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  1. Hi everyone, There are already some other threads on this topic but I thought I should create my own. I'm going to give as much background as I can in as few words as possible. I've been addicted to using porn as a sexual outlet for about 15 years now. I'm under the age of 30. I'm a convert, was baptized several years ago. I have gone through many resources that are supposed to help people with this - it's called sex/love/porn addiction, it takes various forms but it's not about the thing or even the sex as much as it's about the feeling of being aroused or excited and how this masks some other unwanted emotion. Here are some of the resources I've tried: Books like "The Porn Trap", written by two therapists. It includes a lot of helpful info. Attending SAA meetings when I lived close to a place there were meetings (now the nearest one is over 50 miles away from what I can tell, meaning I have to do these "online text" chat room meetings, which don't seem to help a lot) Attending regular one-on-one therapy with a Licensed Clinical Social Worker or Ph.D psychologist. My current therapist is a male Ph.D psychologist. I went through two female therapists, after telling them about this problem, they never looked at me the same and things just got too weird it wasn't helpful. Fortify is a 12-week long online course with info and tools to help overcome porn addiction. It also includes a "battle tracker" that lets you record you setbacks and victories, a really helpful tool. Using parental controls on computers I use. For a long time, I had my parents make a password that I wouldn't know. This didn't even help because I found ways around it that wouldn't trigger the controls. What I do for work now requires unrestricted access and I work from home most of the time. Telling people - therapists and family, to be specific. Huge mistake. They only judge and humiliate you. It's like a big joke. Trying to "fill the void" with healthy activities - musical instrument, video games, exercise, etc. It helps for a while but then the urge always comes back. Reading the scriptures, praying, doing everything that any online LDS resource I could find said to do. Also read through a "strength of youth" pamphlet I got when I was investigating. I haven't told my bishop and I never will. I can't tell anyone who hasn't struggled with this themselves or anyone I have to see on a regular basis because they will never look at you the same and will always treat you differently. Don't tell me my bishop is special and won't do that. None of this has worked. I've never been celibate for more than a few days or weeks at a time since I was about 8 years old. I was abused as a child (not sexually, at least not to my memory), bullied relentlessly from elementary school all the way through high school and college. There's no church support group in my stake, I went to it and no one was there. Support groups don't help a lot because I never know what to say - same thing with individual therapy. I didn't realize the law of chastity commands total celibacy (i.e., no masturbation at all) until recently. I'm pretty sure I don't have the capacity to endure that, not in this lifetime. I'll get into law of chastity discussions in other threads. For now, I'm just curious about how people seek help with this. Twice in my life I "hit rock bottom", in this context meaning that my body gave out and lost its libido for months, leading to temporary insanity and mental/spiritual crisis. The second time, I learned how real Satan really is. It manifested itself unto me in various ways and was terrifying, maybe I'll get into that in another thread sometime too. This addiction has ruined a lot of my life, I have little self-esteem and that creates so many problems. It also contributes to depression, I'm diagnosed Bi-Polar, see a psychiatrist who happens to be LDS. I haven't told him directly although I've hinted at it, but my guess is he will just tell me to tell my bishop. Not sure what I'm looking for in responses here. I know there's nothing that can help me, I've tried so hard for so long. I know something bad happens if I die in this current state, I can't explain how, but it's worse than what the gospel describes as Telestial. This has already gotten to be a huge post so I'm gonna end it here. Thanks for reading.
  2. Looking for advice on effective software / device / blocker to filter out your electronics, namely pornography? Brand name? Universal system (Wi-Fi) router that blocks all devices at home? I'm aware of Bluecoat K9 which we have our computers, anything newer, strong, better? Anything that can simitaniously handle Rokus, Computers and Phones. Besides cutting out all electronics, anyone finding success elsewhere? Thank you in advance.
  3. ok so we get ppl coming here a lot looking for advise on their marriage. the same links get posted... usually cause even though the names and details have changed to protect the innocent the answers/story is still the same. so i thought we could have a thread not to discuss specific marriage problems but just links of good resources that can be referenced when the occassion arrises. they can be links to talks from the church leaders, different marriage/self help books or programs, websites, etc. so it's not really a discussion thread so much as a resources for your marriage thread. however, please throw in why you posted a specific talk or if you have read it and found it useful if you like. i'll start with ones i recommend or have seen recommended and yall can throw in as you see fit. first the church resources LDS Family Services lots of info there including how to find an lds counselor in your area. if finances are a problem speak with your bishop. another church location that may have some info you are looking for... Home & Family- Building a Strong Family outside of the church resources... remember most websites have free email news letters that can have awsome information. Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice this one has the book "his needs her needs" as well as others by the same author (willard f. harley, jr. ph.d) Marriage Counseling - Free Marriage Help – Save Marriage - Stop Divorce - Marriage Problem Solving (this one has a great free emails that come regularly) Pamper your LDS Marriage with a "Magnify Your Marriage" Retreat! this guy is lds in case that matters to you. Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment this one is also lds and has a lot of focus on the sexual difficulties in marriage that may not be addressed in other resources. the movie "fireproof" and the book that inspired it "the love dare" often get suggested, here is the official site... Welcome To The Five Love Languages this one gets recommended a lot this one is also lds - For All Eternity that's all i can think of off the top of my head....
  4. Last February I disclosed to my wife about a pornography addiction and multiple same sex affairs. She decided to stay with me and help me work through these problems I had caused. I recently had a relapse with pornography. I haven't told her yet. I'm scared to tell her. I had been clean for about 8 months. I feel angry at myself, I feel terrible about the pain this is going to cause my wife, I feel terrible for taking a step backwards. Inside I want someone to tell me I dont really need to tell her, but I know that I really want her help, love, and support to keep moving forward to beat this addiction. I hate this because it probably changes my timeline to be re-baptized. I think I'm still on track spiritually, but keeping this from her is eating me alive, or the fear of telling her is...i'm not sure.
  5. This is my story. I have never told a soul. I am american. I was baptized at 8 and served a faithful mission at 19. Sealed in the temple to my wife and sweetheart at 21. Four wonderful children and many years later, my life began to come unraveled. I had for years, secretly been viewing pornography. A problem I simply couldn't admit to. Sixteen years into our marriage my wife had an affair. I was hurt, devastated even.. Together we went to our Bishop. I, at the time being the second counselor in that Bishopric. There I confessed to him my problems with pornography and she admitted her affair. We were both placed on informal probation and released from our callings. Some six months later when the Bishop and Stake President were comfortable that our repentance was complete we began again to take the sacrament and again became members of good standing. However, a couple of years later and I found myself again struggling with the same problems of pornography. I admitted my problem to my wife who was very angry.. She accused me of adultery by saying that pornography was the very same thing. To bolster her accusations of adultery she pointed to the fact that previously she and I had received the same church discipline when she'd committed adultery and I had looked at pornography. Within a few months I noticed some odd behavior and some marks on my wife's breasts.. After some arguing she admitted she was again carrying on an affair with another man. She claimed I had pushed her to it with my viewing of pornography. We again went to our Bishop and Stake President. My wife was excommunicated from the Church and I was placed on formal probation. We worked hard to go through the repentance process. A year and a half later she was again readmitted into the church through baptism but our lives were never again the same. She never forgave me and never apologized to me. As the years went by I continued to struggled off and on with pornography and I suspected at times, that my wife continued to be unfaithful. But I loved her and I felt guilty for what I had been doing. I had finally admitted to myself that the pornography and her adultery amounted to the same thing. So I didn't make waves. One day I began to be investigated for pornography at work. Because I was a high ranking police officer, the investigation was outsourced to the Attorney Generals office to see what laws I might have broken. Through the long and embarrassing investigation, they interviewed my wife, neighbors and my friends. There were questions of everything from pornography to physical abuse and abuses of power. In the end my wife hated me. In a fit of rage told me that she hadn't loved me in years and admitted that she was again having an affair. She said that it was all my fault..She said that if she had married a better man she would have never done these horrible things..I agreed..I was so humiliated.. and so embarrassed, and I felt so guilty.. I was fired from my job.. In disgrace.. Hearings were held to remove my nearly thirty year pension.. I lost all sense of self respect.. My parents, my friends and even my grown children found out. Rumors were running wild at church and in the community. I despised myself. I became self destructive, and suicidal. I felt that even Heavenly Father had abandoned me. I truly felt that I could never be forgiven for what I had done to our family and the pain I had caused them and my good parents. I went to the Bishop and Stake President and again confessed everything. But I found no peace.. no solace.. The Stake President said they could not begin a Church Court until the investigations were completed by Law Enforcement and that would be months.. I knew I could never recover what I had lost. I wanted to give up and just die.. I wanted to run away from everything. In the midst of the pending divorce and all the my troubles, I did just that. I gave power of attorney to my wife and daughter to handle the divorce as they saw fit and I bought one way ticket to Central America, and I left. I hated myself. I had so much pride that even then I couldn't humble myself. I couldn't pray. I couldn't ask for help because i knew I didn't deserve help. I wrote a letter to SLC to the First Presidency renouncing my membership in the Church. I still believed in the Church, but I knew I didn't deserve to be a member. I didn't see a way to go through the church court process in a foreign country and I wanted that stress over. I began to abuse alcohol and drugs.I had no real fear of anything. I just didn't care anymore. I hoped I would go to sleep and not wake up. I committed many sins and transgressions. I had no friends. I struggled in a new culture, and a new language and a lack of money, in a very dangerous and unknown country. I met a kind and beautiful younger woman. She took pity on me and took me in. She smiled, and laughed a lot. She was worried that I was headed for disaster. I told her I had already been there. Over time I learned to understand and to speak Spanish from her. She believed in me. She taught me about the culture, about corruption, about Cartels. She taught me to live safe..and she taught me to dance. She gave me hope and a reason to live, to feel needed and to feel cherished. I tried to tell her of my history but she told me she had no interest in my past. She tried to convince me that I was the answer to her prayers. That the Lord had sent me to her. She had been in four marriages, all of them abusive and violent. Together, her money and mine, we purchased a small non functional shrimp farm in the jungle near the southern border of Columbia and very near the Coast. A beautiful, wild and dangerous place. No electricity, and no roadways. We accessed the farm in canoe via the river. Traveling to the farm only when the tide was rising and leaving only when the tide was ebbing. It was a hard life with dirt floors and mosquito netting. Bathing and doing our laundry in the river. We married, I attended Mass in a nearby pueblo with my new wife and her children often, but I simply could not find the peace there that I so desperately needed.. In time I began attending an LDS branch an hour and a half away from the farm by bus. Soon after, my wife began attending with me as it was unsafe for me, a gringo, to travel alone. At the Church, the branch members met in an upstairs apartment and treated us with much care, kindness and love. I felt peace there as we sang hymns and listened to the speakers. On Sundays we often attended mass together and then attended the LDS branch after. Some weeks we could not attend depending on the hour of the tide. After many months of this, my wife lost her desire to attend early morning Mass and only attended the Branch with me. As the years passed, we sold the farm on a contract for a modest profit and moved to the big City. There I began donating my time teaching English and we have begun a non profit sewing organization to benefit women's hygiene. Here we again began attending a ward together with our children. The Missionaries came to our home and taught our family the Gospel and nearly two years later, the family was baptized. Excepting me of course. It feels awkward at times, them being members and me not. And yet I do all I can to lead and teach them with much love and in righteousness. I am happy again. I accept my life for what it is, and I accept my place in it. I have lost whatever pride I once had. I am still sorry for my past but I no longer mourn for what I have lost. I have no ill feelings toward my ex-wife, in fact I still have feelings of love for her and I sincerely hope for her, much happiness and joy. I do not dwell in the past nor do I have lofty dreams of the future. I live for today and it is enough. For the first time in so many years, I am at peace. I know that God is mindful of me and always has been. He has blessed my life even when I was so undeserving. The collapse of my life those years ago was not the condemnation of God, but was simply the natural reaction of the choices I had made. A reaction I had brought upon myself. I have become convinced that the Lord helped unite me with my dear wife. She is an incredible blessing in my life and she tells me daily how fortunate she is to have me in hers. I don't know the future but I think there will be many more blessings ahead. I do desire to be re baptized. The Stake President has directed me to send a letter to the First Presidency when I am ready, requesting re admission into the Church. He has assured me that when I do, he will also send them a personal letter of support. I simply want to be completely worthy when I do. The Stake has tasked me with teaching English to members in the Stake who desire to learn and I am very happy to serve however I am able. I know I am not alone having such problems stemming from pornography. I hope that with this letter, someone else may be helped and not have to suffer as I have rather than finding help and turning things around. However bad things are, they can, and probably will get worse if you don't change. Please, put your pride aside and make the necessary changes before it's too late. If you are an addict, you can't do it alone. I have never written about my story or told it to another soul. It feels good to have told my story at last. What a horribly... beautiful tapestry... our journey through life makes!
  6. I've struggled with severe depression since I was in high school. I was never officially diagnosed until my early 30s. I started taking medication about 7 years ago. I was married in 2002. For a few years before I got married, and a few years after I got married, I would use pornography as a way of escaping my depression. It was a mental bandaid of sorts. I don't think I was ever addicted to pornography. But it was a problem for a while. I knew it was wrong but it was also one of the only outlets I had when my depression would flare up. When I started taking medication, my life literally did a 180. I was able to think clearly. I didn't have suicidal thoughts any more. I felt happy for the first time since high school. And I stopped watching pornography. I guess you could say the medication filled the void. She's obviously aware of the depression. And she's extremely supportive. But I never told her about the pornography. I haven't watched pornography for years. And I have no desire to watch it. But there's a lingering guilt that's always with me. I feel like there's a weight I need to get off my shoulders. I feel like I need to talk to her. But I don't know how. I don't know what to say. And I'm worried about how she'll react. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
  7. I don't know where to go from here. I'm praying daily for strength and guidance. My husband has been involved in pornography our entire marriage. He hid it for several months after we married and when I discovered it I was devastated. I'm past Satan's lies that it had to do with me or that "all men do it". I just don't know that I can ever trust him or respect him again. I can't take the hurt, anger, and fear anymore. The negative emotions are so intense I don't think I can peel them away to feel love again. Just when I think I've let go and can trust I discover more. He has worked with multiple bishops, but they were of no help. He'd get at most a few months of not taking the sacrament. I feel he's just gone through the motions and pretended to quit and faked change. I understand mistakes, but this has happened over and over. Years ago, he "supposedly" quit to perform baby blessings (first his nephew, one our 1st baby). With my second baby, I discovered that he looked at porn a few days before the blessing. We've been inactive on and off. I'm no saint, but I do expect honesty and intimacy in my marriage. We were sealed in the temple while I was pregnant with my 3rd baby, and I remember feeling such a disconnect with him and lack of the spirit- I had a strong feeling he wasn't worthy. Another baby blessing and my oldest's baptism, all while hiding the truth that he was still looking at porn on a consistent basis. 13 years of catching and discovering the porn and then with my 4th baby I find more porn (second trimester having moved a few weeks before). Another discovery of porn 2 days before her baby blessing. I told him he wasn't worthy to bless her and I didn't want him to. After much thought and prayer I told him he could decide if he was going to still bless her and the night before her blessing he said he was going to. (My mother was in town) So, what I thought was a problem for him, has turned out to be a major problem that is never resolved and has not been sporadic or bingeing, but a consistent ongoing problem. (Weekly) He wants to baptize our daughter, who has waited a year. He says he's been clean 6 months. The bishop said he's good to go and can also start taking the sacrament and I feel AWFUL. This is so counterintuitive. It is what it is. I haven't seen repentance/change and it makes me sick inside to think I'm repeating the past with him. I feel much guilt over the fact that I can't seem to forgive or trust, and that I look back at ordinances he's performed with such sadness. He has fought me on my boundaries and needs, pushes me away, and truthfully I feel the "actions" he has taken to stop accessing porn I forced on him. He quit the therapy I asked him to start. He hasn't done what the original bishop and the new bishop asked him to do. I just don't understand how this has been handled correctly. This is how he has fallen back into it before. I can't let this cycle continue. I feel I might be leaving this marriage. I've tried, I've stood by him for 13 years hoping he'd change. I took my vows and covenants seriously, but I cannot disrespect myself and hurt like this anymore.
  8. It's not often that the former president of the American Psychological Association makes the front page of The Christian Post, but this article is so spot on! Now to grumble a bit. Why is it that when we preach this from the pulpit we're just meddling, prudish religious tyrants?
  9. Coping is a sign of resilience, strength and hope. It’s a powerful mechanism for getting through a hard season of life. However, it’s no way to live. Coping ought to be a transitory stage, not a permanent circumstance. I can't cope! When we hear this—or say it—life is a mess! Often, something has been exposed: Alcoholism or drug use, an eating disorder, porn addiction, or even “chexting”—cheating by texting. We feel overwhelmed, and are tempted to give in. We may give ourselves over to the mess, badly abusing drugs, food, porn, or people. When the matter becomes desperate, suicide tempts our frayed souls. We may think that if we kill ourselves we will quit hurting others, and stop allowing the mess to control us. Realistically, many will die—fully immersed in their mess. Some will claim to have stopped the madness by killing themselves. Yet, they still die in their mess, and they still hurt the ones they loved. King Solomon proved his wisdom when he said: There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. Struggle demands that we cope so we can live with it. I want to cope. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, but I want to live! I want to control my drinking, my drug use, my eating, and my devotion to my spouse. Through coping I can say that I am okay. I know that I am an alcoholic, a drug abuser, an anorexic or bulimic, or one given to lust—whether by porn, or by illicit relationships. So, I learn to cope. For drugs and alcohol a may join an AA-type group, or even enter into a residential rehabilitation program, like Teen Challenge. Over time the temptation softens, but seldom leaves. Sometimes recovery meetings seem like the same old same old. Residential programs are strict and feel insulting—especially in the early stages. There is struggle. It is the same for eating disorders, porn viewing, and other sexual temptations. They all demand our time. They also impose controls, Arriving at the place of being able to cope seems like a worthy goal. After a tragedy, or after the revelation of a life-controlling issue, a loved one may ask how we are doing. If we smile and say, “I’m coping,” there is relief. However, if there is no known struggle—then what? If we just asked someone we care about how they are doing, and the response is, “I’m coping,” what do we think? Coping must give way to overcoming. It is not life, but rather the transition back to life. Alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, pornography, infidelity, and life-controlling issues will assail us our whole lives. If we overcome an issue, we will always have extra boundaries that help us resist relapse. We never get to say we beat the battle. Instead, we thank God daily for our victories. We celebrate them. Admitting struggle with life-controlling issues is necessary and important. Knowing the areas we must guard against is crucial. Humility towards past struggles is wise. Nevertheless, let us not be afraid to declare the win. Let us not live by coping, but rather cope, so we can live. When it comes to the temptations that come at us, 1 John 4:4 offers the conclusion to the matter: You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
  10. Alright, so I've set up an appointment with my Bishop for this Sunday. I need to tell him about my pornography addiction of almost 3 years (I am a teenage girl, by the way, so this is really hard). How do I bring it up once I'm there?? Please help
  11. I've been masturbating and been watching pornography for the past 5 years of my life. It's been horrible and hard to stop and I've talk to my bishop so many times! Well, my old bishop was retired from it and now I have another bishop. It's been embarrassing going Sunday after Sunday with interviews with my bishop and not being able to partake of the sacrament for ages, and I literally mean it. I don't remember the last time I took it, or the last time I went to the temple! I feel like an outcast at church, and I feel ashamed when people have been asking me when will I serve or bless the sacrament. The guilt never has left, and I stop for days, weeks, or some few months and then go back. I'm 17 and I started when I was 12, and I want to serve a mission bad!!! I've looked for advice, I've prayed, but now I need physical help as well as spiritual. If anyone wants to give me advice or knows of a program to help cop please reply! I am desperate to be worthy again, and I miss that blissful feeling of being clean and pure of heart. I pay my tithing, I attend church services and worship my God, but I believe there is more to stop this sin. Please help....
  12. So my husband is participating in a work opportunity for three months in another country. We are trying to find ways to keep each other satisfied long distance, but I am trying to do so while staying within the confines of the gospel. I was thinking about sending him some photos of me, so that he could find inspiration from them and not some random photos off the internet. He suggesting that we watch some "tasteful" films so we can take care of ourselves. Is any of this considered adultery if it is open, honest, and meant to keep our flame alive? I hope none of this is too graphic, but I could really use some advice. Thanks!
  13. What do I do? I know that my Husband is breaking his covenants, but I don't know what to do. It isn't my responsibility to tell our Bishop - only he can repent, but it's straining our marriage. My husband is recently unemployed and looking for work, I am employed full time and at work all day. My husband has (or what I thought was prevously) struggled with an addition to pronography and masturbation. We have talked to our bishop and his temple recommendation and priesthoods were revoked for two years. Recently, just this month, we were able to attend the temple together again. For me, this was the first time I was able to attend the temple ever. I'm a convert to the church and I had many apprehensions to overcome as well as addictions of my own. However, taking the temple prep class + prayer and meetings with the bishop allowed me to overcome my addictions to be completely worth of my recommend. I made 100% sure of that. June 9th was my endowment and I recently just went back to the temple for the second time on Monday (the 18th) with my husband. After we left the temple, he says to me that he realized that it's not enough to tell Satan to begone from our presence to relieve our addictions but that we have to do this, plus we have to move away and forward. I had hope in me that we were both maintaining our worthiness. Come to find out, last night we were intimate and he could not finish. I knew from previous experience that meant that he had pleasured himself earilier in the day. I asked him to stop, and asked him sincerely to answer if he had. He said that he did and I thanked him for his honesty. We went to bed with that being said, but since then I have been so upset. I just cannot allow him to enter the temple having violated these sacred covenants nor preform his priesthoods in our home knowing that he may not be worthy to have them. It's not my saying, it's up to the bishop, but I feel he obtain his recommend under false pretenses and I am just betrayed. I love my husband dearly, but I am not sure what to do. He is very prideful and stubborn. He does not like being told what to do, and in previous times when he has done something as "little" as masturbation, bishops have often given him the "resist temptation" speech. But this goes further, I know he has a problem and should not be allowed to continue to violate such convenants without serious circumstances. Even having preisthoods, recommend, and sacrament revoked for 2 years seemed to do nothing...I am at a loss. He just doesn't seem repentant....any advice on what do to?
  14. I am having a hard time moving forward and forgiving my husband. He has been secretively been viewing porn and lusting after women in his day to day life for the last 10 years and I found out a couple of months ago. I believe that he is sincerely sorry and is moving away from this behavior and I know I need to forgive him but I am so stubborn and hurt I am can't get myself to do it. The negative memories from the past when I thought that this was going on and he denied it are all coming back. I don't know how to just forgive and forget all the hurt and lies that I have experienced. Has anyone been in this situation or have any advice for me? thanks
  15. Hello, it's 1:36 am on a Wednesday (morning?) and I'm coming to you guys in desperation. Let's start this story from the very beginning. To warn you, this will be very "tl;dr", but please read anyway When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I had a friend who introduced me to the world of pornography. Yes, I was really that young. I don't want to blame all of my problems on this, but I would be lying if I said a part of me didn't think that was the source of it. Anyway, after only a couple of times at age 7, I didn't think much of it. I would have weird feelings inside for a long time that I couldn't explain whenever I saw something inappropriate. When I was 12 years old, while looking up Halloween costumes, I saw some very risque costumes. I basically ended up on a website with even more risque things (no nudity, just very risque). I can't even explain to you the tears I shed from this experience. The guilt just ate away at me. I convinced myself this sin wasn't enough to tell the Bishop. I rationalized it, saying that I was only 12, I didn't know better. I made every excuse in my head I could think of. Now, I am 17, and I have ventured into porn. Videos, pictures, ect- although I have done it a small amount of times for the past 5 years (I'd say about 10 different instances, which I guess is a lot... but when you think of it over the span of 5 years, not too much)... but recently, I've just been feeling it lately. The addiction I guess is the feeling. Just the urge, if you will. And I know it's because just about 6 months ago, I masturbated for the first time. The reason I am here is simple. I am DONE. I wouldn't say that I am addicted to porn. I am more than ready to stop this terrible thing. I want to talk to my Bishop so badly and repent and stop the guilt from gnawing at my brain before I sleep (that's exactly what was happening right before I found this site). But I have some reservations. 1) I do NOT want my parents to know. I love and trust my parents dearly, but I just can't disappoint them like this. I know it sounds contradictory, but I love the church. I go to church, read my scrips, go to seminary, say prayers, all of it... but this is just a problem I struggle with. And... I just feel like they don't need to know. I don't want them to get the wrong idea and stop trusting my others siblings who I know do not do this. So, is that okay that I don't tell them? 2) For those who have already confessed things to their bishop: do they look at you differently? I'm sure they do, they must... but... I just don't want people to look down on me for these stupid mistakes I've made. I love my Bishop so much, he's a really great guy. I'm just really scared of disappointment and resentment. 3) For those who have confessed: do you feel like you're completely forgiven? Is the guilt really gone? Because a part of me thinks that this feeling I get will never go away.
  16. This is my story... Well, Here I go. My problem started because I began to explore my body when it began to change. Ya, Puberty lol. I grew up in a family where we didn't discuss sex or anything related to sex. I think this can have a toll on a boy who is discovering new changes everday it seems like. See needless to say, I eventually "discovered" masturbation. Immedietly, I was guilt ridden. I didn't know it was wrong until about 3 years later, when I was fourteen. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm on wikipedia, all this vast information and I'm curious what they have to say about the church. I see the law of chastitiy, wow, yep thats all bad stuff, I will never do that cuz I want to go to the temple. BOOM! It hit me, Masturbation is against the Law of Chastitiy. I couldn't believe it, this is terrible, I'm going to hell what am i going to do. What do you do when your are frantically worried about something like this? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- INTERNET, because I cant go to my parents and I'm not sure if its serious enought to confess. Unfortunately, the Internet isn't the safest place to research masturbation. I came across the most disgusting things, but I could't find my own answer. I knew I wasnt supposed to look at nasty pictures so I tried to stay away from those, but I was curious, was I the only one going through this, my age my situation or even any boy our there. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I look up masturbation stories, this took to a world of what i think is called Erotica. So I dealt with this problem for some time, I believe this made me feel guiltier. By the way, all this time I felt detached from the church, participating but I felt like my work was wrong because nobody really knew me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I never did look at porn pictures, until I got a phone. A smartphone allows so much secrecey, and now I can look up all those questions that nobody can answer. I was curious, is my penis the right size, shape whatever. Guys, you know what I'm talking about, burning questions. So I look up pictures, and it seems wrong but not that wrong, I mean I have one of those so how bad could it be. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Internet, does in fact have an unlimited amount of pictures from people that are obsesed with their own bodies, guys for some reason love to take pictures of themselves. So I was exposed to all of this pollution to my brain. But, the Internet took it upon itself to go beyond just pictures of privates, It wanted to show privates together. So I was finally exposed to sexual situations. From there, it seemed to have just skyrocketed into a probem compared to my gradual exploration in my earlier years. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Summer, 2011. Im 16, we're moving and staying with relatives. I have nothing to do, nothing. So I look up porn on my phone. It was strange, I actually never used that word in a search inquiry, but I decided thats what I've been doing all along, why lie to myself. From their, ever since I "decided" that it was ok I guess, nothing was wrong to look up. Before, I would never look at actual nasty scenes but now, it's like why not. BTW, I didnt go to church during the summer, for sure this has to do somehting with it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anyway, Im 17, all my promises of stoping have been pathetic. But, I feel a tide turning, I had to tell this to someone. Even to all of you out there, no body I'll ever meet. I can't talk to my parents about anything, hopefully I wont have to. They call me the perfect son wayy to much, weird burden. But, the Bishop set up a meeting this Wed without me knowing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Any of you guys have advice for me? my meeting is tomorrow! What's your story?
  17. Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist and I am new to LDS Social Forums. I am a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Roseville, CA. I've also just created a blog to discuss hypnosis as a treatment for pornography addiction for LDS members. Feel free to check it out and make a comment. Thank you, DRG
  18. I was addicted to pornography for 3 years. I am a teenager and i have been actively trying to stop for one of those 3 years. I am doing really well, but i have done really well before and slipped and fallen back into it. I wanted to know if i NEED to talk to my bishop. What if i am able to stay clean? Can i wait until i am out of my home ward and in college to confess? I dont want my parents to know. I have never told a single soul. I have a very strong testimony, i am just stuck. I love the gospel, and i am so thankful for the Atonement. But i need to know what i need to do?
  19. I've been married for 4 years. We met when I was a freshmen in college at age 18 and he was 21. He was my first love. Our problems started little by little. The first real eye opener began on our honeymoon. We lost our luggage on our way to our Cancun beach resort so it all started off with a huge bummer. My husband did not take it well. He became very depressed and just sat in our hotel room most of the time and he was just very cold to me. I cared that our luggage was stolen but I didn't matter more than the opportunity we had to spend time together on the warm beaches I tried to encourage him to get out of the room. We were there for 5 days and it wasn't until two days in that his mood started to change. I'ts always been a sad memory for me. Within the first 3 months I found out he was addicted to pornography and had huge doubts about the church so I would was going to church alone every week most of the time with tears in my eyes because I saw my dream of a righteous husabnd and a happy family being taken away from me. I felt totally betrayed and hurt and a thousand other feelings I had never experienced before. In the beginning he told me he wanted to overcome the problem and wanted to be a better member of the church but he mostly just talked about it. When it came down to doing these things he would come up with an excuse to not do them. For example he consistently would complain about his back hurting that he could not go to church, I believe he did have pain but his back but it only held him back from going to church or something he didn't want to do. I saw right through that and it made me angry. At one time he told me that he had stopped with the pornography. But later he confessed that he had lied to me. This has been a constant thing. When I talk about it with him he mostly told me what he knew I wanted from him. Like" I've been doing better" "I want to change so we can be happy". This last week I asked him how he was doing. (this is never easy for me) He was very open to me that he doesn't think giving up pornography is going to make anything better for him or for me. I told him that most of my disappointment and sadness in our marriage comes from that and that I think he could be happier if he gives it up. But he became defensive and told me I didn't know how it affects him or what he would feel without it and we got into a fight. Along with the pornography he constantly shuts me out and ignores me when we have an argument. Gets upset about the smallest thing I do wrong, rarely has a positive attitude, is not very open with me, never plans anything with me, he ignores his family and I have to struggle to get him to participate in activities with my family. He's seen a therapist once but has not gone back and he refuses to take any medication. I don't think things are ever going to change because he seems as though he already has his mind made up. I want a worthy priesthood holder in our home, I want someone to be with me during church and share the same values as I do. I want someone who will be able to find the good in things in life. I was a happy person who never felt depressed before we were married. Now I feel like I'm in a dark hole with no way out and I struggle every day to keep it together. As much pain as I have I still do love my husband and I want to help him. But I don't know if it is enough love right now to make things work. I am completely exhausted with this relationship a lot of the time I think I want to get a divorce. But then I think that there has got to be some way to change this and I don't want to give up on him. Anyone have any suggestions that could help me?
  20. Here's my background: Married at 19 in the temple to my exhusband. That night he brought pornography into the relationship, and demanded sex constantly. Hide his pornography problem on and off for four years. Decided he didn't believe in God, and stopped going to church...abused my verbally and sexually. I decided to leave him at 23 and divorced him over a year and a half ago. Now, to put it mildly, I am pretty traumatized about the whole marriage experience and have severe trust issues with men. I have been dating a wonderful, supportive man in the church for about nine months. We have talked about marriage (he is divorced as well), but I can't help but think that all guys' are addicted porn and will cheat on me. I am really trying to trust him, and want to be married to him! I just don't know how I can stop making myself think he will treat me bad as well once the ring is on the finger! Always being hypersensitive about it being and issue and checking for signs that aren't even there. Help! (
  21. With the latest understanding of how the human brain functions, we are ready to take the next step in the evolution of addiction treatment. The tools that have been developed are powerful and can increase the speed of change. We now understand how to increase the motivation and desire to change through neural reconditioning and consistent daily practice. For those who struggle with addiction issues, deep neural connections at the unconscious level are driving behavior. These neural connections can be changed is now sure. The brain is constantly changing and will continue to do so throughout life. You can read more on the Pornography & Sexual Addiction Group within this forum
  22. I do post about other things but pornography and sexual addiction is affecting everyone, some realize it others do not. We recently had a comment from a young lady that was appalled that her daughter, 16 years of age. Has been viewing porn sent by her friends to cell phones. I know you might have heard about this but I am afraid to many parents are sticking their head in the sand and thinking, "my child wont do that." The correct statement should be, " I hope my child does not do this." Talk with your children! Make sure they no the dangers of pornography. Make sure you realize the dangers of pornography. It is affecting more and more people daily. Once IT, the addict voice has taken hold, a lot of people give up hope. There have been several that think they are lost, forgotten and there is no way that Heavenly Father could love them. This is the farthest thing from the truth. Understand, Heavenly Father loves all of his children. ALL! Don't give up hope. Continue to pray and you will be guided to the tools and education that will help you. This is how I feel about the InnerGold system. I have been asked what is my role with InnerGold. I am someone that has seen pornography affect my own family and now it is my goal and mission to help as many people as possible. My " JOB " is branding and marketing. Helping companies succeed. When a friend of mine was telling me about InnerGold, I could not believe it. I have been praying for something that could help people and he told me. This has been the only program that has helped him. This individual like many others have gone through the 12 steps and was starting to feel like they were a lost cause. That is when he was introduced to InnerGold. I feel it part of my role in helping others to let people know about the InnerGold program. Pornography is affecting everyone, world-wide, old, young, male, female, teenagers and children I was blown away when I heard about this 16 year old. She was a straight A student going active in church, active in mutual, active in extra curricular activities. It is affecting everyone. It is your right and your place to ask questions. When you get the answers, follow-up with love. Read the article we published about helping ecclesiastical leaders treating pornography and sexual addiction. This will help parents, friends, family and loved ones provide help and counsel the right way. We don't want to yell, scream throw a fit. Keep your cool and address it properly. InnerGold.
  23. Letting everyone know! Please let all your Bishops, Stake Presidents, Seventies, family, friends et. know. I am so excited. InnerGold is going to be presenting about pornography and sexual addiction, in June, so still a little ways out but we want to get the ball rolling. It is not to sell their services, No! It is to help give ecclesiastical leaders instruction on how to handle someone addicted Pornography and Sex. Most leaders, counselors don't handle treatment of addiction the correct way. A lot of the time they tell you to just STOP, if an addict could they would. Nonetheless, the person walks out feeling good because they have just confessed. However, deep down the addicts brain is going into survival mode and essentially causing it to panic. The addicts brain has been trained to use pornography/sex to cope with Boredom, Loneliness, Anger, Stress and being Tired. The brain (specifically the limbic system, survival portion of the brain) starts saying no, no you can't do that, how will I help you to relax? We hope to give ecclesiastical leaders the training they need to start really helping people overcome this addiction. This is a huge battle and it is getting greater and greater so InnerGold is going to be very aggressive about education. P.S. This training will be for all denominations so if you know someone, please let them know. P.P.S The location, time will be announced later.
  24. A year and a half ago I overcame an addiction to pornography and masturbation, the addiction had lasted over a year long. I overcame the addiction having no problems from the day I saw my bishop, and I was then ordained a priest, I was truly repentant and forgiven. I haven't had any problems since then, I am much more mature now and understand things much better than when I first ran into the problems. I am very active in the church, read my scriptures every day, say my prayers, go to church, but I admit I haven't really felt the spirit super strong lately, but I hadn't done anything wrong. I haven't had temptations of any sort until tonight. I was working on a school research project, but was very distracted on other websites. I was started to watch a video about how bad the pornography industry was, but it lead me, after hours on the computer, to watch some videos talking about sex, though I never watched any sexual acts. Continuing on I eventually looked at some nude photos of a woman. I didn't masturbate exactly, I left my clothes on, but it led to the same result if you know what i'm saying. I feel horrible that I slipped up, I want to go on a mission, I want to have a relationship with my savior, but at the same time my mind is craving to see more. I've overcome this before, and I haven't started watching pornography again. I know I can overcome it, but the urge is very strong. I guess a large reason i'm here is just to let out my feelings. But I ask for any advice.?? And I plan to see my bishop soon, when I first recovered from pornography I didn't have to tell my parents, this seems to be the standard, I'm hoping that since this was a minimal slip up it will be easy to recover from.
  25. New to and was referred by a friend. I have seen pornography and sexual addiction take the toll on many friends and family so I have made it my mission to help people with these issues. I know that we all have talents that can bless the lives of others. I was called to serve a mission in Michigan. I was bummed! I wanted to go foreign. However, after going there I was blessed with the opportunity of touching the lives of many people because of my talents. I am so grateful my Heavenly Father was so much wiser than I was. Those same talents have brought me to a program helping addicts called, InnerGold. It is literally helping people throughout the world. Dubai, Ghana, throughout Europe, China, etc.. It is absolutely wonderful! The InnerGold system was written by Gordon S. Bruin. It was written after many late nights. He would try to go to sleep but couldn't. He would get up write what was in his head and then he could go to sleep. He has a testimony all his own about how he has written the manual. He wrote the manual with the focus of changing the world one person at a time. I have seen this program work miracles and that is why I have joined to champion the cause to help people long-term overcome their addictions. The Gospel is true! It has blessed my life in so many ways I could not count them. I know that there are people out there who are struggling with addiction and they have counseled with their ecclesiastical leaders and professionals but are not getting the help they need. Therefore, they think they are alone. They are not alone. Heavenly Father loves all of us, despite our follies but he has provided people with talents that can help. Don't ever give up! You can do it! We are all brothers and sisters.