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I'm losing Faith and have become numb.
curious_mormon posted a topic in Support in Hard TimesI'm losing faith in the most painful way. I don't even think I am worth it anymore. I don't think I'm worth anything to Heavenly Father anymore. I've lost so much of my innocence. I've been stuck in the world's influences. I can't feel what I felt a long time ago when I was young...when I still had a good character. I've sinned so much and I just think I am to the point that I am also evil. I have a history of abuse in the family (when I was young), that's what probably triggered my rebellion and depression. After the abuse, I felt like my world fell apart. I didn't belong or fit in, in any of the kids in high school. I should've listened to the church...but I gave in to the peer pressure. I have tried many "substances" before, to take away the pain from the abuse..I got addicted to drugs in high school, but I got help from that. I know this is really personal to me but I am writing this as my last resort because I'm trying to find hope in these dark waters...I also got addicted to pornography, ever since me and my ex gf got together in high school...I was introduced to this stuff...and it could ruin my life. I want to stop it. When I got bullied in school, I think I completely changed my personality, I became an anxious person and very moody, violent and very angry. It kind of drove me away from my family. Now, I'm sitting here, now 24 yrs. old, still addicted to pornography and wanting to stop it..I'm just lucky enough that I still have family support.I am trying to find help, it can be really hard to find help sometimes...it's hard not to get judged by other church members...it's hard to find reliable friends these days. Times are hard when you're an adult. and I don't really feel like I belong to the church community. Regarding that I get social anxiety and am afraid of being judged because I might say something weird or bad or out of the ordinary...I really want my spirit to be in line with God again. I feel empty and depressed. It feels like my spiritual side is gone. It feels like I've been numbed down.