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Found 10 results

  1. I grew up in the church, fell away for 15 or so years and started coming back a few months ago. I've read the book of Mormon for the first time willingly and by myself. Things are growing spiritually. I live with my girlfriend and we have been "living in sin." We've decided to get a marriage license and get married very soon. However I don't see us stopping sleeping together and I feel conflicted. Has anyone had this situation or know anything? Also I have not been chaste at all in those years. Never been married and I never went through the temple but did receive aaronic priesthood. My girlfriend and I are very faithful to each other and already consider ourselves married. I know that sounds dumb.
  2. Hi yall. I am here again. Might as well call me a regular I guess since this site is pretty awesome. So for context, me and my girlfriend of 6 months broke up at the beginning of this fall as she was contemplating serving a mission and in the end we to part ways and committed to see each other on the other side (post mission). For a month and a few weeks we didnt have any communication like we used to and when we saw each other, we limited it to small talk "hey how are classes etc". Then out of the blue she texted me to talk so we did. During this talk she said that she didnt feel that it was a calling from the Lord to serve a mission and a lot of pressure was placed onto her from her mother. She concluded that she wants to be back in a relationship with me. I accepted as I do love her and so for three weeks now we have been dating and it has been a greatly God centered relationship like it was before, only the spirit appears to be so much more involved (we arent letting things get out of hand). During the time of our split she has made many close guy friends, one of which is on her sports team who she described to me when we were broken up as her best friend. At the time we got back together, she mentioned if it was okay that she kept her male friends (all single who flirt with her) around, and I obliged because I believed her when she said that she is choosing me and not them. She never kissed any of them over this period but it was apparent that she developed an emotional attachment between perhaps three different guys, the strongest being the guy that is on her sports team. She disclosed to me on the night we got back together that the guy on her team is an attractive guy (which he is as I met him before I got back together with my girlfriend) and obviously I did not feel as though I had any place to deny her, her friendships, even if I was skeptical that their behavior towards her (flirtatious) was not likely to change. So last week me and my girlfriend were hanging out and we were talking about the relationships or friendships we formed with other people while we were split. I repeated what I said to her on the night we got back together that I went on a date with one girl and although I scheduled a second date with her, I texted this girl letting her know that it wasnt fair to her that I was still in love with my ex (now girlfriend). My girlfriend asked if I kept any female friends around to which I explained I didnt because I have no reason to while I am in a relationship with her, which led her to feel guilty that she was keeping her male friends close while she was in a relationship with me, but after long discussion about one of her close male friends who she met while hanging out with her bestfriend who is on her team, I said that I trust her to respect our relationship and even though this particular guy has been on dates with her, I had faith that she would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship. Flashforward to yesterday, my girlfriend thought she had practice for an instrument and her sports bestfriend is also in that class so she understandably asked him for a ride and its clearly been routine since they have met. I did offer to give her a ride my self, but it was on a moped and its cold here in Provo so I understood why she was more eager to get a ride in her sports bestfriends' car. She wasnt sure if he was going to come through as he was contemplating whether to go to the volleyball game or not but with 7 mins before her class started he did, and I took the cue to say a quick goodbye to my girlfriend and we both left with the expectation (we established this earlier on in the day) that we would hang out after her two hour instrument practice. So after an hour and thirty so minutes I get a text that "I made it home. Are you still okay to hang out tonight" to which I replied "of course". I got to her place and we met up and I noticed that she was wearing nice jeans that I didnt see previously and I even commented that they were nice. So we sit down together on a couch and she proceeds to tell me what just happened over the past time I thought she was at guitar practice. SHe and her sports bestfriend found out that guitar practice isnt today and was actually on Wednesday like it usually is, which she has been attending since the beginning of the semester. So they take the liberty to head back to her place and all this time they were actually at my girlfriends place because her sports bestfriend hadnt eaten at all and wanted to eat at her place. She didnt protest. So I wanted her to clarify that in the hour and thirty odd minutes that I thought she was at guitar practice (there was no update text), she was actually at her place the whole time with her sports bestfriend, and she confirmed. I couldnt quite believe what I was hearing so I proceeded to leave then I came back and we had a long discussion about how I felt really betrayed that she didnt bother to let me know her instrument practice was actually on Wednesday, and she was at home the whole time with her bestfriend who she hasnt denied she finds attractive. She was extremely apologetic and confessed that she does have feelings for her bestfriend who is on her team but she values our relationship so will act to cut off her ties with these other guys from here on out. After what happened the other day, I agreed to this and we have made up but she believes that she will have to regain my trust in this relationship. Im interested in a discussion on this and will clarify things I didnt put in this post. p.s I love her dearly
  3. Hey all, newbie here! Okay, so I just want some advice on what y'all think I should do here. I met a girl last year, we went on a few dates, blah blah blah. We started getting kinda serious when she pulled the "I've decided to go on a mission" card. I've dated a lot of girls but have never clicked with someone so easily before. She had been praying a lot about going on a mission, received pretty heavy revelation that she needed to go, met me, felt conflicted, but ended up deciding that she needed to follow the prompting she felt before. She even said that she wouldn't have gone on a mission had she met me earlier. Anyway, I totally supported her on her decision. Like I said, I really like this girl so I didn't want to drive her away. I tried to break things off with her before she left because she said she didn't want to have a boyfriend on her mission and I knew we were headed in that direction. We still spent all of our time together even though the relationship was less romantic. After awhile she said she did want to keep dating; she said she liked me so much that she didn't care about having a boyfriend on her mission. She left about three months ago. She even called me from the airport before her flight left for her mission. I know 100% that she wants to date me when she gets back. I email her every night and then we email back and forth on p-day. I guess I just don't know how to handle the situation. I know that she wants to date me when she gets back and I want to date her but I don't want to just sit here for a year and a half. It's such a long time and I can't stop thinking about her. She told me that she isn't going to ask me to just wait for her but she said she wouldn't be mad if I did haha. I am definitely bettering myself while she's gone - my scripture studies haven't been this good since my mission. I'm done with school and everything and have a good job. And I feel like I'm really helping her a lot on her mission. I'm not being a distraction at all. Our emails aren't romantic - just like talking to a best friend. I feel like I'm doing everything right but I just can't help but think about her all the time. Any advice? Do I continue to email her every day? I've been on a couple of first dates with other girls but obviously nothing that I want to pursue. Should I even try to date while she's gone? I guess things might get easier over time but it's kind of driving me crazy right now. Obviously, I'm not going to ask her to come home early - that'd be selfish and I think a mission is really good for her. She knows how much I like her and I know how much she likes me. I didn't know until now but I do love her. I didn't want things to get that serious before she left but I'm realizing now that they did. I guess I just want to know what I should do while she's gone to make it easier while still growing our relationship. Any advice is much appreciated!
  4. PS this is going to be a long post. This is my first post on this site and boy, I am so grateful that this site exists. I have been reading through some discussions related to my issue and whilst it doesn't give me any answers (only prayer and scripture reading can do that) it does give me slight comfort. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for just less than six months. Over the first two months of dating she has mentioned on numerous occasions that she is undecided about serving a mission. Last year she spoke to her then Bishop about serving a mission but due to the lack of communication between them both, it didn't become her priority and then she and I started dating. For context I am a 21 year old international convert studying at BYU. My *girlfriend is 20 years old and has grown up in the church and is also studying at BYU. Obviously I want to be respectful of my *girlfriend when sharing certain details about our relationship, but to summarize, her parental relationship is split. I am the only member of the Church in my family. I have been a member for over two years and she has been a member for all her life. About 4 months into the relationship she had a meeting with someone very involved in her life, and she told me that the result of the meeting would going to determine whether or not she was going to serve a full time mission. I fully expected her to say that she is going to serve a mission and even in the weeks before when she and I were discussing it, I did tell her that I have no intention of dating a return missionary especially since I myself am not a return missionary and by the standard of the church, it ought to be the other way around. I did however advise her to continue praying about it. After her meeting she told me that she is not going to serve a mission, and to be completely honest, I was relieved. I really liked this girl and I felt that she liked me. Both of us have dated the same number of people before we met each other (under 10) and this is our first serious relationship with anybody. I remember telling myself before her meeting that if by any chance she doesn't go on a mission, I will think seriously about marrying her. So fast forward a few months and over time we begin to develop an extremely strong physical attraction to each other and it got pretty bad. After a discussion we had, we both felt that it was appropriate for us to see the Bishop. We both saw her Bishop and even though I didn't know what the outcome of that meeting would entail, I am so grateful that we both saw him together. Later, I saw my own Bishop and we have both learnt that we need written guidelines to help quell our physical attraction to each other. It has been harder and harder of recent and part of me is a little relieved that we mutually broke up two days ago hence the * next to girlfriend; however our break up is another story in and of itself. About a month ago after hanging out with my *girlfriend I was about to leave her apartment until she stopped me and said that the Lord has communicated to her that she should go on a mission. As you might bet, I was distraught as I had already had multiple serious conversations with her about marriage, and apart from the values we both share within the church, there are many other standards that we agree must be upheld to promote a stable family unit. She has convinced me that she understands what it will take for a marriage to be sustained for eternity and I believe I have also convinced her. However, of course, she wanted to go on a mission. After a lot of tears on my end I did not feel like I could break up with her just because she wanted to serve the Lord. It took some pride swallowing but I believed (and still do) that I will never find another girl like this girl and even though my *girlfriend has continually encouraged that while she is serving, I should date other people, part of me wants to test how long I can hold out until she gets back. I have no intention of dating other people whilst she is gone as I do truly believe that both of us have what it takes to raise a family together. Since last week, my *girlfriend has felt extremely conflicted about her mission and has mentioned that she wants to marry and raise children with me. She knows that I absolutely want to marry her and even though I have made that obvious months ago, I have done my best to be supportive of her mission since she mentioned it and I have even mustered the courage to say "I think you should go on a mission" even though I am well aware that she most likely won't come back looking to marry me. Last Sunday we went to church together and afterwards she shared something her mother sent her via text. For context, my *girlfriend's mother has been extremely adamant that her daughter should serve a mission. The mother has served a mission and whilst the mother's life has taken a nasty turn after she married a convert who was above the age range to serve a mission, she is extremely adamant that her daughter should serve a mission and part of my *girlfriend's mother's reasoning appears to be that her daughter will be condemned if she doesn't. Even as a convert I understand this desire for your children, boys or girls, to not only serve but to marry someone who has also served, so when I saw what my *girlfriend's mother sent her, we both discussed it and agreed upon the significance of the words from Spencer W.Kimball which said, "The question is asked: Should every young man fill a mission? And the answer of the Church is yes, and the answer of the Lord is yes. Enlarging this answer we say: Certainly every male member of the Church should fill a mission, like he should pay his tithing, like he should attend his meetings, like he should keep his life clean and free from the ugliness of the world and plan a celestial marriage in the temple of the Lord” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Planning for a Full and Abundant Life”, Ensign, May 1974, 86). So after a long and tearful discussion about this specific speech we both agreed that we did not have any intention to disregard the Lord's commandment and we mutually broke up two days ago. Just writing this to an anonymous forum makes me feel a little apprehensive but I have seen the replies from other posts and I am confident that I will be able to see extremely insightful replies regarding my situation with my *girlfriend. I know of course that I need to keep praying and reading scripture. I have seen my Bishop about this and he gave me great council regarding this dilemma in our relationship.
  5. I just turned in my mission papers and I am anxiously waiting for my call. It’s been a dream of me to serve the Lord but there is one problem in the way. I’ve been dating a beautiful, loving girl in the same faith with me, but she kept something from me. Five months after have been dating, she confessed something to me and I feel stupid for not noticing, or maybe she is just good at hiding it. Well two weeks before she conceived her child, she confessed to me that she was pregnant and expecting. She didn’t tell me this because she thought I would leave her, and I finally gained her trust so she told me. Fortunately I stayed, because I did not want to leave her. Well we named the child Mahonri, as the biblical name of the brother of Jared, and I took him as my own, even though I am not the biological parent. During the time in her hospital, I helped pay expenses since I had a very good job, and I grew to love the adorable thing. I helped take care of it while she went to work, I even begged to keep the little thing over the weekends. The feeling of having Mahonri with me was amazing. But I also want to serve a mission, and I know that it is my obligation. Mahonri is now three months old, but I don’t know if the saying “You can’t go on a mission anymore if you have [broken the law of chastity] and have a baby since you have a family now” still applies to me. I’ve asked for parental advice, but they tell me my obligation is the mission. I want to go, but I can’t leave my girlfriend and her child! I’m too scared to ask church leaders for they will think I am lying and that Mahonri is my biological child. I’m just really torn. The mission, or the family I could have?
  6. I have been dating a lovely Girl who is part of the church for just over 6 months now. There is no doubt in my mind, at this point, that I love her and she loves me. However she has just sent her mission papers away and will be getting her call within the next 3-4 weeks. This isn't news to me, although I didn't know she was planning on going on a mission until 1-2 months after we started dating. However, I have known this was coming and that by the end of the year, she will be out of contact completely for 18 months. This scares me to death. I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, however I'm worried that her being away for so long and being totally focused on her religion and her mission, is going to end up with me getting left by the wayside. To clarify, although I am not part of the church and have no intention of becoming so, I have the utmost respect for what she believes and have been supportive of her choice to go on a mission since I found out about it; I think that what she is going to do is a wonderful thing. I understand that her focus should, and will, be completely on her mission leading up to her leaving, and that will help her to put the fact we will be apart out of her mind. But that doesn't make me any less scared that things aren't going to be different when she get's back. I think it goes without saying that an awful lot can change in a person's mind in 18 months. I'm in two minds as to whether I should just try and move on once she has left or whether waiting for her is the right thing to do. We've tried talking about it, but none of us can really come to a conclusion and just want to spend the little time we have left together enjoying our relationship. I feel like this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I can't bare the though of losing her. I've come here for an outside perspective on the situation so any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you
  7. Recent convert here, 20 years old, who joined the Church less than a month ago. Anyway the title is what it is I feel lonely without a girlfriend. Everyone I know LDS or not LDS ( I live in Utah County) is either getting married or is in a relationship with a special someone. I actually came into contact with the Church through a girl and we dated from October to February. I did kind of join the Church for her however we broke up as she didn't want a relationship and left for out of state in June and will come back next July/August. I write her letters to show her how much I care about her and we might date when she comes back but it would be a whole other year. Which is where I get to my point about how I feel really alone without a girlfriend. I go to a YSA Ward but haven't been able to go to any of the activities that much due to school and work. I just feel really alone and isolated, I have major depression, social anxiety disorder, and am bipolar so my conditions could be why I feel alone. I just hate seeing couples at church amd wish I could be that happy. I'd discuss more cause my life ismt that good but I dont want this post to be a novel. I just decided to post this because it feels good to talk to other people about. Does anyone have any tips or advice for me maybe?
  8. So basically this past weekend my girlfriend broke up with me and it is because she is feeling confusion about our relationship whether or not we should progress to the next level. She has been feeling this confusion for a while (a few months) and now she says that she is taking that as a sign that Heavenly Father doesn't approve of our relationship or that it should go to marriage. A couple of days later we talked and she expressed to me that she wants more than anything to be with me and she wants us to get married but she just thinks that she was confused because that is Heavenly Father's answer. It's just odd to me because we always talk about how fun married life would be and everything about after getting married and she loves the idea of it, it's just committing to it that she feels confused about. We are going to be friendly together and not lose our friendship but the only times that I will be seeing her is when we run into each other on campus (we go to the same school) or when she needs me the most (I am her best friend and the person that she trusts the most). I would like to think that it is not completely over with her and that with time we will be together again but she just needs to realize that we really are right for each other. I have already taken steps in my life to make this breakup easier and to feel freedom like deleting her number so I really don't have anyway to contact her but she can still contact me. From talking with people a lot of the advice that I have been given that most of her confusion could come from that she is nervous and scared to get married. Others have told me that she is being manipulative and just wants to keep me around. I am going to keep on going in my life and I've already been with friends a lot and I have a lot to do that will keep me busy and make an easy transition. What advice/counsel do you have? Is anything that general authorities have said about getting through confusion in dating or anything about that?
  9. I have been dating a girl for almost 6 months now and things started off amazing. After a couple of months in we began to have issues with the law of chastity (heavy petting) and we got that cleared up with our bishops and then things got better after that. Recently we have began to have some issues with touching each others butts under clothing and I touch her boobs under clothing as well when we are making out. Sometimes I'm the one that initiates and other times it's her so it goes both ways. I have been hurt and so has she but with my kind of personality how I see it is to forgive and then work towards proving that it wont happen again. She has a lot harder time forgiving me because she says that if I truly loved her that I wouldn't do it to her. She has started to work through some depression that she has had since she's been home from her mission and she says that I shouldn't put her this kind of thing since she is going through that. I haven't intentionally tried to do any of this and I haven't intentionally gone into a situation with it on my mind to do these things. What can I say/do to help her understand that I do love her and that it wont happen again? She's taking some time to think things out but I need to know how I can help her realize that I'm sincere in my apology and that I will do everything it takes to make it right.
  10. Hi! I'm lookin to relate to someone about your best friend or boy friend leaving on a mission! How do you deal with?? How do you stay supportive? I just feel along losing my bf and my bff!!