Good LDS Men

[checkerboy]

Ok I'll admit that I am starting this thread a little tongue in cheek and also as a little bit of a pity party for myself. So if you want to mock me go ahead, if you want to contribute go ahead.

So lately I have been noticing quite a number of new threads popping up about how someone's husband has basically screwed up. How their husband has left the church or he has done something very very stupid and won't step up and be a man about it.

Is this an epidemic?

Most of you know that at one point I was one of those men. But I sincerly tried to change my life and believe I have done a relatively good job at it. My wife still decided to leave me though. So (and here is the tongue in cheek part) I am available for any of you women that may need a real man. Hahahaha.

Ok but seriously, I just wonder why men these days can't figure it out. I mean I was once told that there are at least 7 worthy LDS women for every one worthy LDS man. That is sad. Although it does give me incredible odds. Just wonder why my door isn't getting beaten down yet?

[Aphrodite]

Ive noticed this too checkerboy. It is sad. I think its maybe that men take longer to grow up, and when they have, and a big life event comes along like a baby, they revert back to their childish ways. This doesnt apply to everyone of course, just an observation. My Dad said he thought he was quite selfish when he was younger, and feels bad for that now. Maybe its just the way mens brains work. The same way womens brains work when they drive-i.e, they dont HAHA!!

[Hemidakota]

Checkerboy, even Isaiah said the same....expect it to grow worse prior to the Savior's return. The sad part is when the internal 'sweeping' begins by Him and watch the membership leave the church.

[Optimistic_Trish]

I have noticed the same thing, unfortunately mine is on the other end where I am going through a divorce due to my husbands inactivity which led to lifestyle changes he made that I was uncomfortable living with. I think men have the adversary working against them extremely hard because of their priesthood authority in a home he has the power to receive revelations and he is a protector and provider for a family and obviously satan wants to destroy the family unit desperately. Unfortunately, it works too many times. Men and women need eachother to balance out the adversary and once they are not a united team it becomes easier to lose site of our eternal goals.

Just my thoughts! Best of luck, and Hemidakota is right, its only going to get worse the closer we get to the 2nd coming,

~Trish

[MsMagnolia]

Bangs on checkerboy's door.....

dang it why doesn't he answer?

[Guest HEthePrimate]

Ok I'll admit that I am starting this thread a little tongue in cheek and also as a little bit of a pity party for myself. So if you want to mock me go ahead, if you want to contribute go ahead.

So lately I have been noticing quite a number of new threads popping up about how someone's husband has basically screwed up. How their husband has left the church or he has done something very very stupid and won't step up and be a man about it.

Is this an epidemic?

Most of you know that at one point I was one of those men. But I sincerly tried to change my life and believe I have done a relatively good job at it. My wife still decided to leave me though. So (and here is the tongue in cheek part) I am available for any of you women that may need a real man. Hahahaha.

Ok but seriously, I just wonder why men these days can't figure it out. I mean I was once told that there are at least 7 worthy LDS women for every one worthy LDS man. That is sad. Although it does give me incredible odds. Just wonder why my door isn't getting beaten down yet?

I'm going to be brutally honest here (even though I hate that expression!)--it's not just men. Plenty of women have their troubles, and growing up to do. I just don't buy the notion that women are more "spiritual" and "mature." When we assume such things we risk putting women on a pedestal, and I gather that that can be a very uncomfortable position, indeed. When a woman fails to live up to that ideal, people tend to judge her all the more.

Having said that, yes, many men have their problems--I certainly have! IMHO, we would make better progress if we accept the fact that both men and women are going to make mistakes and have their struggles, work together on overcoming them, and have a Christlike attitude towards each other. This is why I liked Elder Oaks' talk about divorce. He suggested that couples tend to get divorced too easily. They expect marriage to be easier than it actually is. In real life, most or all marriages will have problems, and we have to deal with them. Sometimes separation or divorce is the best thing to do, but sometimes, even when divorce would be well-justified, we could still give the marriage an extra chance and make it work.

To address your question specifically ("finally!" I bet you're thinking!), yes, a lot of men are screwing up these days. There are undoubtedly many reasons for this, among which are the many temptations of the modern world, the breakup of their parents' marriages, etc.

Going out on a limb here, but I wonder if men's mistakes don't just get more publicized than women's, because many men don't talk about the problems they have with their wives, either because they are uncomfortable talking about their feelings or because doing so (talking about their feelings or criticizing women) is less socially acceptable? It seems that girls are raised to be more open about their feelings, and so it would seem logical that if a woman has a problem with her man, she'd be more likely to talk about it.

Just some thoughts.

HEP

[StrawberryFields]

Interesting thread Checker and it causes me to think back, way back in time. I think for my father who for all of those years was so focused on building and making a home for his family. About the time I had my first child I saw him soften and he went gaga over my son. I think some of it is a survivorship of sorts and much has to do with pride. Pride affects both men and women.

[WANDERER]

Here's a massive generalisation:

Society on the whole is less tolerant of women who screw up and more vocal when men screw up.

[ztodd]

Is this an epidemic?

Yeah I'm afraid it is nowadays.

Most of you know that at one point I was one of those men. But I sincerly tried to change my life and believe I have done a relatively good job at it. My wife still decided to leave me though. So (and here is the tongue in cheek part) I am available for any of you women that may need a real man. Hahahaha.

Ok but seriously, I just wonder why men these days can't figure it out. I mean I was once told that there are at least 7 worthy LDS women for every one worthy LDS man. That is sad. Although it does give me incredible odds. Just wonder why my door isn't getting beaten down yet?

They're still trying to find you.

Maybe It's cuz for every worthy LDS man there are also 7 unworth LDS men. :) just kiddin- I dunno if that's true or not.

[ztodd]

I just don't buy the notion that women are more "spiritual" and "mature."

Heh heh, I do.

When we assume such things we risk putting women on a pedestal, and I gather that that can be a very uncomfortable position, indeed. When a woman fails to live up to that ideal, people tend to judge her all the more.

True, I guess. I try not to.

[Fiannan]

Here's a massive generalisation:

Society on the whole is less tolerant of women who screw up and more vocal when men screw up.

I am not sure about this. Yeah, we live in an era where so many less-educated white women hang on every word from Oprah (now where do you suppose this demographic generalization has been surfacing lately?) and all but let's see if it matches up to reality.

Most child abuse cases involve women. However, when a woman hits or verbally abuses her child we want to psychoanalyze why she did it -- when a man does it we want him nailed. The same goes for criminal justice -- when a woman commits a crime of violence she will get less severe penalties than a man. True, men do murder people more often or rob banks but on the average when a woman does it she gets less punishment than a man.

And when males are in abusive relationships we tend to either find fault with them "Just stand up to your wife better" or we mock them. There was a famous politician a few years back in which a book surfaced alleging his wife nailed him in the head in anger with a cooking instrument. People joked about it even in the media. If the tables were turned society would have expected him sent to jail.

Also, tell me, do courts,when a man IS awarded custody of the children in a divorce, go after women refusing to pay child support with the same determination they go after men? Just wondering here.

In the Christian Church a few centuries ago women were demonized and seen as barely above Satan's armies and today maybe the scales go the other way -- especially in our church since women are often seen as so holy that anytime something goes against the scriptures (pre-marital sex, extramarital sex, abuse, divorce, etc. ) it must be mostly or entirely the man involved who is mostly the blame. Just my observations.

[Adeipho]

Maybe men are not messing up more now'a'days, but perhaps its just that women are nagging more often about the stuff that's been going on for generations? Now then, can we all just get back to watching the game? And for cryin in the beer could someone PLEASE refill the chip bowl and grab me a caffeen free soda.

*This statement may or may not represent the views, beliefs, or opinions of the individual who gave it

[Guest tomk]

Ok I'll admit that I am starting this thread a little tongue in cheek and also as a little bit of a pity party for myself. So if you want to mock me go ahead, if you want to contribute go ahead.

So lately I have been noticing quite a number of new threads popping up about how someone's husband has basically screwed up. How their husband has left the church or he has done something very very stupid and won't step up and be a man about it.

Is this an epidemic?

Most of you know that at one point I was one of those men. But I sincerly tried to change my life and believe I have done a relatively good job at it. My wife still decided to leave me though. So (and here is the tongue in cheek part) I am available for any of you women that may need a real man. Hahahaha.

Ok but seriously, I just wonder why men these days can't figure it out. I mean I was once told that there are at least 7 worthy LDS women for every one worthy LDS man. That is sad. Although it does give me incredible odds. Just wonder why my door isn't getting beaten down yet?

Not sure why. Maybe they just haven't found your house yet. Be patient.

Women are our other half -- no question. Without them, we are not complete creatures. I feel this in myself, therefore I suspect it is true of other men.

I don't know if they are ALL more spiritual than men (I'd wager some aren't) but generally -- they seem to have more intuition on some things. Generally, they are natural nurturers. When they give their love, there is nothing like THAT LOVE. There have been times I've walked in the door and my grandmother looks at me and says "What happened?" -- I'm like SHEEESH, how did she know? She has a beam into my soul.

I have also observed how my children respond to my wife vs ME. When they are hurt or troubled, do they come running to DAD? They do -- but only if, and I wish to emphasize this, only if Mom is not around. She is the one they go to for comfort. Answering WHY is to delve into the wonderful mystery that is the opposite sex. You gals are neat. :)

Tom

[Adeipho]

Its true what you say. When we are injured mom wipes our dirty cheeks with her spit laced napkin and askes "Aww poor baby are you ok?" While all we get from dad is "Ah, walk it off you'll be fine. Oh, and could you ask your mom what she's making for dinner"

[Toady]

to the OP: why are you waiting for your door to be beaten down? shouldn't you be out there doing the looking?

I hear this a lot from male friends in the US. I recently attended a convention where there were 75 women and 15 men. maybe you should consider a holiday?!

[Guest Username-Removed]

HAHA! This was a fun thread to read. However, I have no comment! LOL

[RachelleDrew]

It was the other way around for me, my husband is def. the "good one" while i'm always trying to play catch-up spiritual maturity wise.

I'm well aware that there are good, worthy LDS men out there. I've got one of them. If somebody is "screwing up" in our relationship onlookers usually deduct that it's me.

I would drive most men nuts, but the thing that makes us work is that i'm always quick to admit fault, and my husband is always quick to forgive.

One thing i've noticed with LDS men is that they were kind of allowed to slip up more when they were children. I'm sure this isn't true of every place, but in my ward the young girls are constantly held to a higher standard than the boys are spiritually.

So I think the girls are exposed to discipline concerning faith more often in their youth. While the parents in my ward just take an "oh well, boys will be boys" approach whenever their sons misbehave in church, the girls get taken more seriously. Just from what i've noticed...

[jjrogers]

I have to say I am married to a very good man.

I think a big problem is Pornography. More men are addicted to it than women. And that leads to other sins. Now if something was to happen to my dear husband, I have to say I wouldn't date a person with this problem. I have watched too many of my girlfriends cry over this issue in their marriage. I know I could not handle it. So I guess there are sins that a person could do in the past that would make me not date them.

[Hemidakota]

There isn't a week that I have to ask this question when members want to repent [males].

[Misshalfway]

I don't know if the original premise of this thread is true or not. Some days it sure feels like it. Other days, I am not sure if all of us aren't standing in glass houses. I do know that in our present day societies it is more and more difficult to preserve the righteousness and cleanliness that our gospel demands. I look to the BofM and the example of two societies that had the truth and failed. I see so much of that pattern in our present church. I think Satan is waging a very successful campaign and we are seeing the casualties. We must work harder to stand on safe and strong foundations. The world and its messages of the flesh seduce us and flatter us and bind us with chains. They convince us to give in to our pride and our lusts. I see men being taken by pornography and women being taken in by materialism. I see selfishness in all of its forms blinding marriage partners and turning them away from each other in anger and blame and indulgences. Perhaps at the end of the day when all the tallies are taken, the women will out number the men. But last time I checked 1 Nephi, there were both men and women in that great and spacious building.

This gospel. This truth. Is the only sure foundation. Our message is vital. Our mission is clear. It is living the basics that keeps our perspective untarnished from the confusion and deceptions of our common enemy.

[checkerboy]

to the OP: why are you waiting for your door to be beaten down? shouldn't you be out there doing the looking?

I hear this a lot from male friends in the US. I recently attended a convention where there were 75 women and 15 men. maybe you should consider a holiday?!

Ok well I have subscribed to an LDS dating site. I have sent out a few dozen messages to women I found attractive (not just physically) and I have yet to have gotten a reply from a single one of them. When I did persue a relationship just recently I found that the woman had lied to me about who she was. So I am pretty much done with doing the looking. The laws of supply and demand say that I shouldn't have to do the looking either because if my type is in such high demand, women will do anything to meet me. I have the luxary of being picky this time around because of the descrepancy in available women versus men.

Anyway it just pains me to see so many guys doing what I did and screwing up their marriages. Makes me want to whack them upside their heads and say look at what you are doing you freaking idiot!!! Why lose what is probably the best relationship you are ever gonna have in your life because you can't see past your own selfish desires. Ok now that I got that rant out return to your previously scheduled entertaiment.

[Hemidakota]

I don't know if the original premise of this thread is true or not. Some days it sure feels like it. Other days, I am not sure if all of us aren't standing in glass houses. I do know that in our present day societies it is more and more difficult to preserve the righteousness and cleanliness that our gospel demands. I look to the BofM and the example of two societies that had the truth and failed. I see so much of that pattern in our present church. I think Satan is waging a very successful campaign and we are seeing the casualties. We must work harder to stand on safe and strong foundations. The world and its messages of the flesh seduce us and flatter us and bind us with chains. They convince us to give in to our pride and our lusts. I see men being taken by pornography and women being taken in by materialism. I see selfishness in all of its forms blinding marriage partners and turning them away from each other in anger and blame and indulgences. Perhaps at the end of the day when all the tallies are taken, the women will out number the men. But last time I checked 1 Nephi, there were both men and women in that great and spacious building.

This gospel. This truth. Is the only sure foundation. Our message is vital. Our mission is clear. It is living the basics that keeps our perspective untarnished from the confusion and deceptions of our common enemy.

I for one, shrink and tremble at sin.

[Misshalfway]

Anyway it just pains me to see so many guess doing what I did and screwing up their marriages. Makes me want to whack them upside their heads and say look at what you are doing you freaking idiot!!! Why lose what is probably the best relationship you are ever gonna have in your life because you can't see past your own selfish desires. Ok now that I got that rant out return to your previously scheduled entertaiment.

__________________

Well. I have to say I really appreciate this. I think it was the fourth grade that I realized (with regards to relationships) that boys were clueless! , but that I couldn't live without them! :) There is nothing more wonderful.....and sexy....than a righteous, loving, man. As a mother, this makes me feel like a mother lion with my kids.....for my boys to fly right and my girls to make sure they pick someone who is flying right!

[Lighterknot]

checkerboy...on these on-line sites where you sent messages to women, what information/pictures did they have to go off of to see if they were interested in replying back to you?

[Canuck Mormon]

Ok well I have subscribed to an LDS dating site. I have sent out a few dozen messages to women I found attractive (not just physically) and I have yet to have gotten a reply from a single one of them.

Don't worry about it Checker. I was on one of those sites for 2 years before I found my wife. Even then it took me a few messages to her for her to notice me. At the time, I had recently changed my outlook. I decided I would stop looking for a potential wife and just be social. The next thing I knew, I was married. Have fun, meet as many people as possible, and relax.