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Hi yall. I am here again. Might as well call me a regular I guess since this site is pretty awesome. So for context, me and my girlfriend of 6 months broke up at the beginning of this fall as she was contemplating serving a mission and in the end we to part ways and committed to see each other on the other side (post mission). For a month and a few weeks we didnt have any communication like we used to and when we saw each other, we limited it to small talk "hey how are classes etc". Then out of the blue she texted me to talk so we did. During this talk she said that she didnt feel that it was a calling from the Lord to serve a mission and a lot of pressure was placed onto her from her mother. She concluded that she wants to be back in a relationship with me. I accepted as I do love her and so for three weeks now we have been dating and it has been a greatly God centered relationship like it was before, only the spirit appears to be so much more involved (we arent letting things get out of hand). During the time of our split she has made many close guy friends, one of which is on her sports team who she described to me when we were broken up as her best friend. At the time we got back together, she mentioned if it was okay that she kept her male friends (all single who flirt with her) around, and I obliged because I believed her when she said that she is choosing me and not them. She never kissed any of them over this period but it was apparent that she developed an emotional attachment between perhaps three different guys, the strongest being the guy that is on her sports team. She disclosed to me on the night we got back together that the guy on her team is an attractive guy (which he is as I met him before I got back together with my girlfriend) and obviously I did not feel as though I had any place to deny her, her friendships, even if I was skeptical that their behavior towards her (flirtatious) was not likely to change. So last week me and my girlfriend were hanging out and we were talking about the relationships or friendships we formed with other people while we were split. I repeated what I said to her on the night we got back together that I went on a date with one girl and although I scheduled a second date with her, I texted this girl letting her know that it wasnt fair to her that I was still in love with my ex (now girlfriend). My girlfriend asked if I kept any female friends around to which I explained I didnt because I have no reason to while I am in a relationship with her, which led her to feel guilty that she was keeping her male friends close while she was in a relationship with me, but after long discussion about one of her close male friends who she met while hanging out with her bestfriend who is on her team, I said that I trust her to respect our relationship and even though this particular guy has been on dates with her, I had faith that she would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship. Flashforward to yesterday, my girlfriend thought she had practice for an instrument and her sports bestfriend is also in that class so she understandably asked him for a ride and its clearly been routine since they have met. I did offer to give her a ride my self, but it was on a moped and its cold here in Provo so I understood why she was more eager to get a ride in her sports bestfriends' car. She wasnt sure if he was going to come through as he was contemplating whether to go to the volleyball game or not but with 7 mins before her class started he did, and I took the cue to say a quick goodbye to my girlfriend and we both left with the expectation (we established this earlier on in the day) that we would hang out after her two hour instrument practice. So after an hour and thirty so minutes I get a text that "I made it home. Are you still okay to hang out tonight" to which I replied "of course". I got to her place and we met up and I noticed that she was wearing nice jeans that I didnt see previously and I even commented that they were nice. So we sit down together on a couch and she proceeds to tell me what just happened over the past time I thought she was at guitar practice. SHe and her sports bestfriend found out that guitar practice isnt today and was actually on Wednesday like it usually is, which she has been attending since the beginning of the semester. So they take the liberty to head back to her place and all this time they were actually at my girlfriends place because her sports bestfriend hadnt eaten at all and wanted to eat at her place. She didnt protest. So I wanted her to clarify that in the hour and thirty odd minutes that I thought she was at guitar practice (there was no update text), she was actually at her place the whole time with her sports bestfriend, and she confirmed. I couldnt quite believe what I was hearing so I proceeded to leave then I came back and we had a long discussion about how I felt really betrayed that she didnt bother to let me know her instrument practice was actually on Wednesday, and she was at home the whole time with her bestfriend who she hasnt denied she finds attractive. She was extremely apologetic and confessed that she does have feelings for her bestfriend who is on her team but she values our relationship so will act to cut off her ties with these other guys from here on out. After what happened the other day, I agreed to this and we have made up but she believes that she will have to regain my trust in this relationship. Im interested in a discussion on this and will clarify things I didnt put in this post. p.s I love her dearly
LatterDSaint posted a topic in Marriage and Relationship AdviceBrothers and Sisters, I have written on this site before and have deeply appreciated and also enjoyed the responses from my posts. Since then I have spent much time on this site https://talkaboutmarriage.com/forumindex.php perhaps to my own peril, but the constant stories of infidelity, which are obviously not healthy to continuously read upon, are definitely making me paranoid that my future partner (whoever that may be) will default to mortal "imperfection" and even up develop an emotional/physical affair with someone else. I think it is developing as a huge paranoia of mine even though I have personally not been cheated on. Ive noticed many situations where people have been blindsided by their spouses betrayal and abuse, and it truly appears like the worst type of pain in the world. Its actually something one of my professors briefly discussed in one of my religion classes and like he said, the infidelity of ones' spouse can inflict pain upon ones soul. It is unlikely that I will remain in isolation and avoid women (LDS) for the rest of my life, so if any of you wise brothers and sisters have advice on what has made your relationships successful and has nullified the fear of spousal betrayal, would you mind sharing it? Thanks P.S I recently read this story https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/370602-wife-choosing-other-man.html and in many ways, it reminded me of a relationship I was in not too long ago where I had a strong desire to marry this person. These stories do make me feel slightly unsure that if we had taken the direction of marriage, that I also could potentially face the same result.