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Financial question plus another
Backroads posted a topic in Advice BoardSo, Husband and I have been looking at finances and our money and all that stuff. We will have enough money to put us debt free (a car loan plus student loans, the student loans being the vast majority of debt) by summer. OR We could take that money and get a little house. On one hand, being debt free would be awesome and give us more wiggle room each month. On the other hand, it may be years before we have enough money for a down payment again and most of this debt is student loans. Any input or thoughts? The other question: We're getting a little antsy to move out of my grandmother's basement apartment (we want the baby to have her own room, all of our stuff is in a storage unit, we're living on top of my grandmother's stuff she doesn't want to move somewhere else, etc.) But when we brought up the possibility of either buying a house or renting a place, my grandmother became rather sad (why do you want to leave me?) She's about as healthy as any 85-year-old, has many friends, etc. But she is getting absent-minded and she loves having the company about. Basically, we're now wondering if we shouldn't hang around until another grandchild expresses a desire to move into the basement (we're like the 4th set over the years).
Advice: Harboring Anger toward Spouse
Sequoia posted a topic in Advice BoardI'm new here! Before I found this forum, I was looking at counseling, but I don't know if I need it. This is my background. I was to get a grad degree before my husband, soon after we married. He was offered an outstanding scholarship/stipend, so we were both going to grad school for a while. Then he asked me not to go due to the stress of having me in school and having a couple of little ones. He PROMISED me, I could go as soon as he graduated. He was hired before he finished his doctorate with a demanding job and continued upon graduating. I had a trust fund for grad school for me. Money was not an issue. But he would not support in any way, my going to school due to his job. He didn't want to be responsible for the kids on his time to wind down from work. I talked about a babysitter, but due to issues with our kids (they are high functioning autistic children), we both didn't feel comfortable. I looked to going Saturday mornings. I looked to go once a week. (Online learning wasn't available.) For 8 years, I bugged him. My college trust fund expired (use it or lose it policy). I tried tnot to worry, since we were doing okay (not fabulous, but ok) with funds. Then we moved. And I thought a fresh start might work. Well, his job became more demanding, and medical bills from kids came in...and came in. (They are ongoing with them. Autism related). So finally he said I could goto grad school, but it had to be a non-demanding degree. So I went and got a Master's in Education. He knew I had no intentions on settling with this major, since it wasn't the field I wanted. But it was a quick (2 years) and easy degree program compared to the others I wanted. I talked to him about taking out a student loan, even though we had cash for tuition, to apply to the many, many medical bills we had (about $30,000). We both decided that would be great, since the interest was so low and it would save our credit score. I worked a serious education job (12 hrs/day - 6 days/week). Never had my heart into it, since I wasn't really into the idea or field of education. It was demanding, and I was able to work while I was in school. My hours toward family were little, and he had taken over our bills for me. I always kept track of our finances before. So if I asked him if we had money for something, the answer was always "Yep." At one point I saw that some medical bills weren't paid off and questioned him. I told him to put all of the loan money to the bills. Years later, we moved. Our oldest went to college. I was getting excited, since I could finally go and get my own degree. It has been tough raising kids on the Autism Spectrum, so I finally felt that I could start thinking of myself. I started looking over the finances, and Then I found out. The $30,000 student loan was never applied to the $30,000 medical bills! It had been frittered away while I had been working and put him in charge. With our medical bills and now this gigantic student loan, we were/are $60,000 in debt. There is even more to it, in that he didn't put any money in our kids college funds, so now we are very short there too. When I asked him about it, he said that he was always afraid that we would need that money. He wanted to keep it available. I told him that it had to go for what we said, or it'd be wasted, which it was. He actually understands now, and feels better that I'm in charge again of the finances. I'm looking at the mess wondering how long it will take us to get out of this debt. $60,000 while kids are leaving to college with little to no funds for them. And I'm angry that I never was able to use my education trust fund, due to him. And now I have a huge student loan I think will take 5-10 years for me to pay off. I'm depressed too. I feel like I'm trapped with kids leaving and no options for my dreams. I never wanted to go in the education field. I had a lot of teaching helping my own kids, and I don't care for the administration. I feel like I gave up everything for our 21 years of marriage for him and the kids, and he took every option I had to look forward to. I have been internet surfing my time away for a couple weeks. I don't want to even leave the bed or shower. Yes, I'm depressed! When I'm not depressed, I'm angry at him. All the time, I feel trapped and helplessly in debt. Other than this, he has been a perfect husband. No one at church/family/neighbors would ever believe all this occurred, and knowing he is so happy and helpful to our family and community, they'd think I was being selfish. I KNOW he has a demanding job. I KNOW he is a great guy. But just when I thought it was my turn, I found out I might never have one. Please help me, so I can get rid of the anger and depression. I recognize it, but I can't justify more bills from counseling at this point. I also think I just need a good friend (or forum) I can throw this out to, and hear what I need to, to move forward again. Thanks in advance