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Intro: Will you marry me Years ago when my wife and I were recently married, and her younger sister was a teenager at the time, she asked me one time something along the lines of "if I was single would you marry me?" I was shocked at the question and quickly changed the subject because of the impropriety of it all. She could have asked a totally different question like "do you believe I have virtue and personal qualities that would make me someone appealing to good guys." She didn't think through the question but just gave the raw honest question. Awkward. Fast forward some 5 or 6 years later, and now the answer is sometimes I think about that, and more. I think about wanting to be with my sister-in-law. Yikes or gross? For the past two years just about every time I engage in dialogue or conversation, or if we're talking on the phone I just realize how awesome of a person she is. She also is very attractive and very down to earth. My wife, who is her older sister, is one of the best people I have ever met, and I am happily married (I will get back to this later.). She, my sister-in-law, let's call her Natalie, on our last phone call, gave me some kind compliments. Recently Natalie said, "that seeing my kids makes her want to have kids of her own" and on another occasion told my wife that she looks up to our me and my wife's marriage. I spoke to her recently and I told her I had to go which he firstly said "Okay, I love you. I will talk to you later." This is abnormal as I tell this to my actual sisters, and I come from a very open loving family. But is this appropriate for my sister-in-law? Why? Just why?! God Complex or something I think I have some more psychological issues going on, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I have these feelings about Natalie now, but I have noticed that I am just a huge flirt. I don't try to flirt with other women, but I love attention from women and talking to them. I just find the back and forth intriguing and the novelty of getting to know the other person something I love to do. I enjoy making new friends, and we're the type of people that invite friends from Church over for Sunday dinners, through Christmas parties, I mean I joke with my wife that my nickname in high school was OFG. One fun guy. I know that not every woman is interested in me, but I get so confused because I'm a friend and outgoing guy who isn't afraid of being both men and women compliments; e.g. my guy friend from church I always talk to I call him "Ken Doll" because he's ridiculously good-looking dude, and trust me I'm not gay, I just call it like it is. Anyways, I can recognize the Spirit where the lines are. When introducing myself to the attendant at the gym, and the conversation lingers too long and she seems friendly I end the conversation and move on. Etc. etc. I practice on the Spencer W. Kimball rules about not being along with other single or married women which I totally agree with. But why am I seeking interest from someone outside my spouse? A good friend, and a good guy, but I'm holding a grenade in my family room Because this is anonymous, we can be honest. I'm a good guy. Putting modesty aside and we're all adults we know what that generally means. I have a temple recommend, been married in the temple, make 6 figures, serve in multiple church callings, my wife stays home with our kids, I give anonymous amounts of money to friends and family, 100% home teaching, serving widows, I don't say all of this because I need internet approval, but to just make the point that I'm not a bad person or looking to hurt people. People want to be my friend, and I try to make many friends. But I have noticed something has been in leadership callings before. The more "successful" men become the more likely they are to cheat, steal, lie and blow up their family. Pride is the sin of Zion, someone wiser than me once said. We have about 6 active divorce LDS moms in our ward. All of them were cheated on by their husbands, who were, all 6 figure respectable professionals with an appearance about a 6. The same pattern reoccurs again and again. Good looking guy with money can't take the attention of other women and blows up their family. Welcome to divorce court where men have no rights. Goodbye life. I understand that I fit that profile. I'm a solid 7-8 being overweight if I lost 20 lbs. I'm a 9. I'm actually scared of losing weight because I remember being thinner and have more attention from women. I don't want to blow up my family, and I don't want to be unfaithful. I've learned that sad song of sorrow before and look to learn from error of my past. The Scenario on Repeat with Natalie We're alone. Only myself and Natalie sitting on a park bench. I look at her and tell her, "Natalie, remember when you asked me a long time ago if you were wifey material? [her reply] then I respond, Well, the answer is that you absolutely are. You are an amazing, smart, funny, beautiful and talented person and perhaps even in another lifetime, since you asked, I would be lucky to married to you." I have a near overwhelming desire to tell this to her, but I know if I do I'm pulling the pin on the grenade.Almost to see what her reaction would be. Would she reciprocate? Would she get awkward? I dunno, but not knowing is exactly why it's appealing. The Ask How can I have a relationship with my sister in law and not feel this way? If I am flirting, or sending signals of interest to women, how do I stop or recognize I'm doing it? How can I be obsessed with my wife, to the point I don't seek interest elsewhere? What if I tell my sister in law my "scenario"? Please and thank you. -Ragnar

*Note that the one other thread I've made has been resolved, I now wear my garments "day and night." So please don't bring that up.* My significant other and I are talking seriously about marriage, but he lives about 6 hours away in a neighboring state. I go to a university in my city and am a sophomore. I have college paid for at this university and he has not yet started as he is recent RM. He's looking into BYUi and other such colleges that are states away. I also have a way to pay for my future law degree as long as I stay in my home state. I would go where he wants if it wasn't for the issue of paying for it. Should he go to the college of his choice and we wait to get married for 3+ years until I finish, or should he compromise and come to the university in my city? We're having a lot of trouble figuring it out and any outside opinions and points of view could really help. Thanks in advance.

I'm new to these forums, so forgive me if I don't folow the regular social cues. So a bit of background, I'm 20 years old and just married 2 months ago to the most wonderful man (21). We've know each other for a long time, and I've loved him for every second of it. We're having no relationship issues, we've got through every trial we've had together. But lately I've been getting some strong feelings in my day to day life and when I pray that we should be having children. Don't get me wrong, we both want kids, but we want to wait for the right time, which we thought would be in at least 2-3 years. Right now, we're just not in a good position for it. We're really low on money, both looking for new jobs (he is working, I am not), struggling to figure out how we're both going to go back to college, and still getting used to being married. I know I should bring it up with him, but I don't know how. I've always been able to tell him everything, but I think that having kids right now scares me, and the fact that it almost seems like the right thing to do scares me even more. So I guess I'm just looking for advice. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? What did you do? Did it work out? I want to trust in God, and it seems like these feelings are from God, but logically it seems so wrong.

I had someone challenge me to ponder on the meaning of sexuality within the LDS marriage. In the temple we make a covenant of obedience and then me make a covenant of the law of chastity. Wouldn't the law of chastity been covered under the law of obedience? To me it means that we are supposed to be sexual beings, but what does that mean?

Hi, I am new to the site, just wanted to ask anyone who might be able to help. I am having a hard time finding any young lady who is a member to date. I live in an area with few mormons and because of current circumstances, I am not able to move. I am 19, red headed, going to school for accounting. I have a strong testimony, and I want anyone I date seriously to have the same, or atleast an understanding of the gospel. I am open minded to nonmembers, I just dont want to lower my standards and lose any chance of the spirit being involved. Anyway, if anyone knows any single lady that has similar issues, let me know. I dont want to seem awkward or desperate, just frustrated. Thanks

Looking for input from the forum from both men & women (over the age of 18 and preferably married or been married). Little background, my wife and I are members and have been involved with a marriage seminar for the last 15 years, so we are well versed in dealing with marriage and relationship issues. Our Bishop has approached us about teaching a marriage class that is outside the normal information the church has released (Strengthening Marriage, Strengthening Marriage & Family). He is wanting us to put together a class that teaches real tools and information that help couples with communication, conflict resolution, forgiveness, sex & intimacy etc. Class has started and going very well but we are needing some unbiased LDS input. One of the things we want to discuss in class is sex & intimacy. We have some ideas but want to see if were on track. From an LDS standpoint, what questions would you want answered or information would you want to learn about with your spouse in this class regarding sex & intimacy to improve your relationship?

Hello everyone I will make this brief as possible and I will take ANY advice that helps save my marriage. Im a recent convert, my wife (gf at the time) had me investigate and I chose to join. We have been together for 6 years married for 1. She is 23 I am 26. Since getting married she has been doubting whether she made the right decision. She tells me she's depressed and unhappy. I am a person who worries about everything. I worry one day she will cheat or lie. My worst nightmare became my reality yesterday when I found a picture of another mans (you know what) on her snap chat. She struggled to take her phone before I could get. I went into a rage. I yelled I screamed i told her hurtful things, the worst part is I grabbed her shoulder and push her away from me a couple times to keep her from taking her phone back. I am devastated. She is the woman I trust and love and our history is deep and eventful. She is the reason I wake up. I love her more than anything in this world and I left appalled Speech less and in more pain than I could ever explain. Her parents do not believe she had been chatting with the man and had asked for any pictures from him. I confronted the man and he went on to tell me they had flirted and she said "I wouldn't mind getting a picture" she never opened the Snapchat from him I'm assuming out of guilt but she knew it was there. After a lot of yelling and crying and some physical contact and her phone getting broke in the process she has left to her parents. She explained to them she doesn't know the man and he sent that unexpectedly. She lied to them to keep her innocent image with her family. I talked to her father and explained that I talked to the man and verified my wife encouraged him. She even told him she wasn't married. He went on to tell me I should believe my wife only. EVEN THOUGH I CAUGHT HER red handed and confirmed this with the guy. I'm devastated she has left me and is moving out. She doesn't expect we will be together and I'm now feeling rather suicidal. Please help me anyone.

I recently just found out that my husband & eternal companion was cheating on me. We've been married for 3 years, have 2 beautiful children; a 2 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. We've been married for 3.5 years and sealed for almost 2 years. We didn't marry in the temple because I was not yet a member. But after having my daughter and being 6 months pregnant with my son, my husband started his 'evil doings.' He created a new facebook page for himself (we had a shared fb page) and started to add girls. After they accepted, he would instantly PM them with very flirtatious messages. This flirting business was ongoing for almost 18 months. Just last month, he asked me if he could go to a social with his cousins. I said 'yes' because I trusted him and I trusted his cousins. At the social, was one of the married sisters who we had previously been in the same ward. This sister was much older than my husband by at least 20 years and had sons the same age as my husband. In fact, her sons were very close friends with my husband. That night, my husband and this sister began their sexual affair. From what I can gather, they only went to 1st & 2nd base. A couple of days later they met up again after my husband had finished work, at their 'usual spot' in the carpark of the local swimming pool. Again they went 1st & 2nd base. They met up again days later, doing the exact same things at the exact same spot. My husband then went interstate just at the beginning of this month, for a sporting tournament he had asked me if he could go watch with his foster brother. Of course I didn't like the idea of him going, but my husband is not one to usually listen to me. So off he went interstate, leaving Friday night & returning Sunday night. My husband and his brother were supposed to be staying at a close friend of his (known each other for 7 years) but that was not the case. Two weeks before he left interstate, my husband met a young girl who lived in that city. They began to talk and flirt. Him telling her that things between us were 'complicated' and that we were no longer together and that he hardly sees the children because we've moved away. So he asked her if he could come stay there with her and she said yes. My husband had left me and the kids to go interstate where he was supposed to be watching a sports tournament but was instead having sexual relations and breaking word of wisdom. He returned home to me & the kids and acted as if everything was normal and for me, I thought everything was normal. It wasn't until this past weekend, we were in bed; he was sleeping and I was preparing my lesson for church the next day. I looked at his phone and starting to go through this phone. I found the app 'snapchat' and thought 'why does he have snapchat? He didn't say anything about having it.' But what made me suspicious was that he had hidden the app with all the sports apps, thinking I'd never find it. I opened his snapchat account and found numerous messages between him and girls, but that's how I found out about the 'interstate chick.' I immediately woke him up, demanding an explanation. He just looked at me puzzled and scared; scared because he had just been caught. I cried all night, pleading with Heavenly Father to take away my hurt & pain. In the morning, I continued my search on his phone; where I found the new fb & instagram accounts. This is where I learnt of the affair with the old married sister. I was ready to walk out on this marriage. I was ready to take my babies and never look back. But after countless hours of council from my husbands parents & sister (who are very strong members) I finally stopped packing. I had decided to give him a second chance. Am I doing the right thing? I'm a convert to the church and I know a temple sealing is something sacred and should not be 'cancelled' unless under certain circumstances. My husband promised that he would change - try to be a better father, husband, priesthood holder. However I haven't seen any effort? I've changed all the passwords to his social network and deactivated all accounts, including our shared page. I can't help but think that I've made a huge mistake giving him a second chance.. I'm just trying to salvage whatever is left of my marriage? From one very heartbroken wife..

In January I submitted an article to Meridian Magazine at ldsmag.com titled Divorce and the Eternal Perspective in the LDS Church. Recently I looked through the comments and noticed most agreed it was very uplifting, and one...not so much. I didn't take offense at all. I know very well people have different perspectives and appreciate a certain voice when it comes to advice and comfort. My voice can only reach so far, but I'm hoping it reaches a bit further by posting it here. http://ldsmag.com/divorce-and-the-eternal-perspective-in-the-lds-church/

My name is Chelsea Curran and I'm a newly published author! My first book "Unseen Road to Love" comes out April 11th, and I wanted to have the chance to connect with all my fellow LDS romance readers about the books we love so much, and why they make our hearts sing. I'm a young single adult and spent the last six years trying to figure out the ins and outs of love. At 18, my parents decided to divorce. It wasn't messy, but it struck a raw nerve that forced me to see that growing up, the evidence of their love wasn't consistently present, especially later in their marriage. It was when my mother had agreed with the quote, "Love is what's leftover after the passion and the romance dies" that I wondered if love was even worth pursing. My parents were grieving over so much emotional heartache that it left me with very little hope for myself. At the time I wasn't much of a reader besides enjoying the "Harry Potter series" or "Twilight", and my friends took it upon themselves to introduce me to the wonderful world of LDS literature. Over the past six years, I've read roughly 450 romance novels. Most LDS, others Christian themed or morally based. During this time of intense romantic study, I gained the perspective of literally dozens of authors and their take on what love is truly about. It's one thing to watch a movie where actors portray a feeling on behalf of the writer, but it's another to dive deeply into the thoughts of someone who truly believe love does exist and can be found. Over time, I started gaining my own dating experience and began to apply what was real and what was fantasy based on what I read. What's amazing is that I was able to relate to LDS romances, not just for the obvious reasons, but because each story contains a certain amount of realism in love. If anybody knows of Anita Stansfield, then they know her content contains a lot of trials that people overcome not just in love, but in life. They are stories that people can relate to, such as dealing with divorce, infidelity, death, illness, etc., specifically in the church. These topics are disheartening, but real and allow people to feel a certain empathy in a situation where they lack emotional support. What's even better is that she applies gospel teachings in a realistic example to show how people can heal from it. Of course there others that are just plain fun and put a comedic twist on issues that are my entire life. Living in the single's ward, my lifestyle is every bit as cheesy, dramatic, complicated and awesome as the books are. Finally, I was able to relate to something in bigger ways than "Twilight". Not to bag on "Twilight" but I think you know what I'm talking about. Overtime, as I obtained my own philosophies and writing skills from education and observation, I decided to write my own novel. Gradually I gained more experience in life, refining my ways in how to deal a good story, but more importantly, I learned how to tell a real story directed to the hearts of people who feel the things as I do. I didn't have a big voice growing up, but this was my chance to say something that I learned from all my fellow authors out there. LOVE IS REAL AND ITS FANTASTIC...IF YOU WORK FOR IT. As a teen, I had little hope for it as I blossomed into adulthood, but I had authors willing to share their voice, who gave me what I needed to move forward with confidence and understanding in finding someone to experience it with. I wanted the chance to do the same for others, and so I wrote a story inspired by real events and people who have changed my life for the better. Cedar Fort Publishing felt I did just that! If you want to know more, check out my website chelseacurranauthor.com or search my LDS romance novel "Unseen Road to Love" on Amazon, available for preorder. My friend and I also have a web show on YouTube called "Words on the Rocks" where we talk about dating in the singles ward and even reenact the awkward dating stories people send us. So tell me...what is your favorite LDS romance novel, and why?

This might be a little out there but has anyone ever thought polygamy wasn't outdated? I fell in love with, well the 'Mormon' way of life through observing polygamy through shows such as 'Big love' and 'Sister wives' so I was open to the idea when I began to investigate the LDS church. I'm still a good standing member, served a mission and I'm not about to go apostate. Sometimes I wonder if it was outdated because it geniuenly was, or because of local law pressures. I'm just wondering if others would ever practice the principle or plural marriage if the first presidency brought it back. Maybe some LDS do still practice in secret.

I am 20 years old and married. My sister has a baby and her and her fiance live with my parents, as do me and my husband because we are going through a move. My husband wants kids so badly and he is so good with them but I have absolutely no desire. No matter how cute or sweet a baby or kid is, I still can only get myself to be around them for a short time. Everyone is pressuring me saying I have to have kids and I feel absolutely guilty that I want nothing to do with them. I am repulsed by them and I honestly think I would be a bad mom. I think most kids are spoiled little brats and when I see my sister let my 1 year old niece get away with everything, it angers me even more. I want to want kids for my husband but I have absolutely no desire and I don't know what to do. I have never had the urge to have kids and I have never liked babysitting since I was of age to and I avoided babies like the plague. I don't know what to do, I don't think I will ever change my mind...

Hello, Before anything else, I want to explain what the situation is. I have been dating this girl for around 4 and 1/2 years now. She is a member of the LDS church and I am not. Recently we broke up, even though we both still love each other very much, because she thought that God told her to do so. She wanted someone who could marry her in the temple and hold the priesthood, and I can not provide those things as a non-member. Through a week of praying and fasting, God gave me an answer that was "keep fighting for her, she is the one". Even though I am not LDS, my relationship with God is strong. We have since discussed the fact that we both got different answers, and have agreed to go 1 week without contact, and pray everyday about the situation. I know God wouldn't lie, and may have been using the break up as a way to awaken my spiritual side and allow for individual growth during that time and that we will end up back together. Do any of you believe in interfaith marriages? I have spoken with members that are married to non-members who are happily married. I know that I can be sealed to someone after death, is there a way to provide blessing to my children without the priesthood? If she were to come back to me, and I felt that I shouldn't convert, she would be giving up a temple marriage and preisthood, but God wouldn't let us be unhappy. I would love to hear what you have to say. Thank you for your time.

Hey So this is a question I posed to the missionaries in my most recent lesson, and they said I should just ask online to look for an answer. The Church places a lot of importance on marriage, and having kids. It's considered a part of the Plan of Salvation. But the Church also says that it's important to live like Christ and that, by being baptised, you agree to follow Christ's example. Yet Christ never got married. If marriage is so important, and if we're meant to live like Christ, why didn't He get married or have kids? Is that a sign that marriage/family isn't as important as the Church says it is?

I've struggled with severe depression since I was in high school. I was never officially diagnosed until my early 30s. I started taking medication about 7 years ago. I was married in 2002. For a few years before I got married, and a few years after I got married, I would use pornography as a way of escaping my depression. It was a mental bandaid of sorts. I don't think I was ever addicted to pornography. But it was a problem for a while. I knew it was wrong but it was also one of the only outlets I had when my depression would flare up. When I started taking medication, my life literally did a 180. I was able to think clearly. I didn't have suicidal thoughts any more. I felt happy for the first time since high school. And I stopped watching pornography. I guess you could say the medication filled the void. She's obviously aware of the depression. And she's extremely supportive. But I never told her about the pornography. I haven't watched pornography for years. And I have no desire to watch it. But there's a lingering guilt that's always with me. I feel like there's a weight I need to get off my shoulders. I feel like I need to talk to her. But I don't know how. I don't know what to say. And I'm worried about how she'll react. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

I'm in despair and have sought out advice which led me to this message board. I am a non-active member of the church and haven't been active in over 20 years. I haven't been anti-church and often find myself standing up for the church in circles of friends. I went on a mission, was married a year after I came home and had 6 children over the following 12 years. My 1st wife left the church and ended our marriage. My family was split in half and I ended up raising my two youngest daughters on my own. My ex-wife wouldn't allow our two boys to move in with me but this past year they both asked to live with me and my new wife. To my main point, I was remarried 3 years ago to a woman with 2 children. I wasn't looking to get married but she kept after me and actually asked me to please marry her. I said no for several months and then realized I really did love her. I said yes and we had a civil marriage with just our parents and children at the ceremony. She is active and I am not. She wears her garments, is faithful to no end. I haven't worn garments in 12 years. Recently my sons have been asking about getting baptized and I had the missionaries give the discussions. I started going to church regularly and thought this is a nice change and a good direction. The stake president asked us to meet with him and during the conversation he asked if we are getting sealed. I was excited and said I would like it very much. My wife said no, she didn't want to because she was already sealed to her ex-husband and she had a testimony about it. It was like cold water slowly covering my body, I was shocked and saddened. The topic would come up, on her account, from time to time and she expressed to me that she wanted this very much. Some more info, her ex-husband left her while she was pregnant with their 2nd child. He had an affair and left his wife for another woman. Last year her ex-husband committed suicide leaving me as the only father figure for the two youngest children. She doesn't want to be sealed to me, rather, she wants to stay sealed to her ex-husband. How do I deal with her wanting her ex-husband that committed adultery during pregnancy and abandoning her over choosing me? I am stunned at this development because I am the antithesis of her ex-husband. Her ex-husband was also more inactive than I ever was. I'm crushed, absolutely devastated and am thinking I'd rather be single again and live in my solitude.

First off. I am a mid single and I love it, however this will be a question about eternal marriage. I do not want this to come across as a bitter rant, because it isn't. Noooooo, no, no. The purpose of this topic is to gain insight and get some theraputic release into why mid singles who are in their mid thirties go straight up weird and desperate. I'll elaborate.......For the past 11 years I have met a sizable amount of members at church, "the majority of whom are return missionaries, college graduates, and obviously active because I wouldn't have me them in the first place" who, starting right around age 28 begin expressing this sadness about not being married and begin to develop a deep, bitter regret about life. This sadness has reduced full grown men to tears and turned other wise polite, timid, ermm "awkward" girls into raving lunatics. I know that a temple marriage is one of the main goals every Mormon who's really a Mormon should aim for however why is it that they go straight up cray cray? I have had girls every year for the past 7 years try to guilt trip me into dating them and ask me in public and online to marry them. One time when I refused to be this girl's boyfriend she started to scream, cry and stomp her feet on the ground at a mall in plain view of everyone. Just last year a friend of mine asked me to be her boyfriend in a McDonald's and when I told her that I wanted to just remain friends, she broke down and sobbed in plain view of everyone for a whole hour. That kicked off a 5 month-long, downhill slide that culminating with her going straight up psycho on me, shaming me on Facebook and an attempt to get me fired from my job. I'll spare you all the the details about the stuff others have actually said up on the pulpit (Fast Sundays) to try and get attention in some really, really poorly calculated attempt to appear adorkable because quirky is better than boring.... right? I'm sure you've all seen your share. I'm not trying to lampoon anyone but I just want some answers. Answers to questions like, What is it about this whole being alone thing and even this whole getting old thing where seemingly normal people willingly transform themselves into human train wrecks??? What gets switched-on "or off" in the minds of people when they near the big 3-0 that they go completely nuts? I am getting sick of dealing with it, and when I have talked about these experiences with others I get treated like there is something wrong with me for having had anything to do with these people. And to think this all came about from me interacting with them because of my callings in church or just by sitting within 5 feet of them. Also I am currently living in Honolulu, and from what I've heard my experiences are not just unique to the church... but it seems like there is a large number of slightly "off" people who come here. Any insights, suggestions, or advice would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Horrified and confused.

I want to start out by saying that I love my husband and I know he loves me. There is too much anger and distrust in our marriage though and I need your advice. I have never done anything like this so I don't really know where to start... My husband and I have been married for two years. Our lives are stressful as we both work full-time and go to school full-time. We try to date, but often times get wrapped up in our already difficult world. We are both very passionate, opinionated people and so we either love each other passionately or hate each other passionately. We are in this nasty cycle we can't break. He is very critical of what feels like everything (he was criticized a ton as a child so I think that is just the only way he knows how to talk) including me. The things he says are just little and generally well meant, but it is so frequent that I feel like I can't do a single thing right. I have become so defensive when I feel criticized that he says he feels like he is "walking on eggshells." I feel like I will never be able to please him and he frequent nagging. As time passes and we get more and more frustrated our fights get nastier. I get kind of passive aggressive. Recently, he has started swearing in our arguments and then saying really hurtful things and leaving me. I know we both share fault, but no matter what we have tried we have never been able to fix this one cyclical problem. I know our marriage will last, but I don't want it to last like this. I am tired of feeling so hopeless and helpless. I used to be so confident and happy, but recently I feel like I am scared and depressed all the time instead. Help!

So I am about two months away from getting married, and I am struggling with figuring out what a ring ceremony should include/look like. I am the only member in my family, and my fiance is the only in his. We are being sealed, but I really want to have a ceremony for my family and his family. The one blessing out of this is how supportive my mom has been. Our current plan is to start our reception with the ceremony and then go into dinner and dancing. What have you seen typically done in a ring ceremony? Thanks in advance.

I find myself in a very awkward situation. Not just awkward, but a personal and heartbreaking situation. The reason for my post is to anonymously post my situation and get peoples feedback and opinions. So yeah. Once again, awkward and heartbreaking situation. I find myself facing divorce. My husband and I have been best friends and known each other for 10 years, married for 5 of those. And we have two amazing children. Last year our relationship and my husband went threw an incredible difficult year. My husband didn't know if he made the right choice marring so young, if he still wanted marriage or his freedom, and was struggling with anxiety and depression. Because of these personal conflicts our relationship suffered greatly. The out come was my husband turning to drugs and alcohol as an escape and ended up having both an emotional and sexual affair. We separated after he finally confessed to what I had suspected all along and he mocked me for thinking such things....but they turned out to be true. After the separation my husband received some clarity and realized what a huge mistake he had made and how much he missed and loved me, couldn't live without me. So I agreed to try again, because I loved him, and I would feel stupid for not giving us a real chance of fixing this. So he promised to never contact her again, never do drugs again, get medicine to help with the anxiety and depression, and go to counseling. On top of that he said he would try to gain back the testimony he lost. So we were happy, bought a house together and were making real progress. months later he confesses he had a relapse with the drugs (three months earlier cause he thought he wouldn't need to tell me cause it was just a slip up) well in this slip up he had sex with her again.....and got her pregnant... He didn't want to have sex with her, I know that, and he told her that, he just wanted drugs....well she wanted more, and gave him a little more drug then he wanted and..well you know what happened. So it was a mistake that led to dire consequences. And I was originally willing to work with him on his problems. but im not so sure this is something we can work past anymore. We will have a living breathing reminder, forever. And yes he promises to be better and more aware of himself, but he is also afraid of himself, he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me more. And he is self aware and knows right now it might be easy to give up drugs but worries that he might change his mind in the future, worries he might WANT an affair in the future. And if he cant trust himself to not repeat these major offences how can I? After him already breaking my heart and trust twice!? We love each other and want to be together, we ultimately are perfect for each other, but with the choices he made I don't know if we can go forward. For the first time I don't know if love is enough. And if it does happen again there will be so much pain, anger and hate. I don't see myself being so forgiving a third time. So for us and our kids we think its better to end things now, on good terms, without risking making things worse. Is this the right choice? Should we press forward and not fear the "what if"? Is love enough? Is this a cowards choice? Or is this a healthy choice, smart and logical? What would you do?

Today I heard a program in which Michael Medved said that 70% of all FIRST TIME marriages stay intact until the death of one of the couple. We've been told for at least 30 years that the figure was only 50%...a lie that conflates 2nd+ marriages with first ones, to create the false illusion that divorce is uber-normal, and probably inevitable. As we see marriage redefined, family increasingly treated as an unimportant, if not oppressive social construct, perhaps the best we can do is continue to enjoy our children, our spouses, and the special fulfillment we share as we grow together, bound by the love of our God. There is no arrogance here. Every day I am humbled by my wife and children. Their love and acceptance of me is amazing. Their reaction to my feeble efforts at husbanding and fathering are gracious (and merciful). I love them, and thank God for the honor He's given me to play my role. May the deposits we make, as an intact family, into our areas of influence lead many to look to and glorify God.

If you were dying what would be the last thing you would try to tell those you cared about? Looking back at the April Conference addresses, Elder Packer's address was headed, "The end of all activity in the Church is to see that a man and a woman with their children are happy at home, sealed for eternity." Elder Perry's address was headed, "Family is the center of life and is the key to eternal happiness." Just a short time later they would pass away and the Supreme Court would rule in favor of same sex marriage. How profound and insightful their words seem now. Truly we have prophets in these latter-days.

My fiance basically began a relationship with a woman after about three months after we got engaged and three months before we were suppose to get married. It was with a woman from work who is 10 years older than him, she is married and has five kids. She told him that she had feelings for him (she was in a horrible marriage, her husband is just horrible) and my fiance reciprocated about a month later they ended up kissing on a few different occasions. He told me that when it started he thought he was losing feelings for me and thought he wasn't in love with me anymore. A month before our wedding my fiance told me and also our stake president. We broke up, but are now trying to work it out. Before it started he had to work everyday for over a month including sundays because the other supervisor was out of town. During this time we began fighting a lot, I was getting upset at him for no reason and I was dropping him off at work like that. We both weren't preparing well for our sealing, we were hardly reading our scriptures, praying, hadn't been to the temple since before we got engaged, we barely even read the marriage prep manual that our bishop gave us. We were both just really busy with school and work and I was stressed all the time and felt like our relationship was on auto-pilot. As long as i've known my fiance he's always been a righteous priesthood holder. This is so out of character for him and especially since the other woman is sealed to her husband. My fiance and I were friends for a while before we started dating and have been together for about two years. Its been almost two months since he told me and at first he was really emotional and depressed. He was crying all the time, he was upset that he hurt me and hurt her family. He kept telling me that he never thought he would do something like that. Now, he's been doing much better and is an even better boyfriend then he was before. I really believe that he'll never do anything like this again and I know that it is kinda normal for engaged couples to get cold feet and one ends up doing something similar and they still end up getting married eventually. The hardest thing for me is not knowing how this will affect our relationship if we do get married. Infidelity is everywhere, in movies, books, magazines, music, everywhere. How do we handle uncomfortable situations like that. People always say Satan is going to work harder on you now because you are engaged and to me that meant physical intimacy which we never had a problem with. I didn't think the adversary would be working on us emotionally. I just want to know if this is possible to get through and if its possible not to let this affect me in the future. I know it was just a kiss but its still hard. He's not done with his repentance process yet and hasn't gotten his temple recommend back yet. My bishop told me to be patient and that I wouldn't be able to make a decision until he has fully repented and has a clear conscious.

Nathan Collier said he was inspired by the recent Supreme Court decision that made marriage equal. He said he was particularly struck by the words of dissenting Chief Justice John Roberts who claimed giving gay couples the right to marry, might inspire polygamy. And so this week, Mr Collier and his two wives, Victoria and Christine, entered a courthouse in Billings, Montana, and sought an application to legalise the trio’s polygamous union, “Right now we're waiting for an answer," Mr Collier told The Independent. “I have two wives because I love two women and I want my second wife to have the same legal rights and protection as my first.” He added: "Most people are not us. I am not trying to define what marriage means for anybody else - I am trying to define what marriage means for us." Read full article here

Ugh. I was so sad to see another loveless marriage claim less than one month old. I am in the same bind, and was hoping to see something more positive. Let me start out by saying I know I am clinically depressed. Because my husband lost his job, and therefore his insurance, at the same time as our PCP retired, we were without a doctor and no clinic would continue on antidepressants for a long term basis. We have insurance again, and I am already scheduled for an in-depth appointment at the end of the month, and I will be receiving proper medication then. The cause of my depression began as chronic pain; I was injured in a car wreck which triggered daily migraines and fibromyalgia. Because of my medical issues, when the company I was working for was sold, and my MIL was needing more help around the house, we chose that I NOT reapply and remain home to be available. My MIL eventually was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, was put into a care facility, and has since died. So I am home, unemployed for 8 years; my health problems have continued and worsened, so we have never thought me going back to work to be something able to be done. We are in our 50's and early 60's, have one grown son. We own our own home, with a minimal mortgage and own another home outright that we are preparing for sale. Because of credit card debt, when I left my job, we decided that withdrawing my 401K and using that money to clear up debt would be the right thing to do. BUT then my husband's job was eliminated. He was given a good severance package, but it changed him. Over 30 years with one employee and told he was no longer wanted or needed...he broke. He got another job fairly quickly, but lost that job as well. So the 401K fund was sapped out fairly quickly. He has since worked another job....which ended when the position was eliminated. At this time, a small pension fund was made available to me, and we NEEDED it for a source of income. So now that is almost gone. I have no funds left, no job, and no disability payments possible. But I live in a loveless marriage and need to leave. He says he loves me, but does not show it. He does what he wants when he wants to do it, and unlike the majority of stories I've read, that means he does NOTHING when he is not working. Unless it directly is for him. He has no interests, and literally will go to work in the morning, come home (often making stops to run errands without 1) telling me what errands he needs done so I can do them during the day and/or 2) calling me to tell me he will be late. He doesn't try to do anything and when I ask it always turns into an argument. He shrugs and walks away, saying he'll do better, but that never lasts more than a few days. Then it's back to work, sleep in front of the TV, bed, and work. And NOTHING else. He has no sex drive at all. I knew before we were married that he had been curious about homosexuality, but he assured me it had been short-lived and not what he wanted. He lied. He is not sexually attracted to me and hasn't been for decades. I thought it was me, until I found gay porn. He admitted that was his attraction. I cannot be a man. And yesterday, he lied to me and tried to hide things from me. He was in a minor fender bender; his fault, but an accident nonetheless. He chose to withhold all information about it from me, until he figured I wouldn't get mad. And lied to me about what he had been doing in the two times I had expected to see him that afternoon. He doesn't care, or at least, he doesn't seem to care that lies and secrets disrespect and hurt me. We live as housemates, sharing a bed because we only have one. But that is all we share: a house, a bed, and a paycheck. I know he is depressed, but he will not do anything about it. He refuses to see a doctor about anything. And he turns it all around as my fault. He lied to me when we got married, about something else, too. His parents lived a loveless marriage, living together under the same roof, separate rooms for 30 years, separate paychecks and expenses, separate interests....and I told him I would not want that and he had to promise me he did not himself and would not "become his parents." He becoming more like them as time goes on. And it doesn't bother him. Nothing bothers him, just ask. Everything is "fine." Always. I need out. I want to be happy. I want a life. I want to feel and be loved by someone. I want to feel wanted. But I am stuck with no money, no job, no marriage, no life outside my home, no friends, and no Church....because he is active, counselling would include his sexual proclivities, and that could damage his membership...I haven't been to Church myself in a long time. I cannot lie to them about it, and it would ruin that aspect of his life. I can't do that to him. I suppose here I should say that his original 30 year employer? The Church. When you need a temple recommend to hold your job, but don't have sex with your wife because she is not a man.....that wouldn't work out. So I stayed away. How much do I need to put up with? How can I manage on my own? How much more do I need to lose in this life? I have no one but him, loveless or not. That is not the life I want. I have no hope for better. There. I vented. I can't say it helped, if anything it makes it all the more clear.