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Found 150 results

  1. Man, I'm so frustrated. What is it with girls now days? Most (not all) don't want big families! They want like 5 kids tops. That's not big. I'm talking like 10-12 kids. Do they not understand what multiply means? C'mon. It's just so frustrating trying to find a girl to marry when she wants only 2 kids. Any thoughts?
  2. Hi. I am a life long member of the Church and going on another divorce. I am struggling with two complete polar opposite views here. My husband has cheated on me and has committed, what a therapist says, is spousal rape. I am being urged to stay in the marriage by leaders. I don't know what to do. My life is very bleak right now, in spite of praying and reading scriptures, being on and reading whatever I can get my hands on, from the LDS perspective. I am broken hearted. There have been many instances where I have defended him to the public, but have come to find out that he was lying and cheating all along. I have people coming up to me in the market to tell me things about him. The wife is always the last to know. I keep thinking that I am being punished for some reason. Has anyone come back from a similar experience? Come back to a happy place and to the marriage? I would love to hear from someone who has been there, done that. Thank you in advance... SAD
  3. Need your input: 1- What makes your marriage and relationship so great. What key factors keep it going. 2- If your marriage is on the rocks, or over? What went wrong? Looking back, what would you have done different to save the marriage. Thanks for your comments. All comments are welcome.
  4. SportManiac_1

    Gay marriage

    I was just wondering... How many of you want the church do allow gay marriage? How many of you think it will? And how many of you would stop going to church if they did?
  5. I have been living with a huge amount of guilt for a long time. I have had issues with pornography and mb since my teens. I have had long periods of abstaining in the past because I know that it is wrong. But I often returned and couldn't explain to myself why. When I married my wife in the temple, I had unresolved sins and I couldn't bear to tell my wife-to-be because I feared rejection. Well, I went through the first year of marriage without any infidelity but, for some months, I started down the same paths that I swore I never would return down. The reason it lasted months is because I felt so badly that I had returned and this particular sin is a coping mechanism. Now, I know that a lot of people here will tell me that I am an addict. And I very well may be but I have been able to abstain for as long as over a year in the past. I am almost certain that after the bitter guilt and anguish that I felt when I repented for damaging myself and my wife that I will never return to this sin again. It has been two months since I have forsaken my sins. I have wept so many times because I have potentially ruined our lives. I am so grateful for my wife and I have grown a new and deeper appreciation towards her. I have not told her about these sins. She feels that everything in our marriage is great. I have felt constant guilt since forsaking my sins. If I had to confess to a bishop and do whatever I needed to do, I would be willing. The thing that I cannot get myself to do is to confess to my wife. I cannot bear to inflict that pain onto her and I have rehearsed confessing multiple times but cannot get myself to do it. Lately, I have just tried to put her needs first in everything that I do and I have tried to show her love every moment we are together. But I can't get myself to confess to her. It seems impossible. I have thought about telling her now, a year from now, a few years from now, or several years from now. All of the results seem to be the same. If I hide this from her for a long time, then the damage may increase. And lets say that I am an addict but that I stop for good right now. Or lets say that I had never looked at porn before and started for the first time after marriage and stopped myself a little later down the road? Would that have made any difference? It is still an assault on my wife's heart, trust, soul, and emotions. I know that unless I repent that our marriage will not last forever and that I must go to a different kingdom after this life. I grew up in the church, I know the gospel, I have just struggled with this horrible sin for a long time. Will my wife be able to forgive me? I know that that is a hard question for people to answer since you do not know my wife. She is strong in the church. She is kind to everyone. She is positive and loving. But this news would shatter everything that she holds dear. All of our life's plans could come to a screeching halt. Plus, I have no excuse or explanation as to why I did what I did. All I can say is that I made terrible, repetitive mistakes and that my only wish is to restore what I have damaged. Is there anyone that has had experience with this? Can I save my marriage? Will forgiveness and forgetting be possible for my wife? Again, assume that it will never happen again, as I feel that this is going to be the case. I feel like I am in the gall of bitterness and that things must get a whole lot worse before they can get better. My main two concerns, and the only things that I think about all the time are: I want to save my soul, and I want to save my marriage. Thank you.
  6. Rob0S

    Temple Marriage or NOT?

    SO here is my story and im really seeking advice.. HELP So I have been married for 1 yr not in the temple.. my wife and I have had problems and have been extremely close to divorce.. We go to church we met with our bishop and he wants to get us in temple prep classes and I am ok with that. BUT I am very very confused with the marriage.. I dont feel that my heart is 100% in it anymore.. I do love my wife and I would never want to hurt her and thats why I am soo confused on what to do.. What i dont want to happen is for us to get sealed and my heart not be 100% there still.. SOMEONE HELP ME OUT WITH SOME EDUCATED ADVICE I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT adding info- I realize there is alot of missing info here. kind of hard to post our whole relationship here.. BUT- our relationship problems have seemed to decrease. we still argue and bicker and each other almost everyday.. We dont hold good conversations anymore.. we want different things in life career wise now. I had to get a diff job and we have to move from st george to salt lake. we have alot of things that have not been taken care of... it really just seems like an interest thing.. i feel ive lost interest and attraction on some level. But i love her family i couldnt wish for better inlaws. idk what else to say feel free to ask me other questions!
  7. :confused: Okay, so when my boyfriend first asked me out I got a sickening feeling that I shouldn't go out with him, and I got sick so I had to post pone. I ignored that feeling and went out with him later on in the week. (not sure if it was Satan or God) When we talked about marriage I prayed and asked go if he was the one, first time I think it was a yes, but the second time I asked It was a burning "NO" and I got sad and depressed. (not sure if it was Satan or God). Later on, I actually had one or two dreams about us breaking up. (not sure if this is a sign or not)... He left somewhere to where we could only write two each other and after two letters he stopped writing and it's now been four months since he's written me. (another sign were not meant to be??) Now I get a feeling he is the one (but I no longer want him to be the one) (not sure if it was Satan or God). what do you think, because I am not sure what's going on...
  8. moocow

    Breaking the cycle

    I am in a real pickle. I love my boyfriend, we have already decided to get married, and we would really like to just start our lives together already, but we can't. We're not worthy for the temple. We both attend church regularly, but we've been struggling with the law of chastity for a while now. It's not improving, either. It's complicated, but he is afraid of going to the bishop now since it will impact his employment and education. I'm ready to go to the bishop whenever, but we want to do it together. He keeps saying that we'll be good for awhile and then when we've been good for some time, we'll go to the bishop. But the problem is that it's not working. We definitely need help. We already ruled out a civil marriage because it's not what we want. Although, I was more pro-civil marriage than he was. But I'm not opposed to trying to repent before we are married. So now it's like we definitely act like a married couple, and yet we're not, and it's so frustrating. We're committed to each other just the same as if we made actual vows of marriage, but we didn't. Has anyone ever been stuck in a situation like this? What did you do about it? We are still interested in being sealed in the temple one day, but we're really caught up right now in this mess.
  9. This article was originally posted by me here. A man was interviewing new drivers for his transportation company. The route was very dangerous and went along several steep cliffs through a mountain pass. The interviewer asked each man how close he could safely drive near the edge of the cliff. The first man responded, “I could drive within six inches of the edge.” The second man responded, “I could drive within two inches of the edge.” The third man responded, “I would stay as far away from the edge of the cliff as I possibly could." All things considered, the third man got the job. Why? Because the interviewer wasn't interested in learning how close the drivers could get to the edge of the road. He was interested in an employee that would keep his company safe. In that same light, I wanted to express some of my opinions of how married couples can stay away from the edge of affairs and other problems in their marriage. I have written about the importance of boundaries with members of the opposite sex before. I regularly work with couples in counseling who are dealing with the aftermath of an affair (or an almost affair). Having appropriate boundaries can go a long way in preventing affairs or inappropriate relationships that could be detrimental to their marriage. These are my own thoughts and are based off of my experience as a marriage counselor as well as my life experience in my marriage. You may disagree with me. That is fine. But I encourage you to develop your own boundaries when interacting with members of the opposite sex. Staying far away from the edge is what could prevent your marriage from tumbling to destruction. The following are DISCOURAGED with members of the opposite sex when you are married: Any kind of physical touch that lasts for more than three seconds.Any kind of physical touch besides a handshake, pat on the back, or a brief hug (again, no longer than three seconds).Full-frontal hugs. This is when the bodies are completely touching, and not just an upper body hug.Being alone socially with the other person. There are times when a job might require two people to be alone. In these times, people shoul work together as professionals and not friends. There are times when a job might require more than the three second rule (i.e. athletic trainers, professional ballroom dancers, etc.). In these cases, professionalism and not engaging in any other outside of work interactions are of the utmost importance.Secret conversations (by phone, internet, etc.) with the other person. This includes facebook and other social networking sites.Secret get togethers. It doesn't matter if it is "just lunch" or "just coffee."Ultimately, you should ask yourself, "Would my spouse be comfortable if he/she saw what I was doing with this other person right now?" The following are ENCOURAGED with members of the opposite sex when you are married:Group dates where you and your spouse meet up with your friend and their spouse.Give your spouse access to all of your email and social networks.Let your spouse know if you are going to be interacting with members of the opposite sex on a professional level. Introduce your spouse to all of your friends.Make sure your spouse knows your co-workers and your relationship with each opposite sex co-worker.Openess and honesty are great ways of staying away from the cliff, while secrecy and lies are like driving one inch away from the cliff. Just because you might be able to drive close to the edge, it doesn't mean you should.
  10. I firmly believe that we can change the nature of our relationships with our spouses by changing ourselves. There is an article by Douglas A. Abbott that was published in the BYU Marriage and Families magazine titled Change Yourself and Change Your Marriage. I frequently give this article to couples with whom I am working in counseling. You can read the article here.
  11. grownfromaseedwithin

    Engaged to Non-Member

    I am a convert to the Church, baptized on 9.25.10, but fell away in March of 2011. I have tried to find my way back to Church, but at the time I left, I was confused and not sure what to do. Being the only member in my family caused everyone to pull away from me so I left because I didn't want to lose my family. In that time since March, I haven't been to church in a year, but I want to go back. However, I am engaged to a non-member and we're to be married by the end of this year. He knows my past and how sensitive I am on the subject of the Church because it helped save my life (I suffered from an ED for several years and was about to give up on fighting it). Me and my fiance have had issues like all couples. As I am ill right now, suffering a lot of GI issues and frequenting the doctor several times a week, he is supporting me. He's paying for my medical bills, helped me pay for university, and pays for the apartment we live in together. Without him I wouldn't be going to school right now, have a car, or be able to afford my medical needs. But he thinks Mormonism is a joke and every time I talk to him about me going back to Church, he gets defensive and angry with me and tells me I don't live that life anymore and should forget about it. I am not sin free. When I left the Church, I tried my best to fit in with my family again-- started drinking (not anymore), engaging in pre-marital intercourse with said fiance, cursing, dressing immodestly, and questioning Heavenly Father and if he played a role in my life or I was crazy like my family thought. So for a time I was happy, yet now I am seeing that the life me and my fiance live is not so happy. I don't have any friends, we stay at home all day long, except going out for doctor's, school, or shopping. He is on the computer ALL the time and it drives me nuts, yet when I talk to him about it it doesn't phase him. He is a a great guy and I could NEVER fathom leaving him, but I don't know what to do. The reason why I haven't gone back to Church sooner is because of him. Because he's not included in it and he told me he could never ever be Mormon. Last night we went out to a movie with a few friends (his sister, her boyfriend, and sister's friend), and he brought up how I was invited to a Mormon wedding which I didn't go to because he didn't think it was fair for me to go and leave him at home. And he sat there and made fun of the Church and Temples with them as if it was some massive joke to him. When we left I broke down and he apologized for being a jerk, but it's been bothering me really bad. I'm in this moping funk because of it. Sorry this is so long. I just don't know what I should do. I'm afraid I'll be judged for living with my non-member fiance if I go back to Church and that it might tear us apart. He says that me wanting to be Mormon is what is driving a wedge between us. But he doesn't seem to think it's such a big deal that I gave up so much to be with him and I'm not happy. Sorry for this rant. I just needed to get things off my chest because I don't know how many more times I can talk to my fiance about being Mormon. He just doesn't seem to think I'm serious. I've been praying and praying, but I don't know what else I could do. Does anyone have any advice? I'm afraid that if I go back to Church and talk to a Bishop (I don't even know what my homeward is) that they'll say that I'm not worthy to take Sacrament or can't repent until I leave my situation (i.e. living with finace regardless of whether we engage in sexual acts--I don't want to anymore-- breaking the purity laws, etc.). Anyone ever been in this situation? For reference I'm a 22 year old female, going on 23 in May, and would be in a YSA ward. And absolutely none of my family is Mormon so I don't know who to talk to and haven't talked to my Mormon friends in a long while so I don't know who to go to. Please help, I'm depserate!
  12. I might be a little cynical... but how is it possible that ALL of my friends were temple worthy when they got married, except the ones who went off the deep end anyway? I know I'm not the only one who struggles with the Law of Chastity, so do people just get married in the temple to save face? Sorry, that sounds very negative, but it's kind of weird to me how few people I know in my age bracket (high marriage rate) end up getting married civilly. I feel like people are pressured into pretending to be worthy for the temple or something when I know they're not. I know it's none of my business, but it's just annoying.
  13. My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years and we have a beautiful little girl. Yesterday, I asked my husband why he doesn't talk/text me anymore when we first got together/married [not the first time I've asked either]. He responded by saying, we have nothing to talk about. I am devastated. I couldn't get out of bed until 2pm [and yes I know I should be taking care of our child, but he didn't have to go to work until 3]. I can't even think about what he said without crying. I am not a cryer. I haven't been happy for some time now, and now to hear this, I don't know what to do. We are planning on getting sealed in December [which has been a long time coming, but it's hard to get him to church, we've both been members for our entire lives] but now, I'm thinking we're not even friends so what is the point of getting sealed? We hardly talk. He comes home from his job and gets on the computer or the phone with one of his bandmates or friends who play Star Wars mini's and that's that. Then we go to bed. I try to talk to him and start conversations but he answers with yes, no, maybe, i don't know, I guess, uh huh, etc. Or just one sentence that ends the conversation. What should I do?!
  14. My wife and I have only been married for about 15 months. We've been a couple for about 2.5 years. We've known each other for about 5 years. I am not a member. When we started dating, my wife was partially inactive, but still reasonably within church standards as far as the way she lives. By this time, I had stopped drinking, doing drugs, and going to parties. At the time I had a stronger belief in Christianity than I do now. Before we got married, we had an argument and a 24 hour breakup. She liked that I was faithful, but didn't like that I wasn't LDS. She said she needed a temple marriage, so she left. The next day, she came back and said she couldn't leave. After that, I prayed and saw no harm in investigating the church. I investigated the church for several months and even asked to join, but I wasn't permitted to due to my previous felony. I was told I had to wait until I was off probation (in 2015). I continued to investigate and go to church for awhile after that regardless. I wasn't particularly upset about being held back. Figured I did it to myself. However, in the last few months, I've learned some things about the church and about people as a whole that have ended my interest in joining. I've stopped going to church with my wife regularly since then. I still go sometimes, but she knows I don't like it and I know she'd be upset if we didn't go. Last week, she burst into tears after a[nother] argument about church. She said "I'll never get to go to the temple" between sobs. I told her, "Hannah, I'd love to live with you eternally, but I'm not conviced that the temple is the only way. After that, I presented an ultimatum. I asked her to decide whether or not she could accept our religious differences. Obviously, if she can't, that's a deal breaker. It's almost Sunday again (our usual fighting day) and I don't know what's going to happen. I doubt that she will choose me over something so well-rooted within her. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I'm prepared for any answer of hers, but I won't live the rest of my life being pushed into a religion I don't believe in and I doubt that she will forget about her desire to be sealed. We have no kids, but they could be LDS. I don't have a problem with that. Any ideas other than the obvious?
  15. moocow

    Civil Marriage?

    I am 25 and dating someone who I want to marry, but we are not worthy for the temple. I've struggled with chastity issues for the past 5 years. He's struggled for the past 10 years. At what point do you decide to just get a civil marriage? Of course we could be sealed after we're married. But at this rate, I'm never going to get married because I'm never worthy long enough to actually make it to the temple. And yet I'm too ashamed to admit it to the world and my family that I suck at life and can't get married in the temple. It's always been a no-brainer that I would marry in the temple. I know it's not right and God is displeased with me, but, is it sometimes acceptable to marry outside of the temple? I am otherwise a good member of the church and you'd never know it by looking at me that I have a problem. Repentance works and I have faith in it, I just can't seem to actually kick this and it's almost getting to the point that it's more harmful to my spiritual progression that I'm not married. It sounds weird, but I feel like I can't put off marriage forever. If I tried to repent and start over (and break up with my boyfriend) that would be another year or so and even then there's no guarantee that I will finally somehow overcome this. I'm sadly giving up trying now. I guess I just want to know if anyone else has had to make this kind of decision and how did it turn out for you? If you're wondering, I love my boyfriend and DON'T want to break up with him. That's why I'm asking about civil marriages. Ha ha
  16. I have a question about sealings. I know that for you to do proxy sealings today in the temple the couple must be married legally on this earth. How do sealings work in the millennium? For a single righteous woman who is dead, how does she get sealed to a man during that time if she was never legally married on earth? Can she have someone alive during the millennium get married for her and then she can be sealed? What about a woman who was sealed to a man her whole life but really wanted to be sealed to another but they never got the chance to get married in this life. Would she be able to get married by proxy and then sealed to that other man during the millennium and then choose between the two men she was sealed too?
  17. Please forgive me if this is too sensetive a subject, or if I am not posting it in the appropriate place. Maybe it's not appropriate subject matter to post at all, I don't know. My question is: why am I posting this in a public forum? I really don't know. I don't know how I can possibly explain the complexity of the situation here. I guess I'm hoping that getting it off my chest will somehow be theraputic. I guess I'm hoping that what I'm going through will echo with someone else, and I'll find out that I'm not alone. Maybe someone has figured out what to do. My wife and I have been married for several years. At one time, we had the best marriage of anyone I knew. For years now its felt more like a domestic partnership instead. There are 4 or 5 issues, but it can all be boiled down to two things for me: 1) I grew up LDS, and so had the ideal and personal conviction that physical relations were to be saved for marriage. I struggled with staying chaste, but was able to do so. My wife is the only woman I have ever been with, and I am so grateful this is the case. I just assumed all my growing up years that my eventual wife would be on the same page, and my efforts to stay clean would be rewarded with a wonderful active sex life (ladies, I am willing to bet that the majority of your husband’s thought the same thing). Understand, I know what is right and wrong, I know what is moral and what's not, I understand what is appropriate with the covenants we have made and what isn't, etc. None of this is a problem. The problem is that for the first year or so of marriage the intimacy was just what I had expected it to be, and actually FAR more, as I found that marital physical relations were not just sex, but actually a beautiful intimacy that always made me feel so close to her, so safe, and such a sense of belonging. Intimacy is not what we were all about of course, but an important part of newlywed life. We had balance in our lives. But now, after years of rejecting my advances, I have just given up. I couldn't handle the hurt of it anymore. And on the very rare occasion that we are physical in the bedroom, it’s just not emotionally the same. My wife knows that I am always ready, willing and able, and she has no idea what it's like to be rejected even once, let alone rejected repeatedly. I guess, I wouldn't want to be with a partner not emotionally into it either though. That takes away the very best part of intimacy, and that closeness; that complete giving of one's self that makes that special bond possible. Without the physical OR emotional needs being met, I've found that it can make me angry and aggressive. I put forth great effort to not be that way towards my wife and children (though I am from time to time - no abuse or anything like that, just short temperedness and impatience). Though I know it’s not "healthy", if I could completely kill my need for intimacy, I would. This intimacy problem could maybe be worked on, but for problem number 2. 2) My wife takes EVERYTHING very very personally, making communication extremely difficult! The other day I told my 4 year old that our home is not a peaceful place at all when he screams (he screams A LOT, for plethora of reasons!). My wife took that as a derogatory reflection on her parenting skills. It upset her for hours. She has always been sensitive, but not nearly THIS sensitive. In the past I have tried to lovingly address issues here and there with her, but it always blew up out of proportion, and essentially no change was ever made. After a short time it’s like we never had the discussion, everything was back to the way it was before, and we went through all of it for nothing. After getting this same result time after time after time, I am hesitant to bring up anything anymore. I am too beat down, and it doesn't seem to make a difference anyway. Counseling... yes, she needs it (and I probably do too), but she is completely unwilling to go. She thinks counselors/psychologists/psychiatrists/etc. are all crazy and she has no faith that any of them could help her (we've talked about her going to address some other issues, not the two above specifically). I love my wife dearly and I believe that we will be happy in the eternities. Plus, having gone through what I did when my dad left (I was 7), I will NOT do that to my kids. I could never imagine living without them, or my wife for that matter. So, leaving and cheating are just not options. So, from my perspective, that puts me in what seems an unsolvable conundrum. Basically, life is about enduring to the end, or so it feels. Isn't that what people who are old and just about to die are supposed to do? Suffer through and not lose faith? I'm in my late 30's. I presumably have a long way ahead of me. I don’t know what to do.
  18. With permission - wanted to share a poem from a friend of mine Yearning - A poem and a prayer I pray unto thee father the longing of my heart For one of thy pure daughters home and family here to start In my blessing thou hast said son find one worthy of thee yet oft the opposite I have asked grant one of whom I'm worthy In my singles ward there are thy daughters many fair yet when I prayed unto thee Lord thou said she is not there Where oh Lord bidst thou I seek I ask thee oft to show I can not find such on my own Oh Lord please let me know Impress upon my heart and mind When face to face I see A daughter holding within her soul the virtues you've put within me An equal to my heart and soul Who seeks to thee delight guide unto me Lord I pray let such find in me matched light I know that I'm not perfect though I seek to so become yet this I know assuredly it takes two to become one Man by his own can not obtain the highest lofty height Of thy kingdom heavenward in which I've placed my sight I'll love her with all of my soul And always faithful be I'll cleave unto her and her alone For all of time and all eternity One daughter fair I seek to find and in the temple wed eternally My worthiness to thee I've shown Please let me start a family As I close now this my prayer I send it to thee above In the name of my Savior dear Whose name is also love
  19. miswol


    I love him still . with all my heart.he gave me no other choice. my heart broke into pieces asking him for a divorce. 18 years. i would of followed him to hell and back. he drank.he cheated on me emotionally with women he met on the Internet and skype. he passed out drunk at our daughters 8th birthday party(4yrs ago). we were always in debt. always lying abt money or borrowing it from family or friends. i dont think he ever payed tithing.Now that i am on my own i pay it regulary like clockwork. he took his best friends side when he defiled our home and our childs room. and i just found out his friend was looking at porn on our family computer in the middle of the day in the middle of our kitchen,my oldest son walked in on him.he wasnt always like this. something has changed him. he would come home,(his job has him moved away for now.)and just make me miserable, he was good sometimes tho, he never hit me or the kids, went to all the boys football games. we always had a roof over our heads. counseling was out of the question. we talked to our bishop a couple of times 3 yrs ago and he said he was all for counseling. but we never went. I know i did the right thing. but looking on these boards now i wonder if i didnt try hard enough. did i try everything? this is the man who i started my life with this is the man who gave me four beautiful children who cut their cords.who climbed into bed with me after my emergency csection and cried together because we didnt know if our baby was gona live. he was my best friend. he was my hero. and now that i have asked and we r in the process, 2 months ago. He has girlfriends, he visits and skypes and facebooks. as soon as i asked he was gone out the door.,.And i miss him. i miss my friend. i miss holding his hand.And he is angry and hates me. we cant be in the same house together. now i wonder reading this what the heck is wrong with me?but on the other hand he is my husband and i took vows infront of god to be with him for eternity. and i take my vows very seriously.He is not the same man. but i know that he is in there somewhere i know that he can be that man again. soo i just want some advice.Do i just let him go. do i fight for my family and marriage. I cannot make him change. and maybe he doesnt want to change. maybe he likes this new self. i was a good wife,I didnt cook all the time or put laundry away,i yelled at the kids. but i never once looked or thought of another person besides my husband . I am as loyal and faithful as they come. there are days when i just cry and then there are the days when i just cant beleive how blessed me and the kids are. its like we are living in this beautiful paradise and the only thing we are missing is him. I think how could anyone walk away from this, look at this home we have made. look at this family. who walks away from this without a fight?.. enough ranting. some advice please. thanks .
  20. photolove24

    Born Under Covenant

    So I have a question for whoever can answer it. I’ve talked to a lot of people who I feel can’t give me a good answer, and I really want someone to put my mind to ease with this because it really has me bothered. So here’s the situation, my brother and sister in law are getting sealed on Friday. My sister in law was previously sealed to someone for only 5 months before she met my brother. They got married and had a child, all while she was still technically sealed to this other man. Her sealing to the previous man is now canceled which is why she and my brother are getting sealed on Friday. However, my 2 year old nephew cannot join in the sealing ceremony because he was already born under the covenant. Can someone please explain this to me. Does this mean that my nephew is sealed to my sister in law’s ex husband, because he was born under the covenant of their sealing?? My heart breaks for my brother that he can’t have his child sealed to him on Friday. So if someone could explain to me why this is, or give me some reassurance that this doesn’t mean that my nephew is sealed to another man who isn’t his father, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time for reading this 
  21. Hello everyone, my name is Diane and I live in Sunny California near Santa Barbara , at the Beach. I was baptized in 1995 along with my two girls and my now ex husband was baptized a week later. We were sealed in the Los Angeles Temple 1 year and a week later with our girls and our then 2 year old son. I recently re-married ( 2 years ago) to my Jr High/HS sweetheart, an amazing man, 30 years to the date after we first " dated" ( with our parents on an outing, as we were both only 15! ) We kept in touch after I was married for all but 10 years, and then he found me on Classmates in 2000. Our families were always friends, and it was wonderful hearing from him again ( he had married and divorced after only 6 years of marriage, I was married for 25 years to my first husband) Our Wedding was beautiful, he gave us both the wedding of our dreams, but not in the Temple as he was not a member at the time. He has always been interested in the church and investigated off and on through the past 11 years that we've been back in touch. We were always the best of friends, he also with my former husband. He began taking the discussions again right before wedding, but with a serious smoking habit, baptism committment took a while before he was completely ready and able to give cigarettes up completely. He surprised me a few weeks before his baptism by setting his date as the day before our First Wedding Anniversary, and was confirmed on our First anniversary! ( What more could I possibly want or need for my wedding gift? ) This year, on March 27th, his 1st Baptism anniversary date, he was ordained an Elder, and we celebrated our 2nd Wedding Anniversary the next day! We are now in Temple Prep classes and he is getting ready to receive his Endowments while I await my Sealing Cancellation ( which I will posting questions on, for any who know the process involved, please help! ) We have 5 children between us from 15 to 27, and 2 wonderful Granddaughters. Heavenly Father brought us back together again after 30 years, after many of life's experiences, celebrations and tragedies and both of our divorces ( his after 6 years, mine after 25 years! Both of our former spouses cheated. My ex stopped attending church only 2 years after we were sealed, and hasn't had anything to do with the church for 10 years now. He was not able to baptize our son, who waited on him to BE able to do so, but finally gave up 4 1/2 years ago at age 14 and was baptized by our bishop. This year my Husband will be ordaining my son to become an Elder, which is just one of the greatest blessings that Heavenly Father has given to our family! ) I am a Family History Consultant for my Stake ( if anyone needs help with your family history I am happy to help! Just ask! ) and attend the Temple as often as I can, usually at least once a month if not more. My husband went to the Temple to do Baptisms 2 weeks after his baptism!He is very excited to be able to go to the Temple with me soon, and it will be SUCH a blessing to have him there with me. I"m very happy to have found this forum, and very Thankful to Heather for starting it. I've looked at many postings the past couple of years but never posted anything, now I plan to become an active member here, and post a lot of questions I have, hopefully all of you who can answer, will! Thank you for allowing me the honor of introducing myself , I hope to get to know many of you here! Diane
  22. curiousheathen

    Marriage Question!

    Hi guys, back for another question for you. As you know, I'm not LDS and neither is my fiance (just noticed I'm listed as married on my profile lol didn't mean to select that). Most of his family is LDS, and most of mine is Catholic, with a few other religions thrown in. My fiance and I are getting married next year, but I'm a bit torn with how to approach an issue he really isn't concerned about. We're going to have a pagan handfasting, officiated by either UU minister or an Asatru officiant. We are not doing anything except evoking our deities, tying the cords around our wrists, and jumping a broom (we're also doing a theme wedding, so these things may mostly be overlooked). It is the evoking of deities that has me most concerned. I feel like I should explain a bit about what people should expect, my fiance doesn't think it's necessary. I care deeply about our families, and I don't want them to be uncomfortable. I feel they should know the basics of what handfasting is, what we're going to be doing, and decide for themselves whether or not to attend. My fiance says no other religion has to explain what their weddings are all about, and neither should we. He says the wedding is all about us, and our immediate families are supportive. Would Mormons feel uncomfortable attending a pagan wedding (one that they wouldn't have to participate in anything)? Would you like to be briefed on the basics of what to expect, especially if it's a religion you're unfamiliar with? Thanks a lot! CH
  23. This is a long story... I appologize, but I feel that it adds to my question. I've been married for almost 8 months now. But here is my story. Me and my wife dated a little bit before my mission. We never got very serious, but I really liked her and all that. I went on my mission, we didnt really keep in touch, just a couple letters back and forth. Anyways, I came home and she had been dating a kid and was considering marrying him. About the time I got home she decided he was wrong for her and broke up with him and considered going on a mission. During this same time we started dating again, and I knew she was still considering going on a mission. We started getting more serious and started talking about marriage. By this time she was very confused about what to do, she told me she wanted both, and she just needed me to make a decision for her. I just didnt think that was fair and we prayed about it and eventually came to the decision to get married. Our engagement was not like your normal engagement. We had both known for so long that we were going to get married, and her family encouraged us to get married as soon as possible. We planned most of our wedding before we were actually engaged. We had picked out a ring together, and I had ordered it and was planning a proposal. Anyways... I had a rocky start to all of this. I consider myself a very caring person and have always been very conscious to others' feelings and needs. Anyways, she ended up getting mad that I was taking too long to propose and got mad and sad about it. So instead of proposing the way I had planned, I went to her work and surprised her and proposed then and there. It was not what I had planned, but I felt that she just wanted to be engaged more than she wanted a nice proposal. But, I know to this day that she would have wanted a different proposal. Also, on our wedding day I was late. I drive a very old car, and my gas meter is very unpredictable... and ran out of gas on my way to the temple. I was very late, and I understand why she would be frustrated. Anyways... the reason I tell you all this information, I often feel that her expectations are too high, and lately we have had a lot of situations where reality does not meet up to her expectations (my proposal, her endowments, garments, wedding day, married life, etc). And I am starting to wonder if she has depression. She always feels self conscious, ugly, she feels like she doesnt get along with others anymore, and she has a hard time enjoying anything including anything intimate. She loves me, I know that, but sometimes she wishes she had just gone on a mission and married me after. She just feels like we got married very young. Anyways, I just don't know what to do. I try to make her happy, and try to make her feel special or tell her she looks good. But it's just not enough. I'm desperate here... any advice is welcome. Thanks for reading.
  24. Guest


    Deleted Dear Moderator--Will you please delete this thread? I originally posted it, but I deleted all of my posts in it, except for this one, because I felt it was a breeding ground for harassment. If you will delete this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks. <3
  25. Female GIs struggle with higher rate of divorce AP – Staff Sgt. Robin Duncan-Chisolm gets a hug from her son Seth in Upper Marlboro, Md., on Monday, March … .By KIMBERLY HEFLING, Associated Press Kimberly Hefling, WASHINGTON – Two failed marriages were the cost of war for Sgt. Jennifer Schobey. The breaking point in her first marriage came when her husband deployed to Afghanistan, the last in a long line of separations they had endured as they juggled two military careers. Schobey married another combat veteran, but eventually that union failed under the weight of two cases of post-traumatic stress disorder — his and hers. They are now getting divorced. Separations. Injuries. Mental health issues. All are added weights to the normal strains of marriage. For women in the military, there's a cold, hard reality: Their marriages are more than twice as likely to end in divorce as those of their male comrades — and up to three times as likely for enlisted women. And military women get divorced at higher rates than their peers outside the military, while military men divorce at lower rates than their civilian peers. About 220,000 women have served in Afghanistan and Iraq in roles ranging from helicopter pilots to police officers. Last year, 7.8 percent of women in the military got a divorce, compared with 3 percent of military men, according to Pentagon statistics. Among the military's enlisted corps, nearly 9 percent of women saw their marriages end, compared with a little more than 3 percent of the men. Like all divorces, the results can be a sense of loss and a financial blow. But for military women, a divorce can be a breaking point — even putting them at greater risk for homelessness down the road. It has an effect, too, on military kids. The military has more single moms than dads, and an estimated 30,000 of them have deployed in support of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why military women are more burdened by divorce is unclear, although societal pressure is likely a factor. "It's a strange situation, where there's a fair amount of equality in terms of their military roles, but as the military increasingly treats women the same as it treats men in terms of their work expectations, however, society still expects them to fulfill their family roles. And that's not equally balanced between men and women," said David Segal, director of the Center for Research on Military Organization at the University of Maryland. One speculation is that while more traditional men join the military, women who are attracted to military life are less conventional — and perhaps less willing to stay in a bad marriage. About half of all married women in the military are married to a fellow service member, compared with less than 10 percent of military men. While it can be an advantage to be married to someone who understands military life, balancing two military careers poses challenges. Former Army Sgt. Daniela Gibson, an Afghan war veteran, knows that first-hand. Gibson, 24, spent more than four years apart from her military husband and thousands of dollars on long-distance phone calls as they each did war deployments, training and moves. She said it's tough to not feel insecure about your own marriage as you watch others falling apart around you and see fellow service members cheating on their spouses, which she says is all too frequent during deployments. "Even just rumors of cheating can really affect you," Gibson said. Gibson left the military after she got pregnant. She's now raising their 1-year-old in Mannheim, Germany, while her husband continues his military career. Fortunately, she said, they were able to make their marriage work. "It was really hard. . We've gone through a lot of difficult points in the relationship and sometimes we weren't even sure how it was going to end up. But at the end I think it made us closer because it kind of made us prove to ourselves how much we wanted it," Gibson said. "We weren't about to just give up." Female service members married to civilians face their own challenges. The rate of divorce among military women is higher for those married to civilians, said Benjamin Karney, a psychology professor at UCLA who studied the issue for the Rand Corp. Research has found that the husbands of female service members were less likely to be employed than military wives. "You've got to look at the realities of what military life is like on the family, and it really is kind of set up around a traditional married model of a husband and a wife that runs the house, if you will," said Kimberly Olson, a retired Air Force colonel who is executive director of Grace After Fire, a support organization for female veterans. Olson said many female warriors don't get the support and space they need after war service to transition back to their roles as wives and mothers. "The expectation that you can just turn that emotion back on like a light switch just because you walk off the airplane and they got signs and balloons and your baby runs to you, it is not very realistic," Olson said. "It takes a while to get back into that tender, loving woman that's a mother. And if you're married, that tender loving woman that's the wife. And of course, a lot of people demand a lot of things from women, because we kind of have a bad habit of taking care of everybody else first and ourselves last," she said. When divorce does happen, it only adds to the stress faced by an already stressed-out population. Staff Sgt. Robin D. Duncan-Chisolm, 47, of Landover, Md., was deployed to Iraq last year with the District of Columbia National Guard while she was getting a divorce. She said she worried the entire time that she'd lose custody of her teenage son or lose the house that she and her husband had shared. "I was able to smile ... but inside I had a lot of turmoil I needed to have resolved, things I needed to bring closure to," Duncan-Chisolm said. She credits her friendships and support in the Guard with helping her get through the divorce. She and her son were able to take advantage of support programs offered through the Guard's "Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program" to help with her transition home. "If you don't have anybody to talk to and anybody to turn to, sometimes it gets a little difficult, and I'm glad I had that system in place," Duncan-Chisolm said. Former Army Sgt. 1st Class Tashawnya McCullough, 38, said she didn't have that support when she returned from Iraq in 2004 to where she was stationed in Germany. Divorced at the time from a service member she says cheated on her, lonely and struggling with her combat experience, she turned to alcohol. It took two months for her to get her girls, then ages 4 and 11, from the United States, where one lived with her ex-husband and the other with friends. "My home was so quiet it drove me nuts, and I was by myself. It really affected me horribly. I was not doing well," McCullough said. "I was just trying to not feel or think about anything. I had a really hard time with drinking." McCullough eventually got help for her drinking, remarried and found work in Texas with Grace After Fire helping other female veterans. Each of the military services today offers a variety of programs focused on strengthening or enriching marriage. The Army, for example, offers a program called "Strong Bonds," which provides relationship help to married couples as well as single soldiers and "resiliency" classes for spouses of both sexes. Despite these efforts, Christina Roof, national acting legislative director of AMVETS, said there are not enough programs specifically targeting divorce among female service members. She said some husbands just don't feel comfortable being surrounded by wives as part of military family support programs, but they need to be educated about issues their wives may face when they return from war. "I think that stress of a woman coming home ... and the man having no real training of someone sitting down and saying this is what it might be like when your wife gets back, that's just a recipe for disaster," Roof said. Genevieve Chase, a staff sergeant in the Army Reserves who founded American Women Veterans, said she hears complaints from female service members who say how hard it is for their civilian husbands to understand what they do and feel accepted. If the husband has served and leaves the military to support the woman's military career, she said he endures constant remarks from others. "Unfortunately, male military spouses don't get any credit or recognition," Chase said. Schobey said she's proud to serve in the military but it's not always easy on the service member — or the service member's spouse. "I think a big issue, or something a lot of couples have to work through is the fact that at any time we can get that phone call ... you're deploying again, or for me, here's some orders, you're moving to another state," Schobey said. "Then, you're uprooting your entire family and you're moving. Your spouse is expected to be supporting you, but that's not always the case, obviously. For two times now, that's not the case for me." _____ Online: American Women Veterans: American Women Veterans - Advancing and preserving the legacy of women in service to our nation Grace After Fire: Grace After Fire Army Strong Bonds: Welcome to Strong Bonds :: Building Ready Families Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America: Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America AMVETS: Welcome to AMVETS - The Official Web site of AMVETS National Headquarters