Hemidakota

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"We had just moved from our home in Helena, Montana to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Our first Sunday there, our four year old started to run down the hallway of the church. We reminded him, as we had often had to do previously when we had lived in Helena, to 'walk, you're in Heavenly Father's house.' He stopped in his tracks, stood still in deep thought for a moment, then said, 'uh-uh! Heavenly Father lives in Montana!'"

--Stacey Reese

"One Sunday my older brother had been asked to say the opening prayer. He got up from his seat beside me, walked up front, folded his arms, said the prayer, and then walked back to his seat beside me. Unable to hear him when he said the opening prayer and wanting to help him know what he need to 'improve', I whispered to him, 'I couldn't hear you when you were praying.' My brother leaned over to me and whispered, 'It's okay....I wasn't talking to you.'"

--Lorelei Walker Dean

"My three year old was giving his 'first' dinner prayer, 'on his own.' He said, 'Dear Heavenly Father, We are Thankful for this chicken, it is finger licking good.'"

--Elizabeth May Cox

[email protected]!

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I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, 'Now you stay. Do you hear me?' 'Stay! Stay!'

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty, blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and asked, 'Why don't you just put it in park?'

In case you are wondering, this didn't happen to me personally. Just a joke I saw this morning.

Edited by pam

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Guest GhostRider

lol pam...had one happen to me when i moved from texas to ga

Travel with 2 cats.

Pulled into a rest area and let the ragdoll out of her cage. the siamese was already out cause she was doing well on the long trip. let them out to get something to eat and drink and use thier facilities. I left the car running with the ac on. had my spare set of keys in my pocket. As I was coming back from using mine i saw ppl pointing at the car and laughing. I also saw the brakelights come on and off. was thinkin what is going on..figured out why they were laughing. the siamese was standing up with her front paws on the wheel looking around trying to figure out how to make the car go. the ragdoll was on the floor pushing the brake pedal...got the im busted look when i got there. hit the alarm and bad cat hit the lock button..so i am playing the open the door game with the furry little heathens for 5 min!

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In primary one Sunday a 5 year old was asked to give the closing prayer and she said all the usual and then she asked that they be blessed to do what mom and dad say (she pauses) the first time! I almost laughed outloud! LOL!

I know this little girl and she is something else!

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"When my daughter was three the primary children were singing the song, 'Every Star is Different.' The words say, 'Every star is different. So, is every child. Some are bright and happy. Some are meek and mild.' Well, she changed the last two words and sang, 'Every star is different. So is every child. Some are bright and happy. Some are mean and wild.' She did not understand the words meek and mild, but she did understand what it meant to be mean and wild." --Stacey Moore - Statesboro, Georgia

"My daughter Jennifer was about three years old and we were sitting in sacrament. Just as the deacons started to pass the sacrament, she said to me, 'Hey, mom, if the snack comes to you, pass it to me. If the snack comes to me, I'll pass it to you!'" --Cathy Hein

"When my daughter was around the age of 8, one of her cousins was trying to convince us, through her, to buy the house next door to them that was for sale and move in to it so that we could live next to her instead of 3 hours away. My daughter was frightened by the prospect of this possibility and quickly proclaimed that she couldn't do that because the TRUE church was in our town!" --Erika Miller

"My daughter was studying in her apartment one night when one of her roommates, who was studying for a religion test, yelled from another room, 'Does anyone know who Parley P. Pratt is?' Another roommate quickly yelled back, 'If you don't know him, don't add him as a friend [on facebook]'."

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God's Problem Now

When the graveside service had no more than terminated, There was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

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From Golden Street Poster Pack 4 by Scott T. Petersen

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"When my two youngest sons were 7 and 8, we had one of our chickens die. I told them to take it out near the barn and dig a hole and bury it. Three days latter I saw the boys throwing something up in the air and yelling and jumping around. I got kind of curious and went out into the field to find dead on the ground that poor flat chicken with feathers flying everywhere. Jeremiah and Josh would throw the chicken up and yell. 'Fly, Fly, Fly!' Oh what a mess. I asked what in the world they were doing. They said, 'It's time for the chicken to put his body back on.'" --Mary Larman - Van Alstyne, Texas

"I was waiting in line to take a test in College that I had not really studied for. But, I had already procrastinated too much and had to take my test right then. The line was long and as continued to wait in line to take this test I noticed I had one verse of a hymn keep playing over and over again in my head. 'If we fail we fail with glory. God speed the right. God speed the right.'" --Lorinda Smith - Rexburg, Idaho

"When I was about fourteen my cousins and I were sitting together for our annual Christmas dinner. In the background they were playing the animated video Nephi and the Brass Plates. My cousin that is my age looks to her older sister and says, 'Can you follow what is going on?' My older cousin in disgust say 'Yes, you act like I've never been to church before. . . besides if you are so smart you tell me what is happening in the video?' My cousin sits up and very matter of fact says, 'Moses is building the ark!!'" --Shelly Evans - Adrian, Michigan

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From Golden Street Poster Pack 3 by Scott T. Petersen

"My Grandson, Michael, was two and a half years old and I was holding him on my lap during Sacrament Service one Sabbath Day. When the bread was passed to me I gave him a piece. He took it in his little fingers and looked up at me and said, 'bubber' as only a two and a half year old could do meaning he wanted butter on his bread. This brought a smile to others seated around us who heard him, as well as a wonderful memory that lingers still." --Dorothy Parker - Knoxville, Tennessee, USA

"When my daughter turned 8 years old, she and I went for the interview you have with the Bishop regarding baptism. The Bishop started explaining baptism to my daughter and asked her several questions. At one point, he explained to my daughter that when we are baptized, we become part of a team. When he asked my daughter if she knew what team he was talking about, instead of saying the Lord's team, she said in a very enthusiastic voice, 'Yes, BYU!' Needless to say, the Bishop and I got a good laugh from that answer."

--Kelly Henson - Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA

"At a 'well-respected' Church sponsored university, students taking the Religion course were given 'Discuss Paul's Missionary Journeys', as their final exam. However, this one particular year, the students were hit with 'Critique The Sermon On The Mount.' This threw all but one, who put his head down and wrote until the examiner called, 'time.' Back came the results with that student getting a B Plus. 'How did you swing that?' asked his bemused classmates. 'Easy,' he replied. 'I simply wrote, 'who am I to criticise the greatest sermon given by the greatest man who ever lived, as for me, I'd rather discuss Paul's Mission.'" --Al McCartan - Bathurst, NSW, Australia

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Cartoon: For Where Your Treasure Is . . .

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From The Missionary Chronicles: Year One by Jeremy lamb & Chris Welch

From Our Readers!

"When I was 5 or 6 one Sunday, a sister in our ward was about to begin her talk when she said 'is it just me or is it hot in here.' Suddenly [and to the much enjoyment of my siblings] I shouted, 'it's just you!' Even now, 5 years later, we still have a good laugh every time someone brings it up."

--Michael DeFord - Kennewick, Washington USA

"Several years ago, my nephew was only about 2 years old. His parents took him to a Stake Conference and they sat on the left side about half way back. He was very good for most of the meeting, but he started to get restless about an hour into the meeting. His father let him stand on the bench and look over the people near him. All of a sudden (while the Stake President was speaking) he looked at the Stake President and told him 'SHHH, people sleeping', and then proceeded to point out the ones that were asleep in the meeting."

--Suellen Michel - LaVerkin, Utah USA

"My four-year-old grand daughter was visiting me and asked to accompany me to Sacrament Meeting on Sunday. Everything went fine up to the point when the bread came around to us. I proceeded to take my share and then offered it to her. Wide eyed she looked at me and said very firmly, 'No thank you, granny, I am not hungry this morning.' I urged her to take a piece but she insisted that she did not want it as she had already eaten. I found this quite amusing, and understood she still had to really understand the reason for it---which she does now."

--Marcelle Grant - Gauteng, South Africa

A couple weeks ago we shared the story of President Joseph Fielding Smith and the Smith name--how in the beginning when man did something wrong they had to change their name and only the righteous could keep the Smith name. Here is another version of the story from a member of the Samuel H. Smith family:

"My husband, Dean Thomas Smith was a great grandson of Samuel H. Smith, brother of the prophet [Joseph and Hyrum, President Joseph Fielding Smith's grandfather]. He would always claim that the pure Adamic language was in effect until the Tower of Babel. The Bible tells us that it was at this time that the languages were confounded. Well, again, all the Smith's names and language were "changed" except those few righteous souls [who kept the Smith name]. And so that's the story of how the Smith name was preserved."

--Donna M. Smith - Lovell, Wyoming USA

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After having moved three families into the ward within a week with no help whatsoever from one of his counselors, President Jones felt the need to gently tease the counselor.

He told him, "Brother Holland, did you know that some people are like blisters---they don't show up until the work is done!" (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, p. 56).

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A young girl was about to say her part in a Primary program. When she stood in front of the group, her carefully rehearsed lines faded from her mind and she stood there unable to utter a single syllable.

Soon, the Primary President knelt beside this girl and quietly asked if she needed help. The young girl didn't say a word.

The President noticed this girl's mother had quickly moved from the back to the front row, so the President sat down.

This mother whispered to her daughter, "Remember what I taught you at home, 'I am the light of the world.'"

Instantly the girl's face relaxed, a smile appeared and with confidence she began, 'My mother is the light of the world." (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, p. 58).

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Our bishopric decided to go elk hunting. After a long day and not getting anything, the bishop and his 2 counselors sat around a campfire to have some stew. The bishop said, "Now that we're up here alone, I think we ought to get to know each other better. You know what I mean? Try to bond sort of thing? So each of us should reveal one of our weaknesses."

The bishop began quite slowly while hedging a little, and revealed one of his weakness to his counselors, to which both replied, "Wow! You're kidding! That's awful."

Next was the 1st counselor's turn. So he hedged a little but finally revealed his weakness after which the other two replied, "Wow! You've got to be kidding!!!"

Finally it was the 2nd counselor's turn. Like the other two he hedged, and hedged, and hedged. His head hung low. Gradually he raised his head until he could face the other two, and then he said, "Well-l-l-l-l. My weakness is---------I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL WE GET HOME SO I CAN TELL THE WHOLE WARD ABOUT YOU TWO !!!"

--Submitted by G R Kane, Boise, Idaho

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The story is told about a Catholic priest and President Monson sitting next to each other on a plane flying from California. During the flight, one of the stewardesses comes up the aisle selling alcoholic drinks. She first asks President Monson if he would like a drink and he politely refuses the beverage. The Catholic priest on the contrary buys two alcoholic drinks and downs them in a couple of minutes. After he finishes his drinks, he turns toward President Monson and wipes his mouth and says, "Gee President Monson, you sure don't know what you're missin'!"

Later on, the same stewardess comes up the aisle selling cigars and cigarettes. She again asks President Monson and again he politely refuses the offer. The Catholic priest sitting next to President Monson buys a cigar and smokes it for the rest of the trip. Just before they land, the Catholic priest leans over to President Monson and says, "Gee President Monson, you sure don't know what you're missin'!"

After the plane lands, they both walk out to the terminal together, and President Monson sees his wife waiting for him. When he reaches her, he gives her a big hug and a kiss and then turns to the Catholic priest and says, "Gee, you sure don't know what you're missin'!" (A Mormon folklore story updated with President Monson.)

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In Primary we were doing a sharing time on Prayer, and bringing up different times and situations when you should pray. We asked what you would do if you were riding your bike and you were all alone and you had an accident and were hurt. Our precocious member of the 6 yr old class very enthusiastically raised his hand and blurted out before we could call on him, "I know, I know, you apply pressure!" --Christine Carlson

My son and daughter were asked to provide the musical number at my granddaughter's baptism. My son was running behind and told us he would meet us there. The meeting began and my son had still not arrived. My daughter began to panic as the speaker, who was talking about baptism was getting close to sitting down and my son had not yet arrived. My daughter kept looking back at the door wondering what to do. I was sitting on the bench behind her and noticed her concern so I leaned up and told her not to worry. If he didn't arrive in time, I would go up and tell the one conducting to have the Holy Ghost talk next. My 10 year old grandson's eyes got big, and grabbing the program to check inside he said, "The Holy Ghost is going to talk?" --Shauna Morris - Ogden, Utah, USA

My husband joined the church a few years after we married. We took our

family to the temple to be sealed. The next Sunday, a lady asked our 3

year old daughter, Whitney, if she went to the temple durning the

previous week. She said "Yes, we were glued together." --Tracie Tackett - Homedale, Idaho, USA

Years ago when my middle son was a Teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood, I was asked to be a sub for his quorum one Sunday. I considered him to be a pretty good young man. As I was teaching the quorum he was busy talking to friends about the events of the past week. Feeling the best approach would be to say something to the group as a whole, like it's important to listen to the gospel principles as they help us in our daily lives. Well, that lasted a few minutes and my son was back talking again---I lost it! Son, I said, have you forgotten we still believe in the laying on of hands! You could have heard a pin drop. My son raised his hand. Yes, I said. "Remember dad, as far as it is translated correctly." --Jim Turner - Mose Lake, Washington, USA

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Cartoon: The Perfect Resurrected Body?

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From Mormon Life by Arie Van De Graaff

When my daughter, Mary Alice, was about 5 or 6 years old, she asked me who George Bush was. I explained that he is the President of the United States. She told me, "I like Gordon B. Hinckley better...he's cuter!"

--DeeDee Rohrer - Magalia, California, USA

Back in the late seventies, having been a member for only a few years, I was called as the music director of primary. We were learning "We thank thee oh God for a Prophet" when I asked the children if they knew who was the President of the Church. No hands were raised until one lone hand came up, and after being called on to answer, the young boy shouted out, "President Carter!"--Lori Howe - Farmingdale, Maine, USA

When I was teaching the 14-year-old Sunday School class I had a pretty large group of students, but managed to get to know all of them pretty well throughout the year. One day the lesson topic was the Creation and we were discussing what it meant to be created in the image of our Heavenly Father, but I sensed that I'd lost the class' attention.

I thought a question might help get things back on track so I asked one of the boys whose image he was created in. He hadn't been listening and asked me to repeat the question, so I did, but he still had a confused look on his face. Trying to get back to my subject I blurted out, "Who do you look like?" The boy, in the middle of the worst part of adolescence with a thin face and craggy brow and chin, floppy hair and the uneven skin tone common to those his age blurted out, "I don't know, Abraham Lincoln!" --Jackie Mitchell - Gig Harbor, Washington, USA

On a family road trip my husband and I thought it would be good to practice the songs for the primary program with our two young daughters ages 4 and 5. One of the songs to practice was "I'm a Child of God." I thought this would be especially easy since I've been singing this to my girls since they were born. As we sang and I listed to their words they both sang "I am a Child of God. And he has sent me here. Has given me an earthly home, with parents nice and weird."--April Hargan, Hamden, Connecticut, USA

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Cartoon: Primary Program Success Posted Image

From Mormon Life by Arie Van De Graaff

LDSVIEW Readers...

My wife and I had three children, one after another shortly after getting married. It was many years before we had our last child, Emilee. One day in Sunbeam class the teacher taught a lesson on sharing. At the end of the class she asked Emilee, "How does it make you feel when you share?"

Emilee looked at her with sad eyes and replied, "Very, very sad."

--James Mason - Southbury, Connecticut, USA

The Primary President was showing pictures of the Prophets to the children and asking them to identify who each of them were. I was substituting that day in sharing time.

She held up the photo of President Hinckley and asked, "Who is this?"

One little five-year-old raised his hand and asked, "The butler?"

--Olin Barkdull - Ammon, Idaho, USA

A number of years ago, in Southern California, I was teaching a Sunday School class of 11/12 year olds. The message was about courage, and the story was of Jacob. After recounting how Jacob had worked seven years for Laban in order to be able to marry Rachel, he was tricked into marrying Leah. Then he agreed to work another seven years in order to marry Rachel.

At this point a 12 year old young man in the back row raised his hand and asked, "Were years as long then as they are now?"

--Clerice Fisher - Spokane Valley, WA, USA

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Why is it -

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (surprise!).

Sweetmeats are candies, while - sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

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Cartoon: Sad Missionaries

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From Golden Street Artworks by Scott T. Petersen

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When my son was about 4 and in the Sunbeam class, the Sharing Time leader was showing a picture of President Gordon B. Hinckley. She asked the Primary children if any of them could tell her who he was. Jason put his hand up to answer. When prompted to say who he thought the picture was he said, "Follow." The leader asked, "Follow?" Jason said, "Yes. Follow, the Prophet!" He really thought that was the name of the Prophet as the children had been singing the song Follow the Prophet recently in Primary. --Caroline Sansome, Gaerwen, England

When my oldest child was very young, a popular TV show was "Little House on the Prairie". She would ask each week, When can we watch "Little House on the Primary." --Kris Gibbs, Salt Lake, Utah, USA

Not having been asked to speak in Sacrament for a very long time, I was delighted when finally asked. Imagine my embarrassment though when the brother conducting announced that I would be the first speaker - followed by the Branch choir singing "Let All Nations Cry!" --B J Froehlich, Mena, Arkansas, USA

I had this conversation with Hazel, who is five years old and in Kindergarten:

Me: "Do you like reading the Bible?"

Hazel: "A little bit."

Me: "Is it sometimes not as fun as reading the Book of Mormon?"

Hazel: "Yeah, the Book of Mormon is fun to read but not really the Bible."

Me: "That's because the Bible is not perfectly translated."

Hazel: "That's because it's not in English."

--Ruth R. Davidson, San Jose California, USA

www.latterdayreview.com

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In August 2013, my son Alan had been invited to church by Abby, a girl from his school, and he asked me if we could go on Wednesday night.  Not being much for any specific religious sect (I despised them all equally), I reluctantly agreed and asked him what Church.   I knew I had a couple of Mormons way back up the Family tree, but I didn't know much about them otherwise.  But I didn't really object, and I went mainly to get a look at the type of girls my son liked (When I saw this one, the phrase "swinging for the fence" came to my mind).  That was on 8/21/13; I got a copy of the Book of Mormon and took it home to read.

By Saturday night, I'd read enough to be absolutely fascinated, but found a lot of terminology hard to understand.  So on Sonday I took my whole Family to see if we could find someone to give us more information.  Out in the hall, I collared two young men with badges declaring them to be "Elder George" and "Elder Zerkle".  They didn't look very elderly to me, but I decided to play along; I asked them if they would mind stopping by our house sometime and explaining some passages in the Book of Mormon to me and my family.

There were 25-30 people standing in the hallway chatting, waiting for Sacrament service to start, and they all went instantly silent from shock.  It was like those old EF Hutton commercials, "When EF Hutton talks..."  I thought maybe I had overstepped some sort of doctrinal boundary, so I offered to pay them for their time and gas if they would only come over and answer my questions.  A brother Kronk saw the look on my face, clapped me on the back, laughed and informed me that the process usually worked the other way around.  "The missionaries usually go out to people's homes and tried to get them to come to Church.  We're not really used to people coming into the Church and trying to get the Missionaries to visit their homes."

Before service, another fellow introduced himself as "the bishop" (emphasis on the lower case - a VERY low-key individual) and asked me what I did for a living.  I had been to a lot of churches, and introductions to the big shot were inevitably followed by admonitions to come back, get saved, put more money in the plate, etc.  Not this guy; he really wanted to know about me and my Family.  When I told him I was an engineer, I found out that he was also and had used a tool which I had designed.  We stood there blocking traffic and talked engineering while the rest of the congregation flowed around us.  My Wife joked later, "You need to stay away from that guy.  When you get together with another one of you, it's like throwing gasoline on a flame.  Trying to get either of you back into the real world is nearly impossible."

That was the OKC 5th ward's introduction to the Judd family.  Over the next 94 days, I put those Missionaries and a few others (Thompson, Gleave, Holbrook) through a litany of trials and tribulations, ending (or maybe beginning) with myself, my Wife, my Son and my Daughter being Baptized, one-right-after-another, on 11/23/13.  I and my Wife were Baptized by Bishop Wardlow, whom I outweigh by at least 40 pounds.  Bless their hearts, not one of the 250-some people at our Baptism laughed when he had trouble getting me back up out of the water...

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