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I just turned in my mission papers and I am anxiously waiting for my call. It’s been a dream of me to serve the Lord but there is one problem in the way. I’ve been dating a beautiful, loving girl in the same faith with me, but she kept something from me. Five months after have been dating, she confessed something to me and I feel stupid for not noticing, or maybe she is just good at hiding it. Well two weeks before she conceived her child, she confessed to me that she was pregnant and expecting. She didn’t tell me this because she thought I would leave her, and I finally gained her trust so she told me. Fortunately I stayed, because I did not want to leave her. Well we named the child Mahonri, as the biblical name of the brother of Jared, and I took him as my own, even though I am not the biological parent. During the time in her hospital, I helped pay expenses since I had a very good job, and I grew to love the adorable thing. I helped take care of it while she went to work, I even begged to keep the little thing over the weekends. The feeling of having Mahonri with me was amazing. But I also want to serve a mission, and I know that it is my obligation. Mahonri is now three months old, but I don’t know if the saying “You can’t go on a mission anymore if you have [broken the law of chastity] and have a baby since you have a family now” still applies to me. I’ve asked for parental advice, but they tell me my obligation is the mission. I want to go, but I can’t leave my girlfriend and her child! I’m too scared to ask church leaders for they will think I am lying and that Mahonri is my biological child. I’m just really torn. The mission, or the family I could have?

I need help. I'll keep it brief and simple. Ive been dating this girl and we talk about the future pretty seriously. But there is this other girl that I've been interested in a lot and I can't get my mind off of her. But she's on a mission. She gets back soon which is great. But heres the catch, we live in different states. and my current relationship is also long distance. So its like either way I have to be long distance and won't really know what its like to be with someone unless one of us moves our life for the other. Any thoughts?f

Hello Everyone, I was wondering if anyone has any advice about using LDS dating sites? I have signed up for a couple but to be frank, I am fairly dubious. I live in Scotland and I am 45 years old so I have a very small LDS community in real life. I can't imagine a guy in Utah wanting to start anything with someone so far away if they have children in their country of residence, and although I would consider moving, that seems a bit like a far off dream that would have so many requirements attached. I was married to a non member who was a serial cheater and although I know members and non members are all susceptible to temptation, I really want my eternal husband to already be in the church. I have complete faith in my Father in Heaven and so I know things will work out in the end, but I also feel strongly that I have to do the most I can to help myself, I am just not sure if online dating is the way to go. Any advice, tips or genuine success stories would be very much appreciated. V xxx

So I've been dating a girl with her mission call for the past month and a half and things are getting serious. She is due to leave in mid may and I really like this girl and I feel like the feeling in reciprocated. Part of me wants to see her go and fulfill the mission call, but another wants me to convince her to stay and see the possibility of marriage. Would I be a terrible person if i tried to talk her into staying with me? I can't wait that long for her to get back. When should I bring this up? sooner or later? Anyone else had any experience with something like this?

Hey all I'm just becoming disheartened, frustrated, and disillusioned through my recent experiences dating in Provo. Rejection after rejection, and I just can't take it anymore. I'm not exactly bad looking, but I just must have had bad luck at picking girls in relationships or that had no intention of progressing in a relationship. School is great, and I have a great career ahead of me. Family life and other things are well. I just feel destroyed from the negative experiences I've had - I feel like I have a dagger in my heart from the painful experiences of just trying. Mission had lots of rejection, but this is different. I always used to feel liked and appreciated. Now that i'm in my major classes, there are just hardcore science and career women, and I really (no offense to feminists, but I disagree with that philosophy) would prefer a more traditional wife/GF. I'm pretty flexible, but I am just finding women as focused on their careers as I am, and I'm just getting weary of the journey alone. Missing church sometimes because I just can't stand to see the happy couples - the only thing I've wanted and have failed miserably at. It just pains me. Add my current pain and struggles onto the vision forward of so many divorces, so many relationship problems, changing gender roles, career and educationally burdened women...I just feel the hope is running out. My confidence which was once strong is now weak and dim. I just can't go on. Picked up swearing, changed my music, and have lost faith in the disenheartening depression that followed. I only say that so you can appreciate the extent that this has affected and pained me... I don't even have the will to ask for one more date, because so much has happened. I'm considering adopting a practice of celibacy and just going to grad school and living as a science man. Sad, but I have lost all hope for relationships and marriage.e Just women that want money, abuse men...we're a dying breed. Every once in a while I get a boost back up, but my sad state returns quickly. Dating-induced depression. Never felt this way before. Ever.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for roughly 8 months. She is an endowed, lifelong member of the church. I am not endowed, having joined the church later in life as a convert. We are both in our 30s. On several occasions, my girlfriend has made the comment that "It's not right to touch each other where garments would be". I certainly understand the need to keep physical intimacy in check outside of marriage and we are quite careful about that. I'd like to clarify that her comments are in no way reflective of touching of private parts. They apply to situations when her hand touches my back beneath the hem of my t-shirt, or when applying sunscreen at a public beach. As a convert, I can't tell if this is extreme caution against intimacy, or an actual rule pertaining to members who have received their endowment. Can someone shed some light on this for me?

Having a thriving, happy, eternal marriage in today’s world seems to be more and more difficult. As a student of gospel doctrines and as a Marriage and Family Therapist I find it my passion and joy to work with couples and guide them on a path to increased success and happiness in marriage. During my time working with clients and teaching the gospel I developed a questionnaire to help individuals and couples explore their individual readiness and marriages. I would value your insight and feedback on the questionnaire. You can remain anonymous if you would like. Or feel free to post your ideas here to this thread. Please rate and comment on the questionnaire here. What are your thoughts on the questionnaire? Where the question relevant? Helpful? Thought provoking? Dumb? Would love to know what you believe makes your marriage or future marriage joyous, exciting and profoundly enduring and loving. My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dbmft

I am a sister in a Young Single Adult ward and I am trying to cope with having a crush on one of our full-time missionaries. I work closely with the missionaries and the ward mission leader so I'm around them a lot, and BAM, it's hitting me. There is no way I would ever tell him or anyone in the ward while he's serving, or even hint at it -- totally out of line. But it's a constant struggle for me to keep from being overly friendly or betraying myself. What bothers me even more is that he's going home (several states away) in a few weeks, and it breaks my heart to think of never seeing him again. So I friended him on Facebook (his full name is right on the front of his notebook, ok!) with a little message saying hi, knowing he wouldn't see it until after his mission. Now I'm worried that that was the wrong thing to do, although I can't very well take it back. So I don't know what my actual question is.... I don't know how to even TRY to see if something could progress after his mission. No clue how to broach that topic. Advice needed. Thanks guys.

Hi there! I'm new, though I've been lurking the forums for quite some time. I'm here for some advice. I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I'm 20. I grew up in the church & I moved away from home at 17 to attend college in a different town. I've always remained mostly active but went through a period of serious doubt in the church starting about a year ago. It got to the point where I was determined that I was no longer interested in the church as a belief system. I won't go into detail, but there was no bitterness on my end, and no serious sins committed. Well, a few months ago, I met an LDS man who kind of flipped things upside-down for me. I was NOT looking to date at that time, as I had just gotten out of a serious 2-year relationship. In fact, I had turned into a complete cynic about love, because my last relationship had fizzled out into something very void of passion. Also, I was moving to a different city in a month for an internship over the summer, so I was not looking to start something. But when I met this guy, we immediately clicked. I guess you could say we started dating, even though both of us were in denial. (In fact, we even talked conversationally about our friends getting married, and I went on and on about how crazy it is to settle down when you're barely in your 20s.) We only had about a month together before I moved away for my internship, but we spent time together just about every day, whether it was studying for finals, cooking food together, or just sitting in the car talking. We fell hard and fast for each other. I confided my doubts about the church in him, and he was able to ease my troubled mind in a way that no one ever has before. He didn't judge me or think less of me, but taught me gently from the scriptures and encouraged me to pray in ways that, for whatever reason, had eluded my mind before I met him. Consequently, I came to the realization that over the past year I had just been getting lazy, and my testimony is now back on track. I moved to a city in a different state for the summer. Now we are apart from each other and dating long distance. We video chat every day and I feel very close to him each day. It is hard being apart but I feel the communication is fantastic. I wasn't sure what it would be like, but I actually do feel our relationship has grown and deepened even through long distance. The only issue in our relationship is he wants to talk even more than I have time for, so that's a minor area of conflict sometimes. Also, a minor detail: I am going to visit him for a weekend in two weeks, and then in August he is planning to visit me & my family in my hometown. After that we will be back in the same town attending the same college. He is a nearly-23-year-old returned missionary. We love each other and talk about everything with each other, and he has indeed brought up the subject of "settling down". The way he talks about marriage is mature, optimistic, realistic, calming, and uplifting. And surprisingly, when he talks about it, that whole idea of marriage doesn't scare me like it used to. I've never been so excited about sharing a future with someone. It baffles me because I have only known this man for a few months. Also, I'm quite young (though I am often told I'm "mature for my age".) Obviously we would wait for any serious step like engagement for about a year, but is it normal to feel this sure of something this soon? I have always been the "strong independent woman" type. I am really focused on my education and career. I always figured the marriage and family part would come later when I was ready. But here I am, feeling very strong urges that this man could be the one for me. My future life seems empty until I think of him. However, I would be lying if I said that no part of me feels like I should "play the field" a little more. I've only had three actual relationships before, and sometimes I wonder if that's been enough to really figure out who I am and what kind of person I'm looking for. I love this man so much, though -- it's not that I have any desire to actually date anyone else, it's just that I feel like I should. Just to give you a little background on what we are like: He is understanding, fiercely loyal, passionate about life, and he has a great sense of humor. He definitely wears his heart on his sleeve, while I am much more reserved and independent. I am an extremely easygoing, optimistic, low-stress type, and it's very easy for me to let go of negativity and accept people as they are. But I am also a little immature, selfish, and stubborn at times. His weakness lies in weak-ish self-esteem and relying too much on other people's approval. We are both aware of our flaws and work together to improve them. TL;DR: I always thought young marriage was ridiculous until I met the perfect man. I'm 20 years old and I'm having all kinds of crazy hopes, dreams, and doubts. So, all that said, I have a few questions: Am I crazy/ too young to be thinking about settling down already? Is it possible that a 20 year old has lived enough and dated enough people to truly understand who she is and what kind of person she is looking for? How long should we wait before taking any serious steps towards engagement or marriage? (There is a lot of passion between us and sexual temptation is high, but we are both strong and haven't had any chastity issues.) Am I just in the "infatuation" stage? Is it common for people to marry for infatuation and regret it later? I have had two serious relationships before this one, so I feel like I know the difference between infatuation and actual love, but obviously I still have a lot to learn. What does it take to have a successful marriage? Is it possible to have what it takes at the age of 20? When did you get married (age/how long dating) and would you do it any differently? What can I do to come to terms with the fact that God may have put this person in my life at 20 years old for a reason? I want to stop having doubts because of what I feel like I "should" do based on what I'd always expected my plan in life to be. What can I/we do to prepare for commitment? & any other advice you might have for my in my present situation. Sorry that was so long. Thanks so much for your time and advice.

So basically this past weekend my girlfriend broke up with me and it is because she is feeling confusion about our relationship whether or not we should progress to the next level. She has been feeling this confusion for a while (a few months) and now she says that she is taking that as a sign that Heavenly Father doesn't approve of our relationship or that it should go to marriage. A couple of days later we talked and she expressed to me that she wants more than anything to be with me and she wants us to get married but she just thinks that she was confused because that is Heavenly Father's answer. It's just odd to me because we always talk about how fun married life would be and everything about after getting married and she loves the idea of it, it's just committing to it that she feels confused about. We are going to be friendly together and not lose our friendship but the only times that I will be seeing her is when we run into each other on campus (we go to the same school) or when she needs me the most (I am her best friend and the person that she trusts the most). I would like to think that it is not completely over with her and that with time we will be together again but she just needs to realize that we really are right for each other. I have already taken steps in my life to make this breakup easier and to feel freedom like deleting her number so I really don't have anyway to contact her but she can still contact me. From talking with people a lot of the advice that I have been given that most of her confusion could come from that she is nervous and scared to get married. Others have told me that she is being manipulative and just wants to keep me around. I am going to keep on going in my life and I've already been with friends a lot and I have a lot to do that will keep me busy and make an easy transition. What advice/counsel do you have? Is anything that general authorities have said about getting through confusion in dating or anything about that?

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a while now, and somehow stumbled onto the topic of marriage and the temple. To understand the dilemma first I'm going to give a little bit of background. She has had issues with relationships in her family in the past. She was abused by her birth father, who her mother has since divorced and her step dad has had 2 wives before her mom both of which were temple marriages that were annulled. They have all been sealed together as a family but her dad cheated on her mom. This has caused a lot of resentment towards temple marriage for her. We got onto the topic and she said that she would get sealed in the temple, but would require a civil union for about 3 years first. (An emergency way out of the situation probably caused by the abuse that she saw her mom take as a child.) My background from my parents, grandparents, great grandparents and so on is that you should never settle for a civil union. If they won't go to the temple first thing then you should proceed with your life. We got into a large disagreement about it and it ended up with her saying well you can take me as I am or leave me. We haven't spoken in about 5 days now. I love her more than anything except for God and Jesus Christ, and it's tearing me up inside. Could you guys accept a temporary civil marriage, and then get sealed or do you feel that it is a situation that will cause more problems than help? Please help -SomebodySomewhere101

Hey All, New member here, first post. I was married for 18 years, and I've been divorced almost five now. I'm finding that as more time goes by, I am starting to feel somewhat disconnected to the gospel. I still have a strong testimony and have continued to attend church regularly, but I don't know how else to explain it except I'm feeling disconnected to some degree. I know my eternal salvation is up to me and I alone am responsible for it, but I recognize I'm not as motivated as I was when I was with a spouse and working toward an eternal partnership. I've dated quite a bit and had one relationship that lasted a year, but there is so much pain, fear, and hurt out there that I haven't been able to find someone that is in the same place I am, where the connection is there for both, and they are ready to move forward with a relationship. Yes, I can be alone. Yes, I am happy. But there is nothing to prove about either one of those things. I miss having someone to lift me up when I'm faltering and my wanting to be my better self so I can do the same for them. Someone to laugh with, share my day with, and experience the gospel with. My life experiences with my divorce and after, have just produced a kind of shift that is difficult to even explain. I have three great kids, but my two oldest are off two school now, and that may have much to do with my growing restlessness. It is what it is. I'm generally a glass half full kind of gal, and I'm not one to sit on my pity pot very often, so this is why I'm more concerned about how I'm feeling. For me, it doesn't get easier the longer I'm without a companion, it is seeming to get harder. If any of this makes sense, then fabulous :) I"m not sure I have a question so much as wondering how others have dealt with this kind of situation.

I have just returned to the church after much time away living a inappropriate life mainly with the word of wisdom, and some chastity. I have returned to living the church standards and in the repentance process. During my time away I met the girl of my dreams she is what helped me return to the church. Sad to say we did break the law of chastity( not sex but touching). We are both planning on going on missions in 8 months or so, but now she wants us to just be friends and maybe start over dating when we return from our missions. This is the girl of my dreams and I truly love her, I dont know how else to say it besides that. She is upset about the things we did and suffers from extreme guilt, and questions if I truly love her, or if our relationship was built on the actions we did. I guess what I'm asking is what do I do I love this girl with all my heart and I hope to take her hand in marriage at the right time. I have been working my very hardest to develop self control so when we do spend time together it can be appropriate. What do I do to show her I love her for her, and with the starting over how do I start over. I cant just stop loving her she saved my life without her I would still be in a very dangerous world of drugs. Please help I can't afford to loose this amazing women! ps its a long distance relationship.

So, I decided to start a blog about my ridiculous, sometimes awesome, and sometimes entertaining love life. It's totally anonymous, all names have been changed, but i'm hoping to share some insight into what really goes on inside the mind of a single LDS female while dating, and hopefully shed some light on a few things. Is there anyone on here interested in following my blog, or knows of a blogging circle that I can join? It's always more fun to share. ladysinglemomo.blogspot.com Thanks people!

So, I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months now, and we both are LDS. We had a slip up and were not chaste in our relationship. My boyfriend has already talked to his bishop about it, and started the repentance process. I am in the middle of moving from to a different ward so I have to wait till' my records are in the Ward so I haven't started the process. Now that my boyfriend has talked to the bishop he said we are on "different levels" now. I took it as he was boasting and almost he was better than I. He said this is what his Bishop stated to him, because he has started his process; I haven't. I am feeling a bit down that I can't start the process yet, and would like someone to explain the "different levels" phrase. Does this mean that I am not as good? Does this mean our relationship is at risk? Shouldn't we be supporting each other no matter what in this difficult time not comparing? Thank you

Got myself in a pickle. Though the wonders of online dating I've found 2 wonderful LDS girls. They are both strong in the gospel, temple worthy and overall good caring normal girls. They each have distinct personality features I like. I got to know them at the same time and both have grown into great relationships. They are both planning to visit soon. If romantic relationships have 4 phases: dating, serious, exclusive and engagement. Then we're at the dating phase. However, I talk to them daily, so we're quickly moving into the serious phase. I'm not ready to get into the exclusive phase until I've gotten to know them better and we've met in person to see if we're got the spark. Now if they lived here I'd know what to do and the dynamics would be different. I'd have gone out with them by now and would know which one I had more of a spark with. I'd also be in the exclusive phase by now with one of them and it'd be clear where I stand. However, the distance is tossing me a curve ball and I'm not sure what to do. The scary thing is that if I find the spark with the first girl to come here, I'll get closer to her and my love for her will ignite. The 2nd girl will be at a disadvantage and I'll feel like a jerk or maybe like I'm cheating by getting physical with the 2nd girl while I'm in love with the 1st. On the up side, the girl that I'm leaning toward will be coming to see me first. So if I fall in love with her, it would be wonderful. Now for the downside... I care for both of them and don't want to hurt or mislead them. I would hate to get serious with both of them, then cut one off. So I feel like if I tell them up front they'll know what to expect and it won't be a shock. Right now it feels like a sin of omission. I've been on both sides of knowing about another guy and not knowing. Knowing was better, I was prepared. Not knowing and then breaking up was like a kick in the stomach. However, I usually didn't get to know about the other guy until I asked to get exclusive. Which was fine with me because we were just dating before. When should I tell them I'm talking to other girls? I think they are under the impression they are the only one I'm talking to. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one they are talking to. I could be wrong, but I'm afraid to ask directly since I'm sure they'll want me to answer the same question. So I haven't asked. I just don't want to spoil the current relationship by adding in a detractor. I don't want them to get jealous and start bugging me about the other girl. I don't want the drama. I just want to get to know them and see if there is enough there to pursue. Now on the other side of things, I've known girls who had two guys on the hook for months. Both were good guys, she choose one, married him and lived happily ever after. I'm just not familiar with the guys side of it. Most of the guys I know would either: 1) play the field, date lots of girls, maybe have a few regulars, but aren't looking to get married just yet. So it's all fun and games. 2) Look for "the one" seriously, date exclusively, marry "the one", live happily ever after. So I'm in a gray area and none of my mates are giving me any good advice. Mostly cause they have no experience with this particular situation. So I figure I should get internet advice for internet dating. Maybe I should just marry them both?! Just Kidding! Thanks for reading this far and thank you for your advice.

So... just wondering. kind of confused right now. I was dating this girl for a while and then last night she said we couldn't date anymore because she didn't want to get too attached. I said, "why", and she said because she was going on a mission. Obviously I am happy that she is choosing to go on a mission and I support it so much, but it just kind of hurts. I asked if she wanted me to keep asking her on dates and she said no, and she started to cry. I am just really confused. Maybe I am just too dense to realize that she didn't want to be with me anymore, but shouldn't it be a happy decision? I want to keep dating her, but I don't know what to do. She doesn't have her mission papers yet but she said she plans on getting them soon. We are both in our early 20s. Please give me any advice you have. Thanks

I just got asked out on a date by a good BYU/RM type guy who is faithful in the church and upholds the priesthood honorably and is just all around good, trying to be the best he can sort of person. I have put off dating for a long time because I am afraid of getting close to someone and then having to tell them who I really am and all that i've done and them hating me for it. I'm still trying to repent, still trying to change, and still have a long ways to go, so I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good. No one in the church knows I am struggling (except my bishop and the missionaries) so everyone thinks I'm this good mormon girl who keeps the commandments....and I really don't, I want to, but I'm not very good at it yet. What should I do?

Perhaps it's a side effect of my wrestling years. Perhaps it's my genes. But my whole life I've had a psychological aversion to fat. I work out 5 times/week to stay in shape. I love it! So I've dated slender girls who enjoy working out and living healthily. Fortunately, Utah is blessed with many such people, but since moving away from Utah I've found a dearth of young members who have any kind of desire to maintain such a lifestyle. As a result, I haven't dated many LDS girls out here. I'd hate to be out biking, climbing, hiking, etc, and my wife not participate in those activities with me. It seems to me that non-LDS girls in their mid-20s are more physically active. I've spent the last two years trying to figure this out. Here are a couple of my ideas: 1. LDS girls generally leave the state to go to BYU. Most of the exercising girls get married at a young age. The heftier girls return home with a degree and maturity (both great things, but not everything). 2. Non-LDS girls may be more sexually promiscuous and put a higher value on physical appearance. Anyway, I've been vilified in the single's ward here. They think all I care about is how a girl looks. They're right to a point. Usually, a girl's looks reflect her level of physical activity. Maybe it's unrealistic to expect a girl to exercise every day. But I don't think it should be. What do you think? Am I just being shallow? Should I look for a Sweet Spirit? A fertile vessel who will be a loving mother? If exercise is important in my life, shouldn't it be important in hers? And why do girls outside Utah and California not care about physical fitness?

My boyfriend and I can't seem to stay worthy long enough to get recommends. But we don't want to just get married civilly because that's more of a cop out. Because yes, a year after a civil marriage you can get married in the temple. But there's no real "repentance" when you can have sex every day without guilt, you know? This has been going on for like 2 years. We've been dating for 3 years. We just can't stay worthy for more than like 6 months. For the past year and 3 months we've only messed up 3 times with "petting". but i mean, we've never gotten our temple recommends because we were waiting for a year for something else. Doesn't it seem hard to postpone marriage for worthiness while being extremely tempted with someone you have been dating 3 years? Does anyone know what it's like? How can we just freaking stop sinning so that finally we can just get married like we've wanted to all along?!!! It's like doubly hard. An uphill battle, it feels like. BTW, I've gone to my bishop quickly for each of these offenses. And I pray every night and read scriptures and such. Bonus question: Is it possible to run out of second chances? Cuz I've been to my bishop a lot since I keep repeating my offense. Although I am getting better overall. Will it ever get to a point when I will no longer be eligible for eternal life and those things? I'm 22.

I just want to thank everybody for their comments. Most were helpful but a few were kind of harsh. To the helpful ones, I hope your insights are not due to first, sceond, or third hand experience. It is not a fun thing to go through. To the harsh ones, let me explain some things for I believe you were al just trying to help but probably misunderstood or misread what I was intending to say. Here is the explanation. I never felt good about my addcitions...never! However, if you know addicitons they are contrary to logic. You feel one way but act another, if that makes sense. When I met this girl I was in the middle of therapy. I still am in therapy. My therapist said that I could not give love until I learned to love myself. He also said that my addicitions would be a major obstacle in giving the energy necessary in a relationship. However, I was asked to date this girl by my parents. My parents don't know any of this by the way. When I started to see her more I realized how much she made me happy. I also saw how lonely she was and how much she needed someone. Her dad just passed away last summer and she moved back to be with her mom. Her only family that stays in touch with her is her mom. Her brothers refuse to talk to her and her mom. Her grandparents refuse to talk to both of them either. She as a few freinds but work and school kind of hinder any real freindships. So when I heard what my therapist said I tried to break it off by telling everything. I told her what my therapist said. I told what I was feeling. To my suprise she pretty much just batted away my faults and doubts about dating her like they were mere flys! I tried to talk to her again and again but she kept changing the subject by saying things like 'I like you the way you are', 'you will change'. She even told me her life story about not being a virgin and falling away from the church and how she came back. She told me this to show me that we all have faults. Yet as I tried to explain to her how my addictions hindered my ability to love or even like her she batted that away. Perplexed and confused I contined to pray for answers. Now some of you mentioned in some form or another that since I had addictions I could not connect with God and recieve answers. That is an outright lie! I hope you don't say that to people. I believe, no I know, that God answers all prayers no matter who it comes from! How would any sinner, addict, lost soul, or prodigal son ever get back on track if that were true? If it were true then why do we need the Atonement? If we can't ask for help and receive it properly then why even ask? Why even try? Do not spread that lie! It will destroy people! Now then, I prayed for guidance and I got only doubts, confusion, and issues bombarding my brain every second of everyday. I finally asked my brother who is an Elder's Quorum 2nd counselor for help. He said I should ask the question 'Should I break off this relationship?"' and see wht happens. He also said that the confusion and doubt was like trying ti tune into a radio station and getting static because I was not in line with what God wanted. So I prayed and prayed and prayed. The answer was clear. I needed to break up with this girl and focus on my myself. I need to love me now. I need to clear the road of my addicitons so I can continue on the path to Heavenly Father. I broke up with her 2 hours ago and I hope she will be ok. I told her what I have told you. Will she be ok? Did I do the right thing? I need to get more support I think. I also need to talk to my bishop. This is where I need some more advice. Should I tell my parents? How do I do that? How will they react? Now some of you mentioned how incredible it was that my priesthood leaders reacted with little or no emotion and were not as strict as you would think. Here in lies the next question. Is this offence punishible by disfellowship or excommunication? I thought that's what they would have done but they didn't. They even let me keep taking the sacrament and continue with my callings!. Is this wrong? How do I tell the new bishop, if the former preisthood leaders were wrong, what should be done? If he does the same as they did what do I do? Do I talk to the stake president or higher authority? I am truly scared of this but I think I should be excommunicated. Is that wrong? I think I told you that I have been keeping up the lie and going to the temple and keeping callings and such. That is why I beleive I should be excommunicated. Are there any bishops on here or ex-bishops or know bishops who could help me out? Like I said I am truly, deeply, extemely mortified and terrified at the thought of excommunication. Not only because of the embarrassment but because I will lose the gift of the Holy Ghost and the blessings I have recieved thus far through the church. Please let me know what the protocol is for bishops dealing with masturbation and pornography. Please let me know how best I should tell my parenst if I should at all. Again thank you all for your support and concern. dashb78

Let me give you some background so I can get some advice about a dating issue. First of all, I am addicted to masturbation and pornography and havebeen for over ten years. I went on a mission this way and one day broke down and told my mission president who, after talking with me and my stake president, said I should stay on my mission! Why? Thats another issue for another time. I told my bishop in my family ward and he just said I need to try to get over it and that I could still take the sacrament and serve in the church as a priamry teacher! Why? Again an issue for another time. I lied to my bishop and said I was cured so I could see a famly I am very close to get sealed in the temple. Since then I have basically kept up the lie. I have now and have always in the past tried to cure myself of these addictions but to no avail. Anyway, recently I started dating this girl. She is very nice and accepts me as I am. I have told her everything and when she said she was ok with it as long as I was trying to get better I felt a tug of war of feelings. I felt happy that she accepted me as I am but confused and dissapointed in her. Telling her the truth was kind of a way for me to say I didn't think we were meant to be and we should go our separate ways. I have been praying about this relationship asking if she is the one or if she and I are right for each other. I have only felt confusion and the same tug of war of feelings on the subject. But more and more lately I have begun to wonder if the doubts and the confusion were my answers and that I should break up with her. I also wonder if thats just me and those doubts are just obstacles to overcome. I also wonderif Satan is placing those doubts there or exaggerating the reality of the doubts and issues with this girl to stop me from being happy. It also could just be me. Those addictions could be the reason why I am unsure about my relationship. Pros about this girl are that she is funny, likes me for me (actually I think she loves me but she hasn't said), cooks well, makes me feel less lonely, makes me feel like I am doing something with my life. Cons: She is not physically attractive (that could be due to the addictions of masturbation and porno), she likes things that I don't like, she hates things that I like i.e. food, music, movies, school subjects, political views etc, she is too passive about my problems and therefore doesn't necessaraly care if I change, too passive about me saying that I wasn't totally sure we should be together, not as strong in the church as I would like and need. These are just some of the things I can list right now. I asked my brother and he said to end the relationship now before it gets to invovled emotionally. I said I am not sure about that. I am scared. What if she is the one and I lose her forever? However, what if she isn't and I am stuck in a relationship I don't want to be in? So please can someone help me out here. Has God answered me already and I missed something? Has Satan used these doubts and issues to stop me from being happy? Have my addictions and my life experiences affected my personality and have I just been reacting normally to the issues with this relationship? Which is it? Is she the one? How do I know? If she isn't what now? If she is what now? Thank you in advance for the advice and have a great one, Doubter.