe in eternal families..... I know right from wrong and not wish to be trashed, but would appreciate some insight on this. I want to love as well as be loved, and I want to live the gospel at the same time..... but I cannot have both..... how do I live with myself? Where does this leave me?

Howdy y'all! I just wanted to take sec and intro myself and my life, uh, issues? Ok, some are great and some are crazy but it all goes into the same ball of yarn. First and foremost I have a testimony of the truthfullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and I would be a sad person without Heavenly Father in my life guiding me. I have always felt the truthfulness of the Gospel, and it definitely is not without its temptations. Story: I grew up in the church, we are Mormon as far back as I can dig, I did it all, Beehive president, Miamaid president, Laurel president (not patting my back, just there was no one else at the time, so I got it by default, lol!) then went on to college to Ricks for a year, then to Texas to be a nanny and was in the Primary presidency in the branch there til I decided to go on a mission, served a mission in Seoul, Korea-LOVED it!!!, came back, served in the singles ward in home town for a year, moved to Utah (HATED that!!) went to singles ward again, got a job in California, moved down here, went to singles ward for a year, still no mr, right! Then my Muslim man came and literally swept me off my feet! He loved me for me. I look like a cabbage patch doll that grew up, really really, but he still loved me. I didnt fit in in the singles wards in Idaho, Utah, or California. I was really REALLY mad that Heavenly Father did not send me a good mormon boy to marry me, I got a Muslim. So I was angry AND bitter, boy was I bitter!!! I decided that I wasn't going to get a Mormon guy and I was so in love with my Muslim man!! So I went inactive for more than 8 years, trying my best to stay off the church's radar. OH, and my honey had SERIOUS baggage! (Ex wife, 4 bitter kids, you know, worst case senario divorce situation, however, we were able to win one back and she calls me momma now, how I adore her!! I can't have children myself so she is a blessing!) Anyway, my life continued down a serious bad slope to the point I nearly committed suicide. I finally gave in and called the local Stake office and looked for the ward I lived in and the rest is history. I have been the CTR 5 teacher, loved it!! And now I am the Laurel Advisor, SCARY but LOVE IT ADORE IT!!! I told them I wasn't old enough for that calling (mentally!! lol!!) but evidently I was supposed to be there. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Throughout my life with my husband, it has been confirmed to me over and over agian of why I am with him. He is a good good man, would give anyone the shirt off his back, well no, he would buy them a brand new one, he needs his shirt, lol. Yes, I have been to Egypt and visited his 5 sisters and one brother (I have 5 brothers, no sisters) and they love me and the feeling is equal!! They did not try to get me to cover my hair to convert me, they loved me for who I was, and more importantly that I loved their brother, (the first wife didn't do that so good). There is so much more to this story, that is just an intro, you ought to hear how we met!! Anyway, I am so happy that Rain intro'd me to this website. There are so many good ideas and minds in here! I am TOTALLY open for ANY AND ALL questions regarding my life with my husband and the Muslim faith. My husband still practices faithfully and we both support each other in our faiths, dont get me wrong, we still have our problems, doesn't everyone? But please feel free! Look forward to hearing from y'all! sincerely---mrscurlymo