Search the Community

Who would you marry? If possible give a reason why one over the other. Please presume you must choose. A "neither" answer is not an option. Choose one or the other. OK, Also presume you are in love with both of them, and you must decide. They are worthy priesthood holders, kind to children, old people, and animals. They love you, love your family, love the gospel. They are currently everything a woman could wish for in a man with the exception of the aforementioned "flaw" which they have separately disclosed. Now you must choose.

I've struggled with severe depression since I was in high school. I was never officially diagnosed until my early 30s. I started taking medication about 7 years ago. I was married in 2002. For a few years before I got married, and a few years after I got married, I would use pornography as a way of escaping my depression. It was a mental bandaid of sorts. I don't think I was ever addicted to pornography. But it was a problem for a while. I knew it was wrong but it was also one of the only outlets I had when my depression would flare up. When I started taking medication, my life literally did a 180. I was able to think clearly. I didn't have suicidal thoughts any more. I felt happy for the first time since high school. And I stopped watching pornography. I guess you could say the medication filled the void. She's obviously aware of the depression. And she's extremely supportive. But I never told her about the pornography. I haven't watched pornography for years. And I have no desire to watch it. But there's a lingering guilt that's always with me. I feel like there's a weight I need to get off my shoulders. I feel like I need to talk to her. But I don't know how. I don't know what to say. And I'm worried about how she'll react. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

I have been living with a huge amount of guilt for a long time. I have had issues with pornography and mb since my teens. I have had long periods of abstaining in the past because I know that it is wrong. But I often returned and couldn't explain to myself why. When I married my wife in the temple, I had unresolved sins and I couldn't bear to tell my wife-to-be because I feared rejection. Well, I went through the first year of marriage without any infidelity but, for some months, I started down the same paths that I swore I never would return down. The reason it lasted months is because I felt so badly that I had returned and this particular sin is a coping mechanism. Now, I know that a lot of people here will tell me that I am an addict. And I very well may be but I have been able to abstain for as long as over a year in the past. I am almost certain that after the bitter guilt and anguish that I felt when I repented for damaging myself and my wife that I will never return to this sin again. It has been two months since I have forsaken my sins. I have wept so many times because I have potentially ruined our lives. I am so grateful for my wife and I have grown a new and deeper appreciation towards her. I have not told her about these sins. She feels that everything in our marriage is great. I have felt constant guilt since forsaking my sins. If I had to confess to a bishop and do whatever I needed to do, I would be willing. The thing that I cannot get myself to do is to confess to my wife. I cannot bear to inflict that pain onto her and I have rehearsed confessing multiple times but cannot get myself to do it. Lately, I have just tried to put her needs first in everything that I do and I have tried to show her love every moment we are together. But I can't get myself to confess to her. It seems impossible. I have thought about telling her now, a year from now, a few years from now, or several years from now. All of the results seem to be the same. If I hide this from her for a long time, then the damage may increase. And lets say that I am an addict but that I stop for good right now. Or lets say that I had never looked at porn before and started for the first time after marriage and stopped myself a little later down the road? Would that have made any difference? It is still an assault on my wife's heart, trust, soul, and emotions. I know that unless I repent that our marriage will not last forever and that I must go to a different kingdom after this life. I grew up in the church, I know the gospel, I have just struggled with this horrible sin for a long time. Will my wife be able to forgive me? I know that that is a hard question for people to answer since you do not know my wife. She is strong in the church. She is kind to everyone. She is positive and loving. But this news would shatter everything that she holds dear. All of our life's plans could come to a screeching halt. Plus, I have no excuse or explanation as to why I did what I did. All I can say is that I made terrible, repetitive mistakes and that my only wish is to restore what I have damaged. Is there anyone that has had experience with this? Can I save my marriage? Will forgiveness and forgetting be possible for my wife? Again, assume that it will never happen again, as I feel that this is going to be the case. I feel like I am in the gall of bitterness and that things must get a whole lot worse before they can get better. My main two concerns, and the only things that I think about all the time are: I want to save my soul, and I want to save my marriage. Thank you.

Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist and I am new to LDS Social Forums. I am a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Roseville, CA. I've also just created a blog to discuss hypnosis as a treatment for pornography addiction for LDS members. Feel free to check it out and make a comment. Thank you, DRG

It is imperative that you talk with your children and those that you may have some influence on about avoiding pornography. A recent news story was way to close to home for me. Here in Happy Valley (the term used for Utah County) porn was viewed at school by 5th graders who used a term the filters could not block. One child is saying it is difficult to get the images he saw out of his head. The fact-of-the-matter is that he will never get those images out of his head. He will now have to learn how to deal with those images. I hope and pray that the parents use this time to educate their children on what to do if they see porn and more importantly to come home and talk about it. This is why it is so important to learn about and understand pornography addiction. This is a multi-billion dollar industry that is out to get your friends, family and children addicted so they can increase their profit. Here is the full story if you are interested: ksl.com - 5th-graders to be charged for showing porn to classmates