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In the Disney movie Tangled, Rapunzel sings about being isolated in her tower and wondering when she’ll be able to truly start living her life. Rapunzel fits the profile of a faithful Mormon single adult: She’s a hard worker, she’s morally pure, and she displays a zest for life that is absolutely contagious. In her opening musical number, she sings: I’ll reread the books If I have time to spare I’ll paint the walls some more, I’m sure there’s room somewhere. And then I’ll brush and brush, and brush and brush my hair Stuck in the same place I’ve always been. And I’ll keep wonderin’ and wonderin’ And wonderin’ and wonderin’ When will my life begin? There are many Mormon single adults who can empathize with Rapunzel’s situation. One of my friends once told me that he feels life doesn’t truly begin until you’re married. Given the strong emphasis on marriage and family in the Mormon Church, I wasn’t surprised he felt this way. There are many single adults that long for marriage, feel “stuck in the same place I’ve always been,” and wonder, just like Rapunzel, “When will my life begin?” However, the attitude that life doesn’t really start until you’re married isn’t just wrong – it’s harmful to your personal growth and search for an eternal companion. Read More

Am I crazy or not? I am beyond happy with I am with him. He makes me a better person and whenever I think of my future, he is in it. Him and I have been talking about waiting at least 6 months before getting engaged and then after that get married in December 2014. We are college students and I am going to be gone back home for four months and I believe that will be our true test for our relationship, it's going to either make us or break us. However, I feel it will make us stronger. I want to marry him because he is just a genuine guy that is amazing and wonderful. He is sweet, kind, patient, loving, understanding, trustworthy, honest, strong (mentally and emotionally), has respect for me and others, selfless and just has amazing qualities. We also have a lot of things in common. We both agreed that the reasons why we want to get married is because we want to be by each others sides for the rest of our lives, we want to come home to each other and be able to come home and discuss our days with each other and comfort and confide in each other, and just be there for each other through the thick and thin,also we want to raise a family together (but that is down the road). People are thinking we are crazy for wanting to get married to each other, but we want to commit and work through everything together. We both have a lot of things in common and feel like we have known each other for a very long time. Are we insane or do you think we aren't? I do not know how to word this question. How about opinions? By the way he is 21 and I am 18. By December 2014 he will be 22 and I will be 19. Plus, we both want to finish our educations and not have kids until 5 years after college.

So, I am technically an investigator with a baptism date set for a few weeks in the future. I just turned 18 a couple of months ago, and, though I have been living by church standards for years, I wasn't allowed to formally pursue it until I left home for college. Now, of course, I am having to talk to my Catholic mom about this; I don't expect enthusiasm or whole-hearted support, but I just don't want her to be scared or to feel pushed away. My mom and I have a wonderful and loving relationship, and this hasn't estranged us at all. Unfortunately, she is content to accept whatever people who dislike the church tell her, she is suspicious about because she "doesn't know anything about it" and doesn't want to look into herself more, and, though she is a strong Catholic and actively practices her faith, she doesn't prioritize organized religion the same way I and other members of my family do (i.e. she thinks family comes first- more practically than spiritually- and that it takes precedence over certain supposed obligations). I know all the explanations, placations, and arguments I can offer her. What I am looking for are concrete sources that I can look at and/or send her in regards to her doubts: -examples of nonmember families (especially moms) accepting temple marriage and not feeling excluded -reasons and explanations as to why Mormons are Christians (and really good ones at that) -testimonies from nonmormons about how mormons are Christians/ good people/ a quality culture/ a good church (this would be even better from Catholics) -articles, etc. (especially from nonmormons) that dispel common misconceptions about the mormon church or note why the temple is a normal and good thing -reasons why it's important to get baptized (from individuals that seem authentic and relatable for her) Any help or things you can think of would be much appreciated!!!

I've been married for 13 years to a man I met in NZ while on his mission. We have 5 kids, he works and goes to school and we're in the process of finishing immigration, so I can finally have a job/career! (Our youngest started 1st grade this year) Here's my dilhema. I understand that by seeking out a divorce, you're breaking a covenant you have entered into with our Heavenly Father. I understand that divorce is ALWAYS hard, especially when kids are involved and that you should try to do all you can before resorting to something so final. I also realize that everyone has flaws and faults, so our marriage is definitely not one-sided, with me as the victim. We have gone to counselling, I've gone to solo counselling (I had a bad upbringing) I also have no family here in the country, nor are they members. I have attended the marriage class with my husband, on sundays. I've attended regular appointments with our Bishop in 3 different wards over several years. This is the first time, however, that I am truly striving to do the right thing. No matter WHAT! Here's where things get messy. My husband is abusive. Verbally, emotionally, sometimes physically. He degrades us (me & the kids) and then blames his actions ON us, he's constantly turning any situation around, so he is not the responsible one, and no matter how hard it is, I'll (not every time - I'm not perfect. But definitely 8 out of 10 times) respond with how I can change or what I need to improve in the situation, but can he understand that the way he dealt with whoever, screaming and calling them "you are a freaking MORONIC piece of S***. Useless a**hole - you're so pathetic." etc. etc. To be fair, I've lost it before as well, I'm not pointing out his shortcomings, all I'm trying to gain is advice on what do I do from here? He doesn't respect Bishophric authority, he has no recommend, I don't see him pray (to be fair - I think he does now and then) He doesn't read, and our children beg me to fix this. He also works 3 jobs, and attends school fulltime, so if he's not working nightshift, he's actually here maybe 24 hours in a total week? I've read talks, scriptures, prayed on what I can do differently - only now. I'm out of ideas. I feel like I'm not understanding the Spirit (he's told me it's not the Spirit telling me this or that ...???) But I can say, he believes in the Church. He just doesn't quite live it? Please give me any advice on what I could do to try to get him to see. Or should I take my children and break that covenant? Serious answers only, please. And Thanks. :)

Hey all, I'm new here. I just have some thought and questions I need to out and don't really have the kind of relationship with anyone that I can turn to in person. A little background. I went through a faith crisis over a year ago that completely changed how I view the world. At the start of it I was very lost and confused and frankly felt hurt and betrayed and didn't know what to believe about religion, especially Mormonism. Eventually, I worked through it, change my perspective greatly on any number of things, but eventaully got to the point I am now. I am still a practicing, "faithful", temple recommend holding member. I have made very few outward changes related to my new faith perspective. Mostly it is just in my mind/heart. Needless to say this was very devastating at the time to my wife who feared I was going to leave the church. Even after I got over the worst of it and assured her I would stay active, she has always worried that I might "change my mind." Moreover, since I shared many of my doubts at the time, she feels as though I've forever changed her faith as well, which I feel really remorseful for. If I could go back and change it I would have worked through it in private, but one rarely thinks straight in a crisis. Before faith crisis we'd occasionally have big fights but they would be many months between. Our biggest struggle was that I didn't communicate as much as she'd like. I was comfortable with silence and so she felt like I just didn't care. Fast forward to faith crisis and we were having major conflict 3 to 4 times a week. Even after the crisis passed for me we couldn't go a week without a major conflict. So much conflict has taken it's toll. It has really hurt our friendship and the foundation of our love. We even got to the point where divorce was brought up. She feels like we're so different now (again, because of how I interpret the gospel, not how I act) I've begged her many times to go to counseling and she won't. She's not very clear on why but I get the gist that it comes down to a fear of her concerns about our marriage being made to appear unjustified. She seems worried that therapist would side with me. Add to this she has anxiety and (undiagnosed) mild depression. We have 4 young children that are very high energy so she often is stressed and at her limit when I get home. She also has very low selfestem and tends to view many of her interactions with people in the worst light. By this I mean she is constantly appling negative meaning to slomething that doesn't have to be negative (such as so and so didn't reply to my text so she must not like me or I did something to offend here) She talks about going to a regular counselor but doesn't actually go. I feel bad for her. I really do. I realize that my crisis added greatly to her anxiety. She has told me she doesn't feel "the same love" for me anymore. Though at time she's also said she doesn't love me because I'm not the same person anymore. I've tried very hard to make positive changes to myself. I've read books on communication. I've gone out of my way to communicate more with her, even though I don't naturally feel so inclined. Since she wouldn't go to counseling I suggested we read a marriage book, which we diid. Even whild doing so we constantly fought. Sometime's I just don't know why I try. I long ago wondered if I even love her anymore. But I came across some advice to set a time frame in which you would not end it no matter what. The idea being that you would put all your effort into making things work for this 6 month period...kind of a last stand. So that's what i feel I've been doing. But I don't feel the same is reciprocated. I truely believe she has given up and is waiting for the time to lapse. Every time I express an unmet need, she cries and tells me how aweful a wife she is. Sometimes she says she'll change and start doing it (for example I ask that she go out of her way to show love by doing thoughtful, nice things for me, anything, as I have been doing for her). But she rarely follows through and so we have a simialr conversation a few months later, adding to my despair it won't change. Which brings to the next problem and the actual focus of my post. As part of my crisis you could say that I have become like a child again. For the first time since I actually was a child, I view the world in awe. I am innately curious about things and so have been consuming books on all kinds of subjects. At first it was church history, since I wanted to fully understand those things that were part of my crisis. Then I got bored and moved on to other things. As I read, the new knowledge sometimes requires that I apply it with changes in my life to get the most benefit (such as ideas on food/diet). While I think most people would consider these things as positive, my wife sees them as a threat. She sees me changing, and us becoming less and less compatible. She sees me with all these new interests and is so critical/defensive of them. And so I dont' know quite what to do. I could stop reading, and stop trying to, from my perspective, better myself. It may help temporarily but I worry I wll build up resentment because of it (as I have in some other things). On bad days I feel like she's right. Maybe we are not compatible. But I also feel our judgment is flawed due to our emotions and extended hardship, as well as confirmation bias, fluidity of memories, etc. So what the heck can I do!? the dead line is almost hear and I have to say that except for one month of respite, I don't think much has gotten better. I've considered the ultimatum of go to counseling or divorce but feel that would just force the divorce. How do people deal with changes in marriage? How can you be "one" if you genuinely have different goals? Obvoiusly I don't want a divorce. I love my children and don't want to be apart from them. Nor do I wan them to suffer because of this. But I just feel at my end here. More and more I am feeling depressed and I worry the longer this goes on the worse it will be. sorry for the long rant.

My husband recently confided in me that he was sexually abused as a very young child. Having young children myself, this obviously breaks my heart. He repressed memories his whole life from the time the event happened to just recently, in the last couple of years, when something triggered his terrible memories and they resurfaced. He has had a life of ups and downs but, in general, since we've been married (7 years), we have been a normal, happy, LDS family. In telling me about these horrible events from his childhood, and in an effort to be totally honest with me, he also confided in me that he struggles with a need to seek approval and attention from women, as a result of his abuse. Because of this, he shared with me that a couple of years ago, he made a mistake and kissed another woman at a student business conference while he was still in college. It happened right after these terrible memories from his childhood resurfaced and he said it was a very low time for him. This is obviously heart wrenching for me and very difficult to hear, but I appreciated him coming clean to me. He has been seeing a (non-LDS) therapist for about two years, and I haven't seen any improvement in how he feels about himself or his life. He says that he feels that his life has been full of mistakes and disappointing people, and that there's a deep empty dark hole inside of him that only gets bigger with time. I am unsure what to do or how I am supposed to feel. I have gone through the wide range of emotions, from shock, to sadness, to grief, to sympathy, to worry, to anger, etc. I love him so much and don't want our marriage to end, but he admitted to me that he can't guarantee it won't happen again, and doesn't feel as if he can be "fixed" or happy again. His testimony has obviously taken a hit from all of this, and while mine is strong, I feel like I can't MAKE him repent, or talk to the bishop. I think it is overwhelming to him to think about opening up to someone else since there is so much to share and most of it is pretty heartbreaking. I honestly can't tell if I have felt comforted from all of the praying and fasting I have been doing, or just numb from all of the emotions I am going through. Does anyone have any advice for me? What my role is in all of this? I go between feeling bad for myself and the grief that he has caused me, to really feeling for him, because I know his heart and his intentions, and he truly is a wonderful husband and father. He has just struggled these last couple of years. We are active at church, but I truly believe he is just going through the emotions to keep me happy and keep our family together. I feel like I need help. I don't know where to turn. Thanks in advance for any help or advice you can give me. Has anyone else been through anything similar? Is there hope for us?

My husband is a non member. He is out of town on visit and I asked him to go by the temple there to take pictures. He did and said that the Mormons there were rude. He has tattoos and felt as if they looked down upon him. He said he never wanted to go back. I said we'll those same people wouldn't be there if you went back there would be different people. Not all people are rude maybe just those couple you encountered. Anyway he got upset with me. He said I never defend him and don't think about his feelings and I always try to defend church over him. But in reality I feel like I try to see the best in all people and in all situations. I try to be positive and I was just trying to make him feel better. All in all it didn't change his thoughts. He got aggravated with me and hung up the phone. Now he won't talk to me and I don't know if I should just leave him be or what do I say? I don't feel like I need to apologize for anything... I don't want things like this to put strains in my relationship in the future, should I just not say anything??

Hi there! I'm new, though I've been lurking the forums for quite some time. I'm here for some advice. I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I'm 20. I grew up in the church & I moved away from home at 17 to attend college in a different town. I've always remained mostly active but went through a period of serious doubt in the church starting about a year ago. It got to the point where I was determined that I was no longer interested in the church as a belief system. I won't go into detail, but there was no bitterness on my end, and no serious sins committed. Well, a few months ago, I met an LDS man who kind of flipped things upside-down for me. I was NOT looking to date at that time, as I had just gotten out of a serious 2-year relationship. In fact, I had turned into a complete cynic about love, because my last relationship had fizzled out into something very void of passion. Also, I was moving to a different city in a month for an internship over the summer, so I was not looking to start something. But when I met this guy, we immediately clicked. I guess you could say we started dating, even though both of us were in denial. (In fact, we even talked conversationally about our friends getting married, and I went on and on about how crazy it is to settle down when you're barely in your 20s.) We only had about a month together before I moved away for my internship, but we spent time together just about every day, whether it was studying for finals, cooking food together, or just sitting in the car talking. We fell hard and fast for each other. I confided my doubts about the church in him, and he was able to ease my troubled mind in a way that no one ever has before. He didn't judge me or think less of me, but taught me gently from the scriptures and encouraged me to pray in ways that, for whatever reason, had eluded my mind before I met him. Consequently, I came to the realization that over the past year I had just been getting lazy, and my testimony is now back on track. I moved to a city in a different state for the summer. Now we are apart from each other and dating long distance. We video chat every day and I feel very close to him each day. It is hard being apart but I feel the communication is fantastic. I wasn't sure what it would be like, but I actually do feel our relationship has grown and deepened even through long distance. The only issue in our relationship is he wants to talk even more than I have time for, so that's a minor area of conflict sometimes. Also, a minor detail: I am going to visit him for a weekend in two weeks, and then in August he is planning to visit me & my family in my hometown. After that we will be back in the same town attending the same college. He is a nearly-23-year-old returned missionary. We love each other and talk about everything with each other, and he has indeed brought up the subject of "settling down". The way he talks about marriage is mature, optimistic, realistic, calming, and uplifting. And surprisingly, when he talks about it, that whole idea of marriage doesn't scare me like it used to. I've never been so excited about sharing a future with someone. It baffles me because I have only known this man for a few months. Also, I'm quite young (though I am often told I'm "mature for my age".) Obviously we would wait for any serious step like engagement for about a year, but is it normal to feel this sure of something this soon? I have always been the "strong independent woman" type. I am really focused on my education and career. I always figured the marriage and family part would come later when I was ready. But here I am, feeling very strong urges that this man could be the one for me. My future life seems empty until I think of him. However, I would be lying if I said that no part of me feels like I should "play the field" a little more. I've only had three actual relationships before, and sometimes I wonder if that's been enough to really figure out who I am and what kind of person I'm looking for. I love this man so much, though -- it's not that I have any desire to actually date anyone else, it's just that I feel like I should. Just to give you a little background on what we are like: He is understanding, fiercely loyal, passionate about life, and he has a great sense of humor. He definitely wears his heart on his sleeve, while I am much more reserved and independent. I am an extremely easygoing, optimistic, low-stress type, and it's very easy for me to let go of negativity and accept people as they are. But I am also a little immature, selfish, and stubborn at times. His weakness lies in weak-ish self-esteem and relying too much on other people's approval. We are both aware of our flaws and work together to improve them. TL;DR: I always thought young marriage was ridiculous until I met the perfect man. I'm 20 years old and I'm having all kinds of crazy hopes, dreams, and doubts. So, all that said, I have a few questions: Am I crazy/ too young to be thinking about settling down already? Is it possible that a 20 year old has lived enough and dated enough people to truly understand who she is and what kind of person she is looking for? How long should we wait before taking any serious steps towards engagement or marriage? (There is a lot of passion between us and sexual temptation is high, but we are both strong and haven't had any chastity issues.) Am I just in the "infatuation" stage? Is it common for people to marry for infatuation and regret it later? I have had two serious relationships before this one, so I feel like I know the difference between infatuation and actual love, but obviously I still have a lot to learn. What does it take to have a successful marriage? Is it possible to have what it takes at the age of 20? When did you get married (age/how long dating) and would you do it any differently? What can I do to come to terms with the fact that God may have put this person in my life at 20 years old for a reason? I want to stop having doubts because of what I feel like I "should" do based on what I'd always expected my plan in life to be. What can I/we do to prepare for commitment? & any other advice you might have for my in my present situation. Sorry that was so long. Thanks so much for your time and advice.

Ok, I am 26 years old and in my first relationship of about 1+ years. We get along pretty well, have a lot of fun together, and love each other. She is ready to get married and has told me many times. I think of marriage with her and I imagine how fun it would be. I quickly begin to think about things that she does that bother me or things about her past that bother me. I try repenting of my judgement calls, and try to be a better person. I don't feel like these things should be a factor, however, I cannot seem to get past them. I've been to the temple many times trying to get answers as to what to do. I don't seem to get anything. I pray, fast, and do, what I feel is, all the right things, to no avail. We're at a point where we really need to move on. She has been ready for quite some time, yet I'm still iffy about it. I can't tell if I'm just scared to get married and be completely responsible or if I genuinely have some deep concerns that need to be resolved first. I think about losing her and feel devastated, but also feel worried when I think about marriage. Things I worry about are: her debts (quite a bit), family issues (divorce in the family and sick parent), and sometimes her looks. Anyone have any advice? I'm really desperate.

Hey there. I have been struggling for some time with a form of depression. It started while I was on my mission, I began to really belittle myself and find that all problems or issues that arose while in the work of the Lord I would attribute to myself. I blamed myself for everything. I just didn't feel normal. Eventually it went away about 2 months before returning home. After I returned home I worked as an EFY counselor and met a lovely girl with whom I discussed marriage. After 4 months she flatly told me she never really loved me, that we were more just like friends the whole time, and again I plunged into depression. This time I was medicated and visiting someone for it. I found myself extremely lazy and just sat around. My self asteem took a plunge. While I have been off and on medication, taking it and the deciding myself I shouldnt have to be dependent on it, things have gotten better. I recently got engaged to a wonderful girl, but now I'm worried Im dumping all of this baggage on her. She knows about it and is willing to go through it with me, but it just doesnt seem fair to her. I can't even understand my feelings. I don't feel overwhelming butterflies and excitement as I did for the previous girl, but I also don't feel like this is a terrible choice. I just don't know what to do about this depression. I guess my question is am I wrong to continue an engagement like this? Am I wrong to get married even though I don't feel overwhelming romantic feelings for this girl? I Do love her, and hate being away from her, but a lot of the chemestry just isnt there. What should I do? Thanks.

I am Kat and I'm 23. I've been active in the church for 7 months now, despite a few slip ups. I've sworn in anger here and there, I've masturbated out of anger and frustration at least 4 times after my repentance and re-activity (went cold turkey on the sex for that to work of course) and I'm an avid self-harmer/anger management wannabe. I assume I have a problem/addiction because it does affect everyday life. I feel like such a pervert, these thoughts I get in my head to do with sex or having sex with my future husband. I do it way too much and I don't know if it's normal or not. I feel like I'm going crazy and every time I get a sexual urge I get really angry, I hit myself, cut myself, the works. When none of that pain works, I masturbate with means to hurt myself down there too. It just makes me SO mad! This happens every 1-2 months. I've repented through prayer, been happy and fine for 5 weeks, then BAM. Depression hits. Getting married soon has sort of awoken and heightened those senses once more that I thought I had long suppressed. Simply going cold turkey and never speaking of sex again isn't the way forward if I am to have sex again once I'm married. I was actually worried at one point that I wasn't sexually attracted to my fiancé. Longer story made shorter, I feel like I'm going insane, for real. Sex is everywhere and me getting married and getting to have sex is amazing, but it's also really worrying if I become a sex addict. I live in the UK, so the recovery program isn't as big here that I'm aware of. I fear that if I go to Bishop now, do the whole repentance thing again I won't be able to attend my temple prep classes in order to be sealed in the temple after our civil marriage (as is done in the UK). There is just too much pressure on everything and I'm going to lose it sometime soon. I feel it's enough to pray and to repent that way, even though I fall down every so often I don't feel horrible enough to speak with Bishop. I really don't know what to do. I feel like smashing my head through a table. If I feel that it's not worth talking to Bishop, does that mean I feel that it's not an important sin to repent of or that I'm trying to justify it in some way? The answer I'm looking for is that I can overcome this myself and with the help of my future husband and we can come up with ways of keeping a chaste mind even after we're married.

I'm sure everyone here has heard of Romney's speech at Southern Virginia University making the case for marrying young and having a "quiver full of kids". I am especially interested in one particular element of the speech: This is the cornerstone vs. capstone debate. I am very much in the cornerstone camp but we live in a capstone culture. I posted this in a Catholic forum and was unsatisfied with the resulting discussion (Mitt Romney's case for getting married young - Catholic Answers Forums). See especially my response here: Catholic Answers Forums - View Single Post - Mitt Romney's case for getting married young So let me ask: Did Romeny's advice reflect LDS teaching? What is the source?

A little while ago, I worked with a couple in counseling where I was helping them strengthen their marriage and improve their communication. As we were looking for exceptions to their negative communication problems, I observed that they each tried harder in their marriage when they knew the other person was having a bad day. When the wife recognized that her husband was not feeling well, she worked harder at nagging him less and being more appreciative of him. When the husband recognized that his wife was not feeling well, he worked harder at appreciating her and doing more chores around the house. I then made the suggestion to both, "Why don't you always assume that the other person is having a bad day and make it a habit to put forth more effort in how you treat your spouse?" Both thought that this was a great idea and began implementing this strategy in their relationship. Recognizing how your spouse is feeling, and responding to such emotions is called compassion. Compassion is crucial to having a healthy relationship. It is essential if you want to have an eternal marriage.

I'm in high school looking at colleges. I plan to apply to college and then defer for my mission, so I won't be a freshman until after my mission. Therefore, I want to pick a college that is full of single LDS girls for when I return. I know that the BYU schools are going to have the most obviously, but I'm also trying to factor in academics. (And yes I know, plenty of you are going to try to convince me that BYU has GREATTT academics). Well the point is I'm looking at schools besides BYU so please respect that decision unlike most of my peers. I've been looking at Ivy League schools and also UT Austin, but I am most intrigued with UT Austin. From research I have gathered that there is a fairly large institute program in Austin and also 3 single wards. However, how many of these wards are specifically for UT Austin students or located closely to student housing? And although the institute program may be large, how many is full of already married women? Will there be a lot of single girls my age? And lastly, although not least important (just joking don't need a lecture on this): are the LDS girls at UT Austin anywhere close to as attractive as they are in Provo (because there are some stunners at BYU-P). Thanks a lot in advance for your help!

I am REALLY struggling to find anyone out there that has experienced this and want to know what you did about it. 8 months ago, it was revealed to me that my husband had a 1 month emotional affair that began to cross into the physical when they ended it. But they claim that they "fell in love" and he basically stayed for the kids. The woman he had this affair with has been one of my closest friends in the ward for THREE years and her husband has been one of my husbands closest friends. Our kids have played, our families have been friends for 3 years. I can see the back of their house out of my back windows. It has already been made clear that we will never be friends again and that our kids will never play again. I want NO contact with them at all. Both of us are working on our marriages, etc, but we both are unable to move at the moment. We planned to live in this house until we grew old. After 8 months, we are going to be ok...my husband came out of whatever dark cloud he was in and admits the whole thing was so stupid and he loves me. I am triggered EVERY SUNDAY when I see her or her family at church. The trauma of it all has been too much and I can't even focus on anything spiritual while I'm there. I can tell I'm falling apart. My husband doesn't think moving is the answer and I wanted to CHANGE WARDS, but he said he'd rather stop going to church than go through the awkwardness of telling people we are new in the ward, but don't live in their boundaries. But I feel so strongly that if I could be separated completely from them then I could start to heal easier. No one in the ward knows except the bishop and it drives me mad that I can't tell my other friends what is wrong with me and what SHE did to me!!!!!!! I want to get out of here, but I am stuck!! What would you do???? [Moderator removed link]

I absolutely love my job. On a regular basis, I have the privilege of watching marriages change for the better in a matter of a couple of months. Seeing couples experience joy after feeling deep sorrow, or connecting again after being distant is truly rewarding.

My husband and I were in active in the church for many years prior to meeting on LDSPlanet. We still were after we moved in together and got engaged. We started to go back as we prepared to get married, but since we didn't know how long it would take us to truly be ready for a temple sealing we decided to get married civilly. My father passed away during the planning and then my husband began nursing school so we ended up just having our Bishop (and two missionaries as witnesses)meet us at a local park to marry us. Ever since we both have been sad that we never got the full experience with sharing the day with family and friends. Plus, i never got to wear the dress my father saw me in (in pics) while he was in the hospital with Leukemia. I still have it ,tags attached and all, 4 years later. Since getting married in '09, my hubby graduated school, we had our son (now 15 mos), and we have moved back to Utah to be near my family. We are now talking with Bishop about preparing for the temple. In planning for it... Would it be weird to treat it as our "true wedding"? Having a small reception and me wearing my wedding dress etc?? My dress would have to be altered since its strapless and it would only be for after the temple as it is ivory and champagne. I would have to get a "temple dress" unless I sell the other and Just get one that's all white and temple ready. Any advice or suggestions??? My mind is reeling lol Plus, we want to make sure our son is included in whatever we do... Not like we would need a ring bearer so what to do? :/

Okay, many of you might think this is a silly question - but how do you embrace a previous marriage rather than just be "OK" with it. Let me explain.. I am getting married in just a few weeks. I am kind of young, only 19. He is 25. My fiance has been married before. However, it was only for a short period of time (8 months) before it got annulled. There are no financial obligations, kids, or any contact whatsoever. It is never mentioned unless it has to be. He never brings it up, and in fact is it as if it never happened. But here's the thing -- every time I think about it, I wish it never happened. But it did. And he has grown so much spiritually and emotionally, and has made him the person he is today. It was an abusive relationship. He went to marriage counselling for months without her showing up before calling it quits. He learned how to be a great husband, and I am so grateful for that. It has made him who he is. It was hard at first to hear about it. To know about it. To take it in. But I know that if he didn't go through what he has gone through, he wouldnt be the man I am marrying. SO - how do I turn those thoughts of appreciation into how I feel whenever it comes up in my head, within conversation, or with anything. How do I not just think of my gratitude but feel that gratitude? I dont just want to feel okay with it, but be embrace it and feel the blessings that have come from it. If anyone has any advice, I would very much appreciate it. I am so excited to be marreid to this wonderful man, I want to be able to embrace everything about him -- even the things that I feel aren't so joyous.

So basically when I was about.. oh.. 3-4 months pregnant, married about a year and half my husband talked to me about how he had never really gotten an answer about the church being true, which lead to doubts about the existence of God, he doesn't disbelieve, but he also doesn't "know" As a hormonal, pregnant woman, this hit me pretty hard. He has been raised in the Church, although his parents were only members shortly before his birth. He served a full time mission, we got married in the temple. It was all really overwhelming. I love my husband so much, and the only thing that would cause me to leave him is if he broke his covenants to me, which he hasn't. Leaving has never been, nor will be the option unless that happens. He wants to raise our children in the Church, which is a good thing, and he is still looking for answers and reading support groups for men struggling with the same issue. I'm very thankful he is at least still putting effort into it and not just giving up. I am just looking for support from other people who have dealt with this situation. What have you done to help your spouse? What things did not work or caused controversy? How have you been able to deal with the situation and feel OK with everything happening? Please share your story if you are alright with it and help me figure out this difficult road.

Is it possible to have married someone to actually find your real soul-mate? I've been married 2 years, we are both members a but inactive since we've moved, but didn't get married in the temple. I kind of feel we rushed into this marriage we were dating for about 9 months after I returned from my mission and then he proposed. I am originally from Texas and my husband from New York. Throughout our 2 years of marriage we constantly would fight because he wanted to move back to New York and I didn't. All of my family is in Texas, he has no one in New York, but friends. I finally decided to look at the positives of New York, so we can stop the fighting, I found a school and work. We've been here in New York for 3 months now, I've been working, haven't started school yet. I really like it here it's different, but I've become accustomed. Well on my trips to work on the bus I met a guy, a friend which is all I wanted, someone new to talk to. He worked across the street from where I work and he lives close to where I live so we would take the bus together. He changed jobs, but through his friends he tracked me down and asked for my number to continue talking. I told my husband he was fine with it. A few weeks later he tells me he is in love with me. I told him all I wanted was his friendship. But as he texts me it feels good to be wanted, my husband never texts me let alone calls me to tell me he loves me. This guy does, in every text he writes it. He's cried to me, telling how he feels and how he didn't think all this would be happening to him about loving me. I sometimes try to get my husband to do or say the things this other guy does, but it just doesn't happen. Basically everything about this guy is what I've oh so hoped for my husband to do one of these many things, the texts, the calls, the many I love you's. The willing to do anything for me. I find more and more things in common with him than with my husband. I've talked to him about my beliefs in church and how I've always wanted someone to love my Heavenly Father more than he loves me. I don't know what to do, I love my husband and I don't want to hurt him, but then again I don't know if he truly loves me, I kind of feel like he rushed when he asked me to marry him and then regretted asking I think now he feels obligated to stay with me now that we're married and he's afraid of what people think. My husband and I just get into many fights for little reasons, but it's annoying, he gets after me as if I'm a child, instead of being compassionate or letting me know of my mistakes, and it's always "my mistakes." I could care less of what people think about my marriage whether it survived or not. I just don't want to live the rest of my life with someone who feels obligated to stay with me. I've been praying constantly to find an answer from my Heavenly Father, I just don't know what to do. Has anyone gone through something similar or heard of stories of how people have met their spouses?

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I am not active since my divorce but still getting church visits as i am in a domestic partnership with a difference she accepts that i don't wish sexual connections before marriage and other boundaries but she accepts my church values but does not accept them for herself how with non church members as her bridle party that we live but not sleep together and that i dont do strippers or anything alike ... thanks to all who comment

Hi. I am a life long member of the Church and going on another divorce. I am struggling with two complete polar opposite views here. My husband has cheated on me and has committed, what a therapist says, is spousal rape. I am being urged to stay in the marriage by leaders. I don't know what to do. My life is very bleak right now, in spite of praying and reading scriptures, being on LDS.org and reading whatever I can get my hands on, from the LDS perspective. I am broken hearted. There have been many instances where I have defended him to the public, but have come to find out that he was lying and cheating all along. I have people coming up to me in the market to tell me things about him. The wife is always the last to know. I keep thinking that I am being punished for some reason. Has anyone come back from a similar experience? Come back to a happy place and to the marriage? I would love to hear from someone who has been there, done that. Thank you in advance... SAD

Need your input: 1- What makes your marriage and relationship so great. What key factors keep it going. 2- If your marriage is on the rocks, or over? What went wrong? Looking back, what would you have done different to save the marriage. Thanks for your comments. All comments are welcome.

I was just wondering... How many of you want the church do allow gay marriage? How many of you think it will? And how many of you would stop going to church if they did?