I don't feel like I belong in the Mormon community.
I feel that I am isolated toward other church members. I am of Pacific islander descent, but I don't think it has anything to do with my race, it might be.... The Mormon community here is mostly white/Caucasian. I came from a very poor family and background. I have been exposed to so much ghetto in my life and I may have picked up some bad habits while in high school. Even though I'm educated, those habits tend to slip up...things like cursing and just being myself. When I am being myself, and I slip( I am trying to change that)..people tend to judge me while at church. I am beginning to ask myself, is it my fault that I was exposed to bad influence all throughout my life? Should I look down upon myself? There's nothing wrong with change, but this whole thing is making me anxious. I am trying to belong but people at church don't seem to be "welcoming" to me. I gave a testimony when I first moved to my ward and I was being completely honest about myself.....that i was exposed to the ghetto and bad influences, that I used to drink, smoke, party, was a juvenille,I got wild and i ended up in jail and that one day the missionaries saved my life and gave me a book of Mormon to read and changed my life...
I feel like I am constantly being judged fpr who i was. When i look at the people and say whats up or say hi, nobody says hi back?! I feel isolated in the church. Sometimes I want to quit going there!