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I’ve crippled myself to the point that getting out of the spiritual rut I’m in seems hopeless. Whether it be one of Satan’s lies I’ve come to believe based on my own life experience, a simple misunderstanding of the gospel and how the Lord will judge us, or even a blunt truth about life, the following lists why I feel unable or unwilling to get back on track. I don’t want to stay like this. I want to get back on track for myself, my wife and daughter to grow and progress in the Church, but it’s as if I’ve boxed myself in. The simple solutions to my problems like prayer don’t seem like solutions at all to me. Nothing seems to work for me. Overcoming the battle of lust has been the crux of my issue after trying so many times only to fail once more, but it’s compounded from there. If I could overcome the battle of lust once and for all, I believe that would give me hope in other areas I’m struggling in. I would be able to see for the first time in my life that the gospel works for me personally. Lie, Misunderstanding or Blunt Truth #1 -I’m not good enough for the Celestial Kingdom. I just don’t have enough resolve, determination, faith... I’m not nor ever will be of Celestial caliber. I’m not spiritual enough. Lie, Misunderstanding or Blunt Truth #2 -No one can make it to the Celestial Kingdom who has not mastered being a righteous steward with the powers of procreation in this life. If you leave this world in a state where you still abuse the powers of procreation (willingly lusting in your heart, pornography...), then you are automatically cut off from the Celestial Kingdom as the Law of Chasity is a very strict and serious law. There is less lenience and mercy that the Lord can afford with this law in comparison to others Lie, Misunderstanding or Blunt Truth #3 -Praying to God is ineffective and a waste of my time. Every time I think of praying to God now I’m reminded of how my most sincere prayers have been left unanswered. Example 1: I prayed to overcome the battle of lust for years. Yet I’ve never been able to overcome it. Example 2: After my parents passed away, my little sister was accepted to BYU and began her freshman year at 18 years old. At a local gym in Provo, she met a 37 year old man who worked there as a trainer and had hidden intentions of meeting a younger girl and leaving his wife, and essentially abandoning his 6 children to start a new life with someone else. I knew my little sister, being in the vulnerable state that she was, was an easy target to be manipulated by someone like that. My older sister and I got wind of some of these developments that our little sister and this older man were developing a relationship. We flew out to Provo immediately to put an end to this relationship by exposing this man’s dual life to our little sister. We contacted his home ward bishop and his wife so that we could bring my little sister to meet them face-to-face to help her see the whole picture. For a brief moment we actually got through to my little sister after meeting with the bishop and the man’s wife. She was willing to leave BYU since by her own admission she wouldn’t be strong enough to stay away from this man if he continued to contact her. We started making the arrangements to pull her out, but then her guardian, a member back in Texas that took my little sister in after our parents died, told us we shouldn’t take her out of Provo, that my little sister should stay because whether in Provo or somewhere else she needed to prove to herself she could do it. It was hard advice to follow, but her guardian was a good mom to 4 kids of her own and a seasoned member in the Church, so we decided to trust this advice considering my older sister and I had never been parents ourselves and had little to no idea what effective parenting was. I remember during the 2-3 days we were there in Provo, I fasted for the entire duration pleading with the Lord to please watch over and protect my little sister, and to help this man not abandon his family. I prayed on my knees with my sisters in my little sister’s apartment room. I’ve never prayed so hard in my life thanking the Lord that we were able to reach my little sister before the relationship between her and this man had developed any further. I remember praying fervently to God that He would watch over her and protect her, and that she would be given the strength needed to overcome this trial. We left our little sister there in Provo. And long story short, the relationship developed once more. Once my little sister was fully committed to this man, he officially left his wife and 6 kids there in Utah, finalized the divorce, and had a Vegas wedding. My little sister and this man now live on the East coast, and just last year or two I was able to reestablish connection with her after being so distraught by the whole episode. Lie, Misunderstanding or Blunt Truth #4 -Going to church and all the other checklist items is meaningless if I’ve already self-pegged myself as ending up somewhere other than the Celestial Kingdom. And how can I teach my family about Mormonism if I personally don’t have hope in the system?