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I'm trying to figure out how you determine who the "selfish" one is in a marital situation. I’ve seen this quote in the forum many times: Elder Burton-- Personal selfishness is the main reason for the present high divorce rate throughout the world. Ok, well here’s where I feel a little confused. The above statement may very well be true, and I do agree with it. Unfortunately, my knowing and acknowledging that won't save my marriage. I can only work on myself, I can't force my husband to be more giving and caring. That's entirely up to him. But I do know that it can't just be one person doing all the giving in a marriage, that's not going to work. Furthermore, how do you figure out who the “selfish” person is, when a marriage is not happy? Is it the person with an unmet need? Or the person refusing to meet that need? For example (I don‘t really care this much about foot rubs, I‘m just using this as an example because it’s a cleaner than intimate “bedroom talk” lol) -- say the wife is upset because at the end of a long, stressful and tiring day, she really enjoys both partners laying down and rubbing each other’s feet. It takes all her stress away, and makes her feel romantic and bonded to her partner. But the husband doesn’t like to touch people’s feet, because he thinks its gross. So he refuses to do this activity with her. So the wife picks out something HE likes, but that she doesn’t really care for, and offers to do that for him in exchange every time. But the husband still says, “If getting that means I have to rub someone’s feet, then I don’t want it!” Well… Who is the selfish one in this case? Is the wife selfish for wanting her husband to do something that grosses him out? Or is the husband selfish for refusing to entertain the idea that “a body part is just a body part”, particularly with someone you love, and taking part in the activity?