Search the Community

A little background before I start asking questions. Starting in late 2014 until the spring of this year, I wrote a 50 Shades of Grey type erotic novel with a friend I met online and we even published it through Amazon. I didn't start coming back to church until this September and I felt promptings/a deep longing to return to the temple after the talks I heard at this past stake conference. I immediately scheduled something with and sat down with my Branch President(we're a small community here, so, that's why not a bishop) and I worked something out with my friend so that we could completely take the book off the market. I've been working with my Branch President for the past 2 months going through the repentance process. I've recently become aware of my own behavior and the ways that I might have been muddying the spiritual waters so that answers to prayer and guidance was not clear, just through simply watching media that does not invite the spirit with a "one foot in and one foot out" mentality. So, maybe answers will become clearer to me as I ponder and pray now as I strive to more consistently keep the spirit with me but I felt prompted(as a part of this cleaning up where I hang out and what I consume process) to seek an lds themed forum and it occurred to me that I could also ask for a bit of help here. So, for the longest time, I've been struggling with godly sorrow and feeling ashamed of what I have done but since it was something I put creative effort and work into, I found myself struggling with residual pride in the completion of this book. I've just recently come to a better, deeper understanding of the eternal perspective and I am going to follow this trail to hopefully understand more about the nature of what I have done. I'm not trying to rush Heavenly Father but moreso I'd like to be an active participant in this process, as I feel like I've been sitting back and waiting for forgiveness to come and checking in occasionally, "Am I ready?" A lot of my personal revelations thus far have come from perspective shifts and hearing things in certain ways that helped a concept or doctrine "click" for me, so, I am looking for that. To read some scripture or some talk or ensign article that will make the light click on for me to realize the true nature of sin, in particular mine, and how I can truly be sorry for it. I want to let it go, to know that it is truly forgotten, to move on and move forward but I want my efforts to be genuine. I'm the type of person that if I can't come to this proper perspective shift and feeling, then this will continue to haunt me as something unfinished. I will wonder, "Did I actually get forgiven or did I just give myself a check mark because I wanted to move onto the next thing?" So, I have the gospel library on my tablet and I would like to know are there any scriptures or talks that helped you gain a new perspective on repentance? Are there any good talks that struck you as insightful/helpful in understanding this process? Have you been through this process before? Are there any words you could offer? I'm still working with my BP on this and as I mentioned, cleaning up the things I occupy my mind with so as to better hear the HG if/when it comes to me. But I also don't mind the extra reminders.

I've been having the same problem for 2 years now and I've always felt very guilty about it. I always managed to repent but it sneaks up on me again, and again. I've always been able to feel Godly Sorrow but now I can't and its killing me, I can't find the guilt anymore its gone. I feel nothing now, no guilt, no regret. But I know I should. I know other people have probably had this problem before and I know the process how it gets harder to repent each time but this time it feels impossible. Can anybody Please help me feel guilt and regret again? And especially Godly Sorrow which used to hit my like lightning striking me and humbling me before god.

I posted earlier about what support there is in repenting as I was struggling. What do I do when I fall back? I am repenting for chastity issues related to my boyfriend. We have not done anything that requires excommunication or formal disfellowshipping but I have been trying to repent for quite a few months as was deemed necessary from my Bishop. I felt a lot of opposition to repenting (although I wanted to repent) but was able to get over that hump. I didn't feel a lot of support in my efforts to repent and although I wanted to progress I had a difficult time feeling the weight of what I'd done. I kept plodding along and thought that surely that feeling of godly sorrow would come. Now...unfortunately, after doing so well, my boyfriend and I crossed serious chastity lines (though not entirely) this week. The problem is I didn't feel bad about it like I should. I don't know how to feel what I need to feel to repent. I've thought that perhaps we should just get married as he would like to. I have been a temple going person ever since I was endowed until recently. Do I really want to go all the way down the road that I have foolishly gone down since I've already started (and haven't been able to get back on board) and not marry in the temple? I can't be sure it is wise to marry him so what would that bring? I only ask here because I don't know how to approach my repentance anymore and what to do - or to just try own my own to figure it out. I've been to Bishop who set my on what I need to do to repent and to return when I feel progress. I progressed then fell back before I could meet with him again so I can't really get advice from him now. I have a hard time feeling encouraged when I met with him before and sought advice again from him when I found repentance difficult and came out even more discouraged. What step do I take next? I feel as though I am failing.