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Found 16 results

  1. So I have a close friend that I have been struggling to give advice to. She has a boyfriend that isn't LDS, and they have been dating for 5+ years. She went off the deep end with this boyfriend, but went to her bishop and got things cleared up. In the past few years I've seen her flourish in her testimony of the gospel, in all aspects of her life and she's been a huge example to me in that. Recently her and this boyfriend have been getting serious again, and she came to me for advice, she's not sure if she believes in parts of the gospel, she struggles with abstaining until marriage in aspects of the relationship. She keeps asking me why the lord would put boundaries on us if these things are so great, and how many other religions have the same beliefs but she feels like she's tied down with the LDS church standards. I tried to explain to her the best I could that the lord doesn't set some boundaries to hold us back, but to help us focus on the bigger picture of life, and looking past what the world says we should and shouldn't do. She seems to agree, and the frustrating part, she admits to me that she knows that she shouldn't do those things, but she's not sure if she can wait till marriage. I have told her countless times that I know that I will support her no matter what, and I will always love her free from judgement, but I feel like there's more I could say from a spiritual aspect that might help her. I know it's her life and she will make her own decisions, I just hate to see her do something that she regrets or has worse consequences from Any advice on this situation? --A struggling friend
  2. Brothers and Sisters, I have written on this site before and have deeply appreciated and also enjoyed the responses from my posts. Since then I have spent much time on this site perhaps to my own peril, but the constant stories of infidelity, which are obviously not healthy to continuously read upon, are definitely making me paranoid that my future partner (whoever that may be) will default to mortal "imperfection" and even up develop an emotional/physical affair with someone else. I think it is developing as a huge paranoia of mine even though I have personally not been cheated on. Ive noticed many situations where people have been blindsided by their spouses betrayal and abuse, and it truly appears like the worst type of pain in the world. Its actually something one of my professors briefly discussed in one of my religion classes and like he said, the infidelity of ones' spouse can inflict pain upon ones soul. It is unlikely that I will remain in isolation and avoid women (LDS) for the rest of my life, so if any of you wise brothers and sisters have advice on what has made your relationships successful and has nullified the fear of spousal betrayal, would you mind sharing it? Thanks P.S I recently read this story and in many ways, it reminded me of a relationship I was in not too long ago where I had a strong desire to marry this person. These stories do make me feel slightly unsure that if we had taken the direction of marriage, that I also could potentially face the same result.
  3. Hi, I'm new here but I thought that perhaps someone out there would be able to share some advice on a difficult trial I'm currently going through. It's a long story; It began when I first met my girlfriend who lived in Utah while I lived in Australia. I met her through the internet while looking for someone to help me with a project I was working on. Over the months of working together and I talking every day we confessed our feelings towards each other and we're together since. I wasn't a member at the time but I was investigating after she shared some information about the church with me. It got to the mid year and I decided to head over to Utah to meet her in person. It was even better than I hoped it could be. My trip was cut short due to a family medical emergency but I knew that I would be back. Sure enough, come the end of the year, I was back in Utah and stayed for a few months this time. It was the best Christmas I've had. I was baptised in the church and the happiest I had been in a long, long time. I knew after much prayer, reading and discussion, that she was the one I wanted to spend eternity with. During the course of 2017, I worked hard to set myself up in order to make that goal a reality. Unfortunately I lost my job a few weeks before my intended leaving date. Immediately following that I lost the majority of my savings. Despite these difficulties, I persevered and headed back to the US with the intention of asking her to marry me. During the course of the visit, I became depressed at my personal situation as it suddenly hit me that I had lost nearly all of the finances I had. This affected my attitude and I was often quiet and spaced out. It put a great deal of pressure on my girlfriend and I was not fully aware of it. It gets worse though; come the new year, my ex-girlfriend contacted my girlfriend and her family and proceeded to spend the next few days slandering me with the full intention of causing me great pain. I won't go into the exact specifics here, but suffice to say they were ridiculous lies and incredibly hurtful. What's happened now is my girlfriend is trying to work through this situation herself, giving herself space. I've returned to Australia to clear my name (which has been positive) and to organise myself. It's been incredibly hard for me emotionally for the past month. I've lost the most important person in my life and it is just killing me. She asked me to fight for her and be worthy of her. I know there's still a chance for us but I am just barely hanging on right now. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. I'm happy to provide more detail if needed. Thank you for your time. Kindest regards, M.
  4. Hey, so I have been talking to this girl for a while now who is from the Philippines. I am from the US. I am going to BYUI and she is applying for BYU Hawaii. She is really sweet and is a RM and I talk with her sister sometimes as friends so I know she has feelings for me as well. I have told her that I am considering visiting her there in the Philippines, as I have been considering going on a trip this fall. Besides the obvious complications, any advice on how to proceed? Any advice on Filipina women would be appreciated hahaha
  5. Does not wanting to be apart from someone you're dating always mean that you want to be with them forever? I dated this guy for a year and it was a bad relationship because we were both in rough spots. We took a three month break because he went to school in another state and I stayed home. I didn't talk to him pretty much all that time and dated someone else, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. Now I'm in school with him and we're talking again, and we're both doing much better. My problem is that I don't want to be apart from him and I'm not sure why. I feel like there might be other people better suited for me, but I almost don't care because I don't want this guy not apart of my life. Could it be familiarity? What do you guys think?
  6. Hey- so, I'm a Mormon and he's an Atheist- yes, we've been dating for several months now, going strong. However, we are struggling with the Law of Chasity- and unfortunately; we've crossed the line a couple of times. We need help- advice, anything and PLEASE don't say that I need to leave or run away from him; (especially if its because he's Atheist) because it wasn't just his fault; I am to blame to for this as well. Thanks.
  7. I need help. I'll keep it brief and simple. Ive been dating this girl and we talk about the future pretty seriously. But there is this other girl that I've been interested in a lot and I can't get my mind off of her. But she's on a mission. She gets back soon which is great. But heres the catch, we live in different states. and my current relationship is also long distance. So its like either way I have to be long distance and won't really know what its like to be with someone unless one of us moves our life for the other. Any thoughts?f
  8. My wedding day is in a week and I am freaking out. I feel so lost and confused. I feel hopeless. Last year during this time I was dating a boy who I was absolutely crazy about. I thought he was the one. I thought he was the answers to my prayers. But things went sour and he broke up with me because I didn't serve a mission. I was completely crushed. My confidence was gone. So I went home for the summer to heal. I remember praying to Heavenly Father that he would send me someone to marry. A week later I met Kyle. Kyle wasn't necessarily my type. But I ended up going out with him anyways. I honestly thought he would just be a summer fling. But as the time went on, and summer ended I still liked him. It took me about a month to decide to whether I wanted to date him exclusively. I had a hard time letting go of my "type." But I decided I had nothing to lose so I went for it. A few weeks later I was diagnosis with a horrible illness. During this time I was devastated. But Kyle was completely there for me. He treated me like I was god's gift to this earth. I have never felt so whole. Fast forward a few months.. we started talking about marriage. At first I was really excited. But soon after my feelings changed to nerves. I had no reason to be nervous. He had no signs of red flags.I'm just a constant thinker. I over analyze everything. I kept thinking, "well what if there's someone else out there for me? Someone more my 'type'?" At this point I was praying and fasting and I felt like I received good impressions. Yet I was still hesitant and nervous. Anyways, one night out of the blue he asked me to marry him. I was completely shocked. I wasn't ready. But I said yes anyways because I felt like I received answers. Our engagement has been so difficult. Some days I feel confident in my choice, and other days I feel very scared. I have had several anxiety attacks. He has been uptight and insecure (because he knows that I've been so back and forth about marrying him.) I feel so stressed out. All the time. He keeps picking fights with me over the little things. Like what birth control to use. I am a very tender hearted person so these fights are making my nerves worst. I have called the wedding planning off two times. I honestly don't know what to think anymore. His temper frightens me. I went to conference asking Heavenly Father to give me reassurance that this was right. The first talk of the session was Bednar's talk on fear. I felt so at peace and I wrote in my journal that I marrying Kyle was the best choice I could make. A few weeks later we had another big fight. Afterwards I was having so many doubts. We went to the park and I told Kyle my concerns. He told me this was normal and asked a lady at the park about her engagement. She described a story almost identical to ours. I felt like that was Heavenly Father giving me reassurance again. The other day we got in another huge fight over something so small. He is very high strung. I feel so hopeless and terrified. After every fight he is very apologetic, and says he will try to do better. And I want to believe him. He is very spiritual. But I am just WORRIED. I can't keep doing this. I literally don't know what to do. The wedding is in a week. It is hard to feel excited when I feel so down. He tells me to follow the promoting I received in the beginning. I don't know what to think. Would Heavenly Father give me peace about our relationship if it wasn't right? Did his answer change? Is it just Satan? Will this go away after we get married? I feel paralyzed. Moving forward doesn't feel good. Breaking up doesn't feel good. I feel empty. Someone, anyone please help me.
  9. Hello Everyone, I was wondering if anyone has any advice about using LDS dating sites? I have signed up for a couple but to be frank, I am fairly dubious. I live in Scotland and I am 45 years old so I have a very small LDS community in real life. I can't imagine a guy in Utah wanting to start anything with someone so far away if they have children in their country of residence, and although I would consider moving, that seems a bit like a far off dream that would have so many requirements attached. I was married to a non member who was a serial cheater and although I know members and non members are all susceptible to temptation, I really want my eternal husband to already be in the church. I have complete faith in my Father in Heaven and so I know things will work out in the end, but I also feel strongly that I have to do the most I can to help myself, I am just not sure if online dating is the way to go. Any advice, tips or genuine success stories would be very much appreciated. V xxx
  10. So I've been dating a girl with her mission call for the past month and a half and things are getting serious. She is due to leave in mid may and I really like this girl and I feel like the feeling in reciprocated. Part of me wants to see her go and fulfill the mission call, but another wants me to convince her to stay and see the possibility of marriage. Would I be a terrible person if i tried to talk her into staying with me? I can't wait that long for her to get back. When should I bring this up? sooner or later? Anyone else had any experience with something like this?
  11. I need some advice on how to forgive my husband. We've been married 6 years this month and have 2 young sons. He has been verbally abusive almost our entire marriage and denies that he is verbally abusive. I've been seeing a therapist and he has repeatedly told me that the things my husband says to me are abusive. I've spoken to him several time about how he makes me feel and he tells me he won't change. I have a lot of anger towards him, and I know I need to forgive him, but how can I forgive him for hurting me when he keeps doing it? (He has never physically hurt me.) I've been praying a lot, but feel I need to be doing more. Examples of some of his verbal abuse: -Repeatedly telling me while pregnant that I'm disgusting and I repulse him -While pregnant with my first child I had horrible back pain and was working about 50-56 hours a week. I would come home and lay down to relieve the pain - he always told me I was lazy -Telling me I'm gross when he sees me in my garments - he makes me change in the closet or bathroom -Telling me I need plastic surgery
  12. Husband and I are planning on moving soon (renting). Two years ago, we left our washer and dryer in our condo when a friend who was moving in next asked if he could use them since our new place provided a washer and dryer. We said "okay". Well, today I decided to look into getting those back. This friend's mother, with whom I've always been very close, is now in possession of them and is refusing to return them. She has a whole list of reasons why she and her son get to keep them. Yeah, they are in possession of them and it was a dumb move on our parts to let someone else have these appliances and what's done is done and all that, but... I don't think I'll ever speak to anyone in that family again. I know I'll forgive them, certainly--I really do intend to just let this go. But this action, this breaking of trust, is costing them their relationship with me and my family. Now, I feel silly over what this is over. It is just a washer and dryer and not an expensive set at that. So much worse has happened between people. Am I being petty by saying "Okay, keep the washer and dryer, but we're done?" What would you do?
  13. I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 21. We've been dating for about 2.5 months. We only ever kissed and had just started to make out a bit until my roommates all went out of town last week. Suddenly me and my girlfriend had my apartment to ourselves and each day we saw each other we got more passionate. We would make out, kiss on the neck and kiss on the arms. She would also straddle me and there was some grinding. By the end of the week I was also putting my hand under her shirt, but not touching anything inappropriate. While I felt like we were going too far, she never said anything and was participating just as much as me, so I regretfully continued this behavior. We had an argument over the weekend but yesterday we made up and ended up making out again and I ended up holding her breast for 3-5 seconds. She didn't say anything about it then and we eventually said goodnight and hugged. When I got home she texted me and told me that I can't touch her like that anymore and asked me to promise that I wouldn't. I apologized and promised it would never happen again. I feel awful about the whole situation. I feel like I disrespected her. I texted her today but she hasn't responded. I am afraid she is hurt and feeling guilty and I just feel awful for her. Also, I now feel like we need to break up. I don't know if we really need to or if I am just freaking out. But, I feel as if I can't break up with her now because I went too far. But I don't feel like we are going to get married. I just need some advice. Do we need to see the bishop? Do we need to break up?
  14. I have just returned to the church after much time away living a inappropriate life mainly with the word of wisdom, and some chastity. I have returned to living the church standards and in the repentance process. During my time away I met the girl of my dreams she is what helped me return to the church. Sad to say we did break the law of chastity( not sex but touching). We are both planning on going on missions in 8 months or so, but now she wants us to just be friends and maybe start over dating when we return from our missions. This is the girl of my dreams and I truly love her, I dont know how else to say it besides that. She is upset about the things we did and suffers from extreme guilt, and questions if I truly love her, or if our relationship was built on the actions we did. I guess what I'm asking is what do I do I love this girl with all my heart and I hope to take her hand in marriage at the right time. I have been working my very hardest to develop self control so when we do spend time together it can be appropriate. What do I do to show her I love her for her, and with the starting over how do I start over. I cant just stop loving her she saved my life without her I would still be in a very dangerous world of drugs. Please help I can't afford to loose this amazing women! ps its a long distance relationship.
  15. Are there any sisters who have married a widower and can advise me about involvement with a widower? Or any widowers who are happily remarried? How long does a man take to move forward? I understand everyone heals at their own pace and that there's no way to predict about individual healing time, love, or the future for that matter... But men and women handle pain and grief so differently, and I've heard so much about the woes of waiting for a widower to let go of his deceased wife. I'd especially love to hear some happy endings. I relate to being a widow myself, having lost my first love/husband (after divorce), AND 10 years ago losing my fiance' who I would have married in the temple. It took me 8 (!)years before I was ready to even consider a relationship because I felt content and loved with his spirit close to mine. Now I am pretty badly smitten with my new friend who lost his wife of 35yrs, nearly two years ago. For the first few months of dating, he seemed to be head-over-heels for me too, and coming on quite strong (within proper boundaries--though very motivated for physical intimacy within a projected marriage). Then he suddenly got confused about what he wanted and backed way off, though said he still wants for us to be friends. I gave him his space gracefully, but we've continued to be friends and support and enjoy one another, though less regularly. He seems to fluctuate now from wanting more intimacy, contact, and playfulness with me, to thinking we have no future to investigate and that his family would never understand. Some of the obstacles he's brought up are regular issues most older dating couples deal with: several hours distance, blending homes, older children, and in-laws. I want to continue getting to know him and tackle the challenges together as a team when and if the time comes and it feels right. He's said he doesn't want our friendship to end, but doesn't know if he'll ever be ready. Is it just too soon? I know of several other LDS widowers who are seeking relationships quickly after their losses. I am feeling very vulnerable, but drawn to him in every way. After many years, really since I was a young adult with my first husband, this is the first time I feel this attracted and comfortable about a special man. Anyone whose had experiences on either side, PLEASE advise! Thank you in advance!
  16. So... just wondering. kind of confused right now. I was dating this girl for a while and then last night she said we couldn't date anymore because she didn't want to get too attached. I said, "why", and she said because she was going on a mission. Obviously I am happy that she is choosing to go on a mission and I support it so much, but it just kind of hurts. I asked if she wanted me to keep asking her on dates and she said no, and she started to cry. I am just really confused. Maybe I am just too dense to realize that she didn't want to be with me anymore, but shouldn't it be a happy decision? I want to keep dating her, but I don't know what to do. She doesn't have her mission papers yet but she said she plans on getting them soon. We are both in our early 20s. Please give me any advice you have. Thanks