Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'non-member'.
Found 5 results
I just want to preface this by saying that I'm 29 years old and I still live with my mother. I'm trying to make the freelance art thing work without becoming a starving artist, so, it is easier to pay rent to my mother rather than getting a place on my own. I just started going back to church 6 months ago and I have been trying to help my family, namely, my 3 younger siblings, have some stability and religion in their lives. We have scripture study every night of the week and we just started family home evenings on Mondays. Well, my mother, although somewhat supportive, is a lapsed member. She drinks beer recreationally, used to smoke but now vapes, and has sex outside of marriage. She has divorced my step dad and was dating and engaged to a hunter for about 3 years. He never moved into our house but she would often spend nights over at his house, leaving my 12 and 16, and 17 year old siblings in my care. Well, he dumped her recently, for the better, I thought, because he didn't treat her very nicely 20% of the time. She was so crushed for a while that she had to leave us for a week to go to a friends house several hours away, again, leaving the kids to my care. Now, a month later, she appears happier but invites men over for the weekends while the boys visit their father's house. She's not interested in dating right now but just in having fun and to her that means drinking and having sex with men she barely knows. My sister is going through a rough time right now. 16 years old, she is mentally and emotionally stunted(not diagnosed, she just falls a little behind what you'd expect of someone her age, maturity-wise) and is having hormonal issues. She won't talk to anybody about it, everything is "fine" and yet she gives her teachers depressing notes, wanders out of church and school activities, is curt and short with us as a family, and spends hours in her room doing what, nobody knows. Very bottled up and yet vacant and mercurial when you talk to her. She is on birth control to help even out the testosterone in her body but all it seems to be doing is confusing her emotionally, like the two hormones are warring within her. So, after getting a call from school this past Friday about some of these issues from my sister's counselor, my mother is making plans to go to the doctor and change what he's got her on and get her in to see someone for therapy. I remember being like that as a teenager, having dark thoughts and dark fantasies and being hormonally and emotionally in turmoil. I did some crazy stuff before I was set on a correct path with the help of medication and therapy at the time. My mother just informed me about her secret plans to leave this Friday to fly out west to meet up with a guy she's been talking to for about a month online. She knew him when she was in the service but they started talking again recently, when she and her ex broke up. She'll be gone until Tuesday not this week but next week. She thinks I mean to keep her chained up here by asking that she stay at this time. She knows my sister's issues but says she'll be fine and that there's not much she(my mother) can do while here, minimizing the effect of her presence here as a stabilizing effect on our household. She's not completely wild or off the rails, mind you, her presence here keeping us all grounded and focused. I have a problem with being critical and catastrophizing. I have a problem with being judgemental and projecting. I feel like something bad is going to happen. My normal support system that does not include her is a bit scattered right now so I am the one in charge and responsible while she is away. The boys will be at their dads but my sister will be home with me. And Monday they come home and go to school from here. I just need some support right now. I feel like this is a lot of personal information but I'm a little lost at the moment. I feel like it's not ever going to get better. I try to set an example, I try to do service with love in my heart but I feel like I'm being used. Like I'm a crutch and so long as I'm here, she'll use me as an excuse to go off and have fun and not be here. I feel like I should leave, move out...but then I feel like the children here will suffer because she's not going to do scripture study with them and they love and depend on me so much. I can't say anything because I'm then being judgemental and she'd be resentful and cruel if she were forced to stay, not just this weekend, but to take responsibility for her personal life period. Like most of Heavenly Father's lessons to me, I feel like He puts me in situations and circumstances to change something within me. But I'm struggling against this. I need to remember how to show charity and love, without being critical or judgemental. I just can't wrap my head around this perspective shift. How do I get there? Because to me, love is not letting someone hurt themselves and telling them not to do something that you know will hurt them. I'm trying to trust in Heavenly Father and this burden He has placed upon me and trying to find the lesson in it all. I know I am needed here and I know I'm being selfish making it all about how hard this thing is for ME. I guess, I just wanted to hear someone remind me of that, to tell me about being steadfast, to offer some different perspective on charity and loving a non-member family member even when they do things that are frustrating. Because I love her so much and I know I need to change to love her better and love her more. Just any advice on what I could be doing better, a new way to look at this, some way to feel pumped and motivated about my capabilities as a force for good and a responsible adult, would be much appreciated.
Non-LDS Family at Services
CTRReturn posted a topic in Advice BoardI been inactive for a while and now I am getting married to a Non-LDS member with two kids. I have been going to her church for the last year(her congregtion is about 20 people registered) She is moving to my state with her family and she is going to come to my church meetings and we agree that I will not force any memberhship on her and the kids. Now how would I explain this to the bishop and the missionaries? The kids are used to taking the sarcrement at the old church and how should I handle this with the ward? The kids has been to once lds meeting in their area and is excited to come to church but don't want to be members until they are ready. Any ideas and suggetions?
Helping a non member girlfriend...
take2 posted a topic in Advice BoardHello, Well I'm investigating the church for the second time as I was excommunicated a few years ago. I say investigating but I'm beyond that...I know its what I want in my life. Since then I have met an amazing non member woman who knows nothing of the church and has a distaste for organized religion. A few days ago when I told her that we had to make some changes in our relationship which included no more intimacy. Being the amazing woman that she is she has not only agreed but offered her support as I make changes in my life. Although she has made it absolutely clear that she has no interest in the church I'm wondering what i can do to make this easier on her. We live together, have had a sexual relationship for 2 years, and are discussing marriage quite soon. I am quite reserved about this and up until a few days ago hadn't even discussed it with her even though in secret it has been on my mind for about the past year. Completely out of no where I found myself in church last Sunday for the first time in 3 years and that night exhibited unknown strength in telling her the changes I wanted in my life...in ours. I guess I felt that it was now or never and that i wanted the church in my life...even if it meant losing her. Having dropped this bomb on her she is taking it amazingly well but i just want to help her as much as possible! She even agreed that stopping all intimacy would improve our relationship and she expressed her desire that she had wanted to stop 6 months before our being married. We had always joked about what the other would do if they were"cut off" but it was always laughed off and never touched on. Unbeknownst to the other...we were actually testing the waters to see what the other thought! Well I've gone on long enough...any advice, comments, suggestions?
Engaged to Non-Member
grownfromaseedwithin posted a topic in Marriage and Relationship AdviceI am a convert to the Church, baptized on 9.25.10, but fell away in March of 2011. I have tried to find my way back to Church, but at the time I left, I was confused and not sure what to do. Being the only member in my family caused everyone to pull away from me so I left because I didn't want to lose my family. In that time since March, I haven't been to church in a year, but I want to go back. However, I am engaged to a non-member and we're to be married by the end of this year. He knows my past and how sensitive I am on the subject of the Church because it helped save my life (I suffered from an ED for several years and was about to give up on fighting it). Me and my fiance have had issues like all couples. As I am ill right now, suffering a lot of GI issues and frequenting the doctor several times a week, he is supporting me. He's paying for my medical bills, helped me pay for university, and pays for the apartment we live in together. Without him I wouldn't be going to school right now, have a car, or be able to afford my medical needs. But he thinks Mormonism is a joke and every time I talk to him about me going back to Church, he gets defensive and angry with me and tells me I don't live that life anymore and should forget about it. I am not sin free. When I left the Church, I tried my best to fit in with my family again-- started drinking (not anymore), engaging in pre-marital intercourse with said fiance, cursing, dressing immodestly, and questioning Heavenly Father and if he played a role in my life or I was crazy like my family thought. So for a time I was happy, yet now I am seeing that the life me and my fiance live is not so happy. I don't have any friends, we stay at home all day long, except going out for doctor's, school, or shopping. He is on the computer ALL the time and it drives me nuts, yet when I talk to him about it it doesn't phase him. He is a a great guy and I could NEVER fathom leaving him, but I don't know what to do. The reason why I haven't gone back to Church sooner is because of him. Because he's not included in it and he told me he could never ever be Mormon. Last night we went out to a movie with a few friends (his sister, her boyfriend, and sister's friend), and he brought up how I was invited to a Mormon wedding which I didn't go to because he didn't think it was fair for me to go and leave him at home. And he sat there and made fun of the Church and Temples with them as if it was some massive joke to him. When we left I broke down and he apologized for being a jerk, but it's been bothering me really bad. I'm in this moping funk because of it. Sorry this is so long. I just don't know what I should do. I'm afraid I'll be judged for living with my non-member fiance if I go back to Church and that it might tear us apart. He says that me wanting to be Mormon is what is driving a wedge between us. But he doesn't seem to think it's such a big deal that I gave up so much to be with him and I'm not happy. Sorry for this rant. I just needed to get things off my chest because I don't know how many more times I can talk to my fiance about being Mormon. He just doesn't seem to think I'm serious. I've been praying and praying, but I don't know what else I could do. Does anyone have any advice? I'm afraid that if I go back to Church and talk to a Bishop (I don't even know what my homeward is) that they'll say that I'm not worthy to take Sacrament or can't repent until I leave my situation (i.e. living with finace regardless of whether we engage in sexual acts--I don't want to anymore-- breaking the purity laws, etc.). Anyone ever been in this situation? For reference I'm a 22 year old female, going on 23 in May, and would be in a YSA ward. And absolutely none of my family is Mormon so I don't know who to talk to and haven't talked to my Mormon friends in a long while so I don't know who to go to. Please help, I'm depserate!
NonMember & Member Marriage :: Ultimatum
dramirez posted a topic in Marriage and Relationship AdviceMy wife and I have only been married for about 15 months. We've been a couple for about 2.5 years. We've known each other for about 5 years. I am not a member. When we started dating, my wife was partially inactive, but still reasonably within church standards as far as the way she lives. By this time, I had stopped drinking, doing drugs, and going to parties. At the time I had a stronger belief in Christianity than I do now. Before we got married, we had an argument and a 24 hour breakup. She liked that I was faithful, but didn't like that I wasn't LDS. She said she needed a temple marriage, so she left. The next day, she came back and said she couldn't leave. After that, I prayed and saw no harm in investigating the church. I investigated the church for several months and even asked to join, but I wasn't permitted to due to my previous felony. I was told I had to wait until I was off probation (in 2015). I continued to investigate and go to church for awhile after that regardless. I wasn't particularly upset about being held back. Figured I did it to myself. However, in the last few months, I've learned some things about the church and about people as a whole that have ended my interest in joining. I've stopped going to church with my wife regularly since then. I still go sometimes, but she knows I don't like it and I know she'd be upset if we didn't go. Last week, she burst into tears after a[nother] argument about church. She said "I'll never get to go to the temple" between sobs. I told her, "Hannah, I'd love to live with you eternally, but I'm not conviced that the temple is the only way. After that, I presented an ultimatum. I asked her to decide whether or not she could accept our religious differences. Obviously, if she can't, that's a deal breaker. It's almost Sunday again (our usual fighting day) and I don't know what's going to happen. I doubt that she will choose me over something so well-rooted within her. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I'm prepared for any answer of hers, but I won't live the rest of my life being pushed into a religion I don't believe in and I doubt that she will forget about her desire to be sealed. We have no kids, but they could be LDS. I don't have a problem with that. Any ideas other than the obvious?