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Found 9 results

  1. I have been inactive for 4 years. I had an affair on my husband 3 years ago (it lasted close to 3 months, no se/oral sex but sexual things, lots of texting, hanging out etc). He knows of the affair-every little detail. We have worked through it and our marriage is stronger than ever before. I want to come back to the church. I have been prompted a few times in the last 6 months and even more so in the last month that I need to return to church and that I need to get back to the temple. This is a huge change in direction for me as I have not felt the desire to return and had even thought about leaving the church all together. I cannot deny this prompting. My husband is not ready to be active again so it will just be me. We have moved and will be going to a brand new ward. I plan on meeting with my bishop soon. My question is what should I expect? If I follow the Lords prompting and then get excommunicated I will be devastated. What do you think will most likely happen?
  2. Brothers and Sisters, I have written on this site before and have deeply appreciated and also enjoyed the responses from my posts. Since then I have spent much time on this site https://talkaboutmarriage.com/forumindex.php perhaps to my own peril, but the constant stories of infidelity, which are obviously not healthy to continuously read upon, are definitely making me paranoid that my future partner (whoever that may be) will default to mortal "imperfection" and even up develop an emotional/physical affair with someone else. I think it is developing as a huge paranoia of mine even though I have personally not been cheated on. Ive noticed many situations where people have been blindsided by their spouses betrayal and abuse, and it truly appears like the worst type of pain in the world. Its actually something one of my professors briefly discussed in one of my religion classes and like he said, the infidelity of ones' spouse can inflict pain upon ones soul. It is unlikely that I will remain in isolation and avoid women (LDS) for the rest of my life, so if any of you wise brothers and sisters have advice on what has made your relationships successful and has nullified the fear of spousal betrayal, would you mind sharing it? Thanks P.S I recently read this story https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/370602-wife-choosing-other-man.html and in many ways, it reminded me of a relationship I was in not too long ago where I had a strong desire to marry this person. These stories do make me feel slightly unsure that if we had taken the direction of marriage, that I also could potentially face the same result.
  3. prisonchaplain

    Forgive AND Forget?

    Often, when abusers or cheaters request forgiveness, they insinuate that if we are real Christ-followers we would "forgive and forget." I contend that we forgive--meaning we turn over our right to revenge to God. We hold no grudge, and wish no malice. However, forgetting is something that only God is in a position to do. Only He is all-powerful and all-knowing. So, only God is in a position not to be taken advantage of. God does not need the memory of our past sins to help him know our spirits. So, He is able to truly cast our sins as far as the east is from the west. The forgiveness we extend should never be forced. It should never be perceived as diminishing the hurt and the offense. And, it should never result in victims reentering toxic relationships. Forgiveness is not trust. Trust may or may not be regained. When it does come, the journey should be gradual--paced by the victim. Thoughts?
  4. I have been married for nearly 17 years. I adore my husband. He is not perfect, but he has so many good qualities. When things are good, I am happy. It is the inbetween parts that are destroying our marriage...and truthfully me. My husband has had on/off problems with pornography. This was the biggest cause of strife in our marriage until we had been married for 4 years. My husband had an emotional affair with a co-worker. I discovered it and it stopped before things got physical. We moved out of the area and things were great (excluding occasional pornography problems) for the next several years. My husband had a full-on affair with another co-worker (which he fully admitted to). I wanted to work on us, but he wouldn't come home. He refused to meet with me and the Bishop. So after a few weeks, I packed our house up and moved closer to family for support. 2 months later, he woke up and realized what a huge mistake he had made. Truthfully, I was mad. I had already filed for divorce. I felt like he was out playing and "honeymooning" with someone new. I was looking forward to a happy ending of my own someday. However, I prayed and fasted and counseled with my bishop. I couldn't deny the Holy Ghost witnessing to me that I needed to try and fix our marriage. We did it though! Our marriage was really good for another several years.. Then it happened again. This time, my husband hasn't admitted to anything. He calls me "crazy" and tells me she is just a friend. On our cell-phone bill, he talked more to this woman than he did to me. Phone calls ranged from 5-15/day. Plenty of text messages too. I noticed on his smartphone all his apps, he was following her on every app he had. (None of his other coworkers showed up except for on FB). He lied about dumb things..and once again destroyed all trust in our marriage. I was upset and he promised I was the most important thing in his life and he would have no further contact with her. He lied...he did...phone calls decreased, but continued. I found out, he got mad and told me then if I am going to be controlling, he wants a divorce. After several days of brooding and sleeping on the sofa, he apologized and said he would really cut her out of his life this time. So, he deleted all his apps and blocked her phone number. I checked the phone bill and he told the truth...no contact. Something still didn't feel right and I found some very flirty comments online back and forth to each other. It made me sick. The love of my life was saying things I would love to hear from him to another woman. Because these were online, he feels he has honored his promise to break all contact with her... I feel so betrayed again. I feel like the biggest idiot ever! When you add up these incidents that occured over the span of my marriage, it leaves me feeling hopeless. My husband has been sleeping on the couch for a week. He tells me he loves me and I am the only one he wants. On one hand I believe in the atonement, and there is room for everyone to repent and put their life back together, but on the other hand, I feel as if he is making a mockery of our temple marriage. When he says 'I love you", I don't believe him anymore. I know I love him with all my heart, and I could never do anything so heartless and cruel to him. He is trying to save our marriage (which is what I was always the one to do up until this point). I don't know if it is worth saving anymore. I feel so empty and lost. How much does Heavenly Father expect one heart to take? I believe in marriage for eternity...never giving up on each other. But at what point do you stand up for yourself and your badly damaged heart? When is divorce appropriate?
  5. I am REALLY struggling to find anyone out there that has experienced this and want to know what you did about it. 8 months ago, it was revealed to me that my husband had a 1 month emotional affair that began to cross into the physical when they ended it. But they claim that they "fell in love" and he basically stayed for the kids. The woman he had this affair with has been one of my closest friends in the ward for THREE years and her husband has been one of my husbands closest friends. Our kids have played, our families have been friends for 3 years. I can see the back of their house out of my back windows. It has already been made clear that we will never be friends again and that our kids will never play again. I want NO contact with them at all. Both of us are working on our marriages, etc, but we both are unable to move at the moment. We planned to live in this house until we grew old. After 8 months, we are going to be ok...my husband came out of whatever dark cloud he was in and admits the whole thing was so stupid and he loves me. I am triggered EVERY SUNDAY when I see her or her family at church. The trauma of it all has been too much and I can't even focus on anything spiritual while I'm there. I can tell I'm falling apart. My husband doesn't think moving is the answer and I wanted to CHANGE WARDS, but he said he'd rather stop going to church than go through the awkwardness of telling people we are new in the ward, but don't live in their boundaries. But I feel so strongly that if I could be separated completely from them then I could start to heal easier. No one in the ward knows except the bishop and it drives me mad that I can't tell my other friends what is wrong with me and what SHE did to me!!!!!!! I want to get out of here, but I am stuck!! What would you do???? [Moderator removed link]
  6. This is my first time posting on a forum. Please excuse my illiteracy and grammar. I need advice. I have been married 7 years. My marriage has never been great. We fight all the time and have been very selfish. However i have always loved my wife. I believe she has finally had enough. She told me 3 months ago she was done. Sometimes i feel she has every right to be. I have spent the last three months trying to fix everything about me that she was not happy about. I have apologized about the mean things i have done. She constantly tells me that there is no point in talking about it. About a month into her decision i found inappropriate texts to a man that she is working with. I was so distraught that i immediately forgave her. She promised that was all there was and tried to convince me it was not what i saw. Her apology was that she didn't think it was wrong because she told me we where done. for the next to months she slowly manipulated me to the point that i didn't even believe what i had seen. This last conference Sunday i stole her phone. I found that the relationship was still going on. It rocked my world. She tells me again that she is ending it but they are still friends on facebook. She says I shouldn't have to know the details i should just trust her. She tells me I am being controling for telling her that i have to have full knowledge to be able to completely move on. She wont work on the issue and anytime we talk all she wants to do is remind me about how bad of a husband i was. We have a son and im terrified for him. I was raised by my grandperents because my parents split and neither wanted or could afford us. I have made up my mind that i wont be the one to end the marriage. This is a covenant marriage and that goes against what i believe. I don't know what to do. I am a mess. She expects me to be nice and talk to her. When she wants but it will never be about our feelings and she will never let me know hers. She is a closed book and very unforgiving. Ive been going to a counselor. This Saturday will be my 6th visit. I just need some outside perspective.
  7. Ugh...how did this happen? I am a returned missionary, come from an amazing leadership family in the church, pretty much been on the straight and narrow my whole life. I married a year after my mission to the most amazing spiritual loving husband. My husband's job the last 2 years caused him to be away alot and not home until 9pm at night most nights. I really started to get lonely so I really got close to my best friend. We would get together numerous times a day. Her husband was home alot and we ended up getting to be close friends. I told my husband that I thought we were too close and we talked about it openly. It was almost weird how much we had in common and how funny we were together. We would flirt some but always had our guard up and my best friend was always there. We were not alone ever. My husband was the elders q. pres and this guy was the first counselor. We trusted ourselves too much. Me and my best friend had a couple conversations about her husband and she asked me if he had ever said anything or tried anything or if she could trust him? I struggle some with self esteem and he made me feel good about myself. I didn't think too much about him but when I was with him I felt happy, excited and motivated. I noticed I always wanted to look my best around him. Anyway their family moved away. Only 5 minutes after they drove away he started texting me that he was in love with me, wanted to be with me, wanted to make love to me etc. I felt guilty that I felt happy and flattered that he said these things to me. I told my husband right away. This man was also my husbands best friend. We all were just so close. The man told me he only thinks of me when he has sex with his wife, etc. For about 3 weeks we texted each other. I cut the texting off 3 times and he would not text me for about 3 days then text that he missed me and how hard it was for him not to text me. I loved the attention. I felt sexy again. I felt alive. but I felt terrible for my husband and how could I feel this way. I was never in love with this man but more loved the attention he gave me. I told my husband this and we talked openly about the situation.....all but one thing. There were 3 times when we "sexted". It was mostly him typing things but I also did a little bit. He sent me a few pictures he took of himself at the gym in the bathroom but had shorts on. After 3 weeks I sent him a text that said ur relationship needs to be done, he sent one back that said....you don't understand because you go home to a great husband and I go home to a cold shoulder. He accidentally sent that text to his wife, my best friend and it had my name in it so she basically knew. I have not talked to him or his wife since that day. I wrote her a letter and apologized and she wrote me back and is obviously hurt and doesn't want to talk to me ever again. Here is my issue.... I told my bishop about the situation and texting and my feelings and told my husband too but I didn't tell my husband or the bishop about the sexting. It was mostly the other man and I didn't send inappropriate pictures of myself to him but I know that is justifying it. It has been 3 months now and I am wondering if I need to go back and tell the bishop about the sexting and my husband? I have prayed about it and feel peace again in my life and feel the Spirit so much more now then before but should I tell the bishop and my husband about the sexting or just move forward? My husband never brings it up and seems like he has forgotten about it. I feel good that I don't think about the guy anymore. I really feel like the Lord took that away from me. I still daily have a hard time with my best friend...wishing we could talk and I could help her through this trial but I know now that I will always be the "other woman" in her mind now. I hope their marriage will be ok.... Should I go back and tell the bishop and my husband the sexting I left out? Thanks
  8. I'll just get straight to it, spare a lot of details. After about 6 months of having an emotional affair, things went too far and now I'm full of guilt and remorse. Never thought I'd be in this situation, never meant for this to happen. I've been married for 20+ years, was married in the temple. All my family, grown up kids, and family on both sides are very active in the church. While things haven't been perfect with my husband, I still love him and don't want to hurt him. He has been verbally abusive to me at times, and I've almost left him a couple times. Things have been ok lately though. But, I'm scared to tell him. Afraid of what he'll do. I'm so confused and distraught at what to do next. My questions are: Have I lost all chance of having an eternal family? Have I lost them forever? If not, how can I get them back? Some days I want to tell him now, but I just can't. Is it worse for me to wait and tell him later? Six months? A year? Two years? I'm so scared of his temper and all the stress he has with his job etc. I just can't do it right now. How will it affect the repentance process if I wait? I have so many other questions, I'm lost. Please help!!
  9. AboutToLeave

    Accused of Affair

    On Sunday, the Bishop called me into his office, and (in delicate words) accused me of having an affair with my boss. (My boss is also LDS, but attends a different ward.) I denied this false accusation, but I have a distinct feeling that my Bishop believes that I am lying. I figured that I'd talk to my boss at work on Monday, and let him know the situation. About an hour after I get home from church, my boss's wife calls me. "We need to talk" It turns out that her husband was called into his bishop's office at the same time, for the same reason. Neither my nor his bishop would say who had made these claims. On Sunday My husband and I, along with my boss and his wife are going to demand the Bishops tell us who has made these false accusations, and hold this person accountable. (I'm 99% sure I know who it is, but am waiting for them to come forward before pointing fingers). Don't I have the right to know who is accusing me??!!!!