Search the Community

This is a very tender thing for me. I've long since thought that I am a forgiving and compassionate person; that I will not judge someone unrighteously and allow those who have made mistakes to move on without my weighing them down. But... I'm bitter... and I'm having a hard time letting go. I grew up striving to do the right things. Never smoked or drank alcohol or did drugs of any kind. No relationship i had advanced beyond a romantic kiss as far as the physical intimacy went. I always have had a strong testimony and hunger for greater knowledge and faith. My wife grew up in the church but had a rebellious period. She used drugs, mostly drank alcohol, had multiple sexual relationships prior to me, has had piercings, and tattoos. Now when I met her she was on her way back. She was getting away from her troubled last relationship to a man she was engaged to, she was all but stopped drinking/partying... she just wanted to make get back on track. Without being involved too much in the repentance process, I was nevertheless a part of her journey back. She was a lot different than any girl I had dated... notwithstanding her indiscretions she was very, VERY smart. We had many things in common and after months of consecutive days I was in love with this strong, beautiful girl. We've been married for about a year now, and I love her more now than I did then; however, it has been a nearly constant struggle for me to forget the past. I'm embarrassed, and I wish it were not the case, but I find myself putting myself in a position of judging whether her attitudes and guilt are sufficient for repentance. That is NOT the role I want to be in, while at the same time, I feel a responsibility as her eternal companion to help her develop spiritually. I just want to be the best companion that I can be to her. I recognize very well that I am not perfect, while at the same time I feel like I have a lot to offer someone who fell in the pitfalls that I avoided. I DO feel at times that I can identify certain tendencies that explain and were potentially the cause of her indiscretions in the past, and it's very hard for me to prevent my mind from flooding with visions of what could result if I don't at least say something. BUT it's at this point that she feels like all her effort to become better is set at naught because of something I can't let go of. So here I am... I feel like I can do better than I am, and that our relationship would be that much better if I could just get over my own stumbling blocks. Any advice, thoughts, personal insights that may help me? Thank You!

. . . don't apply to Muslims. (Sez CAIR.) This should be fun.

I posted earlier about what support there is in repenting as I was struggling. What do I do when I fall back? I am repenting for chastity issues related to my boyfriend. We have not done anything that requires excommunication or formal disfellowshipping but I have been trying to repent for quite a few months as was deemed necessary from my Bishop. I felt a lot of opposition to repenting (although I wanted to repent) but was able to get over that hump. I didn't feel a lot of support in my efforts to repent and although I wanted to progress I had a difficult time feeling the weight of what I'd done. I kept plodding along and thought that surely that feeling of godly sorrow would come. Now...unfortunately, after doing so well, my boyfriend and I crossed serious chastity lines (though not entirely) this week. The problem is I didn't feel bad about it like I should. I don't know how to feel what I need to feel to repent. I've thought that perhaps we should just get married as he would like to. I have been a temple going person ever since I was endowed until recently. Do I really want to go all the way down the road that I have foolishly gone down since I've already started (and haven't been able to get back on board) and not marry in the temple? I can't be sure it is wise to marry him so what would that bring? I only ask here because I don't know how to approach my repentance anymore and what to do - or to just try own my own to figure it out. I've been to Bishop who set my on what I need to do to repent and to return when I feel progress. I progressed then fell back before I could meet with him again so I can't really get advice from him now. I have a hard time feeling encouraged when I met with him before and sought advice again from him when I found repentance difficult and came out even more discouraged. What step do I take next? I feel as though I am failing.

I am curious about what constitutes getting sent into a church disciplinary council. I have recently let things go too far with the person I was dating. (Both of us had hands everywhere). We are both endowed. So my two main questions are: 1 - While I know its a case by case situation, what can I expect from going to talk to the bishop? I recognize that since I am endowed I am more accountable and as such will be held to a higher standard. Will I be sent to a disciplinary council? Will I be disfellowshiped? 2 - The person I was dating is not in my ward, but my bishop knows them. Not that it matters, but do bishops contact another person's bishop in cases of joint transgression or is that beyond their jurisdiction? (I just would like to be able to give the person a heads up that they might be hearing from their bishop)

My boyfriend and I can't seem to stay worthy long enough to get recommends. But we don't want to just get married civilly because that's more of a cop out. Because yes, a year after a civil marriage you can get married in the temple. But there's no real "repentance" when you can have sex every day without guilt, you know? This has been going on for like 2 years. We've been dating for 3 years. We just can't stay worthy for more than like 6 months. For the past year and 3 months we've only messed up 3 times with "petting". but i mean, we've never gotten our temple recommends because we were waiting for a year for something else. Doesn't it seem hard to postpone marriage for worthiness while being extremely tempted with someone you have been dating 3 years? Does anyone know what it's like? How can we just freaking stop sinning so that finally we can just get married like we've wanted to all along?!!! It's like doubly hard. An uphill battle, it feels like. BTW, I've gone to my bishop quickly for each of these offenses. And I pray every night and read scriptures and such. Bonus question: Is it possible to run out of second chances? Cuz I've been to my bishop a lot since I keep repeating my offense. Although I am getting better overall. Will it ever get to a point when I will no longer be eligible for eternal life and those things? I'm 22.

I'm engaged, getting married in a few weeks. I was overseas for a few months, and while away i did something i wish i didnt. its often referred to as "IT". im afraid that its serious enough to keep me out of the temple! however I realized my sin, and made sure i changed my attitude and actions. I haven't done it again, i dont dare to. i love my fiance too much, i want to do the right thing. However, im a bit afraid of the interview coming up with the bishop when getting a living ordinance recommend. if i've stopped and feel i've repented, will they realize that? will they still let me have a recommend and marry my love on the day we've set? or will they impose punishment for my sin by not giving me a recommend?

So about 8 or 9 years ago I was walking along the road with a friend of mine and we spotted a black bag on the side of the road. Turns out the black bag was full of porn, we both instantly got addicted and we did some not so good things together. I'm not gay, we just both happened to be at the same place at the same time. Anyway we eventually both tried to repent and we didn't do anything together anymore. I forgot about what happened and focused all my energy on Pornography. Just a few days ago I went into see the bishop about the pornography issue, we have worked things out. Then on my way home I remembered what I had done with my friend, it was a very hard thing to go in and talk about the porn and I thought I was clean. So what can I expect when I go in to see the bishop about this issue? Will he make me give him the name of my friend? And since it was so long ago will I still have the normal punishment?