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Last February I disclosed to my wife about a pornography addiction and multiple same sex affairs. She decided to stay with me and help me work through these problems I had caused. I recently had a relapse with pornography. I haven't told her yet. I'm scared to tell her. I had been clean for about 8 months. I feel angry at myself, I feel terrible about the pain this is going to cause my wife, I feel terrible for taking a step backwards. Inside I want someone to tell me I dont really need to tell her, but I know that I really want her help, love, and support to keep moving forward to beat this addiction. I hate this because it probably changes my timeline to be re-baptized. I think I'm still on track spiritually, but keeping this from her is eating me alive, or the fear of telling her is...i'm not sure.
I need help to know how to deal with my husband who does graffiti. Not little things, BIG things. Tonight he got back at 2:00 am after painting 7' tags in two very prominent spots right on the interstate. If I were to call the cops, he would be charged with a felony. He says he does it for the want of fame and street credit. That statement doesn't seem to alarm him at all. This has been a problem for him for a long time, and he almost couldn't go on his mission because he got busted. He quit for almost 5 years, then something triggered him to start back up again about 2 years ago. I try not to make a big deal about it because he goes through long stretches of not doing anything major, but when he breaks, he binges. He understands it's illegal, and that he could go to jail, he just doesn't seem to think that is actually going to happen because he's supposedly smarter than the cops and knows what to watch out for. He acts exactly as if this is an addiction, but he refuses to see it that way. I'm tired of worrying about if he'll be coming home or if he's in jail. He honestly doesn't think what he's doing is that bad. We are active members of our Ward and we have an 18 month old son to take care of so I'm not the only one his actions affect. Any suggestions?
This has been on my mind a bit lately. I am an addiction counselor and also recovering from my own addiction. I meet a lot of resistance from LDS addicts when I suggest going to the church recovery meetings, but, "People might find out that I have a problem." I have decided that part of my purpose needs to be to reduce the stigma of addiction among us by openly admitting that I have struggled. I ask others who have so struggled to also take their own stand in appropriate ways, so that others seeing us might find their own courage to seek healing. I am going to go one step further and ask others to refrain from judging and pointing fingers. Non-addicts can do a great deal to create an environment for healing by practicing Christ-like love and tolerance. What do you think?
Let me give you some background so I can get some advice about a dating issue. First of all, I am addicted to masturbation and pornography and havebeen for over ten years. I went on a mission this way and one day broke down and told my mission president who, after talking with me and my stake president, said I should stay on my mission! Why? Thats another issue for another time. I told my bishop in my family ward and he just said I need to try to get over it and that I could still take the sacrament and serve in the church as a priamry teacher! Why? Again an issue for another time. I lied to my bishop and said I was cured so I could see a famly I am very close to get sealed in the temple. Since then I have basically kept up the lie. I have now and have always in the past tried to cure myself of these addictions but to no avail. Anyway, recently I started dating this girl. She is very nice and accepts me as I am. I have told her everything and when she said she was ok with it as long as I was trying to get better I felt a tug of war of feelings. I felt happy that she accepted me as I am but confused and dissapointed in her. Telling her the truth was kind of a way for me to say I didn't think we were meant to be and we should go our separate ways. I have been praying about this relationship asking if she is the one or if she and I are right for each other. I have only felt confusion and the same tug of war of feelings on the subject. But more and more lately I have begun to wonder if the doubts and the confusion were my answers and that I should break up with her. I also wonder if thats just me and those doubts are just obstacles to overcome. I also wonderif Satan is placing those doubts there or exaggerating the reality of the doubts and issues with this girl to stop me from being happy. It also could just be me. Those addictions could be the reason why I am unsure about my relationship. Pros about this girl are that she is funny, likes me for me (actually I think she loves me but she hasn't said), cooks well, makes me feel less lonely, makes me feel like I am doing something with my life. Cons: She is not physically attractive (that could be due to the addictions of masturbation and porno), she likes things that I don't like, she hates things that I like i.e. food, music, movies, school subjects, political views etc, she is too passive about my problems and therefore doesn't necessaraly care if I change, too passive about me saying that I wasn't totally sure we should be together, not as strong in the church as I would like and need. These are just some of the things I can list right now. I asked my brother and he said to end the relationship now before it gets to invovled emotionally. I said I am not sure about that. I am scared. What if she is the one and I lose her forever? However, what if she isn't and I am stuck in a relationship I don't want to be in? So please can someone help me out here. Has God answered me already and I missed something? Has Satan used these doubts and issues to stop me from being happy? Have my addictions and my life experiences affected my personality and have I just been reacting normally to the issues with this relationship? Which is it? Is she the one? How do I know? If she isn't what now? If she is what now? Thank you in advance for the advice and have a great one, Doubter.