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I don't know what to do. We have a temple marriage, going on 10 yrs. We have two young kids. It's just for the past several months especially I feel like I don't love my spouse anymore. I don't hate them; it's like being good friends with your roommate. I feel happier when it's just me and the kids. When they're around I feel indifferent, resentment, or irritated. I feel guilty about feeling this way. I've tried spending time with them without the kids, I've expressed frustration at working and still doing both the all the child-rearing, housework, and yardwork, while he only works and sleeps. It's been that way for the entire relationship. I do all the house while he will occasionally help (and feels proud for cleaning once a month), I do all the yardwork because he "has allergies" (I do too), I take care of the vehicles, bills, doctors, school. The only thing he does with the kids is watch a show or do a video game. We've talked about this before, and nothing ever changes or the change is temporary. Adding in the mix: I have depression and anxiety and he has ADD. Recently, he has done laundry and dishes for a week, and then expected everything to change and for me to want to be with him, got upset when I didn't want to. I haven't told him that I can't say "I love you" back because I don't feel honest saying it. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt the kids. I feel obligated to stay for my kid's sake, for my husband's feelings, for the church culture. I would be extremely embarrassed to mention this to the bishop. I don't really know him or feel comfortable around him. Part of me feels empty and not wanting to work on the marriage. What would you do?
Looking for input from the forum from both men & women (over the age of 18 and preferably married or been married). Little background, my wife and I are members and have been involved with a marriage seminar for the last 15 years, so we are well versed in dealing with marriage and relationship issues. Our Bishop has approached us about teaching a marriage class that is outside the normal information the church has released (Strengthening Marriage, Strengthening Marriage & Family). He is wanting us to put together a class that teaches real tools and information that help couples with communication, conflict resolution, forgiveness, sex & intimacy etc. Class has started and going very well but we are needing some unbiased LDS input. One of the things we want to discuss in class is sex & intimacy. We have some ideas but want to see if were on track. From an LDS standpoint, what questions would you want answered or information would you want to learn about with your spouse in this class regarding sex & intimacy to improve your relationship?
Could it be that the main reason atheists doubt God is not that they are disappointed with Him, but rather they find so little evidence of the LORD within the character, demeanor, and personalities of his followers. For the complete essay on this topic see: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/intimacy-god-real-tommy-ellis
Losthurtandconfused posted a topic in Advice BoardPlease forgive me if this is too sensetive a subject, or if I am not posting it in the appropriate place. Maybe it's not appropriate subject matter to post at all, I don't know. My question is: why am I posting this in a public forum? I really don't know. I don't know how I can possibly explain the complexity of the situation here. I guess I'm hoping that getting it off my chest will somehow be theraputic. I guess I'm hoping that what I'm going through will echo with someone else, and I'll find out that I'm not alone. Maybe someone has figured out what to do. My wife and I have been married for several years. At one time, we had the best marriage of anyone I knew. For years now its felt more like a domestic partnership instead. There are 4 or 5 issues, but it can all be boiled down to two things for me: 1) I grew up LDS, and so had the ideal and personal conviction that physical relations were to be saved for marriage. I struggled with staying chaste, but was able to do so. My wife is the only woman I have ever been with, and I am so grateful this is the case. I just assumed all my growing up years that my eventual wife would be on the same page, and my efforts to stay clean would be rewarded with a wonderful active sex life (ladies, I am willing to bet that the majority of your husband’s thought the same thing). Understand, I know what is right and wrong, I know what is moral and what's not, I understand what is appropriate with the covenants we have made and what isn't, etc. None of this is a problem. The problem is that for the first year or so of marriage the intimacy was just what I had expected it to be, and actually FAR more, as I found that marital physical relations were not just sex, but actually a beautiful intimacy that always made me feel so close to her, so safe, and such a sense of belonging. Intimacy is not what we were all about of course, but an important part of newlywed life. We had balance in our lives. But now, after years of rejecting my advances, I have just given up. I couldn't handle the hurt of it anymore. And on the very rare occasion that we are physical in the bedroom, it’s just not emotionally the same. My wife knows that I am always ready, willing and able, and she has no idea what it's like to be rejected even once, let alone rejected repeatedly. I guess, I wouldn't want to be with a partner not emotionally into it either though. That takes away the very best part of intimacy, and that closeness; that complete giving of one's self that makes that special bond possible. Without the physical OR emotional needs being met, I've found that it can make me angry and aggressive. I put forth great effort to not be that way towards my wife and children (though I am from time to time - no abuse or anything like that, just short temperedness and impatience). Though I know it’s not "healthy", if I could completely kill my need for intimacy, I would. This intimacy problem could maybe be worked on, but for problem number 2. 2) My wife takes EVERYTHING very very personally, making communication extremely difficult! The other day I told my 4 year old that our home is not a peaceful place at all when he screams (he screams A LOT, for plethora of reasons!). My wife took that as a derogatory reflection on her parenting skills. It upset her for hours. She has always been sensitive, but not nearly THIS sensitive. In the past I have tried to lovingly address issues here and there with her, but it always blew up out of proportion, and essentially no change was ever made. After a short time it’s like we never had the discussion, everything was back to the way it was before, and we went through all of it for nothing. After getting this same result time after time after time, I am hesitant to bring up anything anymore. I am too beat down, and it doesn't seem to make a difference anyway. Counseling... yes, she needs it (and I probably do too), but she is completely unwilling to go. She thinks counselors/psychologists/psychiatrists/etc. are all crazy and she has no faith that any of them could help her (we've talked about her going to address some other issues, not the two above specifically). I love my wife dearly and I believe that we will be happy in the eternities. Plus, having gone through what I did when my dad left (I was 7), I will NOT do that to my kids. I could never imagine living without them, or my wife for that matter. So, leaving and cheating are just not options. So, from my perspective, that puts me in what seems an unsolvable conundrum. Basically, life is about enduring to the end, or so it feels. Isn't that what people who are old and just about to die are supposed to do? Suffer through and not lose faith? I'm in my late 30's. I presumably have a long way ahead of me. I don’t know what to do.