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  1. Hi, I'm LDS and I have a "mostly-conservative" mind. This means I consider myself 25% liberal and 75% conservative. Over the past few years, nearly everyone in my immediate family who has a "mostly-liberal" mind has fallen away from the Church (and I'm not exaggerating.) Before they fell away, some of them put forth great effort to convince me that you can be liberal and a member of the LDS church. Needless to say, now I am almost completely convinced of the opposite. This whole situation troubles me greatly and I find myself agonizing over it regularly. I wish my family could all just be happy members of the Church so we could continue to have that in common. At this point, I never even talk to my family about the Church except maybe mention that I gave a talk or one of my kids gave a talk. It feels weird because we used to talk about the gospel all the time. This is going to sound bad, but my experiences with my family has given me an extremely negative and tainted view of being "mostly-liberal." I guess the way I look at it is that if being "mostly-liberal" means you reject and get offended by the great things taught by the Church, being "mostly-liberal" must be a bad thing. I do not understand the hostility towards the Church from my family in recent years at all and I think they are just being manipulated and misled. Is my conclusion wrong? Is it possible to have a "mostly-liberal" mind and be a happy member of the Church. Brad O.
  2. Okay this is a shot in the dark and probably will be it is: Ever since my mission (California, San Bernardino, May 2001-2003) I have been trying to find a specfic picture of the Savior that I really liked. Unfortunately, that was before the days of smartphones so I could not just snap a picture, and I have lost any reference to it, such as who painted it or what it was called. All I remember was that it hung in one of the missionary houses in Rancho Cucamonga. As I recall, it was mostly a chest/head shot of the Savior wearing a brown robe, and it was unique because I remember the first time I saw it, I thought he looked upset/mad/evil, like it was a picture of Lucifer almost. Anyway, the painting grew on me, but I've never been able to track it down...I'm not even certain it was painted by an LDS artist, or that it was widely distributed. Like I said - shot in the dark. If this rings a bell to anyone, or if you think you've seen a similar picture, I would appreciate a reply. Thanks!
  3. I will be getting set apart next Monday, and I know I should know this already but I do have one question. When a missionary gets set apart are they required to have a companion up until they enter thee MTC, and if so what qualifies a person to become their companion? I am just wondering cause I was going to have my Aunt who is married be my companion, is it okay or not?
  4. Hey, I was wondering if anyone else on here played on XboxLive? If so, please post your Gamer tag. Mine`s LDSJonesE
  5. How did you decide for yourself that the LDS church was true? I've had trouble believing my whole life, and I'm 20, so there is a lot of pressure from people around me to go on a mission. This is a song I wrote to my grandmother, whom I always talked to about the church. Share your thoughts and let me know your story! She
  6. For some background, I was raised in the church and went to BYU. I became inactive at 22 and am currently 27. I started dating a non-member a little over a year has always been nothing serious in my eyes and I do NOT want to marry him. He is not religious, and not anti-LDS, but he is very opinionated about religion in general. (He thinks it's dumb). Over the past month I have had a burning desire to break up with this guy and come back to church and live my life right. I want to get married in the temple. I want that peace back in my life. This is all great....except I just found out that I am pregnant (he does not know yet). I know my options. Abortion makes me sick, even though I read many church talks regarding it and am aware that I could be forgiven. It also makes me sick to think about a broken family in which the child's father would talk very negatively about the LDS church and possibly forbid baptism. He would never allow me to give the child up for adoption. In my state the father has rights the second the baby is born. I thought about going to a bishop for advice...(I don't really have one, as I haven't been to church in 5 yrs). I need some advice...or just someone who can tell me that everything will be ok. I'm still in denial & shock
  7. I just wanted to ask your feelings on your experience on going to the temple, without going into any detail. How did the whole experience make you feel? Did you understand anythig? What helped to guide you in the days after your endowments? Recently we had our first... as much as I would like to say that I loved it.. I did not, while i believe it is the house of the lord... I am left puzzled. I love the church, I really really do. I've never been happier, but this experience has left me feeling numb, confused and honestly a bit embarrased. A lot of people have said it was the best day of their lives, was I not prepared well enough? I was excited... now I am just confused. While I understand that my view and feelings might be of the "world" hence the weirded out part. I wanna feel happy again, I am numb, I am sad, I felt humiliated, silly. While I get the message... I can't stop feeling like this. Any suggestions? I feel like I need some type of intervention, but In my heart I love the church, I believe in our prophets and everything is so perfect until this.
  8. Mormon bishop with Samurai sword runs off attacker - Philadelphia News, Weather and Sports from WTXF FOX 29 This story is awesome! And it has legs. I predict it'll be international news before breakfast " A Samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishop helped a neighbor woman escape a Tuesday morning attack by a man who had been stalking her."
  9. Somebody presented me with this question: Freemasons and the Illuminati are supposedly 'in league with the Devil' to put it bluntly and through deceit and lies aim to heighten themselves and become like Gods. Then that person said on the website it said 'Man has the potential to become like God' - So he asked me what's the difference - are the LDS people not just subjecting to the same Satanic power-hungry ideology? Thoughts.. opinions. I'm a LDS and I'd like to hear people's opinions on this.
  10. I've always wondered this - not that the concept and service of baptism isn't special and sacred enough, but do missionaries ever give any gifts as a congratulations? :)
  11. I'm a 20yr female from Ohio and my story is really weird. I've been curious whether or not there is a forum for lds members where I can speak out anonymously and I found it today. I don't have time to proofread, so I'll apologize for my primitive writing. I've never been an active member in the church before, but I was baptized at 8. I don't feel comfortable around other members (I've never had a mormon friend) and I don't have the background and lifestyle that seems to fit perfectly with what the culture of mormons expect. I read The Book of Mormon for the first time 2 years ago, and right now I'm reading D&C. I love the gospel, but I hate how the culture of the church makes me feel so it is often difficult to withstand attending church. (especially relief society and in my earlier years, definitely young women's) I identify most with lower class or lgbt mormons. My parents are mormon, but my mom is addicted to pain medication, has severe mental problems and didn't take care of us (they had seven kids) or the house due to her severe bipolar/depressive tendencies. (She's also a little bit of a hoarder, collecting useless junk, and worst of all, stray cats. Always anti-social, in her room or crying/yelling etc etc) We have had 6 full grown cats in our house at one point, not counting kittens that we had to give away, so when I say that the house I grew up in was/is disgusting, I mean fecal matter, trash, rotting food, holes in the walls from sibling aggression, broken doorknobs, lots of trinkets and stuff and carpet that was vacuumed only a few times a year. She didn't cook either, so we ate cereal and macaroni all the time. I tried a chicken sandwich for the first time in High School. Our walls still have crayon and food stains from when we were younger. (They don't paint) It took me leaving for college for me to realize how unsanitary that house is and how I, and all of my siblings, were severely psychologically and physically neglected throughout our childhood. My dad knows a lot about the gospel and went on a mission when he was young, but he's had to work to support the family. It's been very stressful on him with a wife this unstable and having to pay the bills. (she's ruined her own credit and has stolen his cards, my siblings cards before) So he was just never around cause he was working or sleeping. He was shocked when I asked him in high school once what the Godhead was. He said, "Well, sure you know what that is!" None of his kids were active beside 2, and he honestly thought that we somehow knew the gospel, but none of us did. To this day, I still haven't even read the Bible. I don't really know much about what happened during Christ's life other than the sacrifice. Now, because of this neglect, my siblings have gone in every direction from having children at 16, becoming potheads, alcoholics, (it changes all the time) and even when one of my sisters got married in the temple and was the purest, happiest example... She started having delusions and now she's suffering from severe paranoid psychosis so she has a completely new, violent and less intelligible and full-of-life personality and I feel like my real sister is gone. (My dad is showing signs too) There is a lot of mental illness in my family. I have several nephews and nieces whom I love, but some of them are showing signs of neglect (and some mild abuse) too. (bad teeth, bruises, acting out etc) I've witnessed some horrible things that I am powerless of and have been investigating social services thoroughly, but have never felt it right to call due to the gamble of further abuse. Most of what is happening is neglect, not necessarily abuse. It's taken me a long to get through/learn from the shame of my life since I left for college. I have frequented suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager and I still struggle with it today. It's embarrassing to admit that I hadn't been taught proper hygiene.... and I did bad in school, so I'll also admit that I'm ashamed of the knowledge I don't have that everyone in a normal society does. (simple geography, times table, variety of foods etc) I feel like I'm experiencing life for the first time. I don't follow all the commandments, but I've tried as much as I can without being an active member and I still struggle, especially with pornography. It isn't frequent enough or an addiction that goes as far at interfering with my life, but the guilt and fear I feel afterward makes me super depressed and makes it hard to pray/read for a long time. I haven't tried any drugs or alcohol, I'm still a virgin, but I do purposely drink energy drinks for the caffeine to get through work and some schooling. I downgraded to coffee 6 months ago to help wean me off of it, and it has helped me a lot. (I am now drinking decaff) But the caffeine thing feels like nothing compared to the pornography thing, so I don't feel like it's a big deal. I've felt the spirit so much throughout my life and I can recognize it, and I have a testimony of some important basic things, but I feel so alienated to other members because my life is just so different. No member could possibly understand where I'm coming from and I become so angry at the culture of the church so often that I feel judged before I can even get to the building. I feel like I struggle most often with whether God loves me or not because of the life He's given me compared to other people, even non-members. I have a strong testimony that, no matter how awful I feel and run away from the gospel, I can't deny the truth of The Book of Mormon and that God is real. If anyone is into the enneagram, I am a six... Security is a big deal for me. I've tried skipping relief society, and then I've tried just going to Sacrament, but nothing keeps me active. Trying this at a singles ward has been much better than a family ward, but It's sometimes hard because then looks and appearance has some clear emphasis that gets my anxieties flared. I'm really just a genderqueer, super self-conscious art student who knows really... not much about the gospel, but enough to have a testimony. I honestly feel like a struggling convert, but because I'm already baptized or my family is mormon, they hold me to certain standards and sort of turn the other cheek. And when I don't meet those standards, I'm just a 'stray' or a 'bad mormon,' whose fallen off the 'straight and narrow' when in all actuality, I've never been taught the gospel before and I'm trying to learn all on my own. This might be my own anxieties attacking myself, but my sister has been to Utah and she's had some really scary stories about their cultural standards. Is there anyone else out there like me? Are there any members that were born into the church and feel like converts? Any converts that have been baptized, but still feel like converts? Are there any LGBT women/men in the church that have problems with dresscode or the gender roles within some of the culture? How can I become an active member given my circumstances? Could anyone provide insight on the harsh/closed off culture within some of the members of the church? How can I grow a testimony that God loves me? I don't have a strong family and I've never dated/am really scared and feel too fragile for dating. I feel hopeless and lonely a lot, but I read the scriptures and I just know that I should be going to church and meeting people. I'm pretty desperate for insight.
  12. I have a colleague who was a member of the LDS. She did not talk about your church very nicely and I would like to know whether Gerlinde (the name of my colleague) had reported everything to me correctly. At once, I begin with that, that Gerlinde was transsexual. She was born as a man, always, however, found herself as a girl/woman. She told me now that such people are excommunicated, if they are members. They should become a member of the church after the sex change surgery that they can neither get the priesthood (men who were born as women) and can't visit a temple (what is this?). That they would be 2nd class members of your church. Is this correct? And, if yes, why this is so?
  13. Hi , I do not plan on spending a lot of time here, but I feel like it would be appropriate to introduce myself as an LDS member. History: Raised LDS from birth, baptised a member at 8 years old, currently 18 years old and active in the Church. Skills/Activities: I like to do "Melty Art," an activity in which you melt beads after assembling them on a frame by an iron with wax paper. I can type an average of 70-90 WPM, and am quite capable of most computer activity. Also, I can play the piano quite well with currently 10+ hymns in decent playability. I go to as many church activities that I am invited to, and hope to go to even more. As a preparing missionary, I hope to be serving my Lord within a few months time. Thanks for viewing my introduction! -Alex
  14. :confused: I honestly don't know what's wrong with me! I am coming around and am now just saying the word of wisdom is there to protect us even though scientists say other wise (it is true they can't stick with one thing... For Example Eggs use to be good to have daily and now their not??). I never not followed the word of wisdom unintentionally, but now I just think it's there to protect us. I still struggle with my testimony, and one problem I think I have it.. I don't know if the spirit is answering my questions or not. So I continue to do what I've been doing (Praying, reading scriptures, trying to find things that will give me the spirit and try to do my best). I know I won't get an answer right away, but I wonder if I already know the answer, I am just afraid? Something is holding me back from believing? I've never really doubted like I do now, it's gotten bad that I think something is trying to convince me that God or Jesus may not exist, but I can't believe that and I try not to, I mean look at this world! How could someone possibly deny them. I have no idea what's wrong... I sometimes just want to crawl in bed and cry because I don't know anything and yet I want to know so badly. :confused: ADDED INFORMATION: It's been happening for almost 2 years, but this past 6 months to a year it been slowly decreasing and ever since I moved to a new ward (In July 2012) it hit a rock. I've talked to my mom, my cousin, one of my friends and I have talked to one of my good aunts. But mostly my cousin and mom. My mom use to be a member, but has been inactive for around 2 years. (Same with my eldest brother). My mom left because of all the judgment she gets from the church. And I try to go to church (mostly without her). Which I have been doing for almost a year. She went to church with my last Sunday and plans to go with me again after general conference. (it all depends on my step father, he's not a member, but we don't force this issue. We just let things flow where they may).
  15. I am having a little trouble with the LDS church and I need help on what you guys did to gain a testimony. I read the Book of Mormon daily, Pray every night and sometimes in the afternoon. I go to church almost every Sunday. I haven't had a testimony of the church for a little over a year now. I know God exists a long with Jesus Christ and The Holy Ghost. I've been a member my whole life. I am confused about why the Book of Mormon contradicts the Bible and teachings earlier in the day. Or why the church is becoming more and more strict. By this I mean when my grandma through my moms childhood they were allowed to drink wine as long as they didn't get drunk, but now were not allowed to at all. I am trying to figure things out but it's becoming difficult and I just don't know any more. I feel the holy spirit during most testimony meetings and at the temple, but I have not found my testimony of the church so I don't even know it's true. When I was 12-15 I wanted to get married in the temple but since 16+ I don't. I think that even though were not sealed in the temple we can still be with those we love, God wouldn't keep us from those we love. He's not heartless.
  16. I am not a member of the LDS Church but I ask this question in all sincerity. Members of the LDS Church exhibit the highest level of morality, community activity, and faith of any organized religious group of which I'm aware. Your cultivation of family bonding is beyond reproach. Your involvement in community and international good works are exemplary. My question is simply what do you base your great faith on? I have studied and researched the LDS church for a number of years. The information I have comes from LDS documentation and from non-Mormon sources as well. I feel I can get a more direct input from members of the LDS Church themselves. I ask my question because I personally have problems understanding the depth of your faith. As a devout practitioner of the Judeo Christian faith (I'm a follower of Christ) and am not tied to any particular denomination). I believe in and love the Lord God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength and I seek to treat my neighbor as I would be treated myself. I believe that the Holy Bible is the inerrant Word of God as it was originally delivered to man. I do believe there are translation problems caused by various translators but I do not believe the actual word of God and His plan for mankind has been altered in any way. Back to my question. Joseph Smith translated the book of Mormon from a stack of metal plates (either gold or some yellowish metal). Apparently these plates were shown to 11 others as described in the preface to the book of Mormon. The major three witnesses were all excommunicated from the LDS Church although I understand two of them returned. There are various accounts in various documents regarding how these witnesses saw the plates. From what I understand every one of them in one way or the other recanted their original statements as to having seen the plates physically. Each stated when questioned further they saw the plates "through the eye of faith", or in other words through a vision. The plates were ultimately returned to the delivering angel, Moroni. If there are no plates to verify the authenticity of the Book of Mormon and nothing but the word of a group of people who apparently saw them in a vision, how valid do you feel the existence of the plates actually is? Other, of course, than because you believe in them by faith or an inner feeling alone. Along with that the Book of Abraham was translated from scraps of papyrus that are still in possession of the Church. Since modern Egyptologist have discounted any connection with these documents to what was translated by Joseph Smith apparently the accepted method of translation is he did it simply by the gift and power of the Holy Spirit. It seems the papyrus fragments were used as a ‘trigger’ that caused Joseph Smith to be able to write the Book of Abraham. How do you justify your deep faith based on the statements of human beings only. There is no supernatural or physical verification at all that I see. This has been quiet a long question with much extra information included to hopefully let you know the sincerity with which I am asking it. I thank you deeply for bearing with my extended note. I really try to make myself as clear as possible in any of my writing. At least that's the excuse I use when I ramble on. Sincerely looking forward to your answers. TimP
  17. I've been a church music addict for about 10 years now (Think gigs of church music and about six years of the Music and the Spoken Word broadcast recordings.), and had always wanted to make music videos covering church music, and finally started making them. Pop Quiz Question: Any one know what Doctrine and Covenants 25:12 is, with out looking??!!! The answer is at the end of the post. Joseph Smith's First Prayer - Mormon Tabernacle Choir Praise to the Man A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief The Spirit of God Like a Fire is Burning Come, Come, Ye Saints I Stand all Amazed - With the Spirit World and Resurrection I Stand all Amazed He is RisenHe is Risen - Finding the Garden Tomb EmptyHe is Risen - With Mary and the ApostlesHe is Risen - In AmericaI Know that my Redeemer Lives Christ the Lord is Risen Today - America Christ the Lord is Risen Today - Mary and the Apostles Hail the Day That Sees Him Rise America The Beautiful - First half is Nature, second half is Patriotic. America The Beautiful - All Patriotic America The Beautiful - Nature and Patriotic Battle Hymn of the Republic History, then music video Battle Hymn of the Republic Distant Land Distant Land Flag of the Free God Bless America God Bless America God Bless America - September 11th Hymn for America Hymn to the Fallen Hymn to the Fallen The Last Full Measure of Devotion The Last Full Measure of Devotion My Country, 'Tis of Thee The Pledge of Allegiance Shenandoah The Star-Spangled Banner Stars and Stripes Forever Taps This Land is Your Land Who Are the Brave All Things Bright and Beautiful Amazing Grace For the Beauty of the Earth For the Beauty of the Earth For the Beauty of the Earth Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing Come, Ye Thankful People, Come Because I Have Been Given Much Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep Prayer of Thanksgiving I Believe in Christ Called to Serve Choose the Right Come, Follow Me Come to my Garden Dearest Children, God is Near You Each Life That Touches Ours for Good Encircle the Child Evening Prayer I Feel My Savior's Love I Feel My Savior's Love I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go Dear Lord God be With You Till We Meet Again God Bless Our Prophet Dear God Loved us, so He Sent His Son God So Loved the World Have I Done any Good in the World Today? He Died, the Great Redeemer Died High on the Mountain Top Home is a Special Kind of Feeling I Know My Father Lives I Know My Father Lives I Know That My Savior Loves Me Let the Mountain Shout for Joy - The Mormon Tabernacle Choir's 1910 recording and then a 2010 recording. Let the Mountain Shout for Joy - The Mormon Tabernacle Choir's FIRST Recording, in 1910. Look at the World Love at Home Love at Home Love One Another Love One Another Love One Another - Service The Morning Breaks A Mother's Eyes Reflect the Love of Heaven My Father's Faith My Mother's Love My Redeemer Lives Onward, Christian Soldiers Our Savior's Love - LDS Wheelchair Humanitarian Service - This one was made by the church. Passion of the Christ Ending - I Stand All Amazed - He is Risen Peace Like a River Praise to the Man - A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief - The last 15 minutes of Joseph Smith's life. Saints Bound for Heaven Sweet Hour of Prayer They, the Builders of the Nation This Is the Christ We Ever Pray for Thee We Listen to a Prophet's Voice We Love thy House, O God We'll Shout and Give Him Glory What Shall We Give to the Babe in the Manger Where Can I Turn for Peace The Whole Armor of God - Mormon Tabernacle Choir Were You There When They Crucified My Lord You'll Never Walk Alone We Thank Thee, O God, For A Prophet - Music video of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing We Thank Thee, O God, For A Prophet while the church does the sustaining of President Thomas S. Monson for the first time, on April 5, 2008. We Thank Thee, O God, For A Prophet - Here Thomas S. Monson also bears his testimony. We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet - Ezra Taft Benson We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet - Gordon B Hinckley We thank thee, O God, for a Prophet - Howard W Hunter We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet - Lorenzo Snow We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet - Spencer W Kimball Youtube Channel Page - Fill free to subscribe. I don't think I'm done yet. Facebook page - Get daily videos on your wall. Doctrine and Covenants 25:12 For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads. Which is how I got DandC25v12 for my youtube username. Christmas Music Videos
  18. If you've ever wanted to listen to old General Conference talks, take a look at this Channel. LDS General Conference I've uploaded over 2,250 talks, going all the way back to April 1975!! Be sure to watch this,
  19. My name is John Cole. I am a lifer and am married with 4 kids....this looks like a great little place to get in touch with LDS members from anywhere. Also I am looking for people that served in the San Juan, Puerto Rico mission from if you did or know someone who did drop me a line. THX! John Cole
  20. hi! my name is kristen smith! i write a blog about everyday life being a convert to the church. i cannot tell you all how many times i have tried to find other blogs about LDS life BUT all i ever find is anti-lds blogs! i would love for you to check out my blog...i am honest, and real about my life and how it has changed since being baptized and becoming lds. here is the link to the first entry i can continue my story from there! through the eyes of a mormon girl: introductions....
  21. Hello! My name is Melisa. I am a recent convert to the LDS community. I was taught by to awesome Missionaries. I know that the Gospel is true because of them teaching me. I also know that by learning I can be with my Heavenly Father again. I would like to share what little of testimony I have with you now. When I first went to the church I was studying Wicca. I had a couple books on the subject and was reading them. I got about 5-10 pages in, in about a week. I went to church got the Gospel Principles book and could not put the book down. I asked for lessons before I started reading the GP. I felt a tug on my heart that day so I asked for lessons. I took all my lessons and before my lessons were done about the 2nd one in we had a baptismal date set. I was baptized the the 19th of June and confirmed the following Sunday. I have never felt better in my life! I always know that no matter where I go I always have Heavenly Father with me! I am loving my life and helping my family get back on track. I say these things in Jesus Christ's name. Amen.
  22. Guest

    Searching here..

    I am Filipino Catholic living at the middle of the city here in the Philippines. I would like to know more about LDS and become part of you someday. If I could spend the rest of my life learning about Jesus Christ that would be so much gift from God if He let this happen. Please of someone could help me, here is my contact [Removed]. You may also reach me from my company im working with, here is the number [Removed]. Please help me find you.
  23. oh well here we go .... hello all I am known to some as Lds_mafia to others i was known as Trogeinx or DarqueSultan on the WWW that is. once upon a time i would boot the Mormons out of christian chat on yahoo and it got so bad i was actually warned by yahoo to slow it down until i meet an old man who told me of a site so i went to it and started my learning. Too dut a long testimony short I'm here aint I. oh yes i am LDS but I'm still rough around the edges so if i offend you I'm Sorry. i have another site that i fire off at sites that preach but not teach the truth just follow the lds_mafia on Google. My stats are clear as follows male, too old, married happily, i live in Aotearoa but i am American born Italian Maori (Native Aotearoa) i am an ex gang member that grew up. any thing else just ask me ... oh and I'm nice but only to those with respect. Kia Ora Eho
  24. In my ward, a lot of the youth play video games. Xbox, Playstation, PC, you name it. We play all kinds of games, from Guitar Hero/Rock Band to Halo. We do occasional parties where video games are involved, and one of my fellow deacons owns a variety of vintage arcade games. Anyway, I find that enjoy playing certain games that my parents don't seem to like. For example, I love playing Doom, Quake, and the Halo games. I also play a little Modern Warfare every now and again. But my parents do not like these games. "violent" and "evil" and some words used by them to describe the games I play. I know for a fact that a Mormon, Sandy Peterson, was one of the creators of Doom and Quake. Anyway, I just wanted to get some opinions from other Latter Day Saints. Are some of the games I play bad? I am not offended by the violence, and I despise games with sexual content or heavy swearing. I just find first person shooters very fun.
  25. Lindsey_H


    Okay, well first off I'm Lindsey. I was baptized at 17 in november 2008. I was a active member up until a few months before my 1 year as a member came up when I moved. I came back 3 months later and got a job and it's been an additional 5 months since then. I haven't been able to attend any church due to work at home depot and I'm going through a difficult time. I feel like I've lost my virtue I guess. I swear, have a tattoo[in memory of a deceased friend], I smoke occasionally, I do lots an lots of things I shouldn't. I've become more and more saddened by my actions and have been begging work for Sundays off and 3denied requests later here I am. Still fighting what is right and wrong internally. I miss church and I want to go on a mission when I'm 21 but I'm also in love with a man in AZ that is a whole different set of problems... With him everything is total perfection we want kids together and have planned our loves together bit he's too afraid to be a man and live away from his family. He's a devout Jehovahs witness and is treated like a baby literally at the age of 23. I've expressed to him that I don't see his church as true and his faith actually depresses me a little...well it does a lot...but he still is set that if we marry I MUST be JW. I can't do it. I'm sure he is the one for me. I feel it with every bone in my body and like heavenly father has sent him to me. He refuses to see any of the lds missionaries or even look at the docterine. But we have managed to have a middle ground and have the occasional scripture reading and discussion of the two printings of scripture. Any ways, in a nutshell work is destroying my ability to stay close to heavenly father through sacrament meetings and this guy is perfect only he wants me to join his church which I can't join because I know the LDS church is true and the gospel is true. Thank you for reading. Any tips or advice will be welcomed. - Lindsey H