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I'm not sure if this is the appropriate to ask this in. Please pardon me if its the wrong spot. I was curious to try this forum. I have so many questions about things, but I have a very hard time asking people things. Pretty much in general, I am not good with words. I'd be very helpful to get some feed back from many of any, I'd very much appreciate it. I have had these burning questions within me for almost a year now. I've prayed about them too, multiple times. I may get some saying that I need to be more patient, and maybe your right. However, I felt I should try this. 1st Question: First though I should give in a little background, this may help a bit on how to help me...maybe. I've been struggling with going to church this past 2 years. My parents got divorced, and its been challenging finding the right ways sometimes, because of my asking problem. My father's activity has fluctuated up and down ever since I could remember. His job causes him to be gone for weeks at a time and back for 1. ( So with the divorce, the whole seeing each other thing hasn't really been affected ) My mother however, I have been concerned with for awhile. I used to be so close with her, we were like best friends. I was able to tell her ANYTHING. It was hard to talk to my father, because he often yelled instead of helping. ( he's improved A LOT over the years ) I stay with her at her house and live there. I am almost positive I'm moving out this week to my dads. Her and I have drifted away from each other. As much as I want things to be back to normal, its much more complex than that. You see.... both my best friend and I have noticed shes changed a lot. I know for a fact that the divorce has taken a big toll on her. And it still does. She's been depressed. And even having her boyfriend in her life. I am stuck. I've been avoiding her for when I can because I'm scared to talk to her. I am sweet to many people, and hate hurting their feelings. ( a quality I got from her ) But when I talk to her about things, I get really nonchalant and serious. Maybe even appear cold. I hate to envision myself be like that, and especially to my mother. Ever since she's been dating, I have felt very neglected. My loneliness and frustration fuelled some still remaining resentment against my mother...also I've taken it out on myself to. Both my parents have always told my brother and I it was never our fault for what happened. And I believe it. But, I feel lost. I have needed my mom for things, for answers and also and example. But to be frank, she has failed to meet them. I cant ask my dad either, for certain reasons. I want my mom back. This makes me sound like a real cry baby, but I want my old mom back. She used to be so active and light spirited. But this man that she's with, seems to have brought her down instead of up. Now don't get me wrong, he's a really nice person and I'm not saying he is a mistake. I'm glad I've met him. But his problems, combined with my mom, they both can't help each other up. My friend, who is close with my mom feels my confusion too. He has sought my mother for advice and looked to her as an example. But now, its been difficult approaching my mother. For the both of us. Also my younger brother. ( He is almost never home either. He'd rather stay at his friends house, I can see why ) We NEVER have Family Home evening together anymore. I'm scared to ask. And also, whenever we start things they never last. My mom has come to me in tears asking for forgiveness many times. And those many times I've forgiven her. But its gotten harder and harder to trust her because she either procrastinates or she goes back to the old way. I feel my mother is still very young at heart, which makes it hard to count on her. I've went to my grandma to talk to as well, but things are getting hard between us too. ( her mental stability isn't exactly top notch ) My only advisors I can think of that have helped me, is my best friend, and Heavenly Father. I am moving out to be away from both my mother and grandmother, living at my dads house alone. My question is what to do about my mother? I really don't know what to do here. I've gotten to the point where I want to live away from them. And I never wanted this to happen. But their guilt tripping drives me away even more. And for the record, please, please do not make this out into that I hate my mother. I dont. I love her dearly. So please dont make any negative comments about what she's previously done. I am looking for advice that will help me now. Or maybe something to inspire me what to do. 2nd Question: This has to do with my inactivity. After years of growing up in households that are struggling in holding the gospel, I want to make a change. Back in my old ward, I still had a hard time meeting my duties in my callings. Not because I didn't want to, or I thought they were dumb, but because my lack of knowledge growing up, I felt embarrassed and unworthy to participate. I've always loved the gospel and its teachings. I am starting to do better at controlling my thoughts and at disciplining myself. But I know I still have much to go. I barely passed seminary, thankfully because of my loving and understanding teacher. I didn't go because of the same reason. Scripture study never was imprinted as a priority in our house hold by my mother. But my dad made it seem like it was a chore, or it was a punishment. ( because of the way he acted about it ) Now looking back, I can see where he was coming from of wanting to get us into reading our scriptures. But scaring never works with kids. And neither does procrastination. Even though I have grown up in the church, I still yearn to know much still, but being older now, I hurts that I am so behind. ( and I live in a highly populated mormon area ) I never get teased or anything, but I really feel alone though. My ward is very pleasant, but a bit off, er.. different from my other ward. They are a bright lovely bunch, but maybe I get nervous because I feel inferior or something.. I don't know. I want to fit in, or be able to be like them, to be an example, not just a follower. What is the best way for overcoming fear or nervousness? I have been practicing and am getting better, but I feel I'm not doing what I should be. How do you start, and keep GOOD habits. My family has a weakness in procrastinating, and I want to break that chain. Thank you to any of those who have taken the time to read this and answer my questions. I really appreciate it.
I feel like im starting to lose faith. I'm seeing people go out and have fun partying, etc. I feel like im missing out. I know God's will is more important than having a little fun, but in todays society that kind of garbage is being shoved down my throat more and more! Obviously i love having such strong morals and faith in these times when it is getting harder, but i fell as is it is slipping gradually. How could i keep the faith other than studying scriptures, because i already do that:confused: