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  1. so i guess i need some advice from people who know better. so here's the story. i was raised in the church and been a pretty good kid. at least at school i was called a pretty good kid, didn't do drugs or drinking or anything. played sports and was kind of designated driver all the time cause i was the only one sober. dumb stuff was sometimes i cheated in school, but not alot. made out with girls probly too much. sometimes lied to my parents. trying to be good but not always. i stole some money from my parents to buy dumb stuff clothes and surfing stuff. they didn't catch me but i felt bad and told them about it and am paying them back working all the time. then i was messing around with my girlfriend. we didn't have sex serious, but we did one time get naked and mess around. really bad move i know. don't do porn but jack off sometimes. so then the mission age change comes and i am old enough and so i want to go but have problems. so i go to my bishop where i'm in college and i tell him everything. serious i told him all about the money and the girl and lying. i just felt bad and wanted to not worry anymore. so he makes me wait a few months and then says i can put my papers in and my call comes and i'm going to a state mission. i go the mtc and man it's just so much spirit all the time that everything bad i ever did is flooding over and over in my mind and i can't sleep it's so bad. i keep thinking but i told the bishop and he said i could go but the feelings did not go away. so finally i get out to the mission and after not even three weeks i just can't take it anymore and i go to the mission pres and i tell him all the stuff from before and all the stuff i told my bishop at college. i don't know but i just want to make sure it's ok and i didn't forget anything and that i'm not really going to hell for it all. i just felt sick all the time. so then i guess he talks to someone about me and i don't know the whole deal but they decide i need to go home and have to wait longer to go, my stake pres at home kept saying sex is almost murder and i say i didn't have sex and he says "sexual transgression is next to murder" and i thought it was sex not just anything about sex or touching naked, but he says i have to wait a year to go back because of what i did. but i just don't know why my college bishop said it was ok and now they are saying it's not ok. i've been home almost two months now but it's just crazy and i feel worthless. so i guess i'm just so confused because i already told my bishop but i just didn't want to not be worthy. like i wanted to tell every leader to make sure with no question that it was ok for me to be there and to be totally honest and now i feel like a ruined life. sorry this is so long to explain it all. i hope someone can tell me something.