Search the Community

I'm doing this cause I absolutely have no one else to talk to!! I just got home from a mission about 6 months ago! I was so excited and happy for the wonderful mission I had served and to be back and start a wonderful life! Instantly I started to have serious problems with anxiety and depression!! So bad I was almost hospitalized!! It crippled me!! During this time I got a girlfriend who is amazing! She is a member of the church! She had some struggles in the passed and was married but got a divorce and has a child!! So she had already been sexually active. As we started dating everything was fine but my anxiety got worse and worse!! And with that the only thing that brought me joy was being with my girlfriend so we got very close and in an effort to feel some happiness cause I was having such a horrible time I messed up with the law of chastity!! So we started to do everything but intercourse! And now as time has gone on my anxiety and depression has died down but I still mess up once in a wile pretty bad with this girl and I feel horrible! I beat myself up every day and I don't take the sacrament on Sundays and I feel like the worst person in the world!! My dad asked me to give my little sister a blessing and I couldn't cause I knew I wasn't worthy to do it!! I hate myself for it! But it was the only thing that brought me spite joy when I was in hell! My anxiety was so bad I couldn't even pray!! Now I am scared to talk to a bishop and I'm wondering if I just stop and repent and help my girlfriend too that we can be happy and just forget about it!! Please help if you have any suggestions! thanks

‎11 months post surgery, attempted last couple days pain pill free...broke down had to take one tonight. Still feels like they just cut last week. Not having a good time. Need to talk to some one who can help me. Tiered of living a stalled life, pain kicks in after an hour or so of simple activity. Perfect example, chopped veggies and shredded chesse for omelettes, by the time I started to fry the bacon and beat the eggs I was in a decent level of pain. Spending a couple of hours up and moving brings on the pain, a trip to the grocier store cost me a couple hour nap to recover. I feel like my last year has been spent spinning my wheels. Need to make progress just do not have the physical energy. I had an inffection on my lower right lung, that had to be removed or peeled away as one would peel an orange, the surgery was performed on March 7 2011. I attempted to return to work the last week in April, however my blood pressure was not stablized and I was barely able to stay concouis while at work due to my blood pressure being way to low. I was even passing out at stoplights and stop signs. Needless to say My doctor decided I needed another week or so to work on stabalizing the BP. While I was off the HR director called and told me it would be best if we ended our relationship as they were replacing the other personal in my location as well. I am blessed in my living situation,we pay no rent or morgatge, we help with the utilities, food for the 3 of us, and any other expenses, my Father inlaw is covering my Carpayment and Insurance for now. We have my wife's SSDI, my son's SSI(from his momthers claim myex) and a token child support payment. Along with some help from our Ward. I need to be able to step up and provide but I can not promisse myself or an employeer an honest full day of work, when the pain level peeks, I need to stop and rest, this is true on or off the pain meds which makes it a bit easier to cope with, but still will leave me feeling painful and exhusted. Thanks just feeling overwhelmed and fustrated knowing what I need to do and not seeing away.