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  1. When someone confesses sins to the bishop, such as violation of the law of chastity and word of wisdom, the bishop of course provides direction and council through the repentance process. Say someone repents and has been fully forgiven of the Lord. Does the church keep on record the sins he had previously committed for future church leaders to understand where they have been before? Especially for serious sins that could cause excommunication, wouldn't the church want to keep that on record even if they have been forgiven? Because if it happend again, the new Priesthood leader should probably know that it wasn't the first time. Am I right? So what I'm trying to ask is, does the church keep records of our previous sins? Who has access to that information? I'd rather have answers from bishops, former bishops, etc. Or people who actually know what they're talking about, not just opinions. Thanks :)
  2. I have a problem, and I'm not quite sure what to do. A friend came to me in confidence today and told me she needed to confess to her bishop (though I'm not so sure she needs to?). She has been sexually abused by a man for the past year and a half. (I believe he is in his early 30's, and now divorced). She says she needs to confess to her bishop, because she originally told him it was okay. However, she became uncomfortable with the situation, and tried to ask him to stop, but he threatened to stop "dating" her (dating was okay with her parents). She asked what she should tell her bishop, and is wondering what his confidentiality rules are? She's terrified he'll tell someone...she doesn't want to ruin the man's life or reputation, she feels it isn't her place to bring out, its his. What do I tell her?? I'm so lost on this one.
  3. Ugh...how did this happen? I am a returned missionary, come from an amazing leadership family in the church, pretty much been on the straight and narrow my whole life. I married a year after my mission to the most amazing spiritual loving husband. My husband's job the last 2 years caused him to be away alot and not home until 9pm at night most nights. I really started to get lonely so I really got close to my best friend. We would get together numerous times a day. Her husband was home alot and we ended up getting to be close friends. I told my husband that I thought we were too close and we talked about it openly. It was almost weird how much we had in common and how funny we were together. We would flirt some but always had our guard up and my best friend was always there. We were not alone ever. My husband was the elders q. pres and this guy was the first counselor. We trusted ourselves too much. Me and my best friend had a couple conversations about her husband and she asked me if he had ever said anything or tried anything or if she could trust him? I struggle some with self esteem and he made me feel good about myself. I didn't think too much about him but when I was with him I felt happy, excited and motivated. I noticed I always wanted to look my best around him. Anyway their family moved away. Only 5 minutes after they drove away he started texting me that he was in love with me, wanted to be with me, wanted to make love to me etc. I felt guilty that I felt happy and flattered that he said these things to me. I told my husband right away. This man was also my husbands best friend. We all were just so close. The man told me he only thinks of me when he has sex with his wife, etc. For about 3 weeks we texted each other. I cut the texting off 3 times and he would not text me for about 3 days then text that he missed me and how hard it was for him not to text me. I loved the attention. I felt sexy again. I felt alive. but I felt terrible for my husband and how could I feel this way. I was never in love with this man but more loved the attention he gave me. I told my husband this and we talked openly about the situation.....all but one thing. There were 3 times when we "sexted". It was mostly him typing things but I also did a little bit. He sent me a few pictures he took of himself at the gym in the bathroom but had shorts on. After 3 weeks I sent him a text that said ur relationship needs to be done, he sent one back that said....you don't understand because you go home to a great husband and I go home to a cold shoulder. He accidentally sent that text to his wife, my best friend and it had my name in it so she basically knew. I have not talked to him or his wife since that day. I wrote her a letter and apologized and she wrote me back and is obviously hurt and doesn't want to talk to me ever again. Here is my issue.... I told my bishop about the situation and texting and my feelings and told my husband too but I didn't tell my husband or the bishop about the sexting. It was mostly the other man and I didn't send inappropriate pictures of myself to him but I know that is justifying it. It has been 3 months now and I am wondering if I need to go back and tell the bishop about the sexting and my husband? I have prayed about it and feel peace again in my life and feel the Spirit so much more now then before but should I tell the bishop and my husband about the sexting or just move forward? My husband never brings it up and seems like he has forgotten about it. I feel good that I don't think about the guy anymore. I really feel like the Lord took that away from me. I still daily have a hard time with my best friend...wishing we could talk and I could help her through this trial but I know now that I will always be the "other woman" in her mind now. I hope their marriage will be ok.... Should I go back and tell the bishop and my husband the sexting I left out? Thanks
  4. Let me first start off by saying that I've prayed a lot about this. Unfortunately, I haven't received a clear answer, which is why I'm here asking for advice. This is a long one, so please bare with me. I'll try not to leave anything pertinent out. My name is Alison--feel free to use any variation of it that you'd like (Alison, Alis, Alice, Ali, etc), or just call me by my user name. I'm not picky about what name you use. My best friend (I'll call her Suzie here--I don't want this to be too identifiable) and I have been close since middle school, when I moved to the US from the UK. We went to the same ward, had the same classes in school, her family thinks of me as an "adopted" daughter, and my family thinks of Suzie the same way. When we were 17, Suzie set me up on a date with "Adam", now my husband. As you can tell, we're extremely close. We even got married just a couple of weeks apart. I was sealed to my husband, followed by a small ceremony for my non-member friends and extended family. Suzie was married civilly in a last-minute wedding planned in just a few days. Her now-husband "James" was kicked out of his parent's house several months before their original wedding date and Suzie decided he should move into her apartment, where she lived alone. She tried keeping it a secret from everyone, but her parents found out and they ended up planning a quick civil wedding so that Suzie "would stop acting like a wh***" (censored quote from Suzie's mom). Now here is where I need the advice: Living with James before being married wasn't the worst thing she's done. To say this nicely, she went "all the way" (and then some) with him long before moving in together, and she seriously violated the Law of Chastity with 4 prior boyfriends, and she had multiple miscarriages and pregnancy scares with 2 of the boyfriends. Some of the pregnancy scares happened because she was drunk and didn't remember how far she'd gone. Her husband doesn't know about all of that. Neither does her bishop. A few of our non-LDS mutual friends know about the miscarriages, but I'm the one who was told the details. I've always felt uncomfortable hearing about and knowing all of this, but I always pushed it to the back of my mind and tried to love her and help her the best I could. She's due to be sealed to her husband in a few weeks, on the anniversary of her civil wedding. She's told me that she doesn't tell any of this to her bishop, that she lies and says the right answers. She told me this while we were having lunch recently, and she had just ordered an alcoholic drink she likes (I think it was called a "Strawberry Lemon Drop"...but I suppose that's irrelevant). When she told me that, I felt seriously nauseous. She's been cleared to receive her endowments and get sealed, and she's keeping almost everything a secret. Ever since she told me that, I haven't been spending as much time with her, because this is all I can think about. I want her to have all the blessings that going to the temple brings and has brought to me and my husband, but she doesn't want to own up to her past mistakes, or her current ones. She (thankfully) has cut back to one drink occasionally instead of drinking until she passes out, but it's still a problem. I don't know what to do about this. I don't know if it's my place to "tattle" on her to her bishop, but can I--should I stand by and say nothing? I've never told my bishop about any of this before, because I didn't want Suzie to find out that I spilled all her secrets (although our mutual friends might know more than I thought--I doubt they'd seek out her bishop about it), but sometimes telling the truth is worth risking a friendship--right? Or wrong? Please, I'm really struggling with this. If there's anything anyone can say to help me figure out what to do, please say it.
  5. Ever since i was about 9 i have had an addiction to pornography and masturbation. I know...early but i had some friends with parents who led somewhat wild lives. I have never really gained a testimony or felt the spirit because of this but i have just gone through the motions. I have gone through the temple and even went on a mission. But since i got back i have broken the law of chastity with 2 separate girls. The most recent one, i am planning on making my wife. In the last year i have gained a testimony and know this church is true and finally am feeling bad for the things that i have done. The girl i am with right now and i are both going to talk to our bishops on sunday and we are hoping to have this all cleared up by next year so we can get married. Can anyone tell me exactly what may be in store for me punishment wise?
  6. I have been dating a girl "officially" for 6 months now. I am an RM and she is not endowed. When we first started dating, that new physical attraction was passionate. There were two instances (literally only a few days apart) where we were involved in some heavy petting at the beginning of our courtship. It was literally only a few minutes after the last time it happened that we realized what we were doing. We don't know how it happened, but the temptation got the best of us. We talked that very same night and promised ourselves we wouldn't let it happen anymore and have gone to the temple (for baptisms) almost weekly ever since. Now we got engaged last week. We met with our bishop to discuss the process before to prepare for the sealing. He asked us a couple questions to make sure we were clean and worthy. He asked us directly if there was any petting going on. I answered that we were worthy and there was not petting going on, because in my mind these things were six months ago and we haven't done anything wrong since then. They never became a pattern. This is also why we continued our temple attendance. The more I think about it though, it is now beginning to weigh on me when it hadn't before. I've felt like we were taking correct repentance steps by discontinuing the behavior, confessing to the Lord, etc. but now the more I think about it, the more it begins to weigh on me. My question is, should I confess this? You would think an RM should know this, but I'm just wondering if we need to confess it if it was 6 months ago and we've been clean ever since. What advice do any of you have for me? If this alters our wedding date then that would be hard to take, and would also make our past transgressions pretty much public (since everyone would wonder why we changed our wedding date, etc.), but I also know that those things are nowhere near as important as making things right with God. I should also mention that this isn't only my decision, she and I are in the same ward and talked and decided that we'll both go into the bishop together if we end up deciding it to be necessary.
  7. Hello, it's 1:36 am on a Wednesday (morning?) and I'm coming to you guys in desperation. Let's start this story from the very beginning. To warn you, this will be very "tl;dr", but please read anyway When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I had a friend who introduced me to the world of pornography. Yes, I was really that young. I don't want to blame all of my problems on this, but I would be lying if I said a part of me didn't think that was the source of it. Anyway, after only a couple of times at age 7, I didn't think much of it. I would have weird feelings inside for a long time that I couldn't explain whenever I saw something inappropriate. When I was 12 years old, while looking up Halloween costumes, I saw some very risque costumes. I basically ended up on a website with even more risque things (no nudity, just very risque). I can't even explain to you the tears I shed from this experience. The guilt just ate away at me. I convinced myself this sin wasn't enough to tell the Bishop. I rationalized it, saying that I was only 12, I didn't know better. I made every excuse in my head I could think of. Now, I am 17, and I have ventured into porn. Videos, pictures, ect- although I have done it a small amount of times for the past 5 years (I'd say about 10 different instances, which I guess is a lot... but when you think of it over the span of 5 years, not too much)... but recently, I've just been feeling it lately. The addiction I guess is the feeling. Just the urge, if you will. And I know it's because just about 6 months ago, I masturbated for the first time. The reason I am here is simple. I am DONE. I wouldn't say that I am addicted to porn. I am more than ready to stop this terrible thing. I want to talk to my Bishop so badly and repent and stop the guilt from gnawing at my brain before I sleep (that's exactly what was happening right before I found this site). But I have some reservations. 1) I do NOT want my parents to know. I love and trust my parents dearly, but I just can't disappoint them like this. I know it sounds contradictory, but I love the church. I go to church, read my scrips, go to seminary, say prayers, all of it... but this is just a problem I struggle with. And... I just feel like they don't need to know. I don't want them to get the wrong idea and stop trusting my others siblings who I know do not do this. So, is that okay that I don't tell them? 2) For those who have already confessed things to their bishop: do they look at you differently? I'm sure they do, they must... but... I just don't want people to look down on me for these stupid mistakes I've made. I love my Bishop so much, he's a really great guy. I'm just really scared of disappointment and resentment. 3) For those who have confessed: do you feel like you're completely forgiven? Is the guilt really gone? Because a part of me thinks that this feeling I get will never go away.
  8. I have had a question that has been plagueing me over the last couple of weeks and it pertains to keys and presiding authority that maybe someone can give me some insight. I attended a convert baptism a couple of weeks ago and the Mission President was in attendance at the baptismal service. The Bishop conducted the meeting and stated that he was presiding. Shouldn’t the Mission President been the presiding authority since it was a convert baptism? Handbook 2 is quiet on the matter. Does anyone have any insight on this issue?
  9. I'm an Aaronic Priesthood holder and I feel very ashamed right now. Just recently I started masturbation for about...a month, but I desperately want to stop and I realize the consequences. I feel that if I really try hard enough my will power will overcome. I have already began praying about it, and a I am committed to never masturbate again. Am i required to confess to my bishop regarding this sin or is masturbation not severe enough if I can handle it myself? -If I confess will I not be allowed to pass the sacrament, home teach, partake of the sacrament, participate in youth activities, prepare the sacrament, etc? -I know that the bishop is supposed to remain confidential about my confessions, but are my parents an exception? I feel that if he told my parents (because of our unique family situation) it would be harder on me than if I resolved my problem on my own or with the help of JUST the bishop (and Heavenly Father of course). In essence, should I try my hardest to fully repent myself and seek forgiveness and never commit this sin again? Or is it required that masturbation is severe enough that I must confess with my bishop? Please help, thank you.
  10. Most of you will may find this post upsetting. (Pam and other moderators, please don't delete it.) This time I'm not posting copyrighted church materials. :) The post was going to be in the original bishop's shooting thread. As I was typing, my post seemed to take on it's own character. I decided to post this as new but is related to the shooting of the Bishop in California. I started a long paragraph but realised readers need a bit of background about me to understand my point of view. To make this simple I'll list some quick facts inorder to better understand what I wrote. 01 Parents divorced when I was 2 & father remarried member of the church. 02.He had total 4 sons - 2 from each marriage 03. I was raised by my non-member mother while 3 brothers live with father 04 All brothers and there families are active in church 05 I was baptized in 1989 and was semi-active through the 1990's - eventually had name removed from records due to built up anger with myself and being gay 06 2007 came out to LDS side of family- Decided to give church another try - this time being honest 07 2008 baptized by father and confirmed by a brother. 08 long history of mental health problems and am on disability- I have weekly couseling and take meds. Now for what I typed in the original post. I WANT TO ADD I TRULY FEEL SORRY FOR THE BISHOP'S FAMILY AND THE MEMBERS OF HIS WARD. I'm sure most of you will not like this post. The shooting of the Bishop, in California, is a big release of anger for me. I was Baptized by my father in 2008. Not long after the baptism he passed away due to complications of a stroke. I'm gay & most of my family knows about me. As for church I was "being good and celibate". I became an Elder, attended a baptism session at a temple, and was about to have my first calling in church. Local church leaders knew what I was strugling with. They were also aware of my dysthymia ( constant low-grade depression) and social anxiety disorder. With all those things to deal with, my anxiety increased each time I went to church. I never really fit in. Mainly, because I was not married & had children. The church calling was a behind the scenes clerk job, which involved little interaction with people. I was basicly a loner in a church full of people. I would have continued to fell more anxious as the time went on. Church leaders tried to help but nothing eased my anxiety. I was also denying myself companionship to live a church lifestyle. November 2008, sent me over the edge. I was disgusted with the church's involvement and victory of the passing of Proposition 8. I do not live in California but live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. To maintain my stable mental health life , I decided to become inactive. This was in February 2009, the same month my father passed away. Anxiety grew to anger towards the church. It was going to rip me apart. Now that I have distanced myself from the church I am much happier than when I was active. Out of respect for my father and brothers I will not seek to have my name removed from the records again. Also I have found my companion, that I've been seeking for all my adult life. As most of you are aware Prop 8 is in the news again. Much of the anger towards the church has started to come up again. Owning the Prop:8 the Mormon Proposition movie on dvd did not help either. AS FOR THE SHOOTING OF THE BISHOP, NEWS STILL DOES NOT INDICATE THE MOTIVE BEHIND THE SHOOTER. IN A STRANGE WAY, THE SHOOTER'S ACTION HAS SOMEHOW RELEAVED MY ANGER. I WAS NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING HARMFUL TOWARD THE CHURCH OR ITS MEMBERS. The shooter's actions was kind of like a "proxy" to vent my frustration. Why he did what he did was wrong and has actions has changed many lives. I do feel bad about the situation even though it somehow helped me. What ever happens in California, regarding the church and Prop 8, I will not let it bother me. My companion and I don't need to be legally married to be happy with each other. But, I will continue to support same sex marriage. I KNOW THE CHURCH PROMOTES NORMAL AND TEMPLE MARRIAGES. The church teaches temple marriages can be for time and eternity. I wish same-sex marriage would not be a problem. Couples would be happy if they chose that avenue. Christianity teaches regular marriages are "till doeath do us part". That would be the case for same sex marriages. I feel that would not interfere with the churches teachings of God's full eternal plan. THOSE LAST FEW SENTENCES HELPS ME COPE WITH THE CHURCH, ANXIETY, PROP 8 AND THE WRONGFUL MURDER OF THE BISHOP. ASTRAL :)
  11. I had a question regarding what things would a Bishop help someone financially with in the ward that is struggling? My brother has said he is going to ask for financial help with some bills since he is unemployed from a knee surgery. What things are not usually helped with including medical bills, school expenses, rent, various life bills? He asked and I sadly didn't have an answer for him on what the procedure is like. Thanks you guys!
  12. This is my first post to this website. I'm an LDS woman who has a wonderful temple marriage, and has been married for many years now. I'm active and love the church. I was away from my husband for most of the summer due to a temp job I had, and became attracted to another man. I was foolish and had relations with him one time. (It was not Int., but WAS Or. Se.). I do not understand why I gave in when I am content with my husband. I know that I should speak with my Bishop and start a repentance process.......but is it possible to do this without telling my spouse? I'm terrified to tell him, it will break his heart. Is there anyone out there that knows what I'm going through, or knows what to do? I feel so stupid.
  13. Ok so my girlfriend and I have made some serious mistakes a few months ago, I was so scared about how tohandle it or tell my bishop before my mission. I never did any of it and left her or anything I really wanna marry her after my mission. It happened a few months ago and alot but we stopped it and she is helping me get on my mission, but last night after work I confessed my sexual sins to my bishop, that was the first interview we'll have more he said, how thorough will he be and will he contact her bishop and what wi they talk about and what do you guys think? I'm still with her, I love her.
  14. 9 or 10 months ago i moved my records over to the singles ward from my family ward. a few months after that, my dad got called as the singles ward bishop. my problem is... i need to do some repenting, but i DO NOT feel comfortable doing it with my dad. would it be acceptable to do it with my family ward bishop if my records are still in the singles ward? isnt he supposed to be keeping up with me anyway? are there any former bishops, or anyone that REALLY knows is there is a policy or soemthing on this???
  15. I just want to thank everybody for their comments. Most were helpful but a few were kind of harsh. To the helpful ones, I hope your insights are not due to first, sceond, or third hand experience. It is not a fun thing to go through. To the harsh ones, let me explain some things for I believe you were al just trying to help but probably misunderstood or misread what I was intending to say. Here is the explanation. I never felt good about my addcitions...never! However, if you know addicitons they are contrary to logic. You feel one way but act another, if that makes sense. When I met this girl I was in the middle of therapy. I still am in therapy. My therapist said that I could not give love until I learned to love myself. He also said that my addicitions would be a major obstacle in giving the energy necessary in a relationship. However, I was asked to date this girl by my parents. My parents don't know any of this by the way. When I started to see her more I realized how much she made me happy. I also saw how lonely she was and how much she needed someone. Her dad just passed away last summer and she moved back to be with her mom. Her only family that stays in touch with her is her mom. Her brothers refuse to talk to her and her mom. Her grandparents refuse to talk to both of them either. She as a few freinds but work and school kind of hinder any real freindships. So when I heard what my therapist said I tried to break it off by telling everything. I told her what my therapist said. I told what I was feeling. To my suprise she pretty much just batted away my faults and doubts about dating her like they were mere flys! I tried to talk to her again and again but she kept changing the subject by saying things like 'I like you the way you are', 'you will change'. She even told me her life story about not being a virgin and falling away from the church and how she came back. She told me this to show me that we all have faults. Yet as I tried to explain to her how my addictions hindered my ability to love or even like her she batted that away. Perplexed and confused I contined to pray for answers. Now some of you mentioned in some form or another that since I had addictions I could not connect with God and recieve answers. That is an outright lie! I hope you don't say that to people. I believe, no I know, that God answers all prayers no matter who it comes from! How would any sinner, addict, lost soul, or prodigal son ever get back on track if that were true? If it were true then why do we need the Atonement? If we can't ask for help and receive it properly then why even ask? Why even try? Do not spread that lie! It will destroy people! Now then, I prayed for guidance and I got only doubts, confusion, and issues bombarding my brain every second of everyday. I finally asked my brother who is an Elder's Quorum 2nd counselor for help. He said I should ask the question 'Should I break off this relationship?"' and see wht happens. He also said that the confusion and doubt was like trying ti tune into a radio station and getting static because I was not in line with what God wanted. So I prayed and prayed and prayed. The answer was clear. I needed to break up with this girl and focus on my myself. I need to love me now. I need to clear the road of my addicitons so I can continue on the path to Heavenly Father. I broke up with her 2 hours ago and I hope she will be ok. I told her what I have told you. Will she be ok? Did I do the right thing? I need to get more support I think. I also need to talk to my bishop. This is where I need some more advice. Should I tell my parents? How do I do that? How will they react? Now some of you mentioned how incredible it was that my priesthood leaders reacted with little or no emotion and were not as strict as you would think. Here in lies the next question. Is this offence punishible by disfellowship or excommunication? I thought that's what they would have done but they didn't. They even let me keep taking the sacrament and continue with my callings!. Is this wrong? How do I tell the new bishop, if the former preisthood leaders were wrong, what should be done? If he does the same as they did what do I do? Do I talk to the stake president or higher authority? I am truly scared of this but I think I should be excommunicated. Is that wrong? I think I told you that I have been keeping up the lie and going to the temple and keeping callings and such. That is why I beleive I should be excommunicated. Are there any bishops on here or ex-bishops or know bishops who could help me out? Like I said I am truly, deeply, extemely mortified and terrified at the thought of excommunication. Not only because of the embarrassment but because I will lose the gift of the Holy Ghost and the blessings I have recieved thus far through the church. Please let me know what the protocol is for bishops dealing with masturbation and pornography. Please let me know how best I should tell my parenst if I should at all. Again thank you all for your support and concern. dashb78
  16. I have a BF who is a non member and we have been dating for almost 8 months. I am 18 and used to have a very very strong testimony in the church. I miss having it in my life. I am scheduled to see my bishop for an annual interview on sunday but I don't know if I want to tell him about my bf and I. The two of us haven't had sex... but we kiss on top of each other and stuff. I tell my BF that i have mixed feelings about it becuase of the church, but he tell me to think for myself.. when should I tell my bishop? my boyfriend is leaving in a month for college i think it would be easier if i just waited until after he leaves. do you think i'm worthy to go to the temple? my friends are coming to pick me up right now....