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The trinity = the family
e v e posted a topic in Christian Beliefs BoardThe trinity = the family. Any thoughts?
PS this is going to be a long post. This is my first post on this site and boy, I am so grateful that this site exists. I have been reading through some discussions related to my issue and whilst it doesn't give me any answers (only prayer and scripture reading can do that) it does give me slight comfort. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for just less than six months. Over the first two months of dating she has mentioned on numerous occasions that she is undecided about serving a mission. Last year she spoke to her then Bishop about serving a mission but due to the lack of communication between them both, it didn't become her priority and then she and I started dating. For context I am a 21 year old international convert studying at BYU. My *girlfriend is 20 years old and has grown up in the church and is also studying at BYU. Obviously I want to be respectful of my *girlfriend when sharing certain details about our relationship, but to summarize, her parental relationship is split. I am the only member of the Church in my family. I have been a member for over two years and she has been a member for all her life. About 4 months into the relationship she had a meeting with someone very involved in her life, and she told me that the result of the meeting would going to determine whether or not she was going to serve a full time mission. I fully expected her to say that she is going to serve a mission and even in the weeks before when she and I were discussing it, I did tell her that I have no intention of dating a return missionary especially since I myself am not a return missionary and by the standard of the church, it ought to be the other way around. I did however advise her to continue praying about it. After her meeting she told me that she is not going to serve a mission, and to be completely honest, I was relieved. I really liked this girl and I felt that she liked me. Both of us have dated the same number of people before we met each other (under 10) and this is our first serious relationship with anybody. I remember telling myself before her meeting that if by any chance she doesn't go on a mission, I will think seriously about marrying her. So fast forward a few months and over time we begin to develop an extremely strong physical attraction to each other and it got pretty bad. After a discussion we had, we both felt that it was appropriate for us to see the Bishop. We both saw her Bishop and even though I didn't know what the outcome of that meeting would entail, I am so grateful that we both saw him together. Later, I saw my own Bishop and we have both learnt that we need written guidelines to help quell our physical attraction to each other. It has been harder and harder of recent and part of me is a little relieved that we mutually broke up two days ago hence the * next to girlfriend; however our break up is another story in and of itself. About a month ago after hanging out with my *girlfriend I was about to leave her apartment until she stopped me and said that the Lord has communicated to her that she should go on a mission. As you might bet, I was distraught as I had already had multiple serious conversations with her about marriage, and apart from the values we both share within the church, there are many other standards that we agree must be upheld to promote a stable family unit. She has convinced me that she understands what it will take for a marriage to be sustained for eternity and I believe I have also convinced her. However, of course, she wanted to go on a mission. After a lot of tears on my end I did not feel like I could break up with her just because she wanted to serve the Lord. It took some pride swallowing but I believed (and still do) that I will never find another girl like this girl and even though my *girlfriend has continually encouraged that while she is serving, I should date other people, part of me wants to test how long I can hold out until she gets back. I have no intention of dating other people whilst she is gone as I do truly believe that both of us have what it takes to raise a family together. Since last week, my *girlfriend has felt extremely conflicted about her mission and has mentioned that she wants to marry and raise children with me. She knows that I absolutely want to marry her and even though I have made that obvious months ago, I have done my best to be supportive of her mission since she mentioned it and I have even mustered the courage to say "I think you should go on a mission" even though I am well aware that she most likely won't come back looking to marry me. Last Sunday we went to church together and afterwards she shared something her mother sent her via text. For context, my *girlfriend's mother has been extremely adamant that her daughter should serve a mission. The mother has served a mission and whilst the mother's life has taken a nasty turn after she married a convert who was above the age range to serve a mission, she is extremely adamant that her daughter should serve a mission and part of my *girlfriend's mother's reasoning appears to be that her daughter will be condemned if she doesn't. Even as a convert I understand this desire for your children, boys or girls, to not only serve but to marry someone who has also served, so when I saw what my *girlfriend's mother sent her, we both discussed it and agreed upon the significance of the words from Spencer W.Kimball which said, "The question is asked: Should every young man fill a mission? And the answer of the Church is yes, and the answer of the Lord is yes. Enlarging this answer we say: Certainly every male member of the Church should fill a mission, like he should pay his tithing, like he should attend his meetings, like he should keep his life clean and free from the ugliness of the world and plan a celestial marriage in the temple of the Lord” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Planning for a Full and Abundant Life”, Ensign, May 1974, 86). So after a long and tearful discussion about this specific speech we both agreed that we did not have any intention to disregard the Lord's commandment and we mutually broke up two days ago. Just writing this to an anonymous forum makes me feel a little apprehensive but I have seen the replies from other posts and I am confident that I will be able to see extremely insightful replies regarding my situation with my *girlfriend. I know of course that I need to keep praying and reading scripture. I have seen my Bishop about this and he gave me great council regarding this dilemma in our relationship.
I just want to preface this by saying that I'm 29 years old and I still live with my mother. I'm trying to make the freelance art thing work without becoming a starving artist, so, it is easier to pay rent to my mother rather than getting a place on my own. I just started going back to church 6 months ago and I have been trying to help my family, namely, my 3 younger siblings, have some stability and religion in their lives. We have scripture study every night of the week and we just started family home evenings on Mondays. Well, my mother, although somewhat supportive, is a lapsed member. She drinks beer recreationally, used to smoke but now vapes, and has sex outside of marriage. She has divorced my step dad and was dating and engaged to a hunter for about 3 years. He never moved into our house but she would often spend nights over at his house, leaving my 12 and 16, and 17 year old siblings in my care. Well, he dumped her recently, for the better, I thought, because he didn't treat her very nicely 20% of the time. She was so crushed for a while that she had to leave us for a week to go to a friends house several hours away, again, leaving the kids to my care. Now, a month later, she appears happier but invites men over for the weekends while the boys visit their father's house. She's not interested in dating right now but just in having fun and to her that means drinking and having sex with men she barely knows. My sister is going through a rough time right now. 16 years old, she is mentally and emotionally stunted(not diagnosed, she just falls a little behind what you'd expect of someone her age, maturity-wise) and is having hormonal issues. She won't talk to anybody about it, everything is "fine" and yet she gives her teachers depressing notes, wanders out of church and school activities, is curt and short with us as a family, and spends hours in her room doing what, nobody knows. Very bottled up and yet vacant and mercurial when you talk to her. She is on birth control to help even out the testosterone in her body but all it seems to be doing is confusing her emotionally, like the two hormones are warring within her. So, after getting a call from school this past Friday about some of these issues from my sister's counselor, my mother is making plans to go to the doctor and change what he's got her on and get her in to see someone for therapy. I remember being like that as a teenager, having dark thoughts and dark fantasies and being hormonally and emotionally in turmoil. I did some crazy stuff before I was set on a correct path with the help of medication and therapy at the time. My mother just informed me about her secret plans to leave this Friday to fly out west to meet up with a guy she's been talking to for about a month online. She knew him when she was in the service but they started talking again recently, when she and her ex broke up. She'll be gone until Tuesday not this week but next week. She thinks I mean to keep her chained up here by asking that she stay at this time. She knows my sister's issues but says she'll be fine and that there's not much she(my mother) can do while here, minimizing the effect of her presence here as a stabilizing effect on our household. She's not completely wild or off the rails, mind you, her presence here keeping us all grounded and focused. I have a problem with being critical and catastrophizing. I have a problem with being judgemental and projecting. I feel like something bad is going to happen. My normal support system that does not include her is a bit scattered right now so I am the one in charge and responsible while she is away. The boys will be at their dads but my sister will be home with me. And Monday they come home and go to school from here. I just need some support right now. I feel like this is a lot of personal information but I'm a little lost at the moment. I feel like it's not ever going to get better. I try to set an example, I try to do service with love in my heart but I feel like I'm being used. Like I'm a crutch and so long as I'm here, she'll use me as an excuse to go off and have fun and not be here. I feel like I should leave, move out...but then I feel like the children here will suffer because she's not going to do scripture study with them and they love and depend on me so much. I can't say anything because I'm then being judgemental and she'd be resentful and cruel if she were forced to stay, not just this weekend, but to take responsibility for her personal life period. Like most of Heavenly Father's lessons to me, I feel like He puts me in situations and circumstances to change something within me. But I'm struggling against this. I need to remember how to show charity and love, without being critical or judgemental. I just can't wrap my head around this perspective shift. How do I get there? Because to me, love is not letting someone hurt themselves and telling them not to do something that you know will hurt them. I'm trying to trust in Heavenly Father and this burden He has placed upon me and trying to find the lesson in it all. I know I am needed here and I know I'm being selfish making it all about how hard this thing is for ME. I guess, I just wanted to hear someone remind me of that, to tell me about being steadfast, to offer some different perspective on charity and loving a non-member family member even when they do things that are frustrating. Because I love her so much and I know I need to change to love her better and love her more. Just any advice on what I could be doing better, a new way to look at this, some way to feel pumped and motivated about my capabilities as a force for good and a responsible adult, would be much appreciated.
Am I Parent #1 or Parent #2?!?
Average Joe posted a topic in General DiscussionChildren will now have “Parent 1” and “Parent 2” instead of a mommy and a daddy, according to Tennessee’s Administrative Office of the Courts. Shortly after the Supreme Court redefined marriage, the state’s Office of the Courts revised its documents. A spokesperson for the courts confirmed to me that the words “Mother” and “Father” had been replaced by the terms “Parent 1” and “Parent 2.” (Source article)
Sealing to Children and Mother
armygal321 posted a topic in Advice BoardI am wanting to know if I will ever be able to be sealed to my children. I am married and my husband is un active and not willing to become an active member. My children and I are active and they wish so badly to be sealed to my husband and I. Sadly I know being sealed to my husband is not an option but if I am an active member do I being a female have the option??