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Found 12 results

  1. I have found, and I know girl friends of mine have found as well, that there are more married men of the church on church targeted online dating sites (or hitting on single girls on Facebook or instagram) than there should be. I am not really big into the online dating scene and already I have come across a handful. Some of them are "separated but just not finished with the divorce preceedings," some have not even started them. Some have been forthcoming. Some have not. The excuses would blow you away. I guess I was lucky I was raised to know that if you go through a divorce you don't date until after it's final. Guess not everyone was raised that way. What's a good way to let these men know that in unacceptable?
  2. ok so we get ppl coming here a lot looking for advise on their marriage. the same links get posted... usually cause even though the names and details have changed to protect the innocent the answers/story is still the same. so i thought we could have a thread not to discuss specific marriage problems but just links of good resources that can be referenced when the occassion arrises. they can be links to talks from the church leaders, different marriage/self help books or programs, websites, etc. so it's not really a discussion thread so much as a resources for your marriage thread. however, please throw in why you posted a specific talk or if you have read it and found it useful if you like. i'll start with ones i recommend or have seen recommended and yall can throw in as you see fit. first the church resources LDS Family Services lots of info there including how to find an lds counselor in your area. if finances are a problem speak with your bishop. another church location that may have some info you are looking for... Home & Family- Building a Strong Family outside of the church resources... remember most websites have free email news letters that can have awsome information. Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice this one has the book "his needs her needs" as well as others by the same author (willard f. harley, jr. ph.d) Marriage Counseling - Free Marriage Help – Save Marriage - Stop Divorce - Marriage Problem Solving (this one has a great free emails that come regularly) Pamper your LDS Marriage with a "Magnify Your Marriage" Retreat! this guy is lds in case that matters to you. Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment this one is also lds and has a lot of focus on the sexual difficulties in marriage that may not be addressed in other resources. the movie "fireproof" and the book that inspired it "the love dare" often get suggested, here is the official site... Welcome To The Five Love Languages this one gets recommended a lot this one is also lds - For All Eternity that's all i can think of off the top of my head....
  3. I need some advice when it comes to your spouse getting excommunicated. My wife of 10 plus years was just excommunicated for having a few months affair. We have been trying to fix out marriage through therapy, her seeing the bishop regularly and ending all ties to the other person involved in the affair. I figured after a few months of doing all of this that she might be disfellowship at worst. I was not expecting excommunication. As the spouse, what am I suppose to do now? what does this Intel for me? how do I move forward in my marriage. Things were getting better now I am affraid she is going to run from the church, herself and her family (kids and I). I need any advice that might help me in this matter.
  4. I need help! I know this post is daunting; it's a list of everything my husband has done to me so if you want, you can skip to the end. I have been married for almost 5 years and we have two children, a 2 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. My husband has had a history of cheating on me and I have no trust in him, but for some reason I never go through with getting a divorce, even though I know it's what's best. Here's the story: When I was pregnant with our son was when I first found sexual text messages on his phone (summer of 2011). He had been texting a girl the night before asking what a sexy girl like her does for fun, asking if she likes watching porn, etc. He said it was a girl from work (he's a general contractor) and that they've never hung out & that it was the first time they've spoken. There was also a different girl that he had met at work that he would always go running with and sometimes wouldn't even come home until 1 or so in the morning! He made me feel like I was crazy for not letting him have any friends that were girls and we always argued about it. I first found out about her when I saw text message conversations and he would totally flirt and say things like "anything for you". I thought all this would stop after we had our son. I was wrong! Soon after we had him, I kept finding more text messages, one time someone had even sent him a picture of herself topless. He claimed he didn't know who she was or why she sent it to him. Things were going somewhat well a little after that, but than he had to go to AT (training for National Guard) for 5 months (summer of 2012). Soon after he left, my phone stopped working so i had to use his old one. I looked up the internet history on his phone and saw that he had looked up TONS of escorts in our city! They advertised for massages.. I looked up our cellphone history and saw that he had contacted tons of them via text and phone calls. I confronted him and he said he has never done anything with any of them, he usually just dials the number and than hangs up. By this time, I was considering being done with him, but he said he'll change, etc etc. Towards the end of him being in training, I saw a couple of charges for hotels and he said it was because they went swimming... When he came home, I thought everything would be okay, but I noticed him texting someone a lot and he said it was a friend from training. When I read some of the conversation, there was a lot of flirting going on and he once again got mad at me, saying he should be able to have friends that are girls. A couple of days later, I was looking through all his things from training literally hoping I'd find something and I sure did. I found a letter from this girl saying she'll never sleep with a married man again and that he's still a good person, etc. He didn't know I found the letter and when I confronted him, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about! It wasn't until a couple days later, after I said we should separate, that he admitted to it and begged me to stay, that it wouldn't happen again etc etc. I decided to give him another chance. Soon after, I got pregnant again and was excited because I thought this time he'd for sure change. Beginning of last year (Jan 2013) I saw some weird charges on our account and saw that he had joined a social network who's slogan is "Life is short, have an affair". I saw that he had yahoo chats with a girl on there talking about [moderator edit] etc, really bad stuff. I also downloaded an app on his phone that allows me to see all of his text conversations and internet history on his phone. This is how I found out he was basically dating a girl. He took her to dinner, they would go to the dog park together, etc. After their date to dinner, he text her and said "It was nice getting to know you with your clothes on". He was also still contacting escorts. This time, I was sure I was going to get a divorce. But after I confronted him, he claimed it's because he'd been out of work and had been having a hard time and he once again begged me to give him one last chance. I gave in. We found out we were having a girl and once again, I thought he'd for sure change! Baby girl was born in July 2013 and things were going good until recently. He had been out late one night and said he hung out with his old friend from college, but I was suspicious. I still have that app on his phone that tracks his messages, but he is aware of that. I thought it was weird that I didn't see any conversations with this "college friend" about hanging. What my husband doesn't know, is that this app also tracks where he is. I saw that he had been in a city that's quite far from where we live. A couple of days later, I see some ATM withdrawals for around $100 plus $30 to the movies on our bank account. About a week later, my kids and I stop by our house that my husband is building to visit him and he's not there... I look on the tracker and he's in that same city as before... I call him and he says he has to go to the "Lowes" out there to get something. A couple of days later, there's a $30 charge to iHOP. After all this has been going on, I start wondering if he's gotten a second cell phone so another day, I randomly stop by our house he's building and while he was walking around with our son, I hurry and looked in his truck and guess what I found? A cheap Cricket phone! I hurry and looked and only had time to read one text and it said "I want your sexy body all over me". He was starting to walk towards the truck, so I hurried and put it back and acted like nothing happened, but I was pretty sure he knew i found it. Once again, i had decided i should get a divorce, but when I confronted him in October 2013, he said he's changed and begged me to wait until January 2014 to make my final decision. And here I am again, giving him another chance. I know have a tracker on his computer and I can see that he's still very addicted to porn and looking at models/actresses and he's still contacting escorts every so often. He's even tried getting an escort to come to our house! Not to long ago, I saw a text conversation that went on while he was home alone trying to coordinate a time for the escort to come over, but none of them were available so it didn't work out. To this day, he claims he's only cheated on me the one time with the one girl. He's NEVER come to me about anything. Everything listed above are things I've discovered on my own. I have no trust in him. He went to the Bishop back in sept. 2012 after I found out about him sleeping with the girl in GA, but he hasn't told the Bishop about anything since and he says he's temple worthy. And we did do counseling for awhile. I feel like I've tried everything. I've prayed about it, gone to the temple, talked to our Bishop, etc and I have felt "good" about getting a divorce, but for some reason I never go through with it. All day, every day, I just sit and think about it and I'm miserable. I need help
  5. Often, when abusers or cheaters request forgiveness, they insinuate that if we are real Christ-followers we would "forgive and forget." I contend that we forgive--meaning we turn over our right to revenge to God. We hold no grudge, and wish no malice. However, forgetting is something that only God is in a position to do. Only He is all-powerful and all-knowing. So, only God is in a position not to be taken advantage of. God does not need the memory of our past sins to help him know our spirits. So, He is able to truly cast our sins as far as the east is from the west. The forgiveness we extend should never be forced. It should never be perceived as diminishing the hurt and the offense. And, it should never result in victims reentering toxic relationships. Forgiveness is not trust. Trust may or may not be regained. When it does come, the journey should be gradual--paced by the victim. Thoughts?
  6. Do we really want to teach our youth that cheating is okay, if you don't get caught? Should they learn that when you are older, more professional, cheating gets a slap on the hand? The Patriots cheated. They should be disqualified. The Super Bowl should feature the Seahawks vs. the Colts. Amen.
  7. It's been a while since I've posted, but I have good memories of my time here. What I remember best is how knowledgeable and supportive the regulars are. That's why I'm here today. I could use some of both. Bit of background: I was sexually abused as a child, which led to a sexual addiction when I got older. About four years ago, I got therapy. It helped a lot, as did my time on these forums. I learned to separate healthy relationships and desires from unhealthy ones. My husband was also sexually abused. He went the other direction. He completely closed off (we've since learned it's called sexual anorexia). It's gotten progressively worse over the years, until he can barely stomach any sexual contact. He is afraid to get help; his way of dealing with stress is to ignore the problem. I've really been struggling lately with severe longings for sexual intimacy. We've talked about it several times, and he's very apologetic, but he just...can't do it. He knows he should get help, but he can't make himself and I can't (and shouldn't) force him to. Enter the problem: I shared my issues with a close friend who has a similar problem, and he asked me to sleep with him. I told him no. He wouldn't let it go though. I cut off communication with him, but before I did, he told me I could go to him anytime. I know he's there and willing, and the temptation has been nearly overwhelming the past month. I'm not looking to justify giving in. I won't. I refuse to give into Satan. I'm not looking for advice like "divorce your husband." It's not his fault. I love him and covenanted to be his wife for eternity, no matter how hard it got. I've spoken to the bishop, but he didn't know what to tell me. He said he'd pray about it. That was three weeks ago. In answer to my prayers for help and strength, I was prompted to seek outside myself. So here I am :) What I need is loving support and advice on how to stay strong. Thank you!!!
  8. I'll just get straight to it, spare a lot of details. After about 6 months of having an emotional affair, things went too far and now I'm full of guilt and remorse. Never thought I'd be in this situation, never meant for this to happen. I've been married for 20+ years, was married in the temple. All my family, grown up kids, and family on both sides are very active in the church. While things haven't been perfect with my husband, I still love him and don't want to hurt him. He has been verbally abusive to me at times, and I've almost left him a couple times. Things have been ok lately though. But, I'm scared to tell him. Afraid of what he'll do. I'm so confused and distraught at what to do next. My questions are: Have I lost all chance of having an eternal family? Have I lost them forever? If not, how can I get them back? Some days I want to tell him now, but I just can't. Is it worse for me to wait and tell him later? Six months? A year? Two years? I'm so scared of his temper and all the stress he has with his job etc. I just can't do it right now. How will it affect the repentance process if I wait? I have so many other questions, I'm lost. Please help!!
  9. I'm in my late 20's and I've been married for 8 yrs and have 4 children. My husband and I are sealed in the temple. We have been together since i was 17. I have done everything right I could the last 8 years and been completely active in church. Because of that the news of my husbands affairs have been extremely hard to bear. About a month ago I found out my husband has been cheating on me for 3 yrs. I am completely devastated and was totally blindsided by it. For the time being we have decided not to talk to anyone about it. I desperately need some support and I guess that's why I joined the site. I have never done the whole forum thing before. I found out something was wrong because he left his email up and there were pictures of women. When I confronted him he came clean. There have been multiple offenses, emotional and physical (including having sex more than once). And he said he wanted to tell me before but didn't know how and didn't want me to leave him. The last affair was just emotional and someone he met on the ps3. It had been going on for a few months though and only ended after i confronted him. I took him back because I still love him and think that divorce is the worst possible thing I could ever do to my kids. (This is my opinion) We are trying to make it work and even though he has destroyed my life and broken my heart he is a good father. What is the likelihood for excommunication in this situation?? This is a huge question for us. Especially considering the fact that his testimony is shaky at this point. We haven't told anyone anything about what is going on. Our eldest daughter is supposed to get baptized in a few months and I suppose that's when everything will come out. I don't know how things will go down though. What would happen if he did decide to go through with baptizing her even though he is unworthy?? I don't feel it's my place to go to the bishop for him but if I don't and he does perform her baptism am I committing a sin?? Things may come out before then, i don't now and I don't think I would let him do that, our daughter deserves better, but it's just a question I have. Right now I can only take it a day at a time. I can't look to the future anymore cause I don't know what even the next day holds. I guess I'm searching for some answers to my questions but also any words of encouragement I could find as well. If I didn't have to think of my kids I would prolly leave but that fact that he is the love of my life makes it easier to stay. We haven't gone to the bishop yet and I guess it's just cause we don't want people to know. It's no one's business and our families will found out if we go to the bishop because he won't be able to perform any priesthood ordinances or go to the temple. I wish there was a way we could go through the whole process without everyone finding out. I don't want my family to hate him but I know what I used to think of cheaters and it isn't kindly. I'm already a fragile, broken mess so please don't respond if you can't be kind. You may not agree with what I have decided or the questions I have but there is no need to be unkind. My whole world has been turned upside down in an instant! That's being said, please help!
  10. I have been married for 10+ years and have found myself in a bad place. A little while ago I started texting/chatting with another guy. It was mostly something I did just for excitement/adrenaline rush. Well, we've been making suggestive comments to each other and on the spur of the moment decided to meet somewhere. Things got out of hand and there was some petting and one kiss. I obviously feel horrible about it and I realize that I need to tell my husband. I'm putting it off because I know how badly he'll be hurt. I don't want it to affect his self image and other parts of his life. On a side note, he used to have issues with pornography - as far as I know, he hasn't had these problems for the past few years. At the time, tore me up inside to think that he was looking at photos of other women...why wasn't I good enough?? It was extremely hard on me. I know I'll eventually need to talk with my bishop, etc. I'm ready for whatever comes my way: disfellowshipping, etc. Anyone have experience in this area??? I really need some advice...
  11. Guest


    Deleted Dear Moderator--Will you please delete this thread? I originally posted it, but I deleted all of my posts in it, except for this one, because I felt it was a breeding ground for harassment. If you will delete this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks. <3
  12. This is my first post to this website. I'm an LDS woman who has a wonderful temple marriage, and has been married for many years now. I'm active and love the church. I was away from my husband for most of the summer due to a temp job I had, and became attracted to another man. I was foolish and had relations with him one time. (It was not Int., but WAS Or. Se.). I do not understand why I gave in when I am content with my husband. I know that I should speak with my Bishop and start a repentance process.......but is it possible to do this without telling my spouse? I'm terrified to tell him, it will break his heart. Is there anyone out there that knows what I'm going through, or knows what to do? I feel so stupid.